Questions about Gray-Sexuality

[penguingirl]

hello new friends, I'm hoping someone might be able to help me make sense of this.

I am bisexual, married 3 years to my husband, and recently realized I may be on the Ace spectrum. 

I realized recently that I only want sex when we are trying to get pregnant, or the odd blue moon occasion.  I love my husband, but I could honestly be okay with never having sex again unless we were trying to get pregnant. Like I'll have sex with him twice a month because I've always thought of it as "wifely duty" but otherwise I would rather not.

How do I help both my husband and I understand this new realization? And is there an easier way to label myself other than  Demi Bi Grey ace indifferent?

[Snao Cone]

19 hours ago, timwhite said:

What do people think about "oral" sex? Is that also something that isn't wanted, or would those who are gray-A, for example, consider that an alternative?

There's a variety of options here. I'd say if someone actively wants to give/receive oral sex, even if it's oral sex exclusively, they're sexual with strong preferences/restrictions. But if it's something that a person has no personal need/desire for, but finds it to be a more doable alternative to other kinds of sex because they enjoy some element of it, they might be in the grey area, or even asexual if they feel it's strictly a willing compromise or occasional gesture. But if oral is actively your jam, then I think it's simpler to say that you're strictly into oral, rather than saying you're asexual/grey-a and getting into various explanations of what that is and how it's compatible.

 

 

19 hours ago, penguingirl said:

hello new friends, I'm hoping someone might be able to help me make sense of this.

I am bisexual, married 3 years to my husband, and recently realized I may be on the Ace spectrum. 

I realized recently that I only want sex when we are trying to get pregnant, or the odd blue moon occasion.  I love my husband, but I could honestly be okay with never having sex again unless we were trying to get pregnant. Like I'll have sex with him twice a month because I've always thought of it as "wifely duty" but otherwise I would rather not.

How do I help both my husband and I understand this new realization? And is there an easier way to label myself other than  Demi Bi Grey ace indifferent?

Regarding the label, they're only useful in communicating what's relevant/necessary to express ourselves. Based on what you've said, I don't think demi applies. If you were demi you would be more actively into sex since you do (presumably) have a very strong emotional bond with your husband. Bi grey would probably suffice in communicating this in a general way, and it would be a starting point to discuss this with your husband. I think you should honestly communicate your own desires here, as clearly as possible, and to word it in a way that is non-judgmental and try to steer it away from anything that will make him feel guilty (whether you intend to do that or not). Assert your own boundaries and how you want to work with him to balance your relationship. I think if you get into some of the more technical details, or use language from general discussion about asexuality (like "the spectrum", or talking about sex-favourable asexuals when you're really sex-indifferent) before he completely understands where you're coming from, it might affect how he perceives the situation. There is a growing concern in the larger ace community that the trendy message of "asexuals can have all the sex in the world and still be ace" will influence sexual partners' opinions and assumptions about an entitlement to compromise, so rather than bringing in the broader dialogue so early, express yourself first.

[fernitron]

Hey, people! I've always thought that I probably was demisexual but never actually researched it because, well, idk. I'm bisexual and I have had sex with both male and female partners, mostly with people I have really cared about and feel comfortable around. (okay maybe TMI now) Thing is, sex has never really been as important to me as it is to my partners. I experience romantic and sensual attraction frequently, but sexual attraction depends a lot on the person, on the moment, on how I'm feeling. I can like a person and initiate foreplay but I'll get bored in the middle, so i'll just pleasure them so they don't focus con me -since my partners have mostly been people I've been in serious relationships, I don't really mind and actually really like them enjoying themselves-. I feel like sometimes I'll have sex just for the sensual gratification. So, I stumbled upon some Ace/Aro videos on youtube and found the term "graysexual" which I think might define me? I'm still taking a lot of this in; if anyone has any input that would be great 

[LittleTurtle]

Hi everyone! I’m new here. 

I recently heard about gray-sexuality, and now I’m starting to question if I might fit into the spectrum or if I’m just chaste. 

