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What are you thinking: Gender Edition :)


binary suns

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In my country there is not neutral names or pronouns so I had to chose from english ones (it's a good thing that I plan on moving to UK in a few years) and I'm quite sure of the one I chose, but I can't even try it out (becouse it's not used in Poland) and definitely not ask people to just use it instead of my name and it sucks. And I'll have to wait forever to be able to officialy change my name.

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(Weird enough because of my constant mental conflict over gender) I've always hated my voice because I think I sound like a boy trying to sound like a girl. Like my voice sounds too boyish to me and I wish it was more feminine? I know, that's weird coming from me since I'm constantly confusing myself over gender.

 

I kind of sound like Sadness from inside out (unfortunately; I'm kind of sad all the time and I sound like a character that's literally personified sadness)

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I swore the counter dude called me "maam" just now but then I thougth "no I just misheard him" but then he called me "maam" a second time... right? and then two more times he called me "man" (but the inflection did not change at all - only my perception of the last letter)

 

so did he gender me as female - and correct it - or did I mishear him? or, did he gender me as female the whole time?  :unsure:  that'd honestly surprise me if he gendered me as female, as I was dressing masculine.

 

(longer details inside)

 

like am I making sense? that, when someone says "maam" they draw out the "a" a certain way, that is very subtle but isn't there when someone says "man"

 

and, he said "man" more times than usual and in different context.

 

but, he did sorta seem to have an accent that wasn't quite what I'm usually exposed to.

 

so like... did I hear him wrong the first two times? or did he actually gender me as female?

 

but, that's surprising to me 'cause, the server lady (chipoltle) gendered me as male. and what I'm wearing is a masculine, black, rain jacket. I guess it covers my neck (adams apple) but it also covered my tiny boobs and my barely-curvey figure. And, he called me "maam" I swear, twice, the second time after I answered him, so he heard my male voice right???

 

 

so what is it? but I'll never know whithout asking, and I'm not comfortable doing that lol xD

 

 

and the Weirdest thing is how shocking this was - shocking as in, what do I do about this situation? I've been gendered as female once or twice before but then the person apologized and i just let them go along unknowing of the blessing they gave me lol. but those situations, there would be good contextual reason why they'd gender me as female. the Only way he'd have gendered me is by my face...

 

so I'm pretty sure I just misheard him. . .

 

sigh :(

 

 

 

(oh, he also saw me from behind, maybe he saw my hips and curvature of lower back, which was one of the two reasons I was gendered as female before)

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TFW you verbally refer to yourself by your deadname. at least no one else was around to hear :unsure:

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Janus the Fox

Nothing of any thought gender spcifically

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On 9/2/2017 at 7:22 AM, alpha decay said:

I hate my voice. ._. I sound like 12 years old. 

I try not to think about mine. :( I have a huge tangle of accents that my voice therapists kept wanting to untangle first before actually working on the voice part. The fact that my partner is Deaf meant I could not get much feedback on it either.

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J. van Deijck
10 minutes ago, KaraH said:

I try not to think about mine. :( I have a huge tangle of accents that my voice therapists kept wanting to untangle first before actually working on the voice part. The fact that my partner is Deaf meant I could not get much feedback on it either.

aw. *sends hugs* how is that with your voice? :o

 

I'm hard of hearing, so I'm affected with speech disorder as a natural consequence of hearing loss. but it's a separate thing, the worst thing is that my voice definitely doesn't sound like it belonged to 27 years old male ._.

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J. van Deijck
On 02/09/2017 at 8:31 PM, (D)anny said:

(Weird enough because of my constant mental conflict over gender) I've always hated my voice because I think I sound like a boy trying to sound like a girl. Like my voice sounds too boyish to me and I wish it was more feminine? I know, that's weird coming from me since I'm constantly confusing myself over gender.

 

I kind of sound like Sadness from inside out (unfortunately; I'm kind of sad all the time and I sound like a character that's literally personified sadness)

I’m the opposite. my voice is too high-pitched for a guy who is no longer a teenager :P

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Thanks :) *HUGS* At home communication is a lot of signing with some speaking (it seems common to mix the two with Deaf/hearing couples) so obviously I do not give much of a thought to how it sounds. It is only for mouth shapes after all. It is when I go out in public that it is obviously wrong.

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not rn I'm not thinking it, this morning:

 

"wow she's got great hips" *feels own hips* "aw, I'm so flat" :(

 

 

 

 

that being said, they are more feminine-curvature now than before, and I suspect slightly wider too. 

 

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3 hours ago, float on said:

not rn I'm not thinking it, this morning:

 

"wow she's got great hips" *feels own hips* "aw, I'm so flat" :(

 

 

 

 

that being said, they are more feminine-curvature now than before, and I suspect slightly wider too. 

 

I'm that but the other way around. Stupid hips... But they barely bother me. It's my boobs that I truly hate.

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I hate my thights and hips, I wish they were slim and my legs wouldn't look so much like chicken legs. 

