Jump to content
Telecaster68

What sexuals are really thinking

Recommended Posts

Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
5 minutes ago, SkullyPles said:

I like that this thread acts like all sexuals have the same hivemind attitude to sex. That's a surefire way to prove a point. 

How do you mean? :o

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68
9 minutes ago, SkullyPles said:

I like that this thread acts like all sexuals have the same hivemind attitude to sex. That's a surefire way to prove a point. 

FFS. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SkullyPles
7 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

FFS. 

yes it is for "fucks" sake. That is the essence of the thread, no? :blink:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68
1 minute ago, SkullyPles said:

yes it is for "fucks" sake. That is the essence of the thread, no? :blink:

Are you going to actually say something constructive, or would you rather just fuck off? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SkullyPles
Just now, Telecaster68 said:

Are you going to actually say something constructive, or would you rather just fuck off? 

I can see how "FFS" is very constructive. But no. And I can also see how telling people to fuck off will progress your ideologies. Is it not the essence of the thread? To talk about the sake of fucking?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

Ssssh. The adults are talking. Precocious children just make everyone cringe. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SkullyPles

Your reaction suggests you less of an adult of a crying baby waiting for attention.

 

Your posts remind me a lot of my abusive ex. I wonder if that's why you basically demand sex off someone who doesn't want to give it? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

Yes you have me bang to rights. Now  back to your toys. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
On 25/08/2017 at 6:14 AM, Gleep said:

The better question is will they have affairs. And yes. Absolutely. Mankind isn't a monogamous animal. Eventually if  they aren't getting the emotional care and feeding they need, they will find it somewhere else. Doesn't matter how much they love their partner.

I just saw this!! I actually do believe some people re truly, innately monogamous. While it's certainly not true of everyone, there are people who can't desire sex with others outside of their loving relationship and are made physically sick by the idea of that. I am one such person, and I have met others here (both male and female) who feel the same. I've even seen hypersexual posters who are miserable at the lack of sex in their relationship, but also are very open about the fact that emotionally, the idea of cheating is so sickening to them that even if they tried it (which they wouldn't) they couldn't enjoy it in anyway. When I'm in a relationship, feel literally physically unwell at the idea of being intimate in any way (emotional or physical) with someone else. And I actually get off (I experience heightened arousal, happiness, deep satisfaction) on the idea of total, unending, complete monogamy. It's the most satisfying thing in the world to me and being with someone else (or my partner being with someone else) would destroy me mentally and emotionally (and that would divulge into physical self harm because I'm also kind of crazy when in that much pain). 

 

So while it's true that many people will seek another for intimacy if they're not getting it from their partner, there are those along us who would rather be whipped bloody than have sex or any form of intimacy with another person while we are in love with someone. Please note I'm not saying either way is better or worse, I just wanted to clarify my stance as an extreme introvert who finds loving and needing ONE person far more than enough.. even considering contemplating seeking someone else is tiring and painful. I'm not sure if those feelings have anything to do with my introversion, but they probably coincide. I don't even have friends in 'meat life' because I so deeply dislike the idea of getting out there and being around meat people, haha.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SkullyPles

You know an adult would have just ignored me, right? Like Ficto is doing. 

But seriously, stop acting like every sexual person craves sex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

Ficto - I'm sorry you've had crappy partners. I guess there'll always be some sexuals like that. 

 

As for monogamy, yes I think probably most people would be monogamous by choice. It's when the choice is between no physical or sexual connection at all in your life, or some connection even if it's not ideal, they'd choose the compromise option. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68
6 minutes ago, SkullyPles said:

You know an adult would have just ignored me, right? Like Ficto is doing. 

But seriously, stop acting like every sexual person craves sex.

You're right. There's not much to be done for your self esteem problems. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sally

This fight between you, Telecaster, and you, Skully, is not interesting.  

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
33 minutes ago, SkullyPles said:

Your reaction suggests you less of an adult of a crying baby waiting for attention.

There is input in this thread from sexuals who have all sorts of different feelings and desires and beliefs. We even have two people commenting who identified as asexual for years previously and have only recently discovered we are not so asexual as we thought we were. That's why I was confused by your 'hivemind' comment. I looked in your profile and it says you're pansexual? If so, maybe you could explain why you feel differently than Tele does in his OP.. that's one of the points of this thread I thought, to discuss these things so that aces that are reading can maybe get a better understanding of what it means to be sexual from the perspectives of different sexuals, and so they can also see that we're actually all quite different from each other. On AVEN, there is this idea that sexuals all think and act one specific way, for one specific reason. This thread seems to me to be trying to illustrate that sexuality is certainly not as black and white as much of AVEN believes it is.