I knew since I was pretty young that I wanted to wait until I was married to have sex. Even though I’m not sure where it came from at first since my parents didn’t really put religion on me. Now, I would say I’m waiting for moral and religious reasons. But since I’m in college I’m starting to wonder if I experience sexual attraction differently too. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship and I’m not exactly hungry to be in one let alone a sexual one. I experience arousel, but the act of sex isn’t something I have a need for. 

I’ve read through this page and a pretty good handful (not all) sound a lot like me. 

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone had opinions. 

Thanks! 

[Dr. Doomed]

Background

I'm a heterosexual female, just turned 30, and recently ended a long-term (4-year) relationship. Lately, I've been reflecting on what now looks like a pattern, and I'm trying to figure out who I am and how my needs fit into society's relationship paradigm (or not).

 

Relationship pattern

I kept a journal during the last 2 years and noticed that during that entire time, I wasn't interested in sex with my boyfriend and devised various excuses not to have it.  I loved him very much and found him aesthetically attractive and enjoyed romantic activities together, but I didn't need or want sex (it was important to him, so we would have it once every week or two). At the beginning, we engaged in fantasies and very light BDSM (it was always the ideas that turned me on - the potential more than any particular act or sensation), and that was incredibly exciting but didn't last beyond 8 months.

 

The previous relationship was 3 years, and similarly, I felt this intense attraction to the person (or the idea of the person), and it faded fairly quickly, and I totally lost interest in sex (but still loved him and had romantic inclinations). Same thing with the previous relationship of 2 years. 

 

Sexual activity and sexual thoughts

Most of the time, thoughts of sex don't cross my mind. I go days, weeks, sometimes longer without the idea of masturbation or any other kind of sexual stimulation crossing my mind. It comes up peripherally in conversations with others, whereupon it will occur to me. However, I feel tension with others from time to time - a professor with an interesting take on an academic topic, a classmate or friend-of-a-friend who is physically attractive and has qualities I admire, etc. This happens rarely (in the past year, it's happened twice, and before that, maybe once over the span of 3 years). In addition, I find it enjoyable to imagine certain sexual acts and dynamics (usually polar male-female power dynamics, power play, intense scenarios), but I always imagine myself as a fly on the wall and not as the "giver" or "receiver" of any particular act. 

 

I don't really know where this fits into the asexuality spectrum, because my pattern makes it seem like sex is something I enjoy and want (at least in the very early stages of relationships), but I'm starting to think that's not true. Based on the lack of sexual impulse (either with others or on my own) and the absence of sexual thoughts where I'm an actor involved, I think maybe it's tension/attraction/aesthetic that pulls me in, but I just really don't need or want to mingle my body with someone else's.

 

Issue/question

What is that? Does anyone relate? Do I belong here at all? I hope there are people here who do relate, because otherwise I'm afraid that I'm just an asshole who loses interests in relationships too quickly. I would like to understand myself and communicate that to others and screen for compatibility before deepening relationships and sorely disappointing people I care about.

[Biannnn]

Hey, I don't know exactly what I am and I really need to understand myself better in order to feel better about myself and the way I'm living my life. I thought I could be gray asexual, because sometimes I want to have sex but sometimes I don't (I'm a virgin, so it's even more difficult for me to be sure about what I want). Also, it's difficult for me to feel romantically attracted to people, so I don't usually like people. Now I like someone, and he likes me, but he doesn't live here so we can't see each other. Sometimes I really like the idea of having sex with him, but sometimes, like now, I don't want to (sometimes I even feel sick just by thinking about it), and sometimes I don't know if I want to or not. The thing is, I'm not sure if I experience more asexuality than sexual attraction. But I don't think I experience more sexual attraction than asexuality, either. It just depends on the moment, or I don't know. Can I consider myself greysexual anyway? If not, feel free to tsll me if you think I could fit in any other label

 

 

I'm sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker and it's lateee

[Psyduck13]

I have just started to come into how I identify. I always knew my expierences with my gender and sexuality differed just a little from those I grew up with. I don't feel confident enough to explain myself or ask questions to family and friends yet so I was hoping to ask questions here.

