Anyone else not had a girlfriend/boyfriend and not been on a date?

[dangling_]

17 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

I think it must depend on the person and the rules and boundaries you both set around your FWB situation. I'm in a FWB thing right now, and it's literally no different (for me) than being in a relationship, haha.

Of course  With us, we both knew that it was purely for sex and friendship and on-and-off (not serious). I don't think that's the way a romantic *and*  sexual relationship works though. I guess the difference for us was that it was never serious, as in, not a long-term "Let's live together" thing. E: and of course, as you say, it depends on the person. There can be a fine line between FWB and QPR, I guess.

[Guest]

Just now, dangling_ said:

Of course  With us, we both knew that it was purely for sex and friendship and on-and-off (not serious). I don't think that's the way a romantic *and*  sexual relationship works though. I guess the difference for us was that it was never serious, as in, not a long-term "Let's live together" thing. 

Yeah for us it's still got the commitment and monogamy of a romantic relationship. as well as having a 'long term' aspect to it as well, but we are also best friends so view each other more as long-term best friends who are sexually intimate than two people in a romantic relationship, haha. It feels different than a romantic relationship in that there seems to be, I don't know, less pressure to be a certain way? But other than that, everything is exactly the same. Our wouldn't count as your average 'FWB' situation though, I know a lot of people see them more like how you described yours to be, like, more casual? We'd definitely be living together if we lived in the same country as well, but I think we'd still always view ourselves as 'intimately committed best friends' as opposed to romantic partners, if that makes sense?

[dangling_]

9 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Yeah for us it's still got the commitment and monogamy of a romantic relationship. as well as having a 'long term' aspect to it as well, but we are also best friends so view each other more as long-term best friends who are sexually intimate than two people in a romantic relationship, haha. It feels different than a romantic relationship in that there seems to be, I don't know, less pressure to be a certain way? But other than that, everything is exactly the same. Our wouldn't count as your average 'FWB' situation though, I know a lot of people see them more like how you described yours to be, like, more casual? We'd definitely be living together if we lived in the same country as well, but I think we'd still always view ourselves as 'intimately committed best friends' as opposed to romantic partners, if that makes sense?

Ahh, that sounds like heaven (well... not really, but it's my ideal relationship, in a perfect world). You know, the kind of storybook best-friendships you read about and watch films about. 

[Correner]

Never had a significant other, nor been on a date.

[Sylvastor]

I'm what some people would call an "absolute beginner" I guess (unless that's not the meaning of it).

I've never had a relationship, I never kissed, I still have that infamous "v-card" (though I have no idea when I'll finally get my physical copy of it... I want it! ) and I have never even been on a date before and never even asked anyone out.

[Guest]

I went on a couple dates but they were so bad that I don't count them.

[LeChat]

I'm positive I read, in sex researcher Prof. Bogaert's book about asexuality, that he said that asexuals were less likely to have dated, been on a date, etc., compared to those with other sexual orientations. It certainly seems true, according to most of the responses, here.

[YamiCake]

The people I went out with were already friends of mine first (I could never go out with anyone I didn't know well) so we didn't "date". We just kinda...hung out I guess. 

[J. van Deijck]

5 hours ago, Tuple said:

usually there's an expectation to be physically intimate like holding hands, hugging, and kissing.

weeee we do such things on a daily basis, but we're engaged, I can't imagine doing it with a person I barely know, and it's supposed to go on dates with a person we're just getting to know, am I right?

[J. van Deijck]

4 hours ago, YamiCake said:

The people I went out with were already friends of mine first (I could never go out with anyone I didn't know well) so we didn't "date". We just kinda...hung out I guess. 

!!!

[quietcrayon]

ME!

 

I mean okay unless you count in highschool when I went on a ‘date’, which I remember being pressured to do and I didn’t even realize it was considered  a date (by the other person).

[Kururin]

Ehhhhhhh, nope!

 

Haven't kissed anyone

Or been on a date

Maybe it's because of my social anxiety... 