 

28 minutes ago, SkullyPles said:

You know an adult would have just ignored me, right? Like Ficto is doing. 

But seriously, stop acting like every sexual person craves sex.

I failed at that, haha (I might be getting older but I still don't really feel like an 'adult'). But you could still explain it how it feels for you? I am sexual (extremely so in some ways and not at all in other ways) but I haven't had sex (physically) in 6 years and don't mind if I never have it again. I certainly desire it when in love, but I can only want it if there is no expectation from my partner of ever having it, haha.. I just don't feel comfortable otherwise. Other sexuals have also input their own perspectives and feelings as well, this isnt just the Tele thread, even though he started it! :)

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68
1 minute ago, Sally said:

This fight between you, Telecaster, and you, Skully, is not interesting.  

Sorry mum. 😉

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
iff

Please remain civil in your responses. We encourage you to step away from a thread should you feel frustration, and to avoid posting if there are posters present with whom you strongly disagree.

 

iff,

moderator, sexual friends, partners & allies

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gleep
1 hour ago, FictoVore. said:

I just saw this!! I actually do believe some people re truly, innately monogamous. While it's certainly not true of everyone, there are people who can't desire sex with others outside of their loving relationship and are made physically sick by the idea of that. I am one such person, and I have met others here (both male and female) who feel the same. I've even seen hypersexual posters who are miserable at the lack of sex in their relationship, but also are very open about the fact that emotionally, the idea of cheating is so sickening to them that even if they tried it (which they wouldn't) they couldn't enjoy it in anyway. When I'm in a relationship, feel literally physically unwell at the idea of being intimate in any way (emotional or physical) with someone else. And I actually get off (I experience heightened arousal, happiness, deep satisfaction) on the idea of total, unending, complete monogamy. It's the most satisfying thing in the world to me and being with someone else (or my partner being with someone else) would destroy me mentally and emotionally (and that would divulge into physical self harm because I'm also kind of crazy when in that much pain). 

 

So while it's true that many people will seek another for intimacy if they're not getting it from their partner, there are those along us who would rather be whipped bloody than have sex or any form of intimacy with another person while we are in love with someone. Please note I'm not saying either way is better or worse, I just wanted to clarify my stance as an extreme introvert who finds loving and needing ONE person far more than enough.. even considering contemplating seeking someone else is tiring and painful. I'm not sure if those feelings have anything to do with my introversion, but they probably coincide. I don't even have friends in 'meat life' because I so deeply dislike the idea of getting out there and being around meat people, haha.

Oh this is a fun discussion seed and probably saved for another thread where we could go nuts discussing and debating.

 

Non-monogamy isn't by definition cheating. You can cheat in non-monogamous relationships.

 

There's as many reasons for cheating as there are human beings who cheat. And there's many different things that can constitute cheating. I could be mad at him for cheating for chatting someone online when no physical contact was made. Or there are people that unless it's penetrative sex, then it's not cheating no matter how far it goes.

 

A clearer statement of my earlier statement that you're responding to might be "If a person is not getting their emotional needs met long enough, they need that intimacy from somewhere. And eventually they will seek it elsewhere." This leads to cheating because the western idea of closed relationships. "One and only one until death do us part"

 

I'll give a for instance...

I've known Tom and Sara for 25 years. Been friends with them forever. When they first got married, they asked "Do you think Tom would ever cheat?" and I held my tongue because I know human nature.

Sara is emotionally distant. Makes fun of Tom regularly. Belittles him. Refuses to let him have friends over, or to go to see his friends. Sex was only for procreation. Refuses to hug him or touch him. Doesn't sleep in the same end of the house as he does. I watched 20 years of marriage with shaking my head and keeping my mouth shut. It turned into one of those "Yes dear" relationships.

 

Then Tom comes to me and wants to talk to me about something. He loves Sara... he LOVES their three girls. He wants it to work. But he needs someone to talk to. He feels isolated and alone. I've known them forever, I've gamed with them forever. Could he come over and talk.

 

I'm openly poly. Have been since the 90s. He asks if I might be open to more than friends and I have to tell him that without talking to Sara and setting up ground rules with her, I couldn't. I know he's on the market and he has emotional deep needs that aren't being fulfilled, but he doesn't want to leave her. She wouldn't dream of the thought. I'm slightly in a bad situation because I'm aware of what could potentially happen, but I know it won't happen under my roof.

 

That's just one instance of how cheating can happen. Could both parties handle things better? Yes. But this isn't the only blueprint out there.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
nanogretchen4

When I saw the title of the thread my first thought was that most sexuals are probably thinking about the weather, politics, work, lunch, or their family right now rather than sex. 

