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This may explain why asexuals have sex

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Float On

@Homer not that this'll mean enough to you but idk.

 

King meets queen, then the puppy love thing, together dream
Bout that crib with the Goodyear swing
On the oak tree, I hope we feel like this forever
Forever, forever ever, forever ever?
Forever never seems that long until you're grown
And notice that the day by day rule can't be too wrong
Ms. Jackson my intentions were good I wish I could
Become a magician to abacadabra all the sadder
Thoughts of me, thoughts of she, thoughts of he
Asking what happened to the feeling that her and me
Had,

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Tarfeather
2 minutes ago, Homer said:

(1) So he states (or stated) that he feels under pressure. How is that an unspoken opinion?

Agreed. We were talking about an opinion that you literally couldn't know if people had that. Now these people are talking about opinions that aren't expressed, yet somehow you know about. Completely different things, don't know how we got from the former to the latter. I feel like somebody transmuted my point just to disprove it..

 

Quote

In what way is this my problem? Am I supposed to care about other people's possible assumptions?

It's not necessarily your problem. Other people who care more about what others think of them, might figure out these opinions though, and feel pressured as a result. This is more to refute your original point of this being a cultural issue, or one of "being oversensitive". I find it more likely that it's a matter of personality, and I think you shouldn't disregard the experiences and problems of others just because it's not an issue to someone with your personal mindset.

 

On an unrelated note, caring about other people's assumptions can be worthwhile, in the context of trying to achieve a specific goal that involves interaction with others. If you know that in a specific culture, a lot of people are distrusting of asexuals, for instance, it might be beneficial to keep that information to yourself when interacting with people from that culture.

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Homer

I know that this is not about quotes, but to stick to this example... if I feel pressured by being quoted with something I said on a public, interactive forum I actively choose to be on; or feeling judged by the mere event of being quoted, or feeling pressured by a notification I can turn off at any point... in other words, I feel pressured by other people using this place in its intended purpose, then this forum just isn't the right place for me to be.

 

 

21 minutes ago, float on said:

its.. theres more to a relationship than whether or not "it lasts til the end"

 

and it does in fact last till its end... and the more it lasts, there's something from it that you get.

 

prolonging its duration is a decision some prefer over cutting it off quickly.

 

sometimes it isn't preference tho, but fear, or something, feeling locked into it, committed.

 

I doubt these would be the only possible reasons someone won't end it right away.

This is missing the point. My question is: If I know I'm unhappy and I know I'll leave anyway sooner or later, why drag it on?

 

 

16 minutes ago, Tarfeather said:

It's not necessarily your problem. Other people who care more about what others think of them, might figure out these opinions though, and feel pressured as a result. This is more to refute your original point of this being a cultural issue, or one of "being oversensitive". I find it more likely that it's a matter of personality, and I think you shouldn't disregard the experiences and problems of others just because it's not an issue to someone with your personal mindset.

It was a "general my", if you know what I mean. I know that different people have different mindsets and the same event will cause different reactions. It was just an attempt to get my head around the concept.

The "oversensitive" part referred to people reacting to average human sexual behaviour as "extreme". I don't drink coffee. Now if I meet someone who regularly drinks two cups a day and think "oh boy this is sick, they're obsessed with coffee, they're a drug addict", that's me overreacting to average behaviour.

 

When it comes to opinions of strangers... let's assume for a second that you're now sitting behind a screen, thinking "This Homer dude is a total jerk, what a loser...", yet you don't tell me. How is this supposed to affect me? There might be people who feel affected by something like that; I'm sure there are. I just don't get why they would be. It doesn't make any sense to me.

 

 

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Float On

deleted...

 

I don't have the capability to enunciate a response to the recent questions, sorry.

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Valentine18
44 minutes ago, Homer said:

(1) So he states (or stated) that he feels under pressure. How is that an unspoken opinion?

(2) Why do you remain in this relationship if you know that you'll end it anyway, sooner or later? (That's more of a general question. Why do some people do that?)

1. When I said that about the unspoken opinion, I didn't mean on his part I meant on mine.  Even when I don't mention it or bring it up it still causes pressure on him, because he knows he's not meeting my needs.

