Puck

Gray-Sexual Relationships

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Puck

We all know that relationships are tricky and everyone could use a little support a they navigate through them. If you have any relationship questions specific to gray-sexuals or have a discussion you wish to have, ask away!

 

Note that the relationships don't need to be dating; they can be about friendship, familial, or anything else!

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little_blonde_one

Questioning gray-sexual here, I'm in a long term monogamous relationship and I've noticed that I go through these periods of being completely non-sexual, almost sex-repulsed, not even enjoying intimate touch. Then a few days/weeks/months later I'm snuggly and very sexual. I really don't know if I can identify as gray-a or if I'm just off, you know? And if this is really who I am, how do I explain that to him? 

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roland.o

Hello and welcome, @little_blonde_one. Oh, that totally sounds like a lame pick-up line. Anyway, have some cake :cake: :-)

 

The term "fluid sexuality" is mentioned here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/?do=findComment&comment=1061345372

Do you think that might describe you? Oscillating between sexual and asexual phases?

Gray-sexual seems to fit, I'd say. But that label is very broad, so it doesn't really explain much.

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Deus Ex Infinity
26 minutes ago, roland.o said:

Hello and welcome, @little_blonde_one. Oh, that totally sounds like a lame pick-up line. Anyway, have some cake :cake: :-)

 

The term "fluid sexuality" is mentioned here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/?do=findComment&comment=1061345372

Do you think that might describe you? Oscillating between sexual and asexual phases?

Gray-sexual seems to fit, I'd say. But that label is very broad, so it doesn't really explain much.

I totally agree with Roland  :D

 

*offers some more German welcome cake in addition* :cake:

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LibraRose99
On 9/13/2017 at 7:22 PM, little_blonde_one said:

Questioning gray-sexual here, I'm in a long term monogamous relationship and I've noticed that I go through these periods of being completely non-sexual, almost sex-repulsed, not even enjoying intimate touch. Then a few days/weeks/months later I'm snuggly and very sexual. I really don't know if I can identify as gray-a or if I'm just off, you know? And if this is really who I am, how do I explain that to him? 

I think ur gray-sexual lol and the best part is, u don't even have to explain that to him. Ur identity is ur own business. But if u feel like u have to, I suggest just bringing it up casually. Like maybe during watching a movie? Always be honest on how u feel 🙂

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Emberse

I recently found this site and it has helped me so much with coming to terms with what I'm feeling. I am a grey-ace female and am so happy that I finally have a label to put with my feelings... My current issue is that I don't know how to tell my boyfriend about my sexuality without him getting, well idk, upset or something..? I love him and we have done sexual things but I always fake my enjoyment for his sake... I don't really feel anything, it's almost as if I am separated from it while its happening and zone out to ignore it? I don't enjoy sexual acts but always thought that it was normal to do them so I did. I have never had sex but my bf is strongly pushing me that direction and I have only told him that I don't want to until I'm married (religious reasons) and that I want to stick to my morals. I don't know how to tell him that his advances make me uncomfortable without upsetting him

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roland.o

I have a deja vu... you posted the same message on another thread. I read it there first, and answered there. Though maybe this would have been the better fit. Well, never mind... have another :cake: :-)

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LibraRose99
On 1/20/2018 at 4:26 PM, Emberse said:

I recently found this site and it has helped me so much with coming to terms with what I'm feeling. I am a grey-ace female and am so happy that I finally have a label to put with my feelings... My current issue is that I don't know how to tell my boyfriend about my sexuality without him getting, well idk, upset or something..? I love him and we have done sexual things but I always fake my enjoyment for his sake... I don't really feel anything, it's almost as if I am separated from it while its happening and zone out to ignore it? I don't enjoy sexual acts but always thought that it was normal to do them so I did. I have never had sex but my bf is strongly pushing me that direction and I have only told him that I don't want to until I'm married (religious reasons) and that I want to stick to my morals. I don't know how to tell him that his advances make me uncomfortable without upsetting him

Tell him to chill tf out lol if ur not interested or not in the mood, he should backoff

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LookingGlassAlice

I'm having trouble with figuring out where I fall I need the asexuality spectrum... I think I might be gray ace because I really am not sure if I have felt sexual attraction in the past (mostly when I was a teenager). I don't know for sure because back then I didn't know about asexuality so I wouldn't have know there was any different types of attraction. 

