Questions about Gray-Sexuality

[Mel0001]

Hello hello! I'm 28 F, and for years I always knew I was Bi but now I'm questioning everything. I had a tough talk with my husband about our sex lives and he casually brought up "what if you're asexual" and it got me thinking. What if I am? So I've been doing research and a lot of soul searching and I just don't know. Could it just be low libido from my depression or have I always been this way but never realized it till now? I've been thinking about my past relationships when I was rather hyper sexual, and I didn't find any of them sexually attractive. I would have sex with them just because I wanted to feel close to someone, the attention, and the pleasure. My husband and I used to be very kinky in our early years in dating, when I was still very hyper sexual. But within the last 3 or so years things have just slowed down. Those urges are just not there, or there not there as often as they used to. I do find him sexually attractive but I dont feel the urge to act on those feelings.. Idk this is getting long and I'm just word vomiting at this point. All I can say is I'm still figuring it out. Low libido or graysexual... who knows

[Sarah-Sylvia]

22 minutes ago, Mel0001 said:

Hello hello! I'm 28 F, and for years I always knew I was Bi but now I'm questioning everything. I had a tough talk with my husband about our sex lives and he casually brought up "what if you're asexual" and it got me thinking. What if I am? So I've been doing research and a lot of soul searching and I just don't know. Could it just be low libido from my depression or have I always been this way but never realized it till now? I've been thinking about my past relationships when I was rather hyper sexual, and I didn't find any of them sexually attractive. I would have sex with them just because I wanted to feel close to someone, the attention, and the pleasure. My husband and I used to be very kinky in our early years in dating, when I was still very hyper sexual. But within the last 3 or so years things have just slowed down. Those urges are just not there, or there not there as often as they used to. I do find him sexually attractive but I dont feel the urge to act on those feelings.. Idk this is getting long and I'm just word vomiting at this point. All I can say is I'm still figuring it out. Low libido or graysexual... who knows

Hi 🍰

 

Being sexual can lead to how someone wants intimacy with someone (closeness and pleasure, etc), I think one way to think about it is if you would have felt content with non-sexual intimacy or not, or if it's the sexual pleasure and intimacy that you did feel drawn to.

If you have low libido then I'm guessing you don't end up feeling much like self-pleasuring either? Do you think things would be different if or when your libido goes back up?

 

Sometimes someone can change or sex becomes less important, which was the case for me but I also kind of recognized that it wasn't all that great and seemed more meaningful in my mind than when I actually experienced it.  I have low libido now but either way I'd consider myself graysexual because sex isn't important to me or intimacy (and really, i have trouble seeing sex as romantic). I think someone has to see if the label makes sense for them, but also more important understand how things are for them. Would you want to be sexual?

 

[Mel0001]

22 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Hi 🍰

 

Being sexual can lead to how someone wants intimacy with someone (closeness and pleasure, etc), I think one way to think about it is if you would have felt content with non-sexual intimacy or not, or if it's the sexual pleasure and intimacy that you did feel drawn to.

If you have low libido then I'm guessing you don't end up feeling much like self-pleasuring either? Do you think things would be different if or when your libido goes back up?

 

Sometimes someone can change or sex becomes less important, which was the case for me but I also kind of recognized that it wasn't all that great and seemed more meaningful in my mind than when I actually experienced it.  I have low libido now but either way I'd consider myself graysexual because sex isn't important to me or intimacy (and really, i have trouble seeing sex as romantic). I think someone has to see if the label makes sense for them, but also more important understand how things are for them. Would you want to be sexual?