2.  I stay because I do love him and so many other things are really good in the relationship.  In addition, we have a business together and our entire income is strictly from this business.   Neither of us could handle the business alone, and there are no other partners in the company.  Us breaking up will involve a lot more than a divorce, that would be easy and it would have been done by now!  And of course, like most sexuals in a mixed relationship, I hold out some hope that we're going to find a compromise that actually works and then that one missing piece of the relationship might fill in.  If we can't, then I will have to make a plan to get out of both the marriage and the business, I guess.  Talk about starting life over!

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Tarfeather
20 minutes ago, Homer said:

It was a "general my", if you know what I mean. I know that different people have different mindsets and the same event will cause different reactions. It was just an attempt to get my head around the concept.

The "oversensitive" part referred to people reacting to average human sexual behaviour as "extreme". I don't drink coffee. Now if I meet someone who regularly drinks two cups a day and think "oh boy this is sick, they're obsessed with coffee, they're a drug addict", that's me overreacting to average behaviour.

Yes, I know that it was a "general my". Let me be more explicit. Consider this: You never encountered somebody who thinks something is wrong with you for being asexual, because you don't really bother to find out. Somebody else might find out they're asexual, and be really concerned what the people around them think of that. They might go around asking their peers things like "Hey, I don't desire sex at all, what do you think of that?". And then they might receive responses like "That's not possible, everyone wants sex", "You must be lying", etc. Don't you think this could put pressure on them?

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m4rble
4 hours ago, float on said:

@Homer  sorta agree but really there's something important to know, the one thing I notice is,

 

that things can feel pressuring even tho they aren't meant it that way.

 

 

often in recent years, my family just wants to help me out, and they say things thinking it good advice, and then get confused and weird when I don't follow it. and that's pressuring!

 

but, they mean it because they care about me, they want to be helpful, they'd feel useless to see me in difficulty and yet they're unable to help. the last thing they'd want would be to be intrusive or pressuring, and it is FAR from their intention when they do end up giving me pressure. but yet, I feel pressured.

 

 

there is no pressure in my mom telling me she'll be happy to cook burgers for me so I don't gotta go to BK. But what results from her saying it so often, is me feeling 1) expensive 2) irresponsible 3) unsocial and I feel so pressured and can't stand that she says it all the time.

 

but what can I do? if I tell her to stfu she feels like I don't care about her. she gets depressed if I'm not careful, because in living here with her she sees me all the time and sees some of the struggles I go through and feels as my mother - she wants to be there for me. and when she cannot,...  y'know. it's depressing, disappointing, makes her feel useless or unwanted.

 

neither of us pressure the other or actually feel such ways. but, yet, each of us feels pressured or disapproved of. it IS real, even tho it's not the intended result, even tho there isn't really pressuring or disdain for each other, there also is.

 

 

 

does this make sense? it's there by being felt, even tho it isn't there by any actual source of it.

It's hard when family members worry about you. They feel helpless in your life, but you're also helpless in their worry. 

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Homer
15 minutes ago, Valentine18 said:

1. When I said that about the unspoken opinion, I didn't mean on his part I meant on mine.  Even when I don't mention it or bring it up it still causes pressure on him, because he knows he's not meeting my needs.

Yet you did mention it to him at some point, is that correct?

 

15 minutes ago, Valentine18 said:

2. I stay because [...]

Okay, this was a bit confusing as I don't have much experience with romantic relationships; but we're also highly OT, so I'd like to leave it at that instead of digging deeper. Thanks for getting back at this :):cake:

 

 

12 minutes ago, Tarfeather said:

Don't you think this could put pressure on them?

Other than the pressure to explain their mindset a bit further? No. I totally get that there are people who might feel like that, but again, it doesn't make any sense to me.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
35 minutes ago, Tarfeather said:

Yes, I know that it was a "general my". Let me be more explicit. Consider this: You never encountered somebody who thinks something is wrong with you for being asexual, because you don't really bother to find out. Somebody else might find out they're asexual, and be really concerned what the people around them think of that. They might go around asking their peers things like "Hey, I don't desire sex at all, what do you think of that?". And then they might receive responses like "That's not possible, everyone wants sex", "You must be lying", etc. 

