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Not sure if dysphoric or overreacting to lady apparel.


StormySky

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*warning: aimless vent/complaining*

Dresses are awful and they make me feel gross. Especially ones that emphasize chest. I don't have much boob there to amplify but it's still noticeable. 

Skirts are just as bad. Especially if they're frilly. 

And I don't like high heels. Because foot pain.

I don't feel trans but sometimes I wish I was a dude so I'd have an excuse to dress comfy and not like a pretty princess. 

I don't like the complement of "cute" because it can imply attractive and I'm not going for that. But I like the word "cute" as in puppies, kittens, etc. 

I've never understood the insane emphasis on appearance or many female fashion trends. It makes me feel awful and like too many people are hopelessly shallow... especially stylish women. Beauty, in my eyes, is for breathtaking views and forms of art, not a word to describe people.

And it sucks that I have to wear dresses/feminine apparel for choir. The dresses show too much shoulder and make it feel like the top part is falling, even though I'm allegedly "too fat" for my dress. And my mom fusses over my hair/face like a maniac and won't ever let me perform without makeup. I'm not allowed to tie my hair back because "I don't look pretty enough."

I've never understood lace. It's uncomfy and even looks "girly" and blegh from my perspective.

But I compliment other girls anyways since I have an insane tendency to want to make people smile.

I'm confused and I really dislike looking like a lady. I'm just glad to live in an age where women can wear pants.

 

TL;DR: I don't like girl's clothes and they feel icky on me.

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I can totally relate to you. I'm a cis female but I have had similar experiences to you. I'd say that just because you dislike gender roles doesn't mean you're a different gender. Granted you might be, but that's not necessarily the case. This is just from my personal experience but I hope it helps! Good luck!

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Oh gosh, I HATE dresses!!

 

When I was little it was fine. I had a lovely blue dress I liked to wear, and I'd a dress of Disney's Esmeralda. (She was a gypsy. Not a princess. Totally different)

 

I don't want to look girly, and I'll dress how I please. I love martial arts, and am comfortable with tanktop and gi pants. If I have to go to something formal, I'll wear a collared shirt and slacks. 

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EmotionalAndroid

I can relate. I like the look of dresses on some people and can like a dress by itself, but just not on me. Like I can go into a store and think "Wow, that's a gorgeous dress", but the thought of me wearing it makes me shudder. Comfort, practicality and mobility are more important to me than beauty. I, too, don't wear makeup and I always put my hair up to the best of my ability. Often I strongly desire to wear traditionally masculine clothing, but my family always warns me that I would "look like a dude" if I wore it, as if that would be the end of the world. I strongly believe that anyone should be able to wear anything they want. However, I am a people pleaser, so I don't wear too many overly masculine things for my family's benefit.

 

The nice thing is that females are no longer expected to wear dresses. If it is not a given uniform, perhaps you could wear slacks and a nice top for choir? There are lots of professional-looking outfits that don't involve skirts or dresses.

 

I hope that you can find a style that you like and that makes you feel comfortable.

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It can be really hard to tell the difference between gender dysphoria and resentment of society. For a long time I thought I was just angry at what I was made to wear and act like as a child and about how hard I tried to fit in and like that stuff, and for a long time I wondered if certain members of my family were trans becuase they were just like you and even more averse to dresses than I am. Turns out I'm genderfluid and and the "manliest" woman in my family is cis non-conforming.

 

1 hour ago, EmotionalAndroid said:

I can relate. I like the look of dresses on some people and can like a dress by itself, but just not on me. Like I can go into a store and think "Wow, that's a gorgeous dress", but the thought of me wearing it makes me shudder.

This is me. This is me all the time, no matter how I'm feeling gender-wise. I love fashion for both sexes. No one says gay men who like women's fashion are trans, so why does liking fashion mean I have to be cis? 

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I understand the thing with dresses... I cannot wear one myself.
But don't you find pants are a hell?
I mean, regarding the crotch... I think of jeans and I think on four layers on fabric sewn together and it gives me the shivers.
I dream about pants like these
gusset.jpg
but they are so uncommon that I may have to make them myself ...

