mlf Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 I'm confused. Is graysexual part of the asexual community or is it an entire sexual orientation of its own? I'm new here, but I think I may be graysexual and I'm getting negative vibes from the other AVEN forums. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 @mlf, it is often perceived greysexual is closer to asexual than not. This is precisely why greysexual, demisexual and similar folk are welcomed here. However,some people hold different points of view. The main rule we have is not to invalidate someone's identity. Personally I now identify as demisexual, but still regard myself as part of this community 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Others like me Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 On 10/25/2017 at 8:30 PM, Seeking Answers said: Hi, guys. I just started wondering about this yesterday. I would say please forgive my ignorance, but you guys seem like an amazingly accepting group. So, I'm not sure that's necessary. A little about me. I'm an ISTJ personality type. A nerd. Socially awkward. Overall, I think sex and people's pursuit of it is stupid. Other than making more humans, I don't see much point in it. (And is that even really necessary?) I think it's really over-hyped by society. And I don't like the pressure and social obligation to have it. In my eyes the more sexual a relationship is, the less romantic it is and vice versa. It's almost like sex for the sake of emotional connection is a turn-off for me. And don't even get me started on how I feel about the term "intimacy" being used to mean sex or vice versa. It strikes me as a sign of ignorance. In short, I find sex about as romantic as I find Al Bundy. That is, really not at all. However, and this is what confuses me. I do get sexually aroused. But it seems to be either when someone I love wants to cuddle and doesn't mention sex. On the flip side, I tend to get aroused at the thought of meaningless sex (e.g. fantasies about strangers, fantasies about spontaneously having sex with an acquaintance/friend with whom I have no romantic feelings, etc.) (In reality, I'm married and have only slept with one person in my entire life.) I know no one can tell me what I am. But can someone help me figure out what asexuality is in relation to what I've described? Is there anyone else out there like me? Or are there any terms I could research or use to understand myself better? P.S. I am happily married. Just trying to figure out the pain in the neck that is sexuality or lack thereof. On 10/25/2017 at 8:30 PM, Seeking Answers said: Hi, guys. I just started wondering about this yesterday. I would say please forgive my ignorance, but you guys seem like an amazingly accepting group. So, I'm not sure that's necessary. A little about me. I'm an ISTJ personality type. A nerd. Socially awkward. Overall, I think sex and people's pursuit of it is stupid. Other than making more humans, I don't see much point in it. (And is that even really necessary?) I think it's really over-hyped by society. And I don't like the pressure and social obligation to have it. In my eyes the more sexual a relationship is, the less romantic it is and vice versa. It's almost like sex for the sake of emotional connection is a turn-off for me. And don't even get me started on how I feel about the term "intimacy" being used to mean sex or vice versa. It strikes me as a sign of ignorance. In short, I find sex about as romantic as I find Al Bundy. That is, really not at all. However, and this is what confuses me. I do get sexually aroused. But it seems to be either when someone I love wants to cuddle and doesn't mention sex. On the flip side, I tend to get aroused at the thought of meaningless sex (e.g. fantasies about strangers, fantasies about spontaneously having sex with an acquaintance/friend with whom I have no romantic feelings, etc.) (In reality, I'm married and have only slept with one person in my entire life.) I know no one can tell me what I am. But can someone help me figure out what asexuality is in relation to what I've described? Is there anyone else out there like me? Or are there any terms I could research or use to understand myself better? P.S. I am happily married. Just trying to figure out the pain in the neck that is sexuality or lack thereof. Hi there. Responding to this post 7 years later lol. Curious to see if you have arrived at further insights since this post. I also wanted to let you know that I am in the same boat as you! I especially related to the whole confusion based around sexual arousal. The thing that confuses me is If I’m not sexually attracted to people but get sexually aroused by the fantasy of random strangers that don’t exist then how does that add up? Also, something that is constantly on my mind is the feeling like I am missing out because I have not had sex and I want to know what it’s like simply for theory sake yet I’m neutral on the whole having sex with another person. It doesn’t repulse me nor intrigue me. For context: I’m in my early 20s and a female and never have had sex or anything close to it, simply because I haven’t wanted to (even when the offer has been give ) . Curious if there are others like me that are dealing with the same internal struggles. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Binear0020598 Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 I’m 44 and had a full hysterectomy after my child was born for health related reasons. I lost my virginity at 23. I’ve always found an indifference to sex no matter my age. I’ve have it with my partner who I’m in love with but generally I don’t need it. I don’t have a need to masturbate either. I didn’t know anything about being asexual until my child told me he is. I looked into it to better understand him and was reading similar things about me. Then I started to wonder if I have been my whole life. I find men attractive and I’ve have a very deep love with partners but my love/connection has been more based on their personality, intelligence, kindness, honesty, humor, etc. I do love hugs, pecks, holding hands, massages, and snuggling. So my question is: what does this make me? Does this run in the family?TIA Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 4 minutes ago, Binear0020598 said: I’m 44 and had a full hysterectomy after my child was born for health related reasons. I lost my virginity at 23. I’ve always found an indifference to sex no matter my age. I’ve have it with my partner who I’m in love with but generally I don’t need it. I don’t have a need to masturbate either. I didn’t know anything about being asexual until my child told me he is. I looked into it to better understand him and was reading similar things about me. Then I started to wonder if I have been my whole life. I find men attractive and I’ve have