 

 

That would be weird, annoying, and desperate if someone was just wandering around saying to randoms ''I don't want sex what do you think of that?''... That's like a lesbian going around telling everyone: ''Hey I want sex with women, what do you think of that eh, got a problem with it?'' or even a straight person going around telling people ''I love anal, what do you think of that? Got a problem?'' it's pushy and invasive. But yeah of course they're going to receive a multitude of responses and many of them will be negative.

 

I'm with @Homer (regarding what he was saying about not really experiencing negativity as a result of his asexuality) in that I've never received overly extreme reactions on any consistent basis, and I don't necessarily think it's just a location thing because this is whether I've said it online or 'in person'. Back when I hated  having and didn't want sex, but didn't know about asexuality (around the age of 19) I spent a lot of time in crowds of my ex's friend's girlfriends. They might sometimes talk about this or that sex act that they enjoy, and if I voiced anything like ''I'm really not interested in the sex part. I don't like it. I desire love definitely but wish it could happen without the sex'' I'd generally get responses like ''at least you won't be fucking my boyfriend then'' and ''oh yeah that's odd I thought your partner would be good at sex'' (lol) nothing overly bad though. On FetLife, the vast majority of people (and I had thousands of followers) were okay with it and many even said they could understand how someone would feel that way, and on OKCupid I got the range of people either losing interest instantly, or getting really curious and asking lots of questions, and one or two very rude ones saying things like ''you can't actually love if you don't want sex so you need to get off this site and go and see a doctor'' But the awful responses were definitely a minority. There have been a couple of times I have brought it up with randoms in person over the past few years if I can tell they may be 'interested' in me sexually, and the three times I have the responses have been ''oh yeah, like Gerald off Shortland Street? Cool!!'' and two (one from a guy and one from a girl) of ''yeah I'm like that too'' (which I found kind of odd because they both clearly desired and enjoyed sex but whatever).

 

IF however I was going around trying to smoosh it in people's faces, and maybe even intentionally seeking out people I know will react badly, and bringing it up in completely unnecessary circumstances, I can see how I'd get a vast majority of negative responses to the idea of asexuality. But yeah, even from the perspective of a female (in comparison to Homer's male experience) I haven't experienced it very differently than what he's describing.

 

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Snao van der Cone

Individual experiences can vary.

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GLRDT
6 hours ago, Homer said:

It's your choice what to make of it.

 

Now I don't know what's going on in your family, but in general, you can take whatever is said as an opinion, as some kind of advice, as an idea... or as people putting pressure on you. This is nothing they have any influence on (assuming they don't know about your feelings or they refuse to adjust their behaviour). My Grandma recently told me that she'd love me to find someone, for what must have been the 13,725th time. (Yeah no, not gonna happen.) Judging by what was written in this thread, that could be read as "pressure". Yet it's just her expressing a wish, even though it can be annoying at times. A wish, that's it. It's not like she said "You better stick a ring on someone's finger or else". That would be pressure.

 

It's the recipient's choice really.

I mean I agree with what you've said for myself and apparently for you as well and I'm not mad at media or anything, (although it would be nice to see more variety in relationships in media). I don't get offended easily but I just like to talk about how media may or may not be affecting society even on a subconscious level. However, I think a lot of society goes with the flow and can be swayed by peer pressure or societal pressure and may not always have the self esteem or confidence to be true to themselves. If this wasn't the case more people would be coming out as gay without a fear in the world but we've lived in a society for so long that has said being gay is weird or  wrong and doesn't show those kinds of relationships in media or anything. (We  are getting better though as a society gradually). I don't know if that example super applies to this but it's the first thing that came into my head. So I haven't been trying to discuss about how we personally react and take in the media it's about how society does and how it affects society as a whole of at all.  

 

On another note, totally agree with it's your choice what to make of it. Nobody can make you feel a certain way. You can't blame someone else for how you feel. What if I was trying to be nice and open a door for someone and the other person yelled in my face what? You don't think I can do anything on my own?! I wouldn't feel that was my fault and I would assume that person is working through their own issues. But I do think that sometimes pressure can come and you might not be aware of it. Maybe it gradually sneaks up on you and you don't know what it's coming from. Maybe.....it's coming from the sneaky media! Ha ha.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
1 hour ago, Snao Çoñé said:

Individual experiences can vary.

