Sexual Wife/Asexual Husband - Truce!

[ryn2]

4 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

Some have felt I don’t portray enough love in my descriptions. Maybe, but I see it’s more about my thoughts than my feelings many times.

Also, many of the people reading posting here once felt/were assured their partners felt that same way but have ultimately reached a point in their relationships where it has either ceased to be true or ceased to outweigh the negatives.   They have left/been left by their partners, or stayed - with regret - and become increasingly bitter.  So, a fair number of those reading are doing so through that lens.  

[TurnedTurtle]

@Traveler40 I wonder how you are balancing things, maintaining an equilibrium between your two partners, as I wonder how *I* would _if_ my ace wife and I were to agree to open our marriage. As I read your recent posts, I have the sense that maybe the scales have started to tip one way over the other, and that maybe your husband also feels that? Whether or not that is the case, what actions are you taking / do you take to (continue to) receive and accept the love of your husband in the manner that he expresses it, and demonstrate your love for him in a way that he understands? (I am thinking of another post I made this morning about love languages)  Just looking for insights to help me in my own struggles, and perhaps provide insight to help you in yours?

 

[Traveler40]

Hi @TurnedTurtle, a few things crossed my mind as I contemplated your post. First of all, I chose to open our relationship with the goal of finding love. I need to connect mentally and emotionally before physically with anyone I would have sex with. Therefore, I spent an extraordinary amount of time and care during the selection process.
 

It wasn’t solely about the sex, but about connected sex. Many sexuals need that connection of soul to fully explore and enjoy the experience. For it to be worth doing for me, I needed to fall for my partner and cannot have it be random or meaningless. My lover has shared this quote that I well understand,  “Sometimes it's not the wanting over the needing. It's more about the meal than the feeding". So yes, we have gone deep with intention.

 

My husband knows me and understands this. He is not thrilled, but accepts it as part of the deal. I have often referred to the fact that there were things in me that were undisturbed before my lover. What I learned was there were things my relationship lacked that I was unaware of. I thought my husband and I had exceptional communication, but that was not correct in many ways. The topic and feelings of the moment matter.

 

To your point, I am deeply in love with my lover and love my husband. The distinction is clear which may be what you’re reading. I have an intimate, romantic and physical connection with my lover that I do not possess with my husband. I believe my husband to be aro/ace. I care deeply for and about him as a man, a partner and a father to our kids. There is no intimacy whatsoever. That is likely what contributes to the difference you’re referencing.
 

Do I show my love for my husband? Hmmm, I have failed in this a lot over the last two years or so. After he sought counseling, we had a rough patch the lasted about 18 months. That created a gulf that we are admittedly still trying to bridge. We are working on it and are mainly doing well. We are both trying.

 

I am cognizant of his needs and am actively working to correct the distance and fix the communication issues. It takes two. It’s tough to show the tenderness he needs without letting him cross my emotional boundaries sometimes (he inappropriately plays the victim or martyr), but I consciously try to deliver appreciation and gratitude daily. He does so much for us. 
 

I do not want to hurt my husband. Our communication suffers, but he is trying harder than ever, so I work on acknowledging that and meeting him in the middle. He has most of my time these days as we are mainly home. While we have each other’s presence, I’m purposefully adding more time for meaningful communication. 
 

Frankly, finding balance isn’t an issue. I talk to my lover on speaker phone most of the time. There is a flow to our openess that wasn’t there in the beginning. Knowing about and accepting each other is the key.  
 

The issue is in finding the right amount of care in each relationship. It comes down to meeting each other’s needs, being conscious of caring about potential reactions and keeping lines of communication open. Conscious response and decision making incorporating all feelings is what makes this work.

[Traveler40]

Yeah, sorry about that ramble. I addressed your post with thoughts off of the top of my head, but failed to address this:

 

Not all openings are the same. There’s no exact science or recipe. It’s tough, and it likely won’t go as planned, so stay flexible. 
 

Mine was done with a mindset of incorporating love. Others may just need to visit a prostitute or anything in between. Figure out what’s most important and back into how that might look for your family, then craft accordingly and with consent. All parties must be clear and on the same page. Both relationships will ebb and flow, but hopefully it’s mainly worth it, or why bother? I don’t have any special way to keep all plates spinning and definitely screw it up many times.

