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How do I Know if I'm Non Binary


Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs

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Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs

So. I can't tell if I'm non binary or not. I'm biologically female, and never have had a problem with being called a girl or people referring to me with she/her pronouns. But I can't wear dresses or particularly feminine clothing because it makes me feel disgusting, even though i can see how it's aesthetically pleasing. I enjoy wearing more androgynous clothes, and have my hair cut short. People, especially kids, will misgender me occasionally and I actually really like it when it happens. I would hate myself if I had to present myself as feminine, or if people saw me as very feminine, but I don't feel like I want to be especially masculine. Anyway, I'm having trouble with recognizing whether this is from being non binary or if I'm just not a really feminine girl.

I don't know. Its not anything that's really freaking me out or giving me anxiety, after figuring out I'm acearo I've realized that there's no use freaking out over something about myself that I can't change and I don't mind actually being.

So, I'm just wondering where I stand. Either way I wouldn't be mad, I mostly just want to know. :D If anyone could help me out that'd be really great. 

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A Mod will probably move this to the Gender forum for you, so you can find more help and advice from non-binary people.

 

If you genuinely don't mind when others mistake you for, and call you male, along with female, then, yes, that sounds like you are non-binary. You don't have to "be masculine" in order to be non-binary; there are some AMAB who might feel a bit feminine, rather than masculine, who might still feel male and want to be called "male" or who consider themselves non-binary. So, the same is possible for AFAB.

 

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Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs
13 minutes ago, sg06 said:

A Mod will probably move this to the Gender forum for you, so you can find more help and advice from non-binary people.

 

If you genuinely don't mind when others mistake you for, and call you male, along with female, then, yes, that sounds like you are non-binary. You don't have to "be masculine" in order to be non-binary; there are some AMAB who might feel a bit feminine, rather than masculine, who might still feel male and want to be called "male" or who consider themselves non-binary. So, the same is possible for AFAB.

 

That was really helpful. :lol: I don't actually know a whole lot about this, I'm still learning, so thank you. 

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If you genuinely don't mind when others mistake you for, and call you male, along with female, then, yes, that sounds like you are non-binary. You don't have to "be masculine" in order to be non-binary; there are some AMAB who might feel a bit feminine, rather than masculine, who might still feel male and want to be called "male" or who consider themselves non-binary. So, the same is possible for AFAB.

Wouldn't "non-binary" point more toward actually feeling *uncomfortable* with getting addressed with male/female (the "binary" system that non-binary is presumably referring to) terminology at all, rather than just being okay with it?

 

Being okay with and not particularly caring what you're addressed with points more toward being agender, in my book.

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Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs
34 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

Wouldn't "non-binary" point more toward actually feeling *uncomfortable* with getting addressed with male/female (the "binary" system that non-binary is presumably referring to) terminology at all, rather than just being okay with it?

 

Being okay with and not particularly caring what you're addressed with points more toward being agender, in my book.

Okay so, I just looked up agender to make sure I had my definitions right and it said that agender is under the non binary umbrella as it is a gender identity outside of the binary. I've thought of agender before, but it's not as much like I have no gender and more like I'm right in the middle of masculine and feminine identities... I don't know. 

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Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs

I also would rather just identify as non binary if that's what I am rather than go into specifics, for some reason the simplicity of that makes me really comfortable. 

 

really flipping confused fright now... :huh:

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Agender doesn't really strictly mean "having no gender" in a similar way that asexual doesn't necessarily mean you don't have sex.  I prefer to think of it as meaning nothing really ties you strongly to any particular one to the point where you'd identify as that gender instead.

 

If you do associate with a gender identity but flip flop between them, genderfluid is probably a more apt term.  Using that also avoids going into specifics (unless it makes people inquire for more specifics, anyway...)