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LuckofTheChuck
17 hours ago, StormySky said:

 

Dresses are awful and they make me feel gross. Especially ones that emphasize chest. I don't have much boob there to amplify but it's still noticeable. 

Skirts are just as bad. Especially if they're frilly. 

I've never understood the insane emphasis on appearance or many female fashion trends. It makes me feel awful and like too many people are hopelessly shallow... especially stylish women. Beauty, in my eyes, is for breathtaking views and forms of art, not a word to describe people.

And it sucks that I have to wear dresses/feminine apparel for choir.  And my mom fusses over my hair/face like a maniac  I'm not allowed to tie my hair back because "I don't look pretty enough."

I've never understood lace. It's uncomfy and even looks "girly" and blegh from my perspective.

I know EXACTLY how that feels. "Especially ones that emphasize chest." I'm only a young teen and I have to wear dresses like that in church which is in Florida........

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One time I said to my mom that dresses make me feel naked, because I'm used to pants and having something around my legs.

 

She thought it sounded crazy.

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2 hours ago, Danny99 said:

One time I said to my mom that dresses make me feel naked, because I'm used to pants and having something around my legs.

How anyone can wear a dress and not feel like this amazes me but to each their own i suppose.

 

And i completely agree being called cute gives me horrible crawling feelings up my back and is only a word meant for kittens and jumping spiders (those f*****s are dam cute if youre not arachnophobic)

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As a percussionist, I had more than enough reason to justify wearing men's attire while performing. I still had to wear dresses for high school concerts, but college let me explore my taste in the formalwear I've come to like. If you're in a mixed-gender group, Would the choir let you wear the men's uniform at all? 

 

In regards to clothes and dysphoria, it can definitely happen, and it can happen without you even fully realizing that it's dysphoria. I remember crying without comprehending what caused it while I was dress shopping with my mother as a teen. I just remember feeling so wrong in my own skin trying on all those damn things. Only in retrospect do I see how dysphoria factored in. 

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On 10/14/2017 at 7:49 AM, Mezzo Forte said:

As a percussionist, I had more than enough reason to justify wearing men's attire while performing. I still had to wear dresses for high school concerts, but college let me explore my taste in the formalwear I've come to like. If you're in a mixed-gender group, Would the choir let you wear the men's uniform at all? 

 

In regards to clothes and dysphoria, it can definitely happen, and it can happen without you even fully realizing that it's dysphoria. I remember crying without comprehending what caused it while I was dress shopping with my mother as a teen. I just remember feeling so wrong in my own skin trying on all those damn things. Only in retrospect do I see how dysphoria factored in. 

Choir director says we can wear nice pants for auditions but my parents don't let me ;(

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On 10/13/2017 at 3:31 PM, I Am Mel said:

How anyone can wear a dress and not feel like this amazes me but to each their own i suppose.

 

And i completely agree being called cute gives me horrible crawling feelings up my back and is only a word meant for kittens and jumping spiders (those f*****s are dam cute if youre not arachnophobic)

Spiders CAN be cute :) I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that!

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On ‎10‎/‎14‎/‎2017 at 9:49 AM, Mezzo Forte said:

As a percussionist, I had more than enough reason to justify wearing men's attire while performing. I still had to wear dresses for high school concerts, but college let me explore my taste in the formalwear I've come to like. If you're in a mixed-gender group, Would the choir let you wear the men's uniform at all? 

 

In regards to clothes and dysphoria, it can definitely happen, and it can happen without you even fully realizing that it's dysphoria. I remember crying without comprehending what caused it while I was dress shopping with my mother as a teen. I just remember feeling so wrong in my own skin trying on all those damn things. Only in retrospect do I see how dysphoria factored in. 

That's interesting. In school orchestra, my teachers wrote on their syllabi that females were allowed to either wear black skirts or pants with white dress shirts; I didn't own any skirts or dresses and didn't want to wear them, so I always wore black dress pants. I thought the dress code was the same for band students, too.