If you have any pointers you think may help us, I’m all ears! Love and in love..There’s a big difference there, but neither is less important. They both matter, and you can’t draw conclusions as it’s only part of the story. 

 

Just keep in mind that nothing ever goes as planned and you might fail. Life is a risk.  Just use lots of heart, communicate like you never have before and be mindful. Opening isn’t easy, but it was the better option for us. No regrets.

[Traveler40]

Mini updates:  

 

1. We have pulled the trigger and are amending our Trust naming my lover as guardian to the kids in the unlikely event they should need one.  
 

2. Our family of five is finding time to golf together. It is the stuff of dreams in my mind. The flow becomes better and easier the more time we spend together, and the men genuinely respect each other. Mutual respect is one of the keys to full acceptance I believe. 

 

3. My lover has begun talking about our future structure. He initiates discussion on it which he’s never done (with anyone) before. I fall deeper in love with this man by the day. We are discussing scenarios and how to incorporate all (on both sides) along with realistic timelines. I’ve already addressed much of this together with my husband.

 

4. My husband, the kids, our puppy and general household are all in a good place.

 

5. Life isn’t perfect and health issues exist. We test, we wait, we live, we love and we work on not taking anything or anyone for granted.

 

Final Thought: I played a round of golf with my lover today then had dinner after. We randomly discussed the process and the luck involved in finding each other. Sure, there’s a bit of fortune, but so many things came into play to bring us to where we are. 
 

Many of the choices made along the way were hard and seemingly impossible options. It all took an extraordinary amount of courage, patience and understanding. It hasn’t been simple, straightforward, carefree or without tears.
 

There are no guarantees and outcomes can be bad. However, when it’s good, it’s the stuff of literature. (His words, not mine.) ♥️

[Traveler40]

I’m tired, and not a little bit drained, but rather an exhaustion is setting in. Running a family, a business, two relationships and having a passion for time consuming hobbies is a bit much at the moment. It’s gotten so difficult to juggle that I haven’t even had time to pop on AVEN; That’s bad, as I can usually find time at the fringes.

 

This too shall pass, but all I want to do is crawl into my lover’s bed and sleep. This past weekend was back-to-back dives (epic conditions), a round of golf and a dinner party. It’s way too much, and I need to find better balance. Learning to say, “Time out!” is an art form when so much depends on functioning at full throttle. 

 

Other than that, our wedding anniversary passed recently. It wasn’t my husband remembering for the first time that got me thinking, but our children asking to watch the video. Wow, was that sobering! Half of the folks in it had passed away or moved on, and nothing turned out as was hoped. It wasn’t only nostalgic, but also ended up a small testament to the transitory nature of life. My takeaway was this: Learning to morph as things change is critical for a journey well travelled.

The more perplexing thought was how to guide the kids in love when the time comes. Finding a true match means removing the rose colored glasses which includes knowing yourself, getting critical and perhaps making tough decisions.  Maybe we can’t guide them, and they will simply have to blaze their own trail. Who knows, I hope to have some influence across time.

 

I asked my lover his thoughts and here is what he said:

 

“At that time, it was the right thing to do. As the years progress, some people change, some regress. People learn, evolve and adapt. The one important thing to note is you can’t change the past. So look back with fond memories and with as little regret as possible. 

 

Our relationship is entirely different. Here’s why:

 

- We have a mental connection that will last beyond all other aspects. 

- What’s special is we have the 4 pillars that make up a solid foundation: Trust, communication, attraction and respect. 

- Even beyond that, we have 2 additional elements that further bolster the bond: Intelligence and humor. 

- Lastly, and perhaps just as important, is we are both kind people.

 

Kindness goes a long way in any relationship especially humanity. So there you have it. “

 

So, while not always easy or intentional, lemonade from lemons is possible. You simply have to be both willing to change and find the courage to do so. 

[Guest]

I just finished reading your 10 page thread. Thank you for taking the time over the years to share your journey. Usually someone will post about changes they’ve made in their life, talk about how wonderful they feel, but never provide any updates on how things turned out. We all feel great at the time we make a decision, but it’s the months and years following that matter when we’re dealing with the consequences of that decision. 
 

Your relationship with your husband sounds similar to the one with my wife (married 16 years). While I’ve broached conversations about alternatives several times in the past, I’ve merely taken us to the crossroads, without actually walking down a new road (which of course means we’ve just continued to walk the path she’s chosen for us). 
 