 

Aah! Okay yes! I never really thought about if my libido was up again how would I feel, and I realized I would still feel the same. When my libido was high I still never really saw sex in the moment as this big grand experience of connection and love. It's just sex. It feels nice to be close and have sexual pleasure sure, but I always feel like doing nonsexual things feel more meaningful to me. I've always found watching a movie, playing a game, a simple walk etc. was/is very fulfilling and more pleasurable to me than sex. Which is always so hard for me to express 🤣 thank you for helping me talk this out and get this battle of low libido or graysexual out of my mind because it can always be both 🤷‍♀️

[Sarah-Sylvia]

1 hour ago, Mel0001 said:

Aah! Okay yes! I never really thought about if my libido was up again how would I feel, and I realized I would still feel the same. When my libido was high I still never really saw sex in the moment as this big grand experience of connection and love. It's just sex. It feels nice to be close and have sexual pleasure sure, but I always feel like doing nonsexual things feel more meaningful to me. I've always found watching a movie, playing a game, a simple walk etc. was/is very fulfilling and more pleasurable to me than sex. Which is always so hard for me to express 🤣 thank you for helping me talk this out and get this battle of low libido or graysexual out of my mind because it can always be both 🤷‍♀️

Yeah that makes sense, it's both for me too. Your experience is familiar anyway, I think graysexual can fit for a label. At least basing on what you talked about.

 

Feel free to share or ask anything more.

 

[Qiri]

52 minutes ago, Mel0001 said:

When my libido was high I still never really saw sex in the moment as this big grand experience of connection and love. It's just sex. It feels nice to be close and have sexual pleasure sure, but I always feel like doing nonsexual things feel more meaningful to me. I've always found watching a movie, playing a game, a simple walk etc. was/is very fulfilling and more pleasurable to me than sex.

I don't think you're alone on this. I have also enjoyed non-sexual things and found them more pleasurable than sex.

[Mel0001]

6 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Yeah that makes sense, it's both for me too. Your experience is familiar anyway, I think graysexual can fit for a label. At least basing on what you talked about.

 

Feel free to share or ask anything more.

 

Thank you thank you! It feels good to have someone understand how I'm feeling lol. Hope you have a great one 💖

[Mel0001]

21 hours ago, Qiri said:

I don't think you're alone on this. I have also enjoyed non-sexual things and found them more pleasurable than sex.

I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling this way 😄

[fragmentedmind]

Hi, so I'm reasonably new to this topic and I know that sexual fluidity and even caedsexuality itself can be a difficult and sometimes invalidating topic. I would like to say that this is definitely not my intention - I fully believe that asexuality is very real, and that trauma has nothing to do with it for most people.

 

What I am struggling with is my current experience, and I was wondering if anyone had any insights / thoughts.

 

I am currently in a long term relationship, with a partner who is very much allo. It has been a long term thing in the relationship that he experiences much more sexual desire / attraction than I do. For a long time I thought that this was purely because of trauma in my past that meant that I struggled to engage in sex in the way that was "normal". However, I have more recently realised that I have no desire to get that part of myself "back". When I research around loss of libido / attraction after trauma, all the resources are around how to get that part of yourself back - and I have realised in reading them that that actually isn't what I want at all. I am perfectly happy with the idea of never having sex again.

 

This has led me to consider my relationship with sex more widely, and wonder if this has been a part of me for much longer than I realised. I can remember times where I definitely did experience sexual attraction. But, when I really think about it I'm not sure I've ever really understood those conversations where people talk about celebrities or random people in the street they find attractive. I also had never masturbated until I was maybe 25, and I have literally zero interest in watching porn and the couple of times I have tried I have been horrified / disgusted. 

 

I do sometimes experience sexual arousal, but it is usually short-lived and not very intense. And I think perhaps the same is true for any sexual attraction I've felt. However, I do experience strong romantic attraction and i think this is where the difficulty is, because when I look back at previous relationships (pre trauma), I'm finding it hard to distinguish whether what I felt back then was sexual, or was much more a romantic attraction and the sexual part was just because that was "what you did". But it's so hard to look back on this time objectively.

 

If I looked at what I am experiencing now I feel I could comfortably fall into some kind of grey-ace category, but I would say that doesn't really fit with my experience in my earlier life. So I guess I'm just wondering if people further through this journey have any thoughts / advice on how to sift through it all?