 

I recently had a date with a guy who I had gone out with a few times before,  a year or two ago. I don't know if I feel any romantic feelings for him or not though so I'm not sure what to do. I do like hanging out with him but I don't want to lead him on. I've been thinking of telling him I am asexual but I'm not sure how to phrase it since a lot of people don't know the definition. I am also not sure what to tell him because I am sex averse and I don't like kissing but he already asked if he could kiss me, and I said on the cheek and later he messaged me asking about it. I don't know if I should tell him I might be willing to compromise in the future. Intellectually I feel like I should but when I actually think about doing anything sexual with someone I get really anxious and I don't know if I could handle it. :/

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Puck
5 minutes ago, LookingGlassAlice said:

I'm having trouble with figuring out where I fall I need the asexuality spectrum... I think I might be gray ace because I really am not sure if I have felt sexual attraction in the past (mostly when I was a teenager). I don't know for sure because back then I didn't know about asexuality so I wouldn't have know there was any different types of attraction. 

 

I recently had a date with a guy who I had gone out with a few times before,  a year or two ago. I don't know if I feel any romantic feelings for him or not though so I'm not sure what to do. I do like hanging out with him but I don't want to lead him on. I've been thinking of telling him I am asexual but I'm not sure how to phrase it since a lot of people don't know the definition. I am also not sure what to tell him because I am sex averse and I don't like kissing but he already asked if he could kiss me, and I said on the cheek and later he messaged me asking about it. I don't know if I should tell him I might be willing to compromise in the future. Intellectually I feel like I should but when I actually think about doing anything sexual with someone I get really anxious and I don't know if I could handle it. :/

First off, it's absolutely fine if you are struggling to figure yourself out, that is totally normal. It takes a lot of soul searching to figure out one's orientation and it's awesome that you are working so hard to do so!

 

Secondly, it's is INCREDIBLY important to express to a partner or potential partner you feelings about sex in the long term. Even if you don't wish to say you are asexual or gray-sexual, if you aren't interested in sex and he is, you WILL have problems down the line at some point. It is only fair to your partner that you explain your feelings now. It is absolutely FINE if you don't wish to have sex, you never have to! And honestly, if you only intellectually feel like you "should," I don't think that a lifetime long relationship where it's expected would be one that would make you happy. Honestly, that is what you are facing when you date a sexual, a lifetime of sex roughly once a week. If you don't want that, you don't have to be in a relationship that expects it! But it's not ok to not communicate that to someone. For sexuals, it feels like a rejection and like they were lied to. For them, sex is an assumed part of the relationship, so they go into it expecting sex to happen at some point. So, if it's not going to happen, you just need to say that to your partner so that they can understand what they are getting into. There are MANY sexuals on this site who are with asexual partners and describe the emotional trauma they have gone through because of it. Many would have broken up with their partner years before but because of complications (kids, homes, many more things they have built together in their life...) they feel stuck in a marriage wherein they feel very unfulfilled.

 

If you don't think you can find a compromise, you don't think you will ever find a way to be comfortable with sex, that is really and truly fine (I am the same way, I could absolutely never be with a sexual because I just couldn't have sex at the amount most want). I've heard that the "average" amount is at very least once a week. It REALLY REALLY varies, so don't take that as set in stone, but it's a guideline. It means, if you can't have sex with this person once a week, then you NEED to tell them that. Say something like "Hey, I really like you. But I'm really not comfortable with sex and don't think that I could be in a relationship where it is expected. I still want to be with you, but I wanted to be open and honest with you, and I would really appreciate if you could be open and honest about how that makes you feel." If you think you could have sex with them once a week, just need more time to get to know them or something, then you need to say that to them too. Say something like "Hey, I really like you, but I am really slow to get comfortable enough with someone to be physical. I just have to feel really close to them, which could take a few [weeks/months/whatever length of time]. I still want to be with you, but I wanted to be open and honest with you, and I would really appreciate if you could be open and honest about how that makes you feel."