I’ll likely create a thread at some point, but for now I just wanted to reply here to say thank you.

[Traveler40]

Welcome @HiddenKS and thank you for that. It’s not always comfortable or easy, but I think important to update this journey.

 

Finding AVEN changed my life in ways I will forever be grateful. Also, knowing you’re not alone can help. The single most important lesson I’ve learned is that your mind is your largest hurdle. Patience, perseverance and an unwavering dedication to improve things can lead to unimaginable changes. (That could go either way,)

 

I came across this the other day and felt so strongly about it, added it to my profile:

 

“We must be willing to get rid of
the life we’ve planned, so as to have
the life that is waiting for us.

The old skin has to be shed
before the new one can come.

If we fix on the old, we get stuck.
When we hang onto any form,
we are in danger of putrefaction.

Hell is life drying up.”

- J. Campbell

 

Been there, and I’m not going back.

 

It’s not easy opening. This past week has seen roller coaster moments with my lover. We argue vehemently about politics, and it’s almost broken us a few times. Ironically we agree on many points, but the few sticking issues can create a divide at times. Try as we may not to discuss it, sometimes we fail. At those times, it affects every facet of my life. Fallout happens and ALL parties are affected by little things. 
 

Our son recently complained that I was on the phone with my lover too much. I had to self check and change. There’s always something to work on.

 

The most recent risk I’ve taken and told no one about is that I’ve enlightened a family friend. In fact, I sent them a link to this thread. Who knows if it was a mistake or not, but I don’t feel bad about it. I’m still processing WHY I did it. There’s no upside, but somehow, I want to be able to discuss my life in honesty with certain people. There is this beautiful thing we have created, but it’s generally unacceptable....

 

I suppose I feel rebellious and defiant, but it is the nature of the beast. Holidays are tough, and I always feel split down the middle. One day, I’d love to have everyone together, openly.

Anyhow, enough thoughts from a stressed mind. Thanks again & welcome to AVEN!

[ryn2]

1 hour ago, Traveler40 said:

There’s no upside, but somehow, I want to be able to discuss my life in honesty with certain people.

I’d call the ability to satisfy the bold upside.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

Welcome @HiddenKS and thank you for that. It’s not always comfortable or easy, but I think important to update this journey.

 

“We must be willing to get rid of
the life we’ve planned, so as to have
the life that is waiting for us.
 

That about sums up what I’m considering right now. 
 

I did go ahead and make a post of my ‘story.’ The post is too long, yet of course leaves out a probably a million details. 

 

 

thanks again! 

[Traveler40]

General Update:  

 

Both relationships are good, and the connection with my lover continues to grow deeper. We usually find ourselves on the same thought, and when we don’t, we quickly realign. No one has ever understood me better, and it’s a relationship I couldn’t live without.
 

With that said, each relationship has hit different and interesting hurdles. I’ll get the awkward one (and perhaps TMI) out of the way:

 

Spoiler

I am SHOCKINGLY and suddenly beginning menopause.  While this is altogether normal, I wasn’t prepared for the side effects. I am not thrilled and somewhat depressed at having my prime taken so suddenly. No one talks about this stuff, but overnight everything changed. We are working on solutions, but I feel it’s a cruel joke. 
 

Foutain to drought is a thing. Who knew? Tearing is a thing, WHO KNEW? And sore breasts hurt like hell. I’m hoping it’s temporary, but that remains to be seen. Lube doesn’t quite work or feel the same, HRT scares me as a cancer survivor, and I am too young for this! Acceptance hasn’t come......😭

So, that happened....

 

As for all other aspects of the relationship, they continue to deepen and broaden. It doesn’t stop which makes it spectacular despite our current bedroom issues. Stop and think about that...I sought a lover and found so much more. Sex is not the glue that binds.
 

So, on occasion, it has me wondering how much could have been solved with my husband through sexless touch? Is the aromantic part harder than the sexual mismatch? My takeaway is absolutely yes.  I can attest to the fact that sensual snuggles go a very long way....

 

As for my husband, he continues to be awesome. He’s trying harder than ever to keep our bond.  He’s seeking to regrow our deeper connection which suffered these past years. I see his effort and am trying to meet him in the middle.
 