a very deep love with partners but my love/connection has been more based on their personality, intelligence, kindness, honesty, humor, etc. I do love hugs, pecks, holding hands, massages, and snuggling. So my question is: what does this make me? Does this run in the family?TIA Hi 🍰 For attraction, there's different kinds and it doesn't have to be based on looks for it to be sexual, so it can be based on personality or anything really. It's more about what kind of pull you feel towards them. From what you said it does sound like you might be on the asexual spectrum and have low libido as well. What you talked about liking could just be part of your love language as touch, it's my main love language too, I love cuddling and all that. If you feel a pull for those things with someone we call it sensual attraction, and likely you feel a romantic kind as well. You said you don't have a 'need' for sex, but do you find yourself having a pull or desire for it with your partner? You can share more on that if you'd like. It does seem like sometimes it can run in the family to some degree. I don't think there's research on it though, but I've seen some people talk about it on the forum here and there how there's some others in their family that felt the same. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ingridguerci94 Posted April 5 Share Posted April 5 On 4/2/2024 at 5:21 AM, Sarah-Sylvia said: Hi 🍰 For attraction, there's different kinds and it doesn't have to be based on looks for it to be sexual, so it can be based on personality or anything really. It's more about what kind of pull you feel towards them. From what you said it does sound like you might be on the asexual spectrum and have low libido as well. What you talked about liking could just be part of your love language as touch, it's my main love language too, I love cuddling and all that. If you feel a pull for those things with someone we call it sensual attraction, and likely you feel a romantic kind as well. You said you don't have a 'need' for sex, but do you find yourself having a pull or desire for it with your partner? You can share more on that if you'd like. It does seem like sometimes it can run in the family to some degree. I don't think there's research on it though, but I've seen some people talk about it on the forum here and there how there's some others in their family that felt the same. Lately, I've been wondering. It seems like I never feel sexually attracted to partners or potential partners, only to characters or other unattainable people/people I'd never meet. Most of my 'crushes' have been purely based on how they look (often combined with feeling sensual and romantic). I'm okay with the idea of sex in theory or in fantasy with specific people/characters I don't know, but if I'm in a room with anyone, even a trusted partner who I find attractive, the most I want is to meet their needs in a few ways (and I wouldn't say I'm really in the mood for this). Fantasizing about someone I know, even if I find them good-looking, isn't something that turns me on. Do other graysexual people have experiences like these? I've thought that I might be a sex-positive graysexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted April 5 Share Posted April 5 9 minutes ago, ingridguerci94 said: Lately, I've been wondering. It seems like I never feel sexually attracted to partners or potential partners, only to characters or other unattainable people/people I'd never meet. Most of my 'crushes' have been purely based on how they look (often combined with feeling sensual and romantic). I'm okay with the idea of sex in theory or in fantasy with specific people/characters I don't know, but if I'm in a room with anyone, even a trusted partner who I find attractive, the most I want is to meet their needs in a few ways (and I wouldn't say I'm really in the mood for this). Fantasizing about someone I know, even if I find them good-looking, isn't something that turns me on. Do other graysexual people have experiences like these? I've thought that I might be a sex-positive graysexual. Hi. You don't sound very sexual anyway xD. We tend to look at fantasy to not really matter since people can fantasize about all sorts of things, it would really be more about if it's possible for you to have sexual attraction/desire irl. Have you ever felt it as an extension of intimacy? Sounds like no from what you said. If that's the case then at the very 'least' you'd be graysexual yeah but you might even be close to asexual if you don't actually experience any with actual people. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lilitu Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 I'm wondering how common it is to go from having what is considered a "normal" sex life/drive up until my 30's, to having absolutely none at all in my 40's - just something that naturally started to matter less and less to me, and now that I've been married to the same partner for 8 years, something that I'm completely uninterested in, even in terms of being sexually attracted to other people, or even feeling the need to have orgasms in any way anymore. Arousal is rare and sex just seems gross to me now. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like most of the posts I read are from those who have felt this way or similarly for their entire lives. Thanx for any feedback ❤️ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 18 minutes ago, Lilitu said: I'm wondering how common it is to go from having what is considered a "normal" sex life/drive up until my 30's, to having absolutely none at all in my 40's - just something that naturally started to matter less and less to me, and now that I've been married to the same partner for 8 years, something that I'm completely uninterested in, even in terms of being sexually attracted to other people, or even feeling the need to have orgasms in any way anymore. Arousal is rare and sex just seems gross to me now. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like most of the posts I read are from those who have felt this way or similarly for their entire lives. Thanx for any feedback ❤️ Hi. I wouldn't say it's the most common on its own, but like people can have decreased libido as they age, or on anti-depressants, or like in my case when changing hormones, there can be different reasons. You could get your hormone levels checked but you did say you find sex gross so I wonder what you've felt around sex in the first place. It could be that libido is was holding it up, or it could be that you changed. I would say I changed in my case but I also questioned my sexuality a long time ago too. Though I think a big part was that I was depressed and that itself decreaed my libido and maybe made me question how much sex mattered to me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.