 

 I identify as demi gender, and demi sexual. These terms seem to fit me best from what I have read. Although I don't expierence primary sexual attraction, I do occasionally expierence what I can only describe as aesthetic attraction (this person looks nice but I have no sexual desire), and even sometimes a sensual attraction (i wouldnt mind just cuddling or holding hands, but still no sexual desire). I don't enjoy sex or masterbation or desire it with out an intellectual and deep emotional connection. Sometimes it doesnt take me a huge amount of time that other demisexuals talk about to establish an emotional bond. I'm just not sure if because I have other attractions if I can still be considered demisexual. I also feel like because I've had many sexual partners with no bond in the past maybe I'm not allowed to be demisexual at all. I do equate these expierences to trying to figure out why it just didnt feel the way everyone said it was supposed to, I was trying to force myself to feel something "right". I always felt revolted after and just nothing.

 

Can anyone relate to this or give me more insight on where I might fit? I still feel a little lost. When I did try to start this conversation with a friend who identifies as pansexual he told me demisexuals and demigenders have no place in LGBTQ+ because they don't exist and are looking for attention... I felt more alone then ever

[DogObsessedLi]

On 6/15/2020 at 1:03 AM, Psyduck13 said:

I have just started to come into how I identify. I always knew my expierences with my gender and sexuality differed just a little from those I grew up with. I don't feel confident enough to explain myself or ask questions to family and friends yet so I was hoping to ask questions here.

 

 I identify as demi gender, and demi sexual. These terms seem to fit me best from what I have read. Although I don't expierence primary sexual attraction, I do occasionally expierence what I can only describe as aesthetic attraction (this person looks nice but I have no sexual desire), and even sometimes a sensual attraction (i wouldnt mind just cuddling or holding hands, but still no sexual desire). I don't enjoy sex or masterbation or desire it with out an intellectual and deep emotional connection. Sometimes it doesnt take me a huge amount of time that other demisexuals talk about to establish an emotional bond. I'm just not sure if because I have other attractions if I can still be considered demisexual. I also feel like because I've had many sexual partners with no bond in the past maybe I'm not allowed to be demisexual at all. I do equate these expierences to trying to figure out why it just didnt feel the way everyone said it was supposed to, I was trying to force myself to feel something "right". I always felt revolted after and just nothing.

 

Can anyone relate to this or give me more insight on where I might fit? I still feel a little lost. When I did try to start this conversation with a friend who identifies as pansexual he told me demisexuals and demigenders have no place in LGBTQ+ because they don't exist and are looking for attention... I felt more alone then ever

It sounds like your friend has knocked you for six, so just know that you are valid and your experience is valid. I'm not demisexual so I can't really comment, but I do relate to experiencing other attractions which can get seriously muddled at times, and the messages from society doesn't help matters.

[Hui]

I've got a question. I'm currently really confused about whether I'm actually on the ace spectrum or not. I used to identify as gray-ace, but I'm not so sure now. My sexual feelings are basically the polar opposite of cupiosexuality: I feel sexual attraction, but don't desire a sexual relationship. In fact, I prefer to act on my attraction while fantasizing rather than doing the deed in real life. I also feel the same about my romantic attraction btw, because, even though I might fantasize about being in a relationship with my crush, the thought of actually being in one doesn't do anything for me (though I would most likely be more willing to be in a romantic relationship than in a sexual one). Now I wonder about whether this can still count as (gray-)asexual or not. What's confusing me is that there seem to be two different definitions of asexuality/asexuals, the first, more common one being "attraction-based", as in "one does not experience sexual attraction.", but there's also another one being "desire-based", meaning "one does not have a desire for partnered sex." If the first one is true, I'm probably just a disinterested allosexual, if the second one is true, I would be on the ace-spectrum. I'm really curious if you guys would classify me as asexual or gray-asexual or not. If someone asks, I often call myself "basically/functionally asexual" because it's usually faster to explain and the end result with me would be the same if I was actually asexual (which I probably am? Idk). My thought behind is just something along the lines of "if I say I am heterosexual, people would assume I'd desire sex with the opposite sex", which is obviously not the case for me. I just want to make sure, because I don't want to offend "more fitting" asexuals with appropriating their terms. 