 

Also, I wonder if I should ask my friend, when I finally meet him for the first time in person, to use my "new" name. He knows both. I have also hinted I have identity issues and I don't like my birth name. Never done that before, so... 

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Thing I have been thinking lately (aka forever):
I really really wish I was a girl. I hate that I'm not. Also I hate that I have trouble separating gender from physical features when it comes to myself 'cause otherwise the aforementioned wouldn't be an issue in the slightest.

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4 hours ago, Emery. said:

I want to have a girlfriend. 

Please can I have one too?

 

Also. Why is my chest hair growing upwards? I know hair isn't exactly a slave to gravity but why upwards? 

 

Also also. I didn't sign on for chest hair. 

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I want a tie too. And a waistcoat. Ha ha. Those are the only items I'm lacking in my manly wardrobe, excluding cosmetics, which I don't really want. 

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2 hours ago, dissolved said:

Please can I have one too?

 

Also. Why is my chest hair growing upwards? I know hair isn't exactly a slave to gravity but why upwards? 

 

Also also. I didn't sign on for chest hair. 

Lol. I'm not taking T and I still have some on my chest.....errr....boobs :(. I have a total of 3 hairs on my chin too. But my family is rather hairy. A few friends of his call my brother blond sasquatch. I don't think I'd mind a beard or chest hair, but I sing soprano. If my voice changes I feel like I'd have to learn to sing all over again.

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Soprano??? Wow. Few people sing soprano, or is it just what I met? 

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4 minutes ago, Emery. said:

Soprano??? Wow. Few people sing soprano, or is it just what I met? 

There are lots of them. But not too many can hit the really high notes. My range can go much higher than the music I have to sing. But singing in the highest or lowest parts of your voice for long periods of time can damage it. So I'm glad my range is higher, I never have to go near the spot where it could be damaged. The majority of females are naturally between soprano and alto, I think.

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Ah. Right. Majority of people I met in choir were either altos or bases :P But we had altos, sopranos, bases and tenors. So four voices. I'm rather a dead set alto. I'd love to have singing lessons one day!

 

p.s. Dysphoria free reality is sweet.

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@everyone

 

 

hey don't feel ashamed to post anything here - if youfeel like it's kinda heavy or intense or personal but do still wanna post it - just put it in a spoiler :) give a content warning if you feel it's appropriate.

 

and - if there's anything you're too... not really wanting to share it. it's too personal to reveal it on - I totally get that, don't force yourself to share if it's too personal for you to feel comfortable sharing it.

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aaahh :o I can't handle these emotions T_T I'm actually crying from being so happy, what is this? :redface: 

 

my mom brought me home some bras to try on and one of them is sooo cute :blush:

 

I wanna faint :o I can't process right now what is going on :blush:

 

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999papercranes
5 hours ago, float on said:

 

 

 

aaahh :o I can't handle these emotions T_T I'm actually crying from being so happy, what is this? :redface: 

 

my mom brought me home some bras to try on and one of them is sooo cute :blush:

 

I wanna faint :o I can't process right now what is going on :blush:

 

Aw, that's amazing! :D I'm so happy for you! 

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8 hours ago, float on said:

 

 

 

aaahh :o I can't handle these emotions T_T I'm actually crying from being so happy, what is this? :redface: 

 

my mom brought me home some bras to try on and one of them is sooo cute :blush:

 

I wanna faint :o I can't process right now what is going on :blush:

 

THAT IS SO COOL! :D Your mom sounds awesome.

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thanks <3

 

:D yeah she even took the stuff that didn't fit back, and then came home with another bag, with nice shirts and now a second bra too. 2 new bras, 4 new shirts, lookin cute in all of 'em :3 best day ever :o

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Sleepy Skeleton

Ever since I was young I've always wanted a nice, deep voice like Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam and I wonder why on earth I never realized I was non-binary earlier.

 

Seriously, it's my dream to have a low singing voice and still sound great. Like, picture this: the sweetest-looking young person you can imagine. The have the face of an angel. Maybe they're wearing a long, flowy dress and have flowers in their hair. Their smile is light a ray of sunshine. They are holding a guitar. They are going to sing you a song. Out of their mouth comes the most sonorous and sultry baritone voice you can ever imagine. That's my goal.

 

But alas, I am a weak alto. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

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<No longer active>

i went shopping by myself yesterday and i went in the men's section :) I was really nervous about it at first and i had to keep telling myself its not weird they'll just think you're a lesbian' but once i actually found a few shirts i really got into it and i ended up having a really nice convo with the (male) cashier who was super cute and reminded me of how pan I am :)

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^ you're right, that is a cute story :P

 

 

 

 

I'm thinking, my cup size is still soo small. xD here I am at home all pleased with myself for finally having a chest, and yet in the real world many people don't even notice em and some even think I'm flat chested. 

 

 

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The-world-is-quiet-here

I was at my therapist's office, and in the waiting room they have these copies of various therapy-ish books. They had a new one with a reddish blackish cover, and it was My Gender Workbook (by Kate Bornstein)! I was flipping through it and it seems super cool and helpful- I'm hoping to actually get a copy next week :P 

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