[Pam just wants pancakes]

On 10/21/2017 at 7:44 PM, Ortac said:

 

I am fast approaching the age or forty and I have never had a partner or been on a date, not even once.

 

I want to be like you when I grow up . But seriously, I’ve never dated nor had a partner and I intend to keep it that way. 

[Epicene]

I'm 21, never had a relationship, nor been asked out, nor gone on a date. It hurts because I would love to be in an intimate relationship...but it's just never happened. I think it's because I'm quite socially uncomfortable until I get to know someone well. And people I've known well just never felt anything for me *shrug*

 

I've had pretty female friends who can't go 3 days without someone asking them out. Seriously. It p*sses me off that because I'm not a "10/10" (cringe), nobody is interested.

[checkerboard]

I had a boyfriend late primary school/early high school, but it’s simpler when you’re about 12 years old.

 

Then I had a guy interested in me around age 19/20 or something and I had no idea he liked me. He asked me out a few times and I debated for months but it was then that I realised I was an adult, and dating him would mean he probably would expect sex at some point, and that’s when I realised I didn’t want that, so nothing happened.

 

Nobody has been interested since then, i’ve been focusing on work, don’t have much of a social life outside of work. After him I debated whether I didn’t want sex with a man, maybe I was gay,  that a woman’s body seemed less scary to me,  but I don’t think I want that either. Girls are more aesthetically pleasing to me, but any sex stuff... no thanks. 

 

So here I am, a 30 something bundle of confusion who imagines her life free of relationships, but at least i’ve realised i’m ace and there’s others like me, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

 

 

[artzcat]

.

[Divide By Zero]

This is an interesting discussion.

 

There have been a number of times on AVEN where someone has posted something like "I had a girlfriend / boyfriend for a year and then realized I was asexual" or "I went on a few dates and realized I was asexual" so I was starting to wonder how many other aces out there haven't had a girlfriend/boyfriend and haven't been on a date.

 

[TheCatBehind]

On 21/10/2017 at 6:55 PM, Deus Ex Infinity said:

*gives you her most charming smile* I think I  just heard a bell ringing..calling my name *bursts out into a bunch of cheerful laughter*

 

*kneels down in front of the mighty count*  Oh please..her my plea....!!!

... You may stand. (Lol)

 

*puts on the most dramatic/"flustered" voice possible* O-Oh my!!! Dexi! I-I... don't know what to say! *pokerface starts fading* But we can't! N-Not right now! >.< *falls over laughing* 

[Yuki]

I never had a bf/gf or was on a date.

[Tanzanite]

*raises her hand*

 

I've had crushes before. I've also been kissed, but I don't count that since I was 5 and I barely even knew that kid.

[Tos]

me! also aro ace. i have hung out alone with people who i later found out had feelings for me, so i dunno if they interpreted those hangouts as dates, but i personally didn't.

[foolishgrey]

I’ve being on a sorta date, we met up in a coffee shop and talked, but it kinda just felt like when you trying to make friends with your friend’s friend.....

 

I’ve never been kissed or had a significant other. However I feel romantic attraction, I really want someone to be close to, hugs and kisses with video games etc. 

[Rynn]

I've been on dates, but it was mostly by accident. People just ask me if I would like to do something with them (get a cup of coffee, ride around a lake on a scooter, go eat a muffin, play badminton, celebrate a national holiday), and I'm like "yeah, why not, sounds fun," and then they expect me to know that that was their way of asking me out on a date. I then spend the entire date trying to figure out if it's a date or not while it becomes increasingly obvious that yes, it's a date. This has happened a lot. I feel like I'm the most naive/clueless person ever.

 

I had fun on the dates I went on, but mostly because I didn't really treat them as dates from the get-go. In my experience things start becoming awkward as soon as you stop talking to someone in a 'just friends' kind of way. The goal of the small-talk is then suddenly different, the pressure is raised, and it feels very judge-y and ulterior-motive-y.