 

Of course, you don't have to use those sample scripts, they are just suggestions ;)

 

I know that's a tough pill to swallow. I know that your emotions might make you feel very endeared to this person and that it's hard to be open with them when you feel strong with them because you don't want to loose them. But if you find someone who you can be open and honest with in all degrees, and they are someone who loves you for who you are completely, then you will have found the best person for you and you will be happiest with them :)

 

Hope that helps and good luck!!! :cake:

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LookingGlassAlice
On 2/21/2018 at 6:15 PM, Puck said:

 

If you don't think you can find a compromise, you don't think you will ever find a way to be comfortable with sex, that is really and truly fine (I am the same way, I could absolutely never be with a sexual because I just couldn't have sex at the amount most want). I've heard that the "average" amount is at very least once a week. It REALLY REALLY varies, so don't take that as set in stone, but it's a guideline. It means, if you can't have sex with this person once a week, then you NEED to tell them that. Say something like "Hey, I really like you. But I'm really not comfortable with sex and don't think that I could be in a relationship where it is expected. I still want to be with you, but I wanted to be open and honest with you, and I would really appreciate if you could be open and honest about how that makes you feel." If you think you could have sex with them once a week, just need more time to get to know them or something, then you need to say that to them too. Say something like "Hey, I really like you, but I am really slow to get comfortable enough with someone to be physical. I just have to feel really close to them, which could take a few [weeks/months/whatever length of time]. I still want to be with you, but I wanted to be open and honest with you, and I would really appreciate if you could be open and honest about how that makes you feel."

 

Thank you! That helps a lot. I told him before I have bad anxiety about physical contact, but I should probably elaborate on it. 

I would like to tell him something in between the two things you suggested but I'm not sure... Something like, I am not comfortable with/interested in sex but if he is willing to take things slow I am willing to try. That still makes me worry though that I'd be leading him on because he might think that means I just need to go slowly but eventually I would be ok with it, when actually I don't know if I will eventually be ok with it ever. :/

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duddess_ebster
On 1/24/2018 at 1:59 AM, LibraRose99 said:

Tell him to chill tf out lol if ur not interested or not in the mood, he should backoff

@Emberse and if he doesn't back off or at least work to find the middle ground, he can back himself right out to the curb.

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duddess_ebster
On 2/23/2018 at 6:01 PM, LookingGlassAlice said:

I would like to tell him something in between the two things you suggested but I'm not sure... Something like, I am not comfortable with/interested in sex but if he is willing to take things slow I am willing to try. That still makes me worry though that I'd be leading him on because he might think that means I just need to go slowly but eventually I would be ok with it, when actually I don't know if I will eventually be ok with it ever. :/

Without being the fly on the wall of your personal life, I can't speak too much directly to the situation but here are my two cents....

 

If you are comfortable taking it slow and willing to try things out, I say let it. But continue to be honest with him about what you're experiencing. Start with a hand hold, then after x amount of time try a snuggle, etc. Lead yourself into it. You should never feel uncomfortable in a relationship so if/when you reach a point where you can't push to that next level then stop. And hopefully, he is willing to support you and work with you along the way. Additionally, this time can be used for you guys to get to know each other a bit more on a different level than what you are used to. And maybe, at a certain point(s), you will feel comfortable telling him more and more about what you're experiencing a little bit about asexuality.

 

But once again YOU are in control of YOU and YOU should never put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. So while you are looking out for his feelings, continue to look out for yours too. Hope this helps. :)

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duddess_ebster

Out of curiosity, how have y'all explained asexuality to your families? (If at all) I have recently started identifying as asexual but haven't found a good way to tell my family yet or introduce the concept to them. I know they won't "disown" me but I'm afraid they won't take me seriously; especially since I identify more with gray-sexual. This topic proves especially tricky since my sister has some special needs mentally and so I don't want to throw too much of a curve ball into her currently "steady" life. (Steady in quotes because it's all relative with her)

 

I know everyone's experience is different. I'm just looking for some advice/validation. :) Thanks. :)

 

(v v More details v v)

 

I recently visited home and per usual, my family continuously commented on my lack of a relationship. Well, having just recently started identifying as asexual I've been taking a step back on this front to try and figure out how it all plays into my life now. I was hoping to be able to tell them on this trip, even if it was just my mom, but I just never got the words together just right in my head to do so. I got kind of close with my mom, expressing kind of what I want out of a relationship, but fell just short of the goal line. And every time they brought the topic up, I felt a small weight pulling me down as if I was keeping something from them. We are all very close; my grandmother lives with my mom and sister and my aunt & her family (mom's sister) lives about 40 minutes away so we see each other frequently. We're such a tight-knit family that people often think that my mom and aunt are a lesbian couple (especially since my sister is adopted from South Korea).