Exactly, hence why Homer and I pointed out our personal experience as the majority of people here claim to be constantly berated and belittled and made to feel unworthy for their asexuality. Homer and I were pointing out that for us, we didn't experience that so it certainly doesn't apply to everyone. I still felt like I had to have sex but that was nothing to do with asexuality, it was me just assuming that's what has to be done in a relationship. As soon as I realized there was an alternative, I chose that, and didn't experience any negative effects as a result of that. Sure some people do experience negative reactions from people (especially if you're going to go around blabbing about it to literally everyone you know) but I was just trying to point out that Homer's experience wasn't unique among asexuals just because he's a man who isn't actively seeking relationships or anything.

 

Obviously it doesn't really apply to me now as I don't ID as ace anymore (though am still open about having no interest in regular sex when necessary) but I was just speaking for my past experience when I was 'functionally asexual' for many years, in a highly sexual environment.

 

 

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Philip027
Quote

It's your choice what to make of it.

 

Now I don't know what's going on in your family, but in general, you can take whatever is said as an opinion, as some kind of advice, as an idea... or as people putting pressure on you. This is nothing they have any influence on (assuming they don't know about your feelings or they refuse to adjust their behaviour). My Grandma recently told me that she'd love me to find someone, for what must have been the 13,725th time. (Yeah no, not gonna happen.) Judging by what was written in this thread, that could be read as "pressure". Yet it's just her expressing a wish, even though it can be annoying at times. A wish, that's it. It's not like she said "You better stick a ring on someone's finger or else". That would be pressure.

 

It's the recipient's choice really.

Pressure is not something that's always expressed with a gun to one's head.  If it was, "peer pressure" would be almost nonexistent, for one thing.


My grandma does the same thing, and I view it as pressure.  If it was expressed just once, I'd be more willing to see it as you do, as a wish expression.  When it's expressed almost every time you meet, that's unquestionably a form of pressure.  How much one is affected by it will vary, but that doesn't stop it from being what it is.

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Serran

Homer, what you are calling pressure sounds more like coercion - do this or I will do this really bad thing to you threats. Pressure, is just a constant pushing to do this or that thing. Which, most certainly some people don't give in to pressure, but a lot of people do. Whether the pressure is to lose weight, skip a class, try a cigarette, etc. 

 

Personally, whenever I expressed a disinterest in sex I got met with "you're a liar" or "you have to try this or that and you'll like it, everyone does". And I was given tutorials, how-tos and various things via links to "teach me" to like sex. Partners would constantly push to do things and try things to make me like it. My family said it was a woman's duty, basically, if she wanted to be in a relationship - men need sex, so women have to give it, whether they want to or not and if not then he'd get it elsewhere or take it for himself without consent. I wasn't wise enough to not answer honestly when I was a teenager and got asked about my attraction to people or views on relationships. And I got pushed to try masturbation and sex basically non-stop from 14 on. Now, I just lie and play along with all the comments about the things my partner and I have done, except with a few family members who know I'm not into sex. I slipped up once at work and said "ew" (natural reaction) when the ladies commented that I'd be baby making with my partner when I visited (they don't know my partner is my girlfriend ;) ) but I was able to play it off as an ew to the idea of babies. :lol:

 

Of course, I've also experienced coercion - give me oral every week or I'll throw you out in the streets with nothing but the clothes on your back (in the snow), etc. It's of course much worse. 

 

Granted, coercion is a type of pressure, but pressure can still exist without coercion. Peer pressure is a very big thing in society, even among adults, but especially among teens who are starting to figure themselves out. 

 

And yes, even though I don't ID as asexual anymore, I still don't want sex :P Some things, but not that. 

 

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vega57
1 hour ago, Serran said:

Homer, what you are calling pressure sounds more like coercion - do this or I will do this really bad thing to you threats. Pressure, is just a constant pushing to do this or that thing. Which, most certainly some people don't give in to pressure, but a lot of people do. Whether the pressure is to lose weight, skip a class, try a cigarette, etc. 

