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I get lonely


mackat5

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Calla_Lily

i think it would be so wonderful to meet an asexual man in person! like many others, i was unaware that other people like me even existed until i saw this site. how amazing it would be, to meet a man and be able to relax with him and get to know him as a human being and not have to put up with the sexual advances, closing myself off in defense of unwanted comments, and sexual come ons. it seems like society at large is only interested in what lies between a person's waist and thighs. a person's mind and heart are what interest me!!

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  • 2 weeks later...
interribleplain

I have been thinking there are far more women wanting an A man than men hunting for an A woman. My figures are about 80% women, 20% men, haha. Yep I totally made that figure up, but that is how I feel it is out there!

I have also been so lonely lately. I don't think I realized it until about a week ago; I saw a really cute guy and he smiled at me so sweetly. It made my day. I thought about it and realized it has been years since I even felt like anyone was attracted to me. I've just been "mom"... no makeup, hair not done, etc. Then when the guy smiled at me (I was 'done up' that night for going out) I just felt alive inside, and I realized I really need to be next to someone (no sex of course). It has been years since I had anything like that... I miss it. Sigh.

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interribleplain

Wow... I couldn't disagree more. I think you are trying to state all of this as fact, when it is really more opinion than anything. And that's okay, certainly have your opinions. But maybe don't be so quick to think that everyone feels like you do about it.

Also, when I was jokingly saying 80/20 % (first of all that was a joke) I was saying asexual to asexual relationships. What I meant was, it seems like more women are asexual looking specifically for asexual men, than asexual men looking for asexual women. I didn't mean asexual women just looking for a man of any sexual orientation. I didn't mean asexual men looking for women of any sexual orientation.

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interribleplain

One more thing... relationships aren't defined by sex. The definition of 'relationship' is 'a close connection'. Not 'a sexual connection'.

You say that you cannot have a relationship without sex. You say you can only have a friendship if there is no sex.

People can certainly have relationships, even intimate ones, even if there is no sex.

You can have a friendship with OR without sex, so you can likewise have a relationship with OR without it.

When I get into a relationship with an asexual man (and I am asexual as well) there will be no sex. But does that mean we can't have a life together, a family, a marriage, etc. because we "don't have sex so we are only friends"? Not at all.

And my thoughts here....

When it is understood that you two are exclusive (faithful) (marriage or not) and you share an intimate bond, you can certainly call that a relationship. You aren't restricted to 'we're just friends'.

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Calla_Lily

i also disagree. just because you don't have a sexual relationship does not mean all relationships can only be labeled "friendship". i have many friends, but i do not wish to live in the same house, share bank accounts with them. there are as many kinds of relationships out there as there are people to create them!

also you say that no friendship can bring the same satisfaction a sexual one can. i get NO satisfaction from sexual relationships! i do get a lot of satisfaction from close, trusting, loving relationships based on shared interests, friendship, commitment.

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  • 3 months later...

Hey Mack, I get lonely too, I tend to be an isolater, I love to isolate but when I get a real case of the lonelys there is no one to call as I have not spent as much time trying to make new friends as I have isolating. A real dilemma ***

Cheer up.....this is your first step towards doing something about it,

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  • 1 month later...

It's easy to tell a person to cheer up, but if they are a depressive like I am, it can be difficult. I doesn't take much to get me down. Just a cloudy day can do that. Most of the time, it's under control WITHOUT medication, but there are days....... Chocolate is my drug of choice, btw.

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Oh my, me too (chocolate). Or maybe just sugar in general. It's supposed to be the gateway drug but I never got past it. I crave it and eat it daily. Lots of times I don't even like it as I'm eating it (one sign of a serious addiction). :wink: And whatever high it gives only lasts so long. Sigh.

I, too, am very predisposed to melancholy, loneliness, depression. When I'm super busy I'm okay, but that seems kind of crummy to me too -- almost like I have to keep on the run to stay ahead of all the sadness.

Hope you're having a better day.

--T

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  • 2 weeks later...

I seem to have (temporarily?) snapped out of my recent all time low. I think what I'm seeing lately is that I discovered this site and plunged deeply into depression as I realized that my whole life has been a lie.

In the 2 past weeks I've felt pretty good. I am having moments of 'flashbacks' to old interests that in recent years were vague, long ago squashed things.

Although I do intend to continue my search for the other shoe I've put it farther back on the stove. I feel like this may be allowing the space needed to possibly return to some old interests. I have been able lately to focus on the future of my work in a way I have not been able to 'see' for quite some time.

My sister was going to come and live with me soon. She finally got around to telling me that it wouldn't be until after x-mas. It the interrim I've gone from 'Hurry UP! I'm Lonely!' -to: 'hmmm this (new insight) may open up possibilities that did not exist before'. I have now decided that she should wait until spring.

I hope I can re-learn to focus and forgive myself for spending time persuing arts that previously were overshadowed in the persuit of a relationship.

I have decided to use a shotgun approach this time in searching for this relationship. This time since no pic will be attached and the odds suck so bad, I won't be spending much time or energy on it.

Here's to time spent Outside The Hole!

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I agree, I have never actually met an asexual man and doubted their existence until Ifound AVEN. However, I still think there are very few and fewer yet who want a relationship. In a bit of irony I was thinking that even though I am asexual I am heterosexual also. Listen men, there still are alot of truthful, trustworthy women out there, self inlcuded.

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FelineFanatic

Wow! What a good topic Mack started. I get lonely, too. All my friens live miles away. My car is about dead and many times I have trouble walking so I am in the house most of the time. The only ones that keep me sane are my cats. Then it seems that the longer I stay in the house, the harder it gets to leave. Right now i am not going out because it has become too cold. I do not have a jacket or any shoes. Bare arms and feet just do not cut it now.

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FelineFanatic- love both avatar & sig, and agree with your comment apropos topic.

Peoples, *everybody* gets lonely. The older you get, the lonelier you get (family and friends die.) From mid-childhood, I realised I was a bit - different - and I decided - OK, that's me, I'll be me.

It cost. It cost a lot. But, if I could go back to 10-yrold me (nearly half a century ago!) I'd hug her, and say "Good choice fulla! Stay true!" Which wouldnt've been/wasnt difficult - I just stayed me!

Which isnt to say I havent grown or experienced.

O, and I am a natural dysthymic ( so factor that in.)

Cheers all -

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am really enjoying the conversation going on here. I too thought that all men were interested in was sex, something that I couldn't give.

In a way I am blessed though because when I was in my 30's I did adopt a child and it was the best thing I ever did. I still get lonesome though and really can relate. My daughter has her own life now and although she and I are close she is involved with her own life not mine.

It does get lonely but all the wonderful suggestions here are good ideas. I wonder though if I am the product of the Ozzie and Harriet generation though as I still don't feel complete. I keep looking for my other half and have never found him. Is that a myth?

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I think that our "other half" might be a myth. Even those who ge married or have partners need to learn to be complete in themselves. Maybe that's hat ios wrong with most marriages, they look for someone to "complete" them.

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SorryNotSorry

You're complaining because you're lonely??? I did once, and half of people tried to rob me, while the other half derided me as a "faggot" (I happen to be straight) who can't get a woman. These people have obviously never tried to meet someone in Los Angeles.

Personally... well, no, I think if I feel like flaming the rest of the human race, I'll post in the Hotbox.

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