 

Like I mentioned above, I think my greatest fear is them not taking me seriously. And since I do identify as gray-sexual, I fear they think that it's just something that I'm making up or using to just put a band-aid over something deeper. I think some of it just stems from them (as far as I'm aware) just not being educated about what asexuality is. In the past, my mom even asked me if I was a lesbian because that's how little I date/show attraction. So I know it is something I will need to tell them, I'm just not sure where to begin.

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Puck
On 2/23/2018 at 3:01 PM, LookingGlassAlice said:

 

Thank you! That helps a lot. I told him before I have bad anxiety about physical contact, but I should probably elaborate on it. 

I would like to tell him something in between the two things you suggested but I'm not sure... Something like, I am not comfortable with/interested in sex but if he is willing to take things slow I am willing to try. That still makes me worry though that I'd be leading him on because he might think that means I just need to go slowly but eventually I would be ok with it, when actually I don't know if I will eventually be ok with it ever. :/

That's great that you've figured out where you are at right now, just vocalize your hesitations to him. Be honest and you won't be leading him on. Perhaps a good sample script would be something like "I really like you, but I'm really hesitant about physical relationships. I don't really know what I'm comfortable with at this time, but I'm willing to try things as long as we take it slow. I'm not sure if I'll be comfortable with a very physical relationship, but I also know that relationships are a two way street so I'd like to know what you would like out of a relationship and try to find ways we can work together to make sure both of our needs are getting met in a way we're both comfortable with."

 

It's hard, but being vulnerable and open is key. Everyone really is different, so vocalizing your hesitations is key as that's the only way to get them to communicate with you what their needs are then you can see if you can meet them or not.

 

Hope that helps :)

 

7 hours ago, duddess_ebster said:

Out of curiosity, how have y'all explained asexuality to your families? (If at all) I have recently started identifying as asexual but haven't found a good way to tell my family yet or introduce the concept to them. I know they won't "disown" me but I'm afraid they won't take me seriously; especially since I identify more with gray-sexual. This topic proves especially tricky since my sister has some special needs mentally and so I don't want to throw too much of a curve ball into her currently "steady" life. (Steady in quotes because it's all relative with her)

 

I know everyone's experience is different. I'm just looking for some advice/validation. :) Thanks. :)

 

(v v More details v v)

 

I recently visited home and per usual, my family continuously commented on my lack of a relationship. Well, having just recently started identifying as asexual I've been taking a step back on this front to try and figure out how it all plays into my life now. I was hoping to be able to tell them on this trip, even if it was just my mom, but I just never got the words together just right in my head to do so. I got kind of close with my mom, expressing kind of what I want out of a relationship, but fell just short of the goal line. And every time they brought the topic up, I felt a small weight pulling me down as if I was keeping something from them. We are all very close; my grandmother lives with my mom and sister and my aunt & her family (mom's sister) lives about 40 minutes away so we see each other frequently. We're such a tight-knit family that people often think that my mom and aunt are a lesbian couple (especially since my sister is adopted from South Korea).

 

Like I mentioned above, I think my greatest fear is them not taking me seriously. And since I do identify as gray-sexual, I fear they think that it's just something that I'm making up or using to just put a band-aid over something deeper. I think some of it just stems from them (as far as I'm aware) just not being educated about what asexuality is. In the past, my mom even asked me if I was a lesbian because that's how little I date/show attraction. So I know it is something I will need to tell them, I'm just not sure where to begin.

Hmmm.

 

For me, I'm am an asexual and don't ever wish to be in a sexual relationship. When I came out to my parents, I simply said I never wanted to be in a sexual relationship and that was that. My sexual identity actually doesn't feel like a huge part of who I am, personally. Like, it's not a dominant part of my identity as a person. So I don't feel a burning need for everyone to know that I'm ace. I just wanted my parents to know because I was close to them. The rest of my family doesn't know, but we also aren't the kind of family that puts relationship pressure on each other. If someone hasn't dated in a while, we just don't talk about it, it's not a focus for us. So perhaps my situation isn't so helpful to compare to :P

 

I guess I would soul search a little bit to decide what you want out of this coming out. Do you want to explain why you don't have a relationship? Do you feel being open with them would be a good support to you? Honestly, if it's not the latter, it might not be worth coming out to them. Why be out to unsupportive people? If you just want to explain the lack of relationship, honestly, you don't have to. Also, lots of folks who are gray-sexual have constant relationships, so it's not really a reason to not have one. Maybe, instead, you can find another way to calm the relationship questions. If you are especially close with one of them, perhaps your mother, you could take her aside and say something like "Hey, every time I come home people ask me about relationships and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. It's not a focus in my life right now and it bothers me that everyone else is trying to make it one. I was wondering if you could support me and not ask about my relationships and also help me get others to not ask so much. If I get into a relationship, you all will be the very first to know. But constantly asking me about it is just making me feel uncomfortable."

