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DogObsessedLi

Thanks Puck for these. I've always been a little reluctant to post sex-related questions on Aven as when I've asked anything it always turns heated and generally unhelpful. I am potentially grey-ace, though to most people I just say ace because it saves a tonne of explanation, esp as I'm aromantic and nothing grey about that. In a nutshell, I've often found men in uniforms or smartwear sexually attractive, unless it's just very strong admiration, and I've rarely seen a celebrity as "hot" (I can think only of one). But it's all sort of "in theory only attraction", if that is such a thing and is generally extremely rare attraction at best (which would be greyace of course). And even then, I'm totally repulsed by a lot of things like oral, but then some alloro allosex people describe certain aspects of sex as "intimate" and "romantic", that then gets me totally confused. All I know is that it's extremely rare, and definitely no romantic attraction mixed in!

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  • 7 months later...
lost-the-key

Great post.  I already intuitively knew I wasn’t a greysexual after all and this post confirmed it in five minutes.  Thank you!  

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks so much! I've recently started questioning certain aspects of my sexuality, and have potentially landed on Gray-A as something that might work for me, so I really do appreciate having this space. (The rest of AVEN has also been an amazing resource! But it often feels like things apply to me...until they don't. As in: I can count the number of times I've felt attraction on one hand...but I'm fairly certain they were indeed instances of attraction, so ya know. It's nice to have this space!)

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  • 6 months later...
WobblyWallaby

.....

I've identified as Grey since coming to terms with being asexual....though I did it not so much for myself as for others. By that I mean I wasn't totally averse when it came to the idea of sex, it just wasn't something I was actively seeking out....but then last year I sought it out a little bit. Not the whole shabang but up until that point I had nothing under my belt, and I was the one to went for it, who wanted it.

I regretted it after.

It upset me for a long time. It still does technically. And I'm confused. I still think I'm grey/ace but I feel like I inched down the scale away from who I was. I'm not sure if I'm okay with that....and I only have myself to blame for this transition.

Talking with friends has not helped me. Talking to the guy I was with definitely hasn't. He thinks it was something he did to make me have such a negative reaction when he was wonderfully kind and careful to me ...I'm thankful to him because without him it may have been more traumatic...

I don't know what I want from this... I guess just to release it. What I really want is to go back and not open this can of worms.

So I am less ace than I thought. I should just accept that.

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  • 6 months later...
omg_its_rachel

can you be gray-sexual and heteroflexible, both? i'm leaning towards those definitions for myself, do they cancel each other out? do i have to choose 1?

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/28/2021 at 4:50 PM, omg_its_rachel said:

can you be gray-sexual and heteroflexible, both? i'm leaning towards those definitions for myself, do they cancel each other out? do i have to choose 1?

You can be both, they don't cancel each other out. Gray-sexual relates to the spectrum between allosexual and asexual (how frequently/strongly/consistently you feel sexual attraction), while heteroflexible would relate to the spectrum of who you are attracted to, from opposite sex to same sex.

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  • 2 years later...

I'm grey-a, and my gf is such a sexual being(*i.e.-high sex drive than I*), but she seems understanding of my grey-a needs but I just feel like she's pushy sometimes and we've had a conversation but I still don't think she understands how much it means to me that she gets it. Help?

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