What are you thinking: Gender Edition :)

[Emery.]

You can get a compression sports bra, though.

[Lirpaderp]

Just now, Emery. said:

You can get a compression sports bra, though.

I have sports bras but when I went shopping I couldn't find any compression ones. So I just deal with a normal one a size down. Idk how good or bad that is, but I do it. I need to just suck up my fear and get a binder. I wanted one before realizing I'm trans, but I never got one. It's definitely time, I'm just scared.

[Emery.]

I feel ridiculous. So now what? I'm going to say to call me a masculine name and that I feel like a man? I'm not even doing anything... other than that. I'm just a tomboy. Or not even that. I'm not transitioning physically. I feel... not trans enouh, I guess. 

 

But I decided I'll do it. If not sooner then later. I will. I just see no point in sitting there and continuing to not protest the info that I'm a girl. I just... See nomother way out. I hate this box others put me in. I need to get out. I see no other way out. 

 

I'm scared shitless. Really. But determined. 

 

This is the end, my dear friends, the end. I'm already partially there, this will be the biggest jump.

 

edit:

 

Do you also have a feeling like transitioning is like one step forward and one backwards, and two forward, and one backwards, and so forth?

 

i wanna do it. I wanna do it this week. I want to come out. I have a plan for this. So... it should go somehow. I want to use the momentum there is now because of the coming out in the English class and saying I'm not exactly straight. 

 

I feel like something broke, really. But was it like... it suddenly broke? No, I don't think so. I've been struggling with this since April or so. Struggling to find the right moment. Scaring the shit. Distressing about the name. Having random trans attacks. Coming out to people. Faling. Putting one foot there and backing off. Talking about it at all. Stopping to scare the shit. Working on this in therapy. Because being a girl for others just doesn't work for me. Trying to be a girl. Failing to feel good about it. 

 

This would be like... the last thing. If I came out in the college. Then just extended family would remain but I doubt they would care and I have a gut feeling my mom could have told them already. 

[Sibemarie]

On 29/09/2017 at 6:39 AM, Jayce said:

TMI

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When people scream and shout you gotta accept your boobs i just want to curl up Under a blanket and scream.

 I seriously don't get how you can come to terms with your boobs if they cause dysphoria, that totally doesn't make sense!

How i understand you. I am suffering now more because i gained 3 more kilos or so due to depression, and those disgusting things are a little bigger i f*cking hate them

[Sibemarie]

I am thinking similar thoughts. I am desperate to make them smaller, losing weight will take a while. Besides most of my bras are old now so they dont hold those as much as i wanted. My body type is mesomorph and i am short 157cm (around 5ft 18 in USA measures i think?) so every kilo/pound counts. Most of the fat goes on breast and bum. The female features. The motherly features. I hate it in me since i am fiercely against having sex and children and how my birth gender does NOT define me! According to body mass index i have balanced weight BUT to me , the much-repulsive feminine shapes are a little more noticeable there so this body at the moment triggers dysphoria. I am NOT one of them. It sickens me. At the moment i can't even look at me.

[Lotta_Biscotti]

I've developed this really weird disconnect between what I wear and what I like and what I want to wear. Like, I love those retro cocktail dresses, but feel like I'd look silly in them because they are so feminine and I'm just plain me, pretty agendered on the inside. Like, it's not even about being fat-- I've seen fellow overweight women absolutely rock those styles-- but like, the personality to go with it, the, I dunno, 'cool' attitude. I feel like there's nothing in department stores that speaks to me, almost never anything in goodwill, and even if I could make my own stuff exactly what I like to look at, I'd look silly wearing it. Instead I just go for black slacks and like, a nice dress shirt and maybe a vest or tie, or some open neckline thing that isn't too saucy.

 

I really don't know what I'd feel comfortable in, that isn't the boring, slightly over-formal stuff I wear now. I used to love these tutu-shaped early 90s skorts, because it was impossible to flash anyone, and they were still playful. Like... Why aren't there more things like that?