[Sarah-Sylvia]

6 hours ago, fragmentedmind said:

Hi, so I'm reasonably new to this topic and I know that sexual fluidity and even caedsexuality itself can be a difficult and sometimes invalidating topic. I would like to say that this is definitely not my intention - I fully believe that asexuality is very real, and that trauma has nothing to do with it for most people.

 

What I am struggling with is my current experience, and I was wondering if anyone had any insights / thoughts.

 

I am currently in a long term relationship, with a partner who is very much allo. It has been a long term thing in the relationship that he experiences much more sexual desire / attraction than I do. For a long time I thought that this was purely because of trauma in my past that meant that I struggled to engage in sex in the way that was "normal". However, I have more recently realised that I have no desire to get that part of myself "back". When I research around loss of libido / attraction after trauma, all the resources are around how to get that part of yourself back - and I have realised in reading them that that actually isn't what I want at all. I am perfectly happy with the idea of never having sex again.

 

This has led me to consider my relationship with sex more widely, and wonder if this has been a part of me for much longer than I realised. I can remember times where I definitely did experience sexual attraction. But, when I really think about it I'm not sure I've ever really understood those conversations where people talk about celebrities or random people in the street they find attractive. I also had never masturbated until I was maybe 25, and I have literally zero interest in watching porn and the couple of times I have tried I have been horrified / disgusted. 

 

I do sometimes experience sexual arousal, but it is usually short-lived and not very intense. And I think perhaps the same is true for any sexual attraction I've felt. However, I do experience strong romantic attraction and i think this is where the difficulty is, because when I look back at previous relationships (pre trauma), I'm finding it hard to distinguish whether what I felt back then was sexual, or was much more a romantic attraction and the sexual part was just because that was "what you did". But it's so hard to look back on this time objectively.

 

If I looked at what I am experiencing now I feel I could comfortably fall into some kind of grey-ace category, but I would say that doesn't really fit with my experience in my earlier life. So I guess I'm just wondering if people further through this journey have any thoughts / advice on how to sift through it all?

Hi. Sexuality can be fluid for some people, or sometimes it's realizing something, which was my experience, since I did have interest in sex for a period in the past but after a while I lost that interest, and even though I could still sometimes (rarely) want to do it to try for the sexual pleasure, I just feel I'm not a sexual person, so that's why I use graysexual. Some people will prefer using the asexual label if they feel they've really changed and it won't go back, but others prefer gray-ace because of the rare time they did experience their sexual side, whether in the past or not. It's up to you how you want to define yourself. The graysexual label is useful because it's broad in meaning in any case.

 

Just wondering, but what do you think the reason is you don't want it back?

For me, sex is not important to me and I can't connect it with my romantic attraction, it doesn't feel romantic, while it does to most who are sexual. It'd be useful to have it for relationships, but .. I don't know whether or not I'd say I don't want it.. it's just not important to me and that's it I guess.

 

[fragmentedmind]

It's not really that I specifically don't want it back, I think it's more that when I was looking up "loss of libido after SA" all the resources were around how to go about reversing that - and I noticed that that wasn't something I particularly wanted, but hadn't realised that I was in the minority in that feeling. So maybe "isn't what I want at all" was overstating it - more I guess it's not what I wanted to find in my searching, where I suppose I was more looking for validation that what I was feeling was "normal".