 

Personally, whenever I expressed a disinterest in sex I got met with "you're a liar" or "you have to try this or that and you'll like it, everyone does". And I was given tutorials, how-tos and various things via links to "teach me" to like sex. Partners would constantly push to do things and try things to make me like it. My family said it was a woman's duty, basically, if she wanted to be in a relationship - men need sex, so women have to give it, whether they want to or not and if not then he'd get it elsewhere or take it for himself without consent. I wasn't wise enough to not answer honestly when I was a teenager and got asked about my attraction to people or views on relationships. And I got pushed to try masturbation and sex basically non-stop from 14 on.

 

^^THIS!!!!!!!^^

 

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Tarfeather
9 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

@HomerThat would be weird, annoying, and desperate if someone was just wandering around saying to randoms ''I don't want sex what do you think of that?''... That's like a lesbian going around telling everyone: ''Hey I want sex with women, what do you think of that eh, got a problem with it?'' or even a straight person going around telling people ''I love anal, what do you think of that? Got a problem?'' it's pushy and invasive. But yeah of course they're going to receive a multitude of responses and many of them will be negative.

I was trying to represent the opposite of Homer's personality. It was supposed to be extreme. I'm sorry if you take issue with the idea of people doing something like that. In that case, let me substitute a more moderate example: Some asexuals during their life might start wondering what the huge deal is with sex in our culture, and start talking about this with friends and acquaintances. The fact they don't desire sex might be revealed during such a conversation, and they might receive such negative reactions then, which in turn would make them feel like something is wrong with them and they need to do something about it.

 

It won't happen to people like you or Homer (or myself, or my partner, or anyone with a personality that intrinsically resists peer pressure), because you're less likely to begin with to value the opinion of a prejudiced person. But that's not true for everyone. Some people have a strong desire to be accepted by the group at large, even when the group at large has opinions and prejudices that are, quite frankly, stupid. They'd still want to fit in.

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Tarfeather
7 hours ago, Serran said:

Homer, what you are calling pressure sounds more like coercion - do this or I will do this really bad thing to you threats. Pressure, is just a constant pushing to do this or that thing. Which, most certainly some people don't give in to pressure, but a lot of people do. Whether the pressure is to lose weight, skip a class, try a cigarette, etc. 

 

Personally, whenever I expressed a disinterest in sex I got met with "you're a liar" or "you have to try this or that and you'll like it, everyone does". And I was given tutorials, how-tos and various things via links to "teach me" to like sex. Partners would constantly push to do things and try things to make me like it. My family said it was a woman's duty, basically, if she wanted to be in a relationship - men need sex, so women have to give it, whether they want to or not and if not then he'd get it elsewhere or take it for himself without consent. I wasn't wise enough to not answer honestly when I was a teenager and got asked about my attraction to people or views on relationships. And I got pushed to try masturbation and sex basically non-stop from 14 on. Now, I just lie and play along with all the comments about the things my partner and I have done, except with a few family members who know I'm not into sex. I slipped up once at work and said "ew" (natural reaction) when the ladies commented that I'd be baby making with my partner when I visited (they don't know my partner is my girlfriend ;) ) but I was able to play it off as an ew to the idea of babies. :lol:

 

Of course, I've also experienced coercion - give me oral every week or I'll throw you out in the streets with nothing but the clothes on your back (in the snow), etc. It's of course much worse. 

 

Granted, coercion is a type of pressure, but pressure can still exist without coercion. Peer pressure is a very big thing in society, even among adults, but especially among teens who are starting to figure themselves out. 

 

And yes, even though I don't ID as asexual anymore, I still don't want sex :P Some things, but not that. 

 

Interesting, in this case it does sound cultural. Talking about sex at work is pretty much taboo around here, for instance. It'd also be inappropriate for anyone to ask you about your attraction, sexual preferences, etc. unless you volunteered the subject. Family and partners are different, of course, those are going to be an issue no matter the culture.

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MrDane

Some aces likes some aspects of sex, though never desires/craves it. Since sex is much valued by most people, then finding an aspect which can be mutually enjoyable (and perhaps even override a depression) is quite a motivational factor in a relationship.

