Still wondering

[Dunroaming]

I am in my second childhood now and seem to have led a very sheltered life, having only recently come across talk about asexuality. But reading some of the posts here I wonder if I am not asexual myself. Ever since childhood I have been attracted to "normal" older, mature men in a totally non-sexual way. In fact, if any of those men had made sexual advances I would have recoiled. My attraction may have had something to do with my being adopted but I never bonded with my adoptive parents. I always have and still do seem to attract gay men but never had a satisfactory sex life. Any sexual urges were quickly and conveniently dealt with by fumbling in some sauna. In my mid-thirties I met a "normal" mature man who was down on his luck who moved in with me. We stayed together for 38 years until his death. At the beginning there was some embarrassing fumbling which soon stopped. We never talked about anything sexual and in fact had very little in common. Yet somehow the chemistry and temperaments were right and the relationship worked, presumably because we never made any great demands on each other. My attraction to men is the same attraction I feel for some great colourful paintings by the French Impressionists or Scottish Colourists - intoxicating and overwhelming but as a purely aesthetic experience. Anyway, no longer concerned with labels, but just curious to see if it chimes with anyone else's experience.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Welcome @Dunroaming, this is the right place to discover the answers. Sounds like you had a long and comfortable relationship with your partner and that's great. You must have some happy memories. I'm not the romantic sort, but I also appreciate beauty without it having to involve sex. Perhaps you could get more information on the wide variety of ace life here, there are definitions of all the spectrum.

[daisylove]

Wow I really enjoyed reading your post @Dunroaming. A 38 year relationship with someone you were comfortable with. I love that. Most people are looking for sparks flying and intense emotions, but you found someone that you just... got along with. Lots of couples dont have a lot in common, but based on your post it seems like you must have had some foundational things in common? I'd be interested if you care to share.

 

Also, 38 years with no sex and (presumably) not missing it sounds pretty asexual to me. Realizing that you're the only one that can truly come to an accurate conclusion about that, I'd be interested in others opinions too.