 

Re: Spiders 

 

The only spiders I think are cute are the fake ones for Halloween decorations. My family has two spider decorations that I like. I found them. Thanks for reminding me!

 

Ever since I learned that some spiders' venom can kill humans, I've felt uneasy around real ones. I like that they eat other household insects and can get rid of them for humans, though. That makes them kind of useful. 

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4 hours ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

That's interesting. In school orchestra, my teachers wrote on their syllabi that females were allowed to either wear black skirts or pants with white dress shirts; I didn't own any skirts or dresses and didn't want to wear them, so I always wore black dress pants. I thought the dress code was the same for band students, too.

My old high school provided the uniform dresses that they made all the women/AFAB people wear, so there was no avoiding those dang dresses. I almost got the band director to allow me to wear the men's uniform, (standard concert black w/ bow tie and cummerbund,) but the catch was that I had to get all the female percussionists to agree to wear the men's uniform too. Not a single one was okay with the idea, and they basically thought I was crazy for suggesting that we wear pants to concerts. Those dresses were basically potato sacks, so I just assumed that everyone hated them. Guess they hated the idea of wearing men's clothes even more.

 

Where I come from, there really wasn't an orchestra tradition in public schools; we only really had wind bands. I didn't really get to experience orchestral playing until college. Thankfully, the female attire was "all black" for the university's large ensembles, so I wore black slacks/shirts up until I came out and started wearing the more traditional men's concert black. I can honestly say that I haven't performed in a dress since the day I finished high school, and I doubt I ever will again. :P 

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31 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

My old high school provided the uniform dresses that they made all the women/AFAB people wear, so there was no avoiding those dang dresses. I almost got the band director to allow me to wear the men's uniform, (standard concert black w/ bow tie and cummerbund,) but the catch was that I had to get all the female percussionists to agree to wear the men's uniform too. Not a single one was okay with the idea, and they basically thought I was crazy for suggesting that we wear pants to concerts. Those dresses were basically potato sacks, so I just assumed that everyone hated them. Guess they hated the idea of wearing men's clothes even more.

 

Where I come from, there really wasn't an orchestra tradition in public schools; we only really had wind bands. I didn't really get to experience orchestral playing until college. Thankfully, the female attire was "all black" for the university's large ensembles, so I wore black slacks/shirts up until I came out and started wearing the more traditional men's concert black. I can honestly say that I haven't performed in a dress since the day I finished high school, and I doubt I ever will again. :P 

There were a few transmen in one of the unauditioned women's choirs and they were allowed to wear suits and ties. Though for this auditioned choir we're renowned as the "blue dresses" for concerts but we can wear pants for other formal events. I don't have any formal pants that fit me, though. My parents say they make me look fat and my mom controls my pre-performance wardrobe with an iron fist. 

The wind ensemble and orchestra just have to wear black formal clothes and I kinda wish we did that... but my choir is travelling so I'd gladly wear a dress as an excuse to get to see parts ofIreland (Where we're going :D)

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@Mezzo Forte Yes. I grew up knowing that orchestra wasn't as popular as band. All of my orchestra classes (except one, which had two orchestra classes) would generally have only around twelve students, while the band groups would have around fifty students. One high school I briefly attended didn't even have an orchestra group or class because the office staff said that not enough students were interested in it; but they had a band class/group. I was surprised because even another low-income high school I attended had one, even though there were only about twelve students in the class.

 

@StormySky Ireland? How lucky! I wish the schools I attended traveled to other countries.

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20 hours ago, StormySky said:

There were a few transmen in one of the unauditioned women's choirs and they were allowed to wear suits and ties. Though for this auditioned choir we're renowned as the "blue dresses" for concerts but we can wear pants for other formal events. I don't have any formal pants that fit me, though. My parents say they make me look fat and my mom controls my pre-performance wardrobe with an iron fist. 