The thing is, I’m the one failing these days. I’m irritable at times and less accepting of shenanigans. It isn’t menopause, but more my attitude. When my husband slips into playing a victim, I shut down and disengage. My lover better not talk politics or guillotine baby! Haha It’s not fair, and I need to correct it. It’s tough though, as I lack respect for not owning your own crap. 🙄

 

My husband is trying hard, and I acknowledge that. Sometimes I feel guilty about all of this. It’s as if I can’t provide all that he needs. The relationships are different in every way imaginable which is not an easy thing to balance. I don’t know where this ends up, but we are managing it so far. We continue to be a work in progress.

 

Finally, the kids are well. Their school has had its ups and downs, and we’ve decided to juke. It’s part of life and kids seem to take it in stride. COVID has been good for us. I will forever be grateful for the front row seat this past year provided. We didn’t miss a moment....💕

[Traveler40]

Oh, I forgot another update: I told one of my closest female friends here in town about us, and she’s read this thread. I outted us and can now speak honestly with her! It’s an amazing feeling. 

 

My lover wasn’t thrilled (only downside and not worth the risk), my husband doesn’t want to know, and I couldn’t be happier. I can’t risk more, but after four years, we aren’t totally invisible anymore. 
 

If only “live and let live” could be a thing one day...

[ryn2]

Glad you were able to come out to someone and get support!

 

And, yeah, re: your whole TMI experience...  that’s definitely part of what drove an insurmountable wedge between me and my ex.  

[anisotrophic]

I’ve been thinking I should ask my obgyn about estrogen gel.. I’m a little nervous about what’s going to happen in coming years (as I’m in my early 40s), but even now due to T there’s some atrophy symptoms. Estrogen gel alone seems to be a lot less risky, but I fully appreciate the worries — plus, I also get just wanting to let a body age the way it will, acceptance. 😕

(says the person frustrated by their newfound allergy to minoxidil...)

 

It’s great you’re able to be open to someone about it! I can only imagine how hard it is to have such a secret with it; if I did date someone new, I’d want to be pretty open about it, mainly not want my parents to know because I’m sure they’ll not understand (they already think transition is “selfish”).

[ryn2]

I’m not a candidate for HRT in any form so the choice was easy  but the results are... frustrating.

 

And I’m now a lot older than some of you, so I’m on year 10-11 of related symptoms with an estimated 4 or so to go.  

[Traveler40]

13 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

Estrogen gel alone seems to be a lot less risky, but I fully appreciate the worries —

I am thinking about this. Beyond the lack of liquidity, I want to arrest any atrophy in its tracks. Given the hysterectomy due to cancer, I worry about consequences. You get it, yep.
 

This literally happened overnight. The rapidity was shocking. Why don’t women discuss this stuff more? For some reason I thought this would be a process. It’s terrible. 😬

 

I’m so glad my lover is older than me as he rolls with all which helps. He’s both easygoing and supportive. While he jokes his way through the harder moments, I worry about my body’s ability to accept. We shall see.

[Traveler40]

10 hours ago, ryn2 said:

I’m not a candidate for HRT in any form so the choice was easy  but the results are... frustrating.

 

And I’m now a lot older than some of you, so I’m on year 10-11 of related symptoms with an estimated 4 or so to go.  

TEN-ELEVEN YEARS with +/- 4 to go?!? 😳

 

So yeah, estrogen gel gets another tally in the “pro” box. 🙄

[ryn2]

24 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

TEN-ELEVEN YEARS with +/- 4 to go?!?

Yeah, my gyn says (and I’ve read it elsewhere, sadly) that the longer before menopause people have symptoms, the longer they typically have them afterwards.  I’m coming up on four years post and she figures I’ll go 8-10 post total.

 

28 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

Why don’t women discuss this stuff more?

I wonder this as well.  I thought it was just my mom, who would sooner have died than talk bodily/sex anything, but as I do talk to more people the lack of discussion seems pretty widespread.  I mean, I guess I should have known people wouldn’t be resorting to medication options with lots of risks if it wasn’t pretty miserable... but...

[Guest]

Huh. I haven't heard all of this about menopause. My family all opted no hormones, they don't seem to have much of an issue. My mom said menopause itself isn't as bad as hormones so she would rather not. And my aunt is still really horny without them, so she never bothered. Lol My cousin got *more sexual* and ended up having an affair cause her husband wasn't adventurous enough for her new tastes. 

 

Guess it is kinda like hormones. Everyone has a unique experience with it? 