 

None of those dates led to significant relationships though (tbh not that I wanted them to...).

 

The most long-lasting one was when one of these dudes claimed me as his girlfriend after such a date, even though I'd told him I wasn't interested. He started kissing me on the mouth and I had no idea how to react and just kinda stood there like "wtf is happening, what do I do", which he took to mean that I was okay with that and that he could grab my butt next time he sat next to me. He started demanding that I sit next to him in class instead of next to my own friends. He gaslit me into believing I'd promised things that I really hadn't. He kept texting me and calling me every day. He kept blaming me and guilting me into stuff. He wanted to meet my parents (that actually happened, he got me to agree somehow) and wanted me to meet his. Long story short, I kept telling him 'no', and he kept hearing 'yes', but I eventually managed to get away.

 

I did kiss more sympathetic people, but that also didn't lead to significant relationships. I can't say I'm all that sad about that. I also can't say I was super hyped about kissing people. Kinda meh.

The one time I really felt something for someone, it was for a really good friend of mine, who I didn't ever go on a date with. Well... going to the movies with just the two of you could be construed as a date, but neither of us thought of it as a date, so it wasn't. I think that's how it works, it's only a date if you think it is, right?

[skyfossil]

Never had a relationship or been on a date - it used to hurt that I've never been asked, but now I know I wouldn't want that anyway. I've been on lots of "friend dates" though!

[Sera1001]

I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend! But i think it's cool 😎 Though, i kinda want it yet i don't XD

I've never been on a date but i was only asked twice so far. The other one was a text (i refused), clearly stating he was serious and the second one was when i greeted them happy birthday and then told me to have a date with them, it's probably a joke haha (i didn't reply btw)

I'm still confused as to who i'm attracted to. Like i like guys in terms of mostly/generally attracted to them platonically/a bit romantically, and that's it 0-0 barely to women. When i check girls out, it feels strange to me. I did have one girl crush though, and a thought passed by that's her... I saw her in her bra from behind  but that was it. Nothing sexual but it was just in my imagination one time that crossed my mind. I couldn't interpret it.

 

Then the other one was i liked this girl in a game. It was just a character.

I have lots of crushes growing up but didn't want to have anything more. I did want a relationship at some point like.. In theory LOL

Maybe less serious or not very typical :/

I haven't been kissed. I think i've asked someone out in an online game =_= probably less than 4 times. It wasn't fun. It was boring. I was like 13 wth hahaha

[knitwritezombie]

On 10/22/2017 at 5:50 PM, artzcat said:

Never had a boyfriend and never been on a date. In my thoughts I'm a hopeless romantic. But in reality I think my actions lean toward aromantic. (I'm still figuring it out)

Same. I’m in my late 30s and lately really been thinking about this. I don’t know if it’s anxiety or the fact like someone else said, I’m not conventionally pretty or thin, and people just aren’t interested. 

[artzcat]

.

[StormySky]

Yep! Even if I was a romantic person, I suck at expressing affection and don't like commitment. I don't think any romantic relationship with me could possibly last more than 3 weeks. 

 

Though I view close friendships as the closest thing I have to relationships. I've had several friend breakups and if anything it was just as drama-inducing as a romantic breakup.

[Divide By Zero]

On 10/30/2017 at 10:07 AM, knitwritezombie said:

Same. I’m in my late 30s and lately really been thinking about this. I don’t know if it’s anxiety or the fact like someone else said, I’m not conventionally pretty or thin, and people just aren’t interested. 

I'm in my 30s and I've been thinking about it a lot lately the last few years too because a lot of people I know my age - such as friends, relatives, and co-workers - have married and are having kids. It sure does seem weird that all these people I know are getting married and having kids and yet I've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend and never even been on a date. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything though because I have no desire to date or have a relationship that's more than friendship.

[Jax Nikara]

I haven’t. A lot of people around me keep asking when I am going to date someone and I just like, chuckle nervously and say school and marchingband are too hectic.