 

some aces will have to work hard on getting past some zones of discomfort, before reaching what they can enjoy. An example:

an acer that does not like/feel/understand the joy of building up expectations about forecomming sex-session can function better if is just put in a schedule. 

an acer, which feels discomfort about being seen dressed off or see nakedness can agree to turn of ligths and meet eachother under the sheets.

an acer which do not like to be touched or skin contact over all, can perhaps wear clothes/gloves...

my point is that some  obstacles can be overcome and a higher level of comfort can be reached. (Not necessary high level, but higher than before) 

the discomfort overrules the "would-like" but sometimes a journey through discomfort can bring something better. 

(I dont enjoy cooking. I like eating. Cleaning up is no fun either. But when all is done and the kitchen is clean, then it was worth it!)

 

I would expect anyone in a serious relationship to try and find an alternative route to reach some of the agreed-upon relationship goals. (I want to be happy with you , and you to be happy with me, and I want this relationship to work towards both of us getting what is important to us in our lives)

 

I think you have to feel safe, to venture into a zone of discomfort. But sometimes you have to do it, to see how you react to it. Sometimes the idea is worse than the actual thing. 

 

An asexual could choose to have sex because he/she feels the benefits are greater from doing it than the benefits from not doing it.

 

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roland.o
On 9/28/2017 at 11:19 PM, m4rble said:

I just thought of a new superhero.

Sockman, saving the world while wearing nothing but a pair of socks.

Make him wear three socks and this could work...

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Serran
4 hours ago, Tarfeather said:

Interesting, in this case it does sound cultural. Talking about sex at work is pretty much taboo around here, for instance. It'd also be inappropriate for anyone to ask you about your attraction, sexual preferences, etc. unless you volunteered the subject. Family and partners are different, of course, those are going to be an issue no matter the culture.

Some people I know in the U.S., their work places would never dream of it. And, I work in a school, so we're not really supposed to talk about that stuff where the kids could hear it - it's not very appropriate conversation around 4-11 year olds. However, they still do, all the time. My one co-worker was talking about handcuffs and how the ladies in the kitchen bought her boss a set of edible underwear for valentines day one year. When I told them I was going to England to visit my partner, they immediately started commenting on how much sex we'd be having during that visit. My co-worker that likes handcuffs even said she should buy me a kinky sex toy for valentines day so I could take it with me. It's a game for them to actually see how much they can make me blush, cause they found out my fair skin does it quite easily. :P I even got asked if I had ever tried "chocolate" (meaning, been with a black man), cause I was being teased about my male co-worker. 

 

When I worked at a different school for a single day, I was surrounded by ladies talking about all the er, stuff, at the male strip club they were interested in seeing (cause that was the work place gathering, apparently... ). When I worked at the grocery store, I got stuck talking to a girl that was going on and on about the customers and co-workers she wanted, just by how hot they were, who kept asking me my opinions (and seriously would not take a hint I wanted the conversation to end...). When I worked at the sandwich shop, the ladies would be in the back recreating their facial expressions and sounds from their threesome experiences to show how into it they were, while I was just trying to silently chop the veggies for the next day and avoid being dragged into it (though, I did get asked what protection I preferred during sex, which I shrugged and dodged out to the front, which made them decide I was very shy).

 

I mean, it's never much bothered me, it's just part of how people socialize. But, since sex is such a common shared interest, I've always heard it talked about. I don't particularly want to hear what penises the ladies I work with for a single day are into, but whatever, I just do my work and avoid the convo. And when it turns to me, I just kind of dodge / brush it off and let them assume I am into sex, but too shy to talk about it. 

 

I'm guessing the factors of it being talked about vs not vary a bit. All female or all male environment probably increases the risk, as people are less prone to discussing things in mixed company. The more professional the environment, probably the less likely - while your more blue collar work places will have more of it. Etc, etc. 

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roland.o
On 9/30/2017 at 2:59 AM, vega57 said:

Where did humans EVER get the idea that if we have a libido and we're "horny", that the "horniness" is "supposed" to be satisfied with a partner?

I think there's something in the bible about a guy called Onan. Never bothered to check the sources on this one, though.

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MrDane
25 minutes ago, roland.o said:

I think there's something in the bible about a guy called Onan. Never bothered to check the sources on this one, though.