 

I hope that helps, or at least gives some food for thought :)

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ARGonaut

Hi everyone -- I'm new to the forums, but a longtime follower of AVEN, etc. Nice to meet you all : )

 

@PuckI completely identify with what you said above regarding not finding your asexuality to be the most salient part of your identity. Personally, I've shared my asexuality with a small group of people, and usually only when they're very close friends or family members.

 

That said, despite my relative disassociation from my asexuality, I'm currently getting to know an allosexual who has made it very clear that they're interested in having a monogamous, romantic relationship with me. I suppose I'm curious to hear others' thoughts on whether it's more effective to disclose your asexuality at the outset of the relationship, or wait until you're certain that the relationship will work out / last beyond a few dates before sharing that part of yourself?

 

In my teens and early twenties, I got into the practice of holding off on "coming out" to allosexual partners and as a result, often felt as though I was engaging in romantic and sexual behaviors that I didn't fully enjoy, in the interest of appeasing my partner. Of course, years older and wiser, I've become pretty vocal and comfortable with saying NO when probed to do things I don't want / desire / enjoy. But, in this case, given the potential for a deep and longstanding connection and the fact that the ball, as they say, "in my court," -- does anyone have thoughts on what I can do to give it my best shot?

 

-argy

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roland.o
31 minutes ago, ARGonaut said:

whether it's more effective to disclose your asexuality at the outset of the relationship

Effective to what end? To not being hurt yourself? To not hurt the other person? To get the relationship going in the first place?

 

Given that the other person has already expressed interest, I'd say you should disclose your asexuality/demisexuality on or even before the first official date. Everything else might sooner or later be interpreted as dishonesty, as an attempt to lead them on, when things hit a rough spot. You don't have to make it a full-blown coming-out with explaining asexuality/demisexuality and your innermost feelings. But you should let the other person know point-blank that sex is off the table, and that it's not a personal choice of yours like celibacy, but that you're simply not experiencing that kind of attraction. It might kill an opportunity, but at least you'll be fully honest. And if the other person is still genuinely interested, you have a much better starting point for the rest of your time together.

 

Just my two cents :D:cake:

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Lemur_stew

Hello! Questioning (and beyond frustrated) gray-a here. I am a queer cis-woman in a long term monogamous relationship with a trans man. We were long distance for 3 years until he moved in with me one year ago.

 

I have struggled with periods of being sex-neutral and sex-repulsed in all my relationships.  During these times I worked up deep self-loathing, thinking I was less of a woman because I wasn’t in touch with my sexuality and couldn’t provide for my partner.  I really got myself to places of crazed mania.  Feeling broken. Not enough.

 

My current partner is my cosmic love, and I’m so excited to spend my life with him.  Because we were long distance for so long sex was never an issue as we’d only have opportunities for sex every couple months.  I thought that my issues with libido were over because I was with the right person and found my true love.

 

we have now lived together for one year, and my fluctuating libido has made itself obvious. Because he is trans our sex is extra gender affirming for him, and when I reject him for long periods it is extremely dysphoric.  It is hard for him to not take it personally, and it’s hard for me to not hate myself for not wanting to have sex.

 

Is this gray sexuality? If so, how do we move forward? Has anyone else had a similar experience? How can I talk to my partner in a way that will make sense to him? Help!

 

 

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roland.o

Hello @Lemur_stew, welcome to the AVEN forums! Have some cake... :cake:

 

I can't tell you whether this is gray sexuality. But do you really need new labels and words, if you already have such excellent terms as "fluctuating libido"? If that expresses what you are experiencing, just go with it.