[Sarah-Sylvia]

35 minutes ago, fragmentedmind said:

It's not really that I specifically don't want it back, I think it's more that when I was looking up "loss of libido after SA" all the resources were around how to go about reversing that - and I noticed that that wasn't something I particularly wanted, but hadn't realised that I was in the minority in that feeling. So maybe "isn't what I want at all" was overstating it - more I guess it's not what I wanted to find in my searching, where I suppose I was more looking for validation that what I was feeling was "normal".

definitely more understood in the ace community

[glynex60]

Hi everybody, I'm 60 and can you believe I just discovered this. I spent 45 yrs in the dark. i know I'm somewhere in this spectrum. But hey I'm still alive. I think it had something to do with my negative personality. 17 years celibate and not necessarily by choice. You don't grow warts or nothing. lol  But it's good to see I'm not the only one. Try not to be to hard on yourself. I know easier said than done. And for anybody that has a partner or understanding spouse count your lucky stars.😜

[glynex60]

Hello I feel I need to chime. A lot of you I read still have partners.  i haven't in 17 years much less trying to figure out why I have no confidence and so jaded before I can figure out the sexual part. Hang in there and remember to think of others or you will end up in left field all alone like me.🤪 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hey @glynex60 🍰 Feel free to check and post in the forum. Did you have a question? Just asking since you posted in this thread.
Hope you can find what works for you in any case.

[glynex60]

Thanx for asking i'm totally new and realized some things. I was talking to my daughter and there's so many spectrums. It's funny sometimes i feel like spilling my beans other times not. I was reading younger peoples posts and a lot of them have partners and spouses. When I was a young man it was like a dirty secret and that's not good. Actually I do have a question. Seems like I can't respond to a lot of posts unless it's the thread.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

55 minutes ago, glynex60 said:

Thanx for asking i'm totally new and realized some things. I was talking to my daughter and there's so many spectrums. It's funny sometimes i feel like spilling my beans other times not. I was reading younger peoples posts and a lot of them have partners and spouses. When I was a young man it was like a dirty secret and that's not good. Actually I do have a question. Seems like I can't respond to a lot of posts unless it's the thread.

I'm not sure what you mean, but there is a cooldown to post again when you're new, I'm not sure how long it lasts but you just have to wait a bit before you can post anywhere again. You can create threads too.

[Lilililili]

I’m currently exploring the idea that maybe grey ace could help me put a label to my frustrations, but maybe someone can help me solidify the idea. 
 

I was very sexually interested and active when I first started having sex around 16-17, with my first serious relationship about 2 years in I completely lost any and all wish for sexual relations and contact, but I kept sometimes acting on my them partner’s wishes because I was young and didn’t understand that I could say no. After we broke up I had a bit of a “hoe” phase where I was again very interested in sex and hooking up with people. Then I got myself into another relationship (which I’m still in) where again in the beginning I was very sexually active, we did some long distance, it was very exciting and fun to spend all physical time together sexually, but once again about a year in I slowly started losing my sexual interest until it basically became nonexistent and it’s now been like this for about 2 years. I also don’t self-pleasure almost ever, because I never feel the urge to. The only consistent sexual aspect of my life is that I still often have sexual dreams. Every few months I feel some sexual feelings and become active again, but it never lasts and ultimately I always return to a very platonic relationship. Does that sound like a typical grey ace description or should I keep looking for a better definition of what I’m experiencing? 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

27 minutes ago, Lilililili said:

I’m currently exploring the idea that maybe grey ace could help me put a label to my frustrations, but maybe someone can help me solidify the idea. 
 

I was very sexually interested and active when I first started having sex around 16-17, with my first serious relationship about 2 years in I completely lost any and all wish for sexual relations and contact, but I kept sometimes acting on my them partner’s wishes because I was young and didn’t understand that I could say no. After we broke up I had a bit of a “hoe” phase where I was again very interested in sex and hooking up with people. Then I got myself into another relationship (which I’m still in) where again in the beginning I was very sexually active, we did some long distance, it was very exciting and fun to spend all physical time together sexually, but once again about a year in I slowly started losing my sexual interest until it basically became nonexistent and it’s now been like this for about 2 years. I also don’t self-pleasure almost ever, because I never feel the urge to. The only consistent sexual aspect of my life is that I still often have sexual dreams. Every few months I feel some sexual feelings and become active again, but it never lasts and ultimately I always return to a very platonic relationship. Does that sound like a typical grey ace description or should I keep looking for a better definition of what I’m experiencing? 