The wind ensemble and orchestra just have to wear black formal clothes and I kinda wish we did that... but my choir is travelling so I'd gladly wear a dress as an excuse to get to see parts ofIreland (Where we're going :D)

Woohoo, a visitor! Going anywhere cool? Welcome in advance :D x I used to hate feminine clothes and wore men's clothes or things a few sizes too big, so I can empathize with that point. Although I have fallen in love with shiny glittery things which are generally feminine which is the complete opposite of what I used to be! :P 

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On October 18, 2017 at 11:19 PM, StormySky said:

There were a few transmen in one of the unauditioned women's choirs and they were allowed to wear suits and ties. Though for this auditioned choir we're renowned as the "blue dresses" for concerts but we can wear pants for other formal events. I don't have any formal pants that fit me, though. My parents say they make me look fat and my mom controls my pre-performance wardrobe with an iron fist. 

The wind ensemble and orchestra just have to wear black formal clothes and I kinda wish we did that... but my choir is travelling so I'd gladly wear a dress as an excuse to get to see parts ofIreland (Where we're going :D)

Glad to hear that your school is accommodating transgender students. Growing up, nobody I knew came out as trans until after high school, (me included,) so I don't know how my old school would have responded. Sorry to hear that your family has so much control over your wardrobe. I was really bad at articulating what I wanted, so I usually bought whatever clothes my mom/sister liked on me. I didn't start expressing my taste in men's clothes until basically grad school. :P 

 

Glad you're going to see Ireland during your choir trip! I visited the country back when I was 15, and I look back on that experience very fondly :) 

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I really can see where you are coming from. I have never had much of a problem being a woman, as long as I could be a woman on my own terms. But there are many expectations that I hate. If it is any consolation, the older you get, the more freedom you will have to be as feminine or not as you like. The pretty princess thing falls away with age, fortunately^^ It is a shame about your parents, it sounds like they are the ones forcing all this unwanted femininity on you. (And "it makes you look fat" WTF? What a horrible thing to say to your child.) I hope you will soon have more independence and options.

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On 19/10/2017 at 0:19 AM, StormySky said:

Choir director says we can wear nice pants for auditions but my parents don't let me ;(

This honestly makes me so mad. You have to wear the clothing, not them. You're not a damn doll.

 

I guess that's just me, but at a certain age I would have given my mother hell if she tried to put me in clothes I did not like...

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Siimo van der fietspad

I have the opposite gender problem. I'm a conductor and professional musician and I increasingly dislike having to to wear very traditional male gendered clothing on stage 'because it's what audiences expect'.  I'm not yet out as genderqueer to any of my players and have only just started to consider GQ dress outside of home, although I drop hints, and whilst I know all of them would be supportive it's potentially very difficult to explain to a classical audience why the MD who they think is a dude is wearing a dress or female-cut jacket and make-up. I would have some level of legal protection in schools, but having read about bigot parents withdrawing their children over 'confusing' gender-neutral uniforms or god forbid an actual trans teacher I would always be wary. On the other hand, children tend to be way more tolerant than parents, and I went into a Church of England school and told them I wanted to be called Mx because I was genderqueer, and nobody raised an eyebow, so there is comfort.  Things get even worse with private work as a wedding pianist, quartet player, function band, or church wedding organist, because potentially anyone could decide not to hire me essentially out of transphobia and never get held to account. You can imagine too the situation if I rock up smartly dressed as the 'wrong' gender and some bigot gets drunk... Or somebody does that thing where they pick some apparently legitimate concern to get at you as a cover for hate speech.

 

On the flip side, even if I just went for the nuclear option of  'f*uk it, I don't care what anyone thinks' I'd not be any the wiser on what to actually wear.

 

How 'bout we trade your dresses for my boy clothes - size?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am going about it the opposite way. Earlier this year I had male breast augmentation  surgery performed. I have always wanted boobs and have been wearing Large A - small B  breast forms for mos prior to surgery so I knew what a wanted. My surgeon talked me into going larger so my implants would look good relative to my frame. I agreed to have him decide at the time. Well I ended up  a pair of large C Small D breasts. At first he told me wait till the swelling goes down it did but still left me with sizable boobs. My men's shirts really don't fit  and I had t start warring women's button down shirts. While the results are good having to adjust to ladies blouses and large breasts have been challenging both physically and socially

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  • 4 weeks later...