 

Also, before anyone asks: Despite feeling sexual attraction, my lack of sexual desire doesn't cause me any innate distress. The only "distress" as I would call it, is caused by people's expectations of how I should be, so it's more like "external" rather than "internal" distress. Because of this, I don't see myself as having sexual desire disorder or anything similar. 

[DogObsessedLi]

On 6/20/2020 at 11:39 PM, Hui said:

I've got a question. I'm currently really confused about whether I'm actually on the ace spectrum or not. I used to identify as gray-ace, but I'm not so sure now. My sexual feelings are basically the polar opposite of cupiosexuality: I feel sexual attraction, but don't desire a sexual relationship. In fact, I prefer to act on my attraction while fantasizing rather than doing the deed in real life. I also feel the same about my romantic attraction btw, because, even though I might fantasize about being in a relationship with my crush, the thought of actually being in one doesn't do anything for me (though I would most likely be more willing to be in a romantic relationship than in a sexual one). Now I wonder about whether this can still count as (gray-)asexual or not. What's confusing me is that there seem to be two different definitions of asexuality/asexuals, the first, more common one being "attraction-based", as in "one does not experience sexual attraction.", but there's also another one being "desire-based", meaning "one does not have a desire for partnered sex." If the first one is true, I'm probably just a disinterested allosexual, if the second one is true, I would be on the ace-spectrum. I'm really curious if you guys would classify me as asexual or gray-asexual or not. If someone asks, I often call myself "basically/functionally asexual" because it's usually faster to explain and the end result with me would be the same if I was actually asexual (which I probably am? Idk). My thought behind is just something along the lines of "if I say I am heterosexual, people would assume I'd desire sex with the opposite sex", which is obviously not the case for me. I just want to make sure, because I don't want to offend "more fitting" asexuals with appropriating their terms. 

 

Also, before anyone asks: Despite feeling sexual attraction, my lack of sexual desire doesn't cause me any innate distress. The only "distress" as I would call it, is caused by people's expectations of how I should be, so it's more like "external" rather than "internal" distress. Because of this, I don't see myself as having sexual desire disorder or anything similar. 

I am in a similar vague boat to you. I sometimes use the term akoisexual, though in reality I struggle to pinpoint the difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction (I'm an artist and when it comes down to it, what I want is to draw them). Any sexual attraction that is there disappears when "in the moment". I have a similar issue distinguishing platonic and romantic attraction, but when people are romantically engaging with me all attraction that was there also disappears. This is why sometimes I use akoisexual. Though the grey definition of vague, rare or only under specific circumstances tends to fit also. I would never define your experience though, only you can know what you are experiencing. 

[bikingbed]

How do you know if you are demi if you do't get into deep enough relationships to get the attraction?

[bikingbed]

What's the difference between apressexual and demisexual?

[Skycaptain]

@bikingbed, having never heard of apressexual I did a quick search around. It appears that, as you say, there's very little difference between the two terms. The only specific seems to be that apressexual is described as forming sexual attraction specifically after experiencing some other form of attraction first

[WeeCookie]