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Treesarepretty
1 hour ago, nanogretchen4 said:

When I saw the title of the thread my first thought was that most sexuals are probably thinking about the weather, politics, work, lunch, or their family right now rather than sex. 

I think that you are right, but what would be the point of posting about that on this site? 😉

 

I find asexjoe's responses the most interesting here because what he says about sexuals is so far from my personal opinions that I thought at first that he had to be trolling, but now it looks like he wasn't. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
2 hours ago, Gleep said:

Oh this is a fun discussion seed and probably saved for another thread where we could go nuts discussing and debating.

 

Non-monogamy isn't by definition cheating. You can cheat in non-monogamous relationships.

 

There's as many reasons for cheating as there are human beings who cheat. And there's many different things that can constitute cheating. I could be mad at him for cheating for chatting someone online when no physical contact was made. Or there are people that unless it's penetrative sex, then it's not cheating no matter how far it goes.

 

A clearer statement of my earlier statement that you're responding to might be "If a person is not getting their emotional needs met long enough, they need that intimacy from somewhere. And eventually they will seek it elsewhere." This leads to cheating because the western idea of closed relationships. "One and only one until death do us part"

 

I'll give a for instance...

I've known Tom and Sara for 25 years. Been friends with them forever. When they first got married, they asked "Do you think Tom would ever cheat?" and I held my tongue because I know human nature.

Sara is emotionally distant. Makes fun of Tom regularly. Belittles him. Refuses to let him have friends over, or to go to see his friends. Sex was only for procreation. Refuses to hug him or touch him. Doesn't sleep in the same end of the house as he does. I watched 20 years of marriage with shaking my head and keeping my mouth shut. It turned into one of those "Yes dear" relationships.

 

Then Tom comes to me and wants to talk to me about something. He loves Sara... he LOVES their three girls. He wants it to work. But he needs someone to talk to. He feels isolated and alone. I've known them forever, I've gamed with them forever. Could he come over and talk.

 

I'm openly poly. Have been since the 90s. He asks if I might be open to more than friends and I have to tell him that without talking to Sara and setting up ground rules with her, I couldn't. I know he's on the market and he has emotional deep needs that aren't being fulfilled, but he doesn't want to leave her. She wouldn't dream of the thought. I'm slightly in a bad situation because I'm aware of what could potentially happen, but I know it won't happen under my roof.

 

That's just one instance of how cheating can happen. Could both parties handle things better? Yes. But this isn't the only blueprint out there.

Oh yes I understand. Some people are innately polyamorous and if they're open about it etc then it's not cheating if their partners are all okay with it. Some are also just innately monoamorous and for those people, they can only desire intimacy *from* their partner and no one else (that's both emtional and physical intimacy). If they aren't getting that intimacy then going somewhere else can't fill those needs because only that ONE person can fill them, if makes sense?  That's for a truly innately monoamorous person though, many people are capable of experiencing those intinate needs (whether emtional or physical or both) with multiple people at once but I wouldn't call those people monoamorous personally. Deeply monoamorous people just aren't capable of needing intimacy (or being able to enjoy it in any way) from more than one person at a time. I'm such a person and have met others like me, but I think innate polyamory is probably more common! (I can't really go into details regarding experiencing a lack of the intimacy that I need from someone as it involves a member from this site but I have been there, I just couldn't ever have any desire to try to find it elsewhere without leaving a partner and fully losing my feelings for them before I could try to seek it elsewhere. I can't desire intimacy with anyone else when I have those feelings and desires for one specific person. My intimate needs also aren't strong enough that I would ever be unhappy without intimacy while single. I've been celibate physically for 6 years now and am perfectly happy this way :)

 

I hope it didn't come across like I was saying polyamory was bad or anything, but I've had this convo a few times on AVEN and like to clarify that innately monoamorous people do exist, who are literally incapable of desiring emotional and physical intimacy from more than one person at at a time. So even if I'd been married for 30 years I'd have to kill all my feelings for my partner (and leave them) before I could be able to begin to desire intimacy with someone else, if he wasn't meeting my needs. Cheating couldn't accidentally happen as long as I have feelings for my partner because I'm incapable of desiring intimacy if I don't love the person,and can only love one person at a time. I'm just a weirdo, pretty much. lol :P:cake:

 

Omg sorry about all the typos, I typed this in a hurry on my phone and there are people everywhere *sigh*

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jackninja5

A wide variety of things depending on the person.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pramana

I have a couple sets of questions, and would appreciate any input.