[ryn2]

1 hour ago, Serran said:

Guess it is kinda like hormones.

Exactly like hormones, since that’s the 100% cause.

 

But, yes, people experience a wide range, duration, and severity of symptoms.

[anisotrophic]

8 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

 

This literally happened overnight. The rapidity was shocking. Why don’t women discuss this stuff more? For some reason I thought this would be a process. It’s terrible. 😬

It reminds me of how my mother didn’t tell me...

 

Spoiler

that she’d has uterine prolapse ever after my birth, and only told me once she was looking into hysterectomy decades later (which she did). And *after* I’d had kids.

 

I had rectal prolapse after my births, which was thankfully transient. It was really disturbing and upsetting to contemplate it never going away. Maybe it will come back as I age and change.

 

The urinary incontinence too, so typical, I’m not sure if it got better or I just learned to live with it; I think crossing my legs when I sneeze has become a reflex I don’t even notice now. I’ll take a pass on the trampolines.

The consequences of vaginal delivery is another area where women don’t talk much about it. In retrospect I think there’s something to be said for elective c section; I think my mother hinted as much, but I didn’t get the full story until after I’d already had kids myself, smh.

[Traveler40]

2 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

In retrospect I think there’s something to be said for elective c section;

Uh, agreed! I went C section and have never regretted it one bit! Prolapse anything is not pretty. I think I’ll share information in abundance with our kids as they age....🙄😂

 

As for you, I’m glad you just kind of side step your Mom much of the time. Her hang ups aren’t yours thankfully. 

[Guest]

8 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

It reminds me of how my mother didn’t tell me...

 

  Hide contents

that she’d has uterine prolapse ever after my birth, and only told me once she was looking into hysterectomy decades later (which she did). And *after* I’d had kids.

 

I had rectal prolapse after my births, which was thankfully transient. It was really disturbing and upsetting to contemplate it never going away. Maybe it will come back as I age and change.

 

The urinary incontinence too, so typical, I’m not sure if it got better or I just learned to live with it; I think crossing my legs when I sneeze has become a reflex I don’t even notice now. I’ll take a pass on the trampolines.

The consequences of vaginal delivery is another area where women don’t talk much about it. In retrospect I think there’s something to be said for elective c section; I think my mother hinted as much, but I didn’t get the full story until after I’d already had kids myself, smh.

My mom always tells me "you ruined my body" cause she got most of the issues after me, not my brother.

 

 

[ryn2]

6 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

I think I’ll share information in abundance with our kids as they age...

Yes!  At least that way they can make informed choices and have reasonable expectations of their partners.

No trampolines or sneezing with wild abandon here either anymore - not since early/mid-40’s - and I didn’t even have kids.

[tessarion]

Menopause discussion aside, I'm just glad your unorthodox arrangement has worked, @Traveler40.  As someone who's in a polyamorous marriage with an ace woman, that's kind of my dream situation (although my wife is way more comfortable with the idea), and it's nice to know that other people out there have achieved.

[Traveler40]

Thanks @tessarion, we are making it work.

 

On a whim, I emailed my first love last week. We were on and off for years, and I always fancied we’d end up together. What I found was that I had so much and nothing at all to say. It was awkward as hell as we connected given the empty small talk. It’s funny how life moves on and we change with circumstance and perspective. He would totally judge this, and that knowledge has done a number on me this week. 
 

Then, my lover and I brought it home today. THAT is what’s real. Nothing else matters beyond our unit of 5. I’d love to include his folks in our circle, but can’t.

 

On a separate note: The family went to the movies for the first time in forever and saw Raya this past weekend. It made me realize that I need to work on seeing my husband more. He needs to know how much he matters. Understanding one’s value in this dynamic sometimes falls through the cracks. I care that he knows he is seen. 
 

Edit: I keep adding thoughts given this darned thing published as I was typing. So yes, it’s morphing before your eyes! 🤣

 

Movies: 1. We are vaccinated 2. We rented the whole damn theater for ourselves. It’s become a thing to do apparently.
 

I give up - I keep having technical difficulties for some odd reason. 🙄

[Guest]

On 3/11/2021 at 5:56 AM, Traveler40 said:

I went C section and have never regretted it one bit!