I’m very confused when it comes to my sexuality. A good friend of mine suggested I could be ace, I had to look into what ace was since I’d never heard the term. Now I’m even more confused after reading about the ace spectrum. I literally have no idea which fits me best. I always thought there was something wrong with me. I suffer with anxiety which makes things complicated when I’m not aware I’m doing something. Coming on here and speaking to people is a very big step for me, I’m one to go and hide from the world. Over the last year I’ve been doing some soul searching you could say. I recently found I’m an INFJ which explains a lot. Knowing this has helped me, but now I’m struggling with my sexuality. I want a relationship, I want to settle down with someone but I don’t want sex. I don’t feel the need for any sexual activity whether it’s sex or foreplay. None of that interests me. I’ve had sex a handful of times, I’ve never felt sexually satisfied from this, half the time I’ve been under the influence of alcohol, but the times I haven’t I’ve only done it to please my partner at the time. Now I’m doing all I can to avoid relationships because I just don’t want sex anymore. I don’t get aroused from sex scenes on tv or in books, I’ve never watched porn and doubt I ever will. It’s never interested me. I don’t masturbate, I have done in the past when I’ve felt the need but in 27 years of being on this earth I can count on one hand how many times I have. One thing that really confuses is every time I have I’ve been under the influence of alcohol. I don’t know what this means, am I ace or is there something else going on that I’m not aware of? Any advise will be appreciated, it would be nice to know where I fit on the spectrum and maybe I can find someone who will understand me better than I understand myself.

[bikingbed]

According to the things you said, you come across like you are asexual but probably you are romantic. It is a possibility to have a good relationship with sb when you communicate about what you want and what you don't want: sexually as well. When they love you, they'll be fine compromising if that means they can make you feel good or you can be together in a relationship.

[Artila]

I have no direct personal experience but I identify as grey-a for now because I do have a desire for lots of sexual activities excluding penetration/ anthing to do with genitalia (targeted at actual people). Others call it "hypersensual" but I refuse to believe that it is purely sensual. However I never been obviously sexually attracted to someone so far (I expect sexual attraction to feel so intense that you cannot mistake it for something else)

 

Chances are that this might change once I am getting my first real experiences as a lot of sexuals told me that they felt the same before getting their first partner.

 

Until then I am just a grace or as I would describe it to others "not quick at catching fire".

 

 

Anyone who is similar/the same?

[DogObsessedLi]

On 7/22/2020 at 10:47 AM, Artila said:

I have no direct personal experience but I identify as grey-a for now because I do have a desire for lots of sexual activities excluding penetration/ anthing to do with genitalia (targeted at actual people). Others call it "hypersensual" but I refuse to believe that it is purely sensual. However I never been obviously sexually attracted to someone so far (I expect sexual attraction to feel so intense that you cannot mistake it for something else)

 

Chances are that this might change once I am getting my first real experiences as a lot of sexuals told me that they felt the same before getting their first partner.

 

Until then I am just a grace or as I would describe it to others "not quick at catching fire".

 

 

Anyone who is similar/the same?

I'm also a little vague in my attraction, though often when it comes down to it, it's my touch needs (my dad calls me a cuddle monster and my ex accused me of using him like a teddy bear), or I just admire their beauty (I'd like to paint them instead), though I do have a high sex drive physiologically which also muddies the waters.

[MEM]

Just an innocent question...

Are demisexuals considered part of gray-asexuality, or are they completely different? I've seen some sites label demisexuals underneath the gray-ace umbrella, but I've also seen it separate. Does the person decide or is there a sort-of set position?

I'm not entirely sure where I am on the spectrum yet, but I was wondering about this.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

3 minutes ago, MEM said:

Just an innocent question...

Are demisexuals considered part of gray-asexuality, or are they completely different? I've seen some sites label demisexuals underneath the gray-ace umbrella, but I've also seen it separate. Does the person decide or is there a sort-of set position?

I'm not entirely sure where I am on the spectrum yet, but I was wondering about this.

It's considered part of it , because graysexuality is such a big umbrella. I guess I could get it if some see it as different, because some demisexuals might have strong sexual attraction once they feel close to their partner, but a lot f the time it's still pretty different than being allosexual. I've seen some say that it can take years for them to start feeling sexual attraction for their partner, and that definitely makes it hard on them in this society, just like alot of people on this site. And in some cases it's still not a strong attraction. As a spectrum, they definitely fit in it, some more towards sexual, and some more towards asexual. At least that's what I think

What I like about graysexuality, is that I don't have to think about it too hard because it's a big label. I'm a little bit demisexual, but not very, and not very sexual in general, so I do think I fit best as graysexual.