Last days I've been quite dysphoric... and regarding the title of this topic I won't say overreacting over lady apparel because the worst part has been laying in bed at night and crying while thinking about my body. I feel particularly bad because I feel gender dysphoria but I don't feel trans enough to have the right to consider surgeries, hormone therapy, etc. or even buying a binder... I don't know I just feel wrong in my body. Maybe you have advices? I just wanted to tell someone how I feel. :mellow:

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10 hours ago, Marjolaine said:

Last days I've been quite dysphoric... and regarding the title of this topic I won't say overreacting over lady apparel because the worst part has been laying in bed at night and crying while thinking about my body. I feel particularly bad because I feel gender dysphoria but I don't feel trans enough to have the right to consider surgeries, hormone therapy, etc. or even buying a binder... I don't know I just feel wrong in my body. Maybe you have advices? I just wanted to tell someone how I feel. :mellow:

*hugs* people say "love yourself and how you look" but dysphoria must make that impossible.

I often wear shorts on top of my female swimsuits so it feels less weird then, though I'm not entirely sure how to help in other situations.

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
On 13.10.2017 at 4:12 AM, StormySky said:

*warning: aimless vent/complaining*

Dresses are awful and they make me feel gross. Especially ones that emphasize chest. I don't have much boob there to amplify but it's still noticeable. 

Skirts are just as bad. Especially if they're frilly. 

And I don't like high heels. Because foot pain.

I don't feel trans but sometimes I wish I was a dude so I'd have an excuse to dress comfy and not like a pretty princess. 

I don't like the complement of "cute" because it can imply attractive and I'm not going for that. But I like the word "cute" as in puppies, kittens, etc. 

I've never understood the insane emphasis on appearance or many female fashion trends. It makes me feel awful and like too many people are hopelessly shallow... especially stylish women. Beauty, in my eyes, is for breathtaking views and forms of art, not a word to describe people.

And it sucks that I have to wear dresses/feminine apparel for choir. The dresses show too much shoulder and make it feel like the top part is falling, even though I'm allegedly "too fat" for my dress. And my mom fusses over my hair/face like a maniac and won't ever let me perform without makeup. I'm not allowed to tie my hair back because "I don't look pretty enough."

I've never understood lace. It's uncomfy and even looks "girly" and blegh from my perspective.

But I compliment other girls anyways since I have an insane tendency to want to make people smile.

I'm confused and I really dislike looking like a lady. I'm just glad to live in an age where women can wear pants.

 

TL;DR: I don't like girl's clothes and they feel icky on me.

I don't like any of the mentioned "lady like" stereotypes either. I actually totally dislike female fashion for no other reason than the simple fact that it's giving me the willies when ever looking at or imagining myself wearing any of these items while trying to accept and get along with it as much as possible at the same time. I'm fine with it as long I'm not forced into it. So yeah I can totally relate to your experience.

 

I think it's OK to feel this way Stormy.

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6 hours ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

I don't like any of the mentioned "lady like" stereotypes either. I actually totally dislike female fashion for no other reason than the simple fact that it's giving me the willies when ever looking at or imagining myself wearing any of these items while trying to accept and get along with it as much as possible at the same time. I'm fine with it as long I'm not forced into it. So yeah I can totally relate to your experience.

 

I think it's OK to feel this way Stormy.

You know what sucks? Women's clothing costs more AND is less comfy.

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3 hours ago, StormySky said:

You know what sucks? Women's clothing costs more AND is less comfy.

AND are of poor quality AND don't have pockets

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37 minutes ago, Marjolaine said:

AND are of poor quality AND don't have pockets

I often wear men's pants just for pockets :P

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
6 hours ago, StormySky said:

You know what sucks? Women's clothing costs more AND is less comfy.

Yes but I don't mind cuz' I'm not into it while male fashion can be quite  expensive too. 

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