Hi 🍰

 

I wouldn't say it's 'typical', but the label covers a lot and if you think that inconsistency and losing interest is part of your sexuality then it can definitely make sense to use it, imo.

If you don't feel urges or arousal (like for self-pleasuring) then it could be that something's up with your libido too, though like in my case I have very low libido too. I 'try' not to include it in what I think of my sexuality but at this point it's been years and it doesn't seem to be coming back so I think that's good enough reason to say it adds to my graysexuality, even if I'd say I am aside from that. I think one measure is if someone would want to have more libido again, like missing a part of something important. If you don't feel that and sex isn't important to you then that's  big hint to being on the asexual spectrum.. along with the other stuff.

[Sir Griflet]

I don’t know if I experience sexual attraction. I think I might, but it’s incredibly mild. I’m barely, if ever, aroused; it’s more of a vague curiosity about what sex may be like with that person. I don’t know if this counts as graysexuality, asexuality, bisexuality or what.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

1 minute ago, Sir Griflet said:

I don’t know if I experience sexual attraction. I think I might, but it’s incredibly mild. I’m barely, if ever, aroused; it’s more of a vague curiosity about what sex may be like with that person. I don’t know if this counts as graysexuality, asexuality, bisexuality or what.

Could be gray, though if you haven't had sex then you might be curious in general ?
I used to be more sexual in some periods but after enough experience my interest went down (I'm still gray though).

[An19]

On 22.01.2018 at 02:21, Cnyb said:

Привет, все это может сбивать с толку, не так ли? Я наслаждался сексом, у меня был секс, который действительно куда-то меня привел, но, тем не менее, мне обычно сложно инициировать, если я с кем-то (с таким же низким уровнем влечения, как и у меня), неловко, если я с кем-то с обычным уровнем сексуального влечения, и я действительно обычно предпочитаю наслаждаться тортом с партнером. Я понял, что стремление к сексу всегда было давлением или хлопотами из-за чего-то иного, чем сексуальное влечение к человеку. Я готов угодить тому, с кем я хочу проводить время, и при правильных условиях секс — это разрядка, которая может быть приятной. TMI:

 

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Когда я был моложе, и социальное давление, чтобы встречаться и заниматься сексом, было огромным, я был несчастен, и я иногда заставлял себя быть похожим на других, но мне все еще было трудно тратить много времени на попытки встречаться, и в основном у меня были отношения, когда они сами собой сваливались на меня. Сексуальные исследования были с напряжением, связанным с необходимостью вписаться, неловкостью. Девушка, на которую я наткнулся, в конце концов заставила меня заняться сексом, а презерватив был надет задом наперед, так что все, не стал продолжать и был рад, когда несколько месяцев спустя она рассталась со мной. Я избегал девушку, которая была немного дерзкой со мной, нет, она не дразнила меня, но я просто не мог воспринимать себя в сексуальном плане серьезно, я полагаю. Я задавался вопросом, что со мной не так. Я не мастурбировал как следует, пока мне не исполнилось 19. В свои 20 я заставлял себя экспериментировать с парнями, неловко, напряженно. В конце концов встретился с AFAB, похожей на меня в некоторых важных отношениях, и мы действительно воспользовались нашими отношениями, чтобы заниматься сексом для разрядки на ранней стадии отношений. В период моей наибольшей активности, когда у нас были открытые отношения, мое сексуальное влечение все еще было ниже, чем у типичного сексуального человека, как я думаю. Я все еще пыталась исследовать вещи с парнями, чтобы увидеть, что будет для меня естественным, удовлетворяющим, связанным. Но когда мне исполнилось 20, я стала менее активной, ничего из того, что я испытала, не было достаточно, чтобы заставить меня продолжать искать это или заботиться об этом так сильно, я не скучала по этому, где торт, я полагаю, так устроен мой мозг.