[Snao Cone]

1 hour ago, MEM said:

Just an innocent question...

Are demisexuals considered part of gray-asexuality, or are they completely different? I've seen some sites label demisexuals underneath the gray-ace umbrella, but I've also seen it separate. Does the person decide or is there a sort-of set position?

I'm not entirely sure where I am on the spectrum yet, but I was wondering about this.

Well, the whole reason it's called the grey area is because it's vague, so there is no clear answer to that. I think that when people talk about greysexuality, it's safe to assume that it's inclusive of demisexuality unless they elaborate on it separately (and even then, it could just be because demisexuality is more identifiable out of various possible subcategories of grey). I think it is important to respect how a person sees their own sexuality, at least to a reasonable degree, so if a demisexual person doesn't want to say they're under the grey area then that's up to them. I think most demi people would, though, just because the whole reason they identify as demi is because the way their life has panned out has put them in ambiguous territory between asexual and sexual.

[chesu]

On 6/27/2020 at 11:02 AM, bikingbed said:

How do you know if you are demi if you do't get into deep enough relationships to get the attraction?

This is a month late but I thought I'd share for any onlookers.

 

I knew I was demi for several years before being in a relationship. It was mostly just something I...knew. Like, sex wasn't totally unthinkable to me, but it was ONLY thinkable in the context of a deep and loving relationship. I couldn't comprehend why anyone would have sex outside of that. My feelings were confirmed any time I would see movies or TV shows with sex scenes. I felt wildly uncomfortable if they didn't have much of a bond, and very interested if I got to watch their relationship grow beforehand.

 

I think it's like with any other sexuality, too. You don't always have to experience the relationship to know what you're interested in. (Though I get that demisexuality seems a bit different.) I'm sure there are people who don't realize they're demi until the attraction happens, but this is my experience with it.

[DreamStuder]

hi um i dont know how this works but i am just 100% confused and looking for help I think I am demisexual but like I dont know and I dont want to talk bout this with people I know but what i do know is I dont want to have sex but like maybe I will my brain just cant understand it all just looking for help thats all

[Sarah-Sylvia]

7 hours ago, DreamStuder said:

hi um i dont know how this works but i am just 100% confused and looking for help I think I am demisexual but like I dont know and I dont want to talk bout this with people I know but what i do know is I dont want to have sex but like maybe I will my brain just cant understand it all just looking for help thats all

Hey. Well, like some say around here sometimes, if you're not interested in sex, then you can be true about that, but stay open in case you might be demi. You don't have to be able to know everything to be true to yourself up to what you know.

Feel free to share more about yourself around that though.

[Teslin_Bear]

*tmi warning maybe*

 

I have realized that when I am not horny (which is most of the time) I find porn or smut entirely gross. I haven't ever thought of myself as graysexual since I honestly haven't heard that term until today... But any input would be great. I know I'm not ace because I've absolutely felt sex drive and attraction.. I guess I'm just confused and at the start of this sorta overwhelming journey

Edited August 7, 2020 by Teslin_Bear
Forgot a statement at the end

[Snao Cone]

11 hours ago, Teslin_Bear said:

*tmi warning maybe*

 

I have realized that when I am not horny (which is most of the time) I find porn or smut entirely gross. I haven't ever thought of myself as graysexual since I honestly haven't heard that term until today... But any input would be great. I know I'm not ace because I've absolutely felt sex drive and attraction.. I guess I'm just confused and at the start of this sorta overwhelming journey

Hi and welcome.