Onan slept with the wife of his deceased brother, as biblical figures apparently are supposed to. The brother died because God didnt like him. But since Onan wouldnt be considered father of a child, he pulled out and ejaculated there. (On the ground, not a towel or a sock or on her!)

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roland.o

@MrDane: Thanks. Then I guess his name is used out of context in the german verb.

 

But seriously... no towel? Didn't know the first thing about hitchhiking.

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MrDane
13 minutes ago, roland.o said:

@MrDane: Thanks. Then I guess his name is used out of context in the german verb.

 

But seriously... no towel? Didn't know the first thing about hitchhiking.

Ha! Also In danish, another word for masturbation is onani. I guess Onan uses his wife to come, which some aces can relate to. ...but perhaps she likes it as well?

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Serran

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife does nothave authority over her own body, but the husband.Likewise the husband does not have authority over hisown body, but the wife. 5Do not deprive one another, except by mutual consent for a limited time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again, so that Satan will not tempt you through your lack of self-control.

 

 

That is the only bible bit I know about fulfilling ones libido with each other. 

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Telecaster68

The story of Onan was used for a long time as the Bible saying masturbation was wrong, because of a verse about him 'spilling his seed on the ground' and God getting upset. 'Onanism' was a euphemism for masturbation.

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Philip027

Man, they sure just let anything pass as erotica back then, huh

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Telecaster68

Some of David's psalms were viewed as pretty hot stuff, too.

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Homer
17 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

That would be weird, annoying, and desperate if someone was just wandering around saying to randoms ''I don't want sex what do you think of that?''

I'd agree about randoms, but Tar was referring to someone talking to their peers. There's nothing weird about that. Why not discuss things with people who you know and trust?

 

Other than that, the ones who have made unpleasant experiences related to asexuality will naturally be the majority on here. Be it those who felt ridiculed or pressured by others, or those who have (had) a hard time coming to terms with everything. If you're happy and content about the way you are (and everyone around you seems to be, too), why take it to the internet to discuss issues you don't deal with? Pretty much like a customer helpline gets to deal with problems and criticism 90% of the time.

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Tarfeather
4 hours ago, Serran said:

Some people I know in the U.S., their work places would never dream of it. And, I work in a school, so we're not really supposed to talk about that stuff where the kids could hear it - it's not very appropriate conversation around 4-11 year olds. However, they still do, all the time. My one co-worker was talking about handcuffs and how the ladies in the kitchen bought her boss a set of edible underwear for valentines day one year. When I told them I was going to England to visit my partner, they immediately started commenting on how much sex we'd be having during that visit. My co-worker that likes handcuffs even said she should buy me a kinky sex toy for valentines day so I could take it with me. It's a game for them to actually see how much they can make me blush, cause they found out my fair skin does it quite easily. :P I even got asked if I had ever tried "chocolate" (meaning, been with a black man), cause I was being teased about my male co-worker. 

 

When I worked at a different school for a single day, I was surrounded by ladies talking about all the er, stuff, at the male strip club they were interested in seeing (cause that was the work place gathering, apparently... ). When I worked at the grocery store, I got stuck talking to a girl that was going on and on about the customers and co-workers she wanted, just by how hot they were, who kept asking me my opinions (and seriously would not take a hint I wanted the conversation to end...). When I worked at the sandwich shop, the ladies would be in the back recreating their facial expressions and sounds from their threesome experiences to show how into it they were, while I was just trying to silently chop the veggies for the next day and avoid being dragged into it (though, I did get asked what protection I preferred during sex, which I shrugged and dodged out to the front, which made them decide I was very shy).

 

I mean, it's never much bothered me, it's just part of how people socialize. But, since sex is such a common shared interest, I've always heard it talked about. I don't particularly want to hear what penises the ladies I work with for a single day are into, but whatever, I just do my work and avoid the convo. And when it turns to me, I just kind of dodge / brush it off and let them assume I am into sex, but too shy to talk about it. 

 

I'm guessing the factors of it being talked about vs not vary a bit. All female or all male environment probably increases the risk, as people are less prone to discussing things in mixed company. The more professional the environment, probably the less likely - while your more blue collar work places will have more of it. Etc, etc. 

Z9F4SCr.jpg

 

Seriously, this is some interesting reading for me. I'd never have guessed.

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