 

Maybe I'm just in the wrong here or I'm not fully understanding the term, but I feel like as long as your gender lies somewhere along the male-female guy-girl masculine-feminine line, that doesn't really count as non-binary because to me the term ought to mean you exist outside the binary and don't subscribe to such a binary (specifically what *non-binary* implies)

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Sleepy Skeleton

Non-binary is an umbrella of terms (and a term in its own right) and most of them are really only defined by the people who use them. If your experience seem "non-binary" to you, you can go ahead and use the word. Nothing is concrete about gender, you see.

 

Some other words you might want to look into are genderfluid, bigender, or neutrois. All of those labels can match what you said about you, that you're in the middle of masculine and feminine identities.

 

Or, it's perfectly okay to identify as just non-binary. That's actually what I did for a long time before I realized I could also be genderfluid. In fact, I usually just say I'm non-binary most of the time. You don't have to be specific.

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Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs

Okay, thank you so fricking much you guys, this has been really helpful. :D 

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Sleepy Skeleton
5 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

Maybe I'm just in the wrong here or I'm not fully understanding the term, but I feel like as long as your gender lies somewhere along the male-female guy-girl masculine-feminine line, that doesn't really count as non-binary because to me the term ought to mean you exist outside the binary and don't subscribe to such a binary (specifically what *non-binary* implies)

I disagree with this, personally. To me, non-binary means a person doesn't strictly adhere to the masculine-feminine binary. Meaning they don't identify as exclusively masculine or feminine, like most cis people do.

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What a lot of people get confused about is the differences between gender identity and gender expression. You can identify as female, but express yourself as masculine, and that makes zero difference to your gender.

Having said that, non-binary has become the umbrella term for not fitting the binary norms of gender, so by all means you can call yourself that. I suggest you look into the differences, and find a term that suits yourself.

Try looking up terms like gray gender, agender, and androgynous to get the general idea.

Someone who is androgynous may not identify as non-binary for example, and may just express themselves in that way. The way you dress does not define your gender.

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Moved from Asexual Musings and Rantings to Gender Discussion.

 

TheAP

Moderator

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Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs

Okay so I've done some reasearch based on what's been suggested to me and I think I've at least narrowed things down a bit. 

I identify a lot with bigender because of how it describes being in the middle of feminine and masculine identities, which I think fits me a lot. 

But I also really think that graygender fits me just because of how meh I am about figuring out my gender.

so can I be like... gray-bigender? 

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Sure, whatever you feel suits you best! It's about finding a label you feel comfortable with. You can always change it later if you find something better fitting. :D

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Like anitosical butterfly I'm in the middle between male and female and consider myself non-binary. I personally think there is too much microlabelling going on, which is or can be confusing, especially for people who only realise the binary. I agree that if you don't mind being called either male or female, there's a good chance you're not binary. 'Binary people' are usually deeply offended by this, either openly or inwardly.

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Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs
4 hours ago, Lichley said:

Sure, whatever you feel suits you best! It's about finding a label you feel comfortable with. You can always change it later if you find something better fitting. :D

Yay! Thank you all so much! 

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The_Reluctant_Dragon

There is a difference between gender identity and gender expression. I'm agender, I prefer They/Them pronouns, and I prefer using gender neutral bathrooms. But, I dress male. Why? It is just the clothes I'm comfortable wearing. Just because I was born male and dress male, doesn't mean I am male. Same thing for you. You can not like wearing dresses and skirts, but, do you feel like you are something beyond male and female? If so, go search up different identities and identify based on how you feel. Not how you dress.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Tiny-Grey-Dinosaurs

So turns out I'm agender :D Thank you all!

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  • 7 months later...

I don't have a preference on pronouns but I physically cringe when my mother calls me her "beautiful girl". Especially because I think she suspects something since I've pretty well rejected the idea of gender roles since I was a small child and she puts a lot of emphasis on me being a woman. I don't have body dysphoria apart from my hair (which I chopped of before I even realized that could be considered dysphoria) but I do prefer to present neutrally/ more masculine. Not to mention I've never really related well with other women and the ones that I did relate to in high school have largely turned out to be LGBT+. Would that be considered non-binary? 

