Jump to content

About Singlism and Single Life (The Guardian, and TED talk)


mori child

Recommended Posts

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/oct/28/relationship-virgin-never-boyfriend-single

 

So here's an article about a woman who has been single all her life. There's no specific mention of asexuality or aromanticism but...it was interesting to read through an asexual lens :D

 

I got the impression that she identifies as straight and allosexual, but I wonder if she could have benefited from a resource like AVEN? Maybe she would have felt more of a sense of community. She obviously strongly regrets never having had a romantic relationship, but I am struck by the fact that she never mentions experiencing an unrequited love. When she talks about interactions with men, she places herself in a passive role: 

 

"I so doubted myself, and that anyone would fancy me that I wanted anyone who showed an interest to prove that he liked me, to stick around long enough to persuade me. They never did – they just moved on to the next person."

 

This makes me wonder how strong the attraction she feels actually is. Could it be that most of her suffering stems from societal pressure?

 

In the article, she also mentions this TED Talk by Bella DePaulo, which is worth seeing. If you prefer reading to watching, the second link is an article-fied version:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyZysfafOAs

 

https://ideas.ted.com/the-price-of-being-single/

 

After the rather negative outlook from the Guardian article, DePaulo's talk is full of nice affirming messages. Here is one of my favorites:

 

"It’s the single people who have more friends; it’s the single people who are doing more than married people to stay in touch with their siblings. It’s the single people who are more often tending to their parents, exchanging help with their neighbors, contributing to the life of their towns and cities."

 

I appreciate reading stories like these that don't use ace terminology, but that still apply to asexual and aromantic people. I think this can be especially helpful for people who don't identify as queer and who are put off by LGBT-ish websites and resources :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

For some of us, myself included, relationships aren't meant to be, the relationships I had, all the women were cheating on their partners, I actively stopped looking over 20 years ago, even then I had the ability to go out with friends who were in relationships, they'd get women chatting to them, there would be other women in the group just chatting, none of them would talk to me, I was totally invisible, now I look and I'm glad I'm single, I see how many are divorced, I see many unhappy relationships, I know it sounds selfish, but i answer to me, I m able to live with my own company, it's closer to 30 years since my last relationship, I don't miss being messed around, the lies, deceit, the heartache.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I came across this article as well and it made me think. I agree, she seems to be simply someone straight, not even aromantic, but, and that's the important bit, still doesn't feel accepted in our society. This should worry all of us. It sheds light on something that has been bothering me more and more recently but I haven't been able to put my finger on yet.

 

Society should stop being patronising and just accept individual life choices, unless they are causing harm to others. To be honest I don't think the obsession of the ace community with labels and definitions is helpful in that respect. People are reluctant to accept a long list of labels and at some point most of us will say "it's enough now". And then what? Do we want to exclude people who still don't fit those categories?

 

Whilst I do think that asexual visibility work is important, it might be good to take a broader approach. Asexual people exist. Straight people who don't like being in relationships also exist. Straight people who'd rather not have sex also exist. Etc etc etc.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Divide By Zero

Thanks for sharing this.

 

As I often like to say, "Some people are happily married. I'm happily single."

 

I watch the TED talk and really enjoyed it. Was is just me, or did it seem like every time the audience was shown, the look on their faces was something like, "What the heck is wrong with her?"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...