[Was here]

"You're not a guy, this guy version of yourself in your head is just a coping mechanism. A better version of your asshole friend friend without visualizing him directly so you do't go insane fro panic attacks, chest tightness, and anxiety"

[The-world-is-quiet-here]

My favorite is when cis adults say, “[the gender fluid] flag doesn’t really scream ‘gender fluid’ to me.” What does that mean?? What does gender fluidity look like to a cis person?

[ChillaKilla]

1 hour ago, The-world-is-quiet-here said:

My favorite is when cis adults say, “[the gender fluid] flag doesn’t really scream ‘gender fluid’ to me.” What does that mean?? What does gender fluidity look like to a cis person?

Like a giant swirl of pink and blue?  

[Was here]

I can't fucking do this anymore. I want to tell my parents so bad, but they won't get it. It's just a god damn phase, they'll say. probably. I don't know. I'm too afraid to ask. I already told my mom that sometimes I think I'm transgender, but I didn't go into detail....I don't want her to say "are you thinking these things because of that guy online or your one transgender friend?" NO. FUCKING NO. MY. BODY. IS. FUCKING. DISGUSTING. TO. ME. WHY WON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT????? I just-- I can't. I can't anymore. I'm begging in my head for every girl at school to admit that they hate there bodies, just to know I'm normal and not broken, but that wouldn't make sense....

 

I wish I never told my mom "transgender" directly... I just want to pretend I don't know what's wrong with me and that I've been enduring my body since puberty started. Fuck me. Why did I tell her in such a stupid way?

 

 

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

Wanting a flat chest as an AFAB non binary person, as well as possibly a lankier body shape, is not and will never be a statement of which side of masculinity and femininity I fall on. I'm just going to wear what I want, and the people who interpret me as clearly not feminine don't even realise how much of femininity I've just never been able to have anyway(I can't really wear high heels, dolly shoes have always given me endless blisters, I try to wear a little makeup but regularly just wipe it off and nail varnish is a bad idea since it would just chip from piano playing anyway). Despite that, I'm going to hold onto my partly long hair because to me it's a major part of my gender expression.

Sorry I just periodically feel this deep confliction with being grouped into any particular gender expression because touch sensitivity and stuff hold me back though I also feel highly self conscious after wearing a little more makeup than usual because I'm so not used to it.

[Was here]

I'm afraid that if I ever changed my name, I would forget it and go back to the name I have right now. My name's pretty feminine.

[ddfgggggggggggggggggh]

Hi! I never do things the easy slow way so this week I've been having revelations/ doubts about my sexuality, romantic orientation, gender identity and although not related my family life. I just realized that there is such a thing as asexual and that makes me very happy!!! I am very new to this, have questions and had no one to turn to so here I am! I have been reading about different gender identities but none of the seem to really fit. I am a 17 yo cis girl and never had the slightest trace of dysphoria, I am quite pleased with my body which is very feminine and I enjoy dressing in a very feminine way. But I've always felt like I have a masculine mind, associated with men in general socially and as a misguided middleschooler who didn't understand feminism I used to bash women as a gender. I feel both female and male but I think that none of the labels of bigender, genderfluid or demigirl apply to me. Help?

[Emery.]

Gender therapy day. I can't wait.

[Was here]

NSFW and just generally whiny and dumb

Spoiler

I'm about to give up. Medicine won't advance fast enough, VR won't advance fast enough, and probably wouldn't give me what I want anyway now that I think about it (in a sci fi but kind of realistic way; like even if I could be in a VR world all the time, it wouldn't work how I would want it to. it wouldn't be mainstream. people would just go into VR and have fun and shit and then get out of it instead of living in it forever like I want so I could have a male avatar to replace my body). I'll never be a guy. I'll never have  a real dick, I'll never have sperm, I'll always have this shitty partly female body if I transitioned medically. I don't want a partly female body, I want a male one. I don't know why I'm so stubborn, but I am. Transitioning with how it is right now just doesn't feel right. Like I said, I want a male body, not a kind-of-male but still female and broken one... Why was I born this way? Why was it too fucking hard for nature to figure out that when my libido developed, my natural way of thinking of sex and masturbation was to use the penis I don't have? If I want a dick so bad, then why won't my body stop being stupid and grow me a fucking dick? Why won't my eggs turn into sperm? Why won't my periods stop? If my body's natural way of thinking is "I have a dick, but it's missing" why won't is fix it's stupid self? Why can't we all just shape shift or some shit so it would be easier? I don't want to come out to my parents about these gender issues I have. I kind of just want to transition with out them knowing and then come out to them, but that's not realistic and I can't just snap my fingers and turn into a guy.