 

As for moving forward, the key in all relationships is communication. Talk with your partner. Tell eachother how you feel, and listen to eachother. This kind of quality time and open discussion is a bonding element in itself. Avoid blame and accusations, but also avoid self-blame. Instead, stay focused on the objective of keeping the relationship alive. If you're in a phase of sex-repulsion, don't try to force yourself. It would have repercussions for both of you.

Instead, discuss with your partner what sex does for him, and how you could work to a similar effect in other ways. You mentioned that it is gender affirming for him, for example. So discuss other ways in which you can affirm his gender. On the other hand, maybe your partner can help you to overcome or at least alleviate your self-loathing in some ways. For the gender aspects, maybe you can find some more tailored advice in our sub-forum "Gender Discussion"?

 

Keep in mind that sex is not just one and the same thing to everyone. It has many functions and effects. And many of those can be addressed in other ways as well, though probably not all of those relevant to your partner in just one way.

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/157838-i-am-honestly-so-confused-about-something/?tab=comments#comment-1062330187

 

I hope this is of some help to you and wish you all the best! :cake::D

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RuniRune

(moved post to new thread: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/169681-demi-and-sexual-relationship-but-attracted-to-his-best-friend-tmi/ )

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GreyTabby

So I'm new and I don't know if this is the best place to post, but I'm really interested to find out how other grey/demisexual/demiromantic people go about dating. I am rarely attracted to anyone and (partially as a result of this) have been single for almost a decade. I mostly don't mind this as I'm quite an independent person, but in a world where we assume that intimacy, emotional and practical support should come primarily from a romantic partner it can be difficult to find those things without one. It's not fair, but it's the way it is, and sometimes I miss having that level of emotional intimacy with someone. I've been on a handful of dates in that time, but it never works out because allosexual/alloromantic people always seem to expect me to know within one or two dates whether I'm attracted to them, and that's just not how it works for me. If it's going to happen it's going to take much longer than that, but more likely it's just not going to happen at all. I have no idea, I freak out that I might be leading them on/wasting their time, and I end it, or they end it because they'd rather date someone who they know is into them (understandably). I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this problem and I'm sure there are other threads about it, so let me know if I'm posting in the wrong place...

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SilentRose

Hi @GreyTabby, fellow probable graysexual and grayromantic here. For me it truly is a very rare person that I like, and the best way of course is finding someone at school or work or anywhere who you're attracted to and striking up a friendship first, get to know them without any pressure and see where things go. However, I do use dating sites and have had some good luck...the unfortunate truth is that sometimes you just have to go through 20 or 30 people before you find the right one. My advice there is to tell them right off the bat you need to go slow, and tell them how important the friendship aspect of the relationship is to you. If you want to keep chatting on the website/app for longer and aren't ready to meet them in real life yet, that's okay too. Talking online for longer removes the pressure of performing physically and lets you get to know them better without that pressure there. And if someone tries to get overly sexual in the chat right away, end it there, they aren't for you. Above all, don't give up :)

 

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WabiSabi

I'm with @GreyTabby. What they wrote is exactly what I've spent years feeling and wondering about. Any advice or suggestions would be so helpful.  

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GreyTabby

Thanks for your reply @SilentRose. I agree about the "finding someone at school or work" thing - that's how my relationships started in my late teens/early 20s but now I'm mid-30s it just doesn't happen anymore. I guess it's the same for many people - you stay in jobs for longer, you meet fewer new people, most of them are married/in monogamous relationships. That's why I turned to dating sites. You're probably right that it's just a numbers game. I find that talking to people for longer online just tends to build up their expectations so the first date feels more pressured. Oh well, I guess it's just a question of putting the work in.

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wonderflonium

Hey @GreyTabby I totally understand where you're coming from with finding it harder to meet people in person as you get older. I work from home (which generally I like) but it can feel very isolating. I have social activities but again, I've been in them for a while so I already know the people involved.  I find online dating really frustrating since I generally never feel anything towards those I meet until I really get to know them - and I found my current age seems to be really focussed on progressing things quickly. Or the ones that were willing to take things slower just weren't the right kind of fit for me.

It being a numbers game makes sense - but I have to admit it's pretty exhausting. I've been single for a long time, and haven't really dated for a few years either. Taking a break has been really good for me, just to recharge and reflect. However, I'm thinking about getting back into it now that I'm feeling more comfortable with my grey identity (and just who I am and what I want overall) and what that means for my relationships - but the idea is still a bit daunting. 😬

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