 

Так или иначе, были действительно оргазмические моменты, но я могу обойтись без них. И я могу обойтись без них особенно, если у меня есть выход в виде объятий/массажа и т. д. Секс не кажется мне чем-то существенным, я не могу идентифицировать себя как гея, натурала или бисексуала, может быть, это просто низкий уровень полового влечения и ощущение, что я смотрю со стороны на любые общества/культуры, даже на более открытые/альтернативные.

 

Мы с моим постоянным партнером месяцами забывали, что находимся в сексуальных отношениях.

 

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Время от времени это было похоже на «о да, мы могли бы мастурбировать бок о бок, чтобы снять напряжение», но иногда мы действительно возбуждались и наслаждались собой по полной. Хотя чувствовали себя скорее лучшими друзьями, чем парой.

 

Вне этих отношений у меня был период, когда я пыталась завести отношения с людьми, думая, что это меня удовлетворит, но это были лишние хлопоты, без которых я могла бы обойтись, и в конечном итоге это еще больше отвратило меня от свиданий/сексуальной культуры.

 

Я мог бы порадовать кого-то, я мог бы получить физическое освобождение, которое было бы приятным, но связанные с этим хлопоты делали это не стоящим того. Поэтому, какие бы влечения или стремления у меня ни были, я просто не считаю себя сексуальным человеком, я, по-видимому, асексуален для того, кто так много гулял. Я стал более асексуальным и более комфортным в этом отношении, до такой степени, что я чувствую облегчение от новых возможностей.

 

В последние годы я избегала искать более тесную дружбу или обниматься и другие чувственные вещи с кем-либо, потому что я чувствовала, что это повлечет за собой трудности и осложнения свиданий, отношений, сексуальной совместимости, различий в сексуальном влечении и т. д., всего того, чего я не хотела. Теперь я думаю, может быть, я смогу найти кого-то другого, кто не ищет сексуальных отношений, может быть, я смогу прозондировать почву.

 

Короче говоря: не ищу секса, устал от суеты, независимо от того, что может меня увлечь или привлечь. Что бы это ни значило.

I really relate to this post, especially the quote: we forgot about sexual relations for months and the hidden content with the phrase - we felt, quote: "Every now and then it was like "oh yeah, we could masturbate side by side to relieve tension", but sometimes we really got turned on and enjoyed ourselves to the fullest. Although we felt more like best friends than a couple." This is absolutely the same thing I did with my close friend, although our connection was more like a friendly queerplatonic? But we never took steps like - and now we will have sex. Our interactions were never aimed at this. We fooled around, could hug each other, just like that or for support. It was an expression of feelings of support, safety, friendship, fooling around. We could have arousal from mutual petting, but no one was a prelude to sex. It was a spontaneous thing under the mood, fooling around - I don't know how to give it an exact name. When you like someone and you can get aroused but don't want sex with that person. And there were no desires or aspirations for him (oral or any other act with penetration or something really sexual). It was a very comfortable friendly relationship. We spent a lot of time together: walking, riding bikes, relaxing on the couch watching movies and videos, I also loved studying together: we often listened to different lectures, discussed, talked a lot. I really liked communicating with this person, his way of thinking. But I wouldn't say that there were many romantic moments - it was a little aromantic. We didn't do any stuff with gifts of flowers, holding hands and kissing. Yes, we didn't kiss. We could touch cheeks, hands, explore the face with our hands - but without sexual connotations. Foolishness - this word is somewhat appropriate. But in difficult moments we were a good emotional support for each other. Maybe sex wasn't our thing because it was too much trouble. I once found this quote. It perfectly describes the relationship with this person and what I generally strive for, although I have other models. "This aspect is more likely to make you friends than lovers, even if the possibility of an intimate relationship between you exists. The reason for this is not the desire for freedom, but that you do not want to spoil the "wonderful friendship" with the problems that sex brings with it."

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Welcome around @An19. If you ever have questions feel free to post again in this thread, or you can talk about anything in other sections.

🍰

 

The person you quoted hasn't been around since 2018, so you're unlikely to get a response from them xD.