 

[Guest]

I kinda feel like i'm on a crossroad Genderwise..I'm back to square one, figuring out who i really am! Fun times But on the other hand i wonder why the worries or perhaps it's just how my family sometimes responds to transness..wich is concerning though. But i don't feel like i can hide the grandma's cough all the time either.They can be safe though i don't plan to transition but i just want to be me too. I hate these thoughts sometimes  

[Guest]

I shower, I want to cry. I got them bubbling up ready to burst. I feel like falling down to the floor and just sob. I've been there, couple times. It's not always happening though. But everytime these feelings and thoughts come back.

 

I wish I knew sooner. I wish I had met other people earlier in life that were able to crack me open into my deepest most hidden thinking and tell me it's not weird at all. Then again. I'm still like the average age of most transwomen so at least i'm normal there xD

[Amaretti]

I wish I could post a picture of myself and not get stupid comments calling me "girl" or "lady." I feel like screaming! My roomie called me "girl" in casual conversation today and I freaking lost it. .. I'm so tired of  this garbage and I'm so so tired of correcting people...

[Lord Pocky]

Me: *wants to be a boy*

 

also me: *thinks I could be non binary yet still a boy (somehow)*

 

me: *becomes a confused potato boy thinking of promouns*

 

he/him, they/them. I go with he him but I'd be perfectly fine with they them.

 

i wear earrings and put on nail polish (cause im stylish, lol)

 

If I had parts, they'd be male (flat chest/pecs, the ole wee wee) 

 

das it. 

[Was here]

I'm worried that if I ever came out about my gender issues, my family would make fun of me for not being "male enough" or something. Mostly my brother though, because he makes fun of people as a joke.

 

my dysphoria has also gone on and off. I thought yesterday that having male parts would feel gross and weird, but at the time I still feel desperate to have them. It's weird.

[PixleyDust✨]

On 11/3/2017 at 7:22 AM, ChillaKilla said:

Most genderfluid people I know (if not all of them) consider their genderfluidity to be a fundamental change in their gender identity for that period of time, not merely an (arguably normal) fluctuation in their personality. If they are feeling masculine, they in that moment are a man, and would never be insulted by being referred to as such- quite the opposite. If you referred to them as anything other than "he" in the moment, they would be dysphoric about it. Being genderfluid is more than just changing the levels of masculinity/femininity in your outward appearance.

Interesting. I definitely do have an internal change between these personalities, and have experienced dysphoria with myself which I've come to realize was because I was neglecting my masculine side. But I guess, even on my manliest days, my inner masculinity isn't strong enough that I need it to be outwardly acknowledged by other people, but still strong enough that I need to personally acknowledge it internally and dress/act accordingly.

 

I even got a short, androgynous haircut that I don't want to give up anytime soon because I feel it strikes a nice balance between expressing all of these sides of me. (Plus, it makes for a pretty satisfying indulgence when I'm really feeling manly and I get to run my fingers through my short hair. That is a SPECTACULAR FEELING. 😍)

 

So maybe, genderfluidity for me, is just the balance of my feminine and masculine side, and I only have a problem when one side gets more attention than the other whether from me or from other people.

 

If any of that makes sense.

[ChillaKilla]

My roommate/SO decided to amuse herself by playing with my leg hair  she must’ve been really bored...