My first C was a walk in the park, I got to lie down in the fetal position when labour had only just began, they put the needle in, baby was out 10 minutes later. The second was an emergency one performed after like 26 hours of labour, and the baby was lodged in my cervix or somewhere. They had a trainee performing the epidural and made me sit BOLT UPRIGHT and completely still (even though I had a baby lodged down in me and was in literal constant full contractions) and he KEPT MISSING THE SPOT, so you know that thing that grates inside your spine?? THEY DID IT LIKE SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 8 AND 10 TIMES, slowly, over and over, and the pain was worse than what was happening inside me. While I screamed, and while my midwife screamed over and over "she's moving!!!!!" ....for fucks sake, I still don't know how me or the baby survived it. Jesus Christ, cesareans are amazing and save lives, but damn when you have one like that it leaves such a horrible permenant scar inside you. I have nightmares about finding myself forcefully impregnated (I experience the act happening to me in my dreams) and it's not the forced part that terrifies me, but the thought of having to have another C. I'll be consumed by terror of that happening again for the entire dream until I wake up U_U

 

Sorry this rant was off topic, but yeah the bad side of C-sections is terrifying due to you being fully awake the whole time to experience what's happening to you Y_Y But when they're good they're pretty amazing other than the frikking bone grating needle which is like hell on earth. Sigh.

[Traveler40]

It’s 4:45am. While we went to bed only 3.5 hours ago, I have been awake for an hour. The Easter bunny came and Mom is too excited to sleep.

 

Lying here, I keep thinking about how wonderful Friday was. Our family of five went to play golf. Afterwards, as the kids sat on a bench eating lunch, the three of us parents stood around them chatting the afternoon away. We were in a triangular pattern around the children with my husband in front on the left, me on the right and my lover behind the bench. That formation was so poignant, I can’t get the image out of my head. 
 

That image fully encompasses our duty and desire in loving and protecting them together as a unit. God I love that visual and the truth of it.

 

Earlier in the week, my husband and I had a difficult conversation as he was going through angst over our being open. It happens on occasion, and he was less than thrilled. Our talk lasted about an hour, and I asked him what he wanted to do about it given we keep arriving at the same conclusion: There’s nothing to be done. Neither of us wants a divorce, I’m sexual and he isn’t. This solution was born from a base incompatibility and remains our best option. It’s not without its moments of question, hard truth or angst.  He understands all of that, but wishes it wasn’t so occasionally. 
 

It pains me to see him hurt over this. I can see he wishes we could be that which we are not. While I have come to full understanding and acceptance of our mismatched orientations, he struggles in the knowledge. If only wishing away sexuality were that simple.

 

Given the tough talk, Friday was especially poignant. We are all in this together at the end of the day. 

[anisotrophic]

I wake up early every day, but when I first partially read this update, I thought “oh no I need to go hide eggs and make the baskets!” 😂 finished in the nick of time, I’m such a procrastinator. (Now I’m trying not to stress about “missing eggs” after the oldest decided to re-hide eggs for the youngest... 😛 )

 

I’m reminded of the term “kitchen table polyamory” I came across as I’ve dipped my toes into the dating situation. It seems ideal to me!

 

It must be tough navigating ENM in a context where there’s a lot of social & cultural pressure against it. Once one is already queer that’s not such an issue. But I think it’s not uncommon for someone asexual to not think of themselves as “queer”.
 

The combo of individual & joint therapy for us has helped, but it took time & was pretty slow progress to get through stuff, with all the avoidance. Our practice specializes in LGBTQIA/kink/poly but I guess we have multiple reasons that’s been helpful to have — maybe especially when the thing we had conflict over *wasn’t* the transition, or sex, or ENM stuff. 🙃

[Traveler40]

8 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

But I think it’s not uncommon for someone asexual to not think of themselves as “queer”.

Absolutely true for us.  Awhile ago, I found an LGBTQIA therapist in our area, but haven’t contacted them yet. TBH, I think this might help navigate some harder points, but hesitate as we’ve experienced unsuccessful therapy before. Mainly, I believe it’s paying someone to facilitate communication we generally get to on our own. We do need that now more than we did in the past, but IDK. it’s still on the “to do”. 
 

You inspire me in various ways@anisotrophicso I’m both listening to your input and will keep you posted.
 

I can’t even imagine an area not against ENM. What does that look like? In these parts, it seems we may be a bit ahead of our time by circumstantial default. 
 

Easter has been a good day. I snored through 90 blissful minutes of Netflix cartoons. 🙌🏻