[An19]

Thank you for your feedback,@Sara-Sylvia. I read the forum a little for the first time at the beginning of this year. I first thought about sexuality and lack of desire and need for sexual contact as such when my lover with whom we met a couple of times a year began to bother me, nevertheless, we became quite friends, I won't say strongly, but it was always more interesting for me to chat with him in the end before and after "meetings", but in fairness it was Casual dating, it was different from hooking up, friends with benefits. Casual dating may or may not involve having sex, though some people use the terms "casual dating" and "casual sex" interchangeably. But "hooking up" and "friends with benefits" both definitively involve some form of physical intimacy. In general, these meetings were similar to something like this.

 

It's okay, about this person's answer, I was just looking for a post that would correspond to my vision as much as possible, or at least approximately. Because at first I couldn't figure out what to start from. I don't know where I am yet, I think that the ideas that it looks like an asexual spectrum still prevail. For me. When I read the posts a year ago, I got more and more confused and thought I would try to figure it out later. But I can already definitely say what I like and what I don't, in most cases. I don't always define it exactly - in fact, only sometimes I can give all kinds of accurate ideas of what happened between me and people. But from the very beginning I always offered to be friends, this concept was close to me in concept, until I knew the terms. In fact, this is still the most capacious word I can use to describe what I feel. Or a word to like. Love is too complicated a word because every person has too many different things in it. That's what I say, love is friendship for me. But at the same time, for someone to understand what I mean, I need to explain what I associate friendship with. But at the same time I don't want to explain and complicate all this. I'm saying friendship, apparently, precisely because it's a way for me not to complicate everything that gives lightness to relationships.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

2 hours ago, An19 said:

Thank you for your feedback,@Sara-Sylvia. I read the forum a little for the first time at the beginning of this year. I first thought about sexuality and lack of desire and need for sexual contact as such when my lover with whom we met a couple of times a year began to bother me, nevertheless, we became quite friends, I won't say strongly, but it was always more interesting for me to chat with him in the end before and after "meetings", but in fairness it was Casual dating, it was different from hooking up, friends with benefits. Casual dating may or may not involve having sex, though some people use the terms "casual dating" and "casual sex" interchangeably. But "hooking up" and "friends with benefits" both definitively involve some form of physical intimacy. In general, these meetings were similar to something like this.

 

It's okay, about this person's answer, I was just looking for a post that would correspond to my vision as much as possible, or at least approximately. Because at first I couldn't figure out what to start from. I don't know where I am yet, I think that the ideas that it looks like an asexual spectrum still prevail. For me. When I read the posts a year ago, I got more and more confused and thought I would try to figure it out later. But I can already definitely say what I like and what I don't, in most cases. I don't always define it exactly - in fact, only sometimes I can give all kinds of accurate ideas of what happened between me and people. But from the very beginning I always offered to be friends, this concept was close to me in concept, until I knew the terms. In fact, this is still the most capacious word I can use to describe what I feel. Or a word to like. Love is too complicated a word because every person has too many different things in it. That's what I say, love is friendship for me. But at the same time, for someone to understand what I mean, I need to explain what I associate friendship with. But at the same time I don't want to explain and complicate all this. I'm saying friendship, apparently, precisely because it's a way for me not to complicate everything that gives lightness to relationships.

If your focus is on friendship and you don't really get romantic feelings for anyone, then that can fall in the aromantic spectrum.

Me personally, typically I don't have sex with friends :P. I guess I could, since for me sex doesn't have romantic feelings. Sex to me is just something i get curious about experiencing sometimes to see how the physical pleasure will be, but I lose interest easily, too easily for it to be meaningful.

 

Romance means a lot to me though, because it's about sharing an intimate bond and I'd like that, and where someone is special to me and I'm special to them. I think romance (being more than friends) is that simple, it being about sharing a more intimate bond than I would with friends, and that can grow a special and intimate kind of love.