 

A lot of people, even typical sexual people, get grossed out by porn or smut, for a variety of reasons. They may not react well to visuals, or descriptions, yet still enjoy and desire doing intimate activities with the right person. They may morally object to media that depicts what they think is best left private. Visceral reactions can come in all varieties for people, without necessarily reflecting their intrinsic desires and motivations. 

 

If your reaction to porn and smut is part of a larger aspect of yourself that feels very disconnected from sexuality overall - as in, whatever desire or attraction you've felt is fleeting and/or weak and not part of your overall fulfillment in life - then you may fit the grey area. Most people (at least past a certain age) aren't horny most of the time, with the banality of life and all, but if you're horny on an occasional basis and feel a drive to connect sexually with other people, then that is probably within the average for sexual people. I can understand why you might feel out of place given how widespread access to porn has become, but that's more about society than your own internal feelings. Whatever conclusion you come to about yourself (and it's okay to be uncertain, because we're all constantly figuring ourselves out in some way or another), there's nothing "weird" or dysfunctional about what you've described. It sounds healthy for you to have your preferences and limits. 

[ANB]

Hi all. My question is: do you ever feel desire for sex and realize what you're really desiring is validation? I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality lately and even though I do desire sex and I sometimes desire sex with specific people, I've been unpacking why that is, because if I follow through on the urge it's always kind of meh. My current theory is that when I'm desiring sex, it's actually because I want to feel desirable or lovable. What's your take on this?

[ANB]

On 6/27/2020 at 6:02 PM, bikingbed said:

How do you know if you are demi if you do't get into deep enough relationships to get the attraction?

@bikingbed do you experience romantic attraction before knowing someone deeply? If so, maybe someone that you feel this attraction to could eventually be someone you're attracted to sexually. I guess the only way to go about this is wait and see what happens when you finally get close to someone

[Snao Cone]

44 minutes ago, ANB said:

Hi all. My question is: do you ever feel desire for sex and realize what you're really desiring is validation? I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality lately and even though I do desire sex and I sometimes desire sex with specific people, I've been unpacking why that is, because if I follow through on the urge it's always kind of meh. My current theory is that when I'm desiring sex, it's actually because I want to feel desirable or lovable. What's your take on this?

I've felt this before, but not in a long time. I found that I was trying to fit myself into what I was told to expect, and after a few tries I just got tired of it. I never felt fully rewarded for the sex I had - not in how it felt during it, and not in the sense of accomplishment that I assumed I would feel after. It was just a shell for me, because the reasons I was pursuing it had no real substance. 

[Hannah_565]

Hi,

I don't know if this is the right forum for my question, but i thought maybe you could help me.

I really want to know if there is a label for the opposite of Demisexual or Demiromantic.

For better understanding: I simply cannot feel sexually or romantic attraction for a good friend of mine.

I only fall for people i don't really know and could never do the bits with someone i know. I hope you can understand this...

I thought that it's maybe part of Gray spectrum and someone knows a name.

Or can at least tell me that it's "normal".

[Mariasfm]

Hi,

I've had sex a couple times, I guess I enjoyed it, but I don't think of sex how most of my friends do. I mean, the first thing the think about when the don't see their bf/gf in a while is the about having sex and I don't feel that need. Actuallu, I haven't been thinking of sex of wanting to have it in for a long time now. I don't know how to deal with the sexual needs of the other person, because I don't have the need to do it as much as them. 

I'm currently dating and we haven't seen each other in a while. When we finally saw each other I knew he wanted to, and hoped to, have sex. Sometimes, when we started to kiss more intensely I think abou having sex but I don't know if it was because of the situation we were in or because I actually wanted to.  I'm feelling so confused and it is making me suffer a lot. I am afraid that he will want ot have sex and I won't (no that he would force me to anything), I'm just uncomfortable with the situation and it makes me kiss him less or not let him touch my skin even if I want to coddle or just kiss without leading to sex. 

I don't know if my situation fits in the gray-sexuallity. If anyone could help me I would  be very grateful.

 

PS: I apologise if something is misspeld of confusing because english is not my native languange.