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InfiniteNull

!cid_E44C8D13-92E3-4A9F-AF49-3E5DB3A3394

 

I think those are indicators of possible non-binary gender allicov... although, it's up to you if you if you want to adopt the label.

If you were to describe those attributes to me and asked me to guess if you consider yourself to be NB or not, I would have guessed that you do. 

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  • 9 months later...
Lyricalmoon

What if I'm a girl but I wear boy clothes (shirts and basketball shorts and jeans) and sometimes girl clothes and a accessories (dresses, shoes, and makeup) and people sometimes call me a boy cause of my short hair and the clothes I'm wearing and I don't really care about what they think but I still go by she/her what would that be put under? I'm so confused?!

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On Thursday, March 14, 2019 at 3:43 AM, Lyricalmoon said:

What if I'm a girl but I wear boy clothes (shirts and basketball shorts and jeans) and sometimes girl clothes and a accessories (dresses, shoes, and makeup) and people sometimes call me a boy cause of my short hair and the clothes I'm wearing and I don't really care about what they think but I still go by she/her what would that be put under? I'm so confused?!

Gender expression (clothing, accessories, hair styles, mannerisms) is different and separate from gender (Your internal sense of self as a man/boy, woman/girl, nonbinary person).

 

What you wear does not determine or define your gender.  Lots of people like to switch up their look whether it's masculine, feminine, or androgynous.

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  • 3 months later...
DestinyElder

I’m a stem lesbian, so I like to wear both men and women’s clothing. When it comes to my sexuality I’m not confused and I know what I like; but when it comes to my gender I’m really confused. I don’t mind being called a girl and I know I’m not transgender, but sometimes I think I feel more comfortable with the pronouns they/them. I’m very confused on how I identify can someone please help me!

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  • 2 months later...

I was born a female, have some female characteristics, but I’ve always felt a little separated from the rest of girls, yet never felt aligned with boys. Over the years, the divide only increased. I’m fine with wearing dresses, but I hate wearing necklaces, bracelets, and especially makeup. I have my hair kind of short and am planning to cut it shorter. When I first cut it short someone misgendered me, and I didn’t mind, although it was a young kid and I think I thought it was funny...? Idk it was a few years ago and I don’t have very good memory. I don’t feel comfortable with they/then pronouns, and I’m not sure if I’m nonbinary or not. Help!

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what really annoys me personally about gendered terminology is 'ladies and gentlemen' or 'gents'. It always makes me think about dirty toilets for some reason. I don't mind 'lady' in the sense of 'lord and lady' but that's it. It's weird 😄

 

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HereAnd(Maybe)Queer

I am biologically female but I have no idea what my gender identity is. I think I might be nonbinary.  I hate dresses, despise makeup, and have short hair. For some reason, whenever someone calls me "she" or "her" I get kind of tense and agitated. 

Does it make me trans to be uncomfortable with my breasts?

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On 9/13/2017 at 12:10 PM, The_Reluctant_Dragon said:

There is a difference between gender identity and gender expression. I'm agender, I prefer They/Them pronouns, and I prefer using gender neutral bathrooms. But, I dress male. Why? It is just the clothes I'm comfortable wearing. Just because I was born male and dress male, doesn't mean I am male. Same thing for you. You can not like wearing dresses and skirts, but, do you feel like you are something beyond male and female? If so, go search up different identities and identify based on how you feel. Not how you dress.

I like the term agender and non-binary....They make sense to me being asexual....I am male....Though I have always gotten along with females better. And have some female traits. And have tried on female clothes before too. And wearing girls clothes and dressing up did/does not feel strange or un-natural to me either. And was enjoyable or felt like being a female/a women was a part of myself like being male/men.  Wish it was acceptable for males to wear females clothes like women can wear male clothes like pants and shirts.  But guys it's not acceptable for them to wear dresses, skirts, blouses, or tops...Or be soft and sensitive.....Being asexual I see people as people not their sex or gender.

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