Interestingly enough, my outer calves are nowhere near as hairy as the insides of my shins... and my right leg is noticeably hairier than the left... come on, you two! We’re in this together!

[Was here]

spoiler for being a bit tmi

Spoiler

I feel weird right now. I really wish I had a dick right now and was a guy, but at the same time, I feel okay with being a girl, probably because I'm used to it and don't care right now. A girl, not feminine. But coming out as bigender or genderfluid if I am seems weird.

 

[Was here]

I'm starting to think clearly again, realizing that I think I'd really only be okay with being feminine if I was playing a character instead of myself. I think femininity is just nostalgic to me, because I used to be into girly things when I was little. As for having a female body, I don't know. I'd prefer to have a male body, but I'm okay with being AFAB because I'm used to it, and  kind of like it sometimes, in a way (?). I don't know

[Was here]

I wonder how I would react if I woke up as a guy tomorrow, to prove if I'm trans.... like, I know I want a different body, but do I? Would I be okay with that? Because I can't exactly answer that since I've never had a male body and I don't know how I would feel if I had one, especially if it was permanent.

 

I wonder how other people would react. If cis people would love it forever, or if they would hate it immediately, or think it's fun at first but hate it as time goes on. I don't know. I'm struggling again to figure out who I am and what/who I want to be.

[Lord Pocky]

*gives a huge hug to @Dan99 and hands em' cocoa*

you define who you are, no one else. Figuring yourself out can be a challenge but it's a challenge that's worth it if it lessens anxiety or doubts about yourself as an individual human. 

 

People in this world are slowly accepting that people like us exist. While in most parts, they're still full of denial and hate. Hopefully, the world will change to accept and befriend us, standing by as comrades in this strange battle of acceptance. 

 

I know you can do it. I know that you can become the person you want to be. Regardless of how your folks react, if they truly love you, they'll accept you. If not, then it may take them a while to do so. Be strong and safe, buddy. 

 

Believe in your strengths.

[Lord Pocky]

On 9/1/2017 at 10:37 PM, I Am Mel said:

Brain therapist: What do you feel like?

Me:  ....I feel like me.... Just me

Brain therapist:  Let's try again, do you feel like a man?

Me:  no.... but I got mistaken for a one yesterday

Brain therapist:  Well do you feel like a woman

Me:  ....Oh I Give Up!!!! what does feeling like a "woman" actually feel like?!?!?!?!?! :@

Feeling like something is a strange phenomenon. I feel like a boy because that's just how my brain and heart feels (somehow) It's hard to describe but I think it can go something like this:

 

me: *gets called 'sir'* "yes. Correct. That is I!"

me: *gets called ma'am* *heavy wheeze* "please no. No thank you. Nah." 

[Lirpaderp]

10 hours ago, Iced Milk Boy said:

me: *gets called 'sir'* "yes. Correct. That is I!"

me: *gets called ma'am* *heavy wheeze* "please no. No thank you. Nah." 

Yes! Exactly what I think! But I don't know if I feel like a man. I love it when people think I'm a guy, but I don't know if I feel like one. But being called he makes me soooo happy. Idk what I am. I wish I knew. How do you feel like a gender? I know I'm not a girl, but I'm still confused why I feel that way.

[Lord Pocky]

Just now, Lirpaderp said:

Yes! Exactly what I think! But I don't know if I feel like a man. I love it when people think I'm a guy, but I don't know if I feel like one. But being called he makes me soooo happy. Idk what I am. I wish I knew. How do you feel like a gender? I know I'm not a girl, but I'm still confused why I feel that way.

I suppose that is for you to decide. Deciding I was a male happened after a while of being confused and disgusted by my body. As a youngen, I thought I would grow up like my sibling and cousins, but I didn't. I thought we all had the same parts, but we didn't. And that's what confused me greatly. Simply said, figuring out ones gender is a diffuclt task that only you yourself can take on. 

[Was here]

I'm feeling fake again because of the same shit i always rant about" I' a girl. I know I'm a girl. I fully acknowledge myself as a girl. I just really wish I wasn't, at least physically.