1. The topic of different experiences of orgasms has already come up here as well as in another recent thread. On that account, my experience is that orgasms feel good and all but they don't seem to be that great, and if anything they seem kind of disappointing because they only last a few seconds. I have read that orgasms achieved through partnered sex cause the release of more satisfying brain chemicals, and that in addition partnered sex is about the whole experience rather than just the orgasm. But I still have a hard time conceptualizing why people find partnered sex to be as good as it's often represented to be. I find it easier to see why people who are already in a relationship might take the opportunity to have sex, but some people invest a lot of time and money in the pursuit of sexual encounters, and I have particular difficulty seeing how that would be worthwhile from a cost/benefit standpoint.

2. As someone who is sex-averse, I find that being naked around people is extremely awkward, and I don't like the idea of having to deal with things like genital contact and body fluids and body hair. I wonder if sexual people also find those factors awkward/gross, but they care more about having sex so they don't really think about it? Or is it that unlike me, they don't see an issue in the first place?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Law of Circles
5 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

There is input in this thread from sexuals who have all sorts of different feelings and desires and beliefs. We even have two people commenting who identified as asexual for years previously and have only recently discovered we are not so asexual as we thought we were.

Three people, actually, if you include me. I'm similar to you and Serran in some ways. :P

 

Anyway, the way I see it, this thread is exactly about dispelling widespread misconceptions about sexuals on AVEN, including the idea that all sexuals are the same. I can't say what motivated Tele to make this thread, but I've noticed that some of the overgeneralizations have gotten pretty rampant as of late... and this thread provides an opportunity for various people to voice their disagreements with those misconceptions.

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
46 minutes ago, Law of Circles said:

Three people, actually, if you include me. I'm similar to you and Serran in some ways. :P

 

Anyway, the way I see it, this thread is exactly about dispelling widespread misconceptions about sexuals on AVEN, including the idea that all sexuals are the same. I can't say what motivated Tele to make this thread, but I've noticed that some of the overgeneralizations have gotten pretty rampant as of late... and this thread provides an opportunity for various people to voice their disagreements with those misconceptions.

Answer 1: I meant me and you!!! I don't know if Serran is identifying as sexual or more just 'not asexual' haha.

 

Answer 2: okay I actually hadn't seen you commenting as I've been mainly visiting on my phone and its SO hard to scroll through comments on the AVEN mobile setup T_T I actually did mean me and Serran though my point in #1 still stands, I'm not actually even sure if she is identifying as 'sexual'. I still feel like a fraud when I say I'm a sexual for some weird reason haha, I'm just not ace enough (by any stretch of the imagination) to be ace :P Life is so confusing! 

 

I'm about to bleach my hair I think. Either that or read a book for my work. So many decisions to choose from!!!

 

Edit: and yes I agree about this thread dispelling misconceptions though sadly not much of the rest of the site will see it :c

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JDP
4 hours ago, Gleep said:

Oh this is a fun discussion seed and probably saved for another thread where we could go nuts discussing and debating.

 

Non-monogamy isn't by definition cheating. You can cheat in non-monogamous relationships.

 

There's as many reasons for cheating as there are human beings who cheat. And there's many different things that can constitute cheating. I could be mad at him for cheating for chatting someone online when no physical contact was made. Or there are people that unless it's penetrative sex, then it's not cheating no matter how far it goes.

 

A clearer statement of my earlier statement that you're responding to might be "If a person is not getting their emotional needs met long enough, they need that intimacy from somewhere. And eventually they will seek it elsewhere." This leads to cheating because the western idea of closed relationships. "One and only one until death do us part"

 

I'll give a for instance...

I've known Tom and Sara for 25 years. Been friends with them forever. When they first got married, they asked "Do you think Tom would ever cheat?" and I held my tongue because I know human nature.

Sara is emotionally distant. Makes fun of Tom regularly. Belittles him. Refuses to let him have friends over, or to go to see his friends. Sex was only for procreation. Refuses to hug him or touch him. Doesn't sleep in the same end of the house as he does. I watched 20 years of marriage with shaking my head and keeping my mouth shut. It turned into one of those "Yes dear" relationships.

 

Then Tom comes to me and wants to talk to me about something. He loves Sara... he LOVES their three girls. He wants it to work. But he needs someone to talk to. He feels isolated and alone. I've known them forever, I've gamed with them forever. Could he come over and talk.

 

I'm openly poly. Have been since the 90s. He asks if I might be open to more than friends and I have to tell him that without talking to Sara and setting up ground rules with her, I couldn't. I know he's on the market and he has emotional deep needs that aren't being fulfilled, but he doesn't want to leave her. She wouldn't dream of the thought. I'm slightly in a bad situation because I'm aware of what could potentially happen, but I know it won't happen under my roof.

 

That's just one instance of how cheating can happen. Could both parties handle things better? Yes. But this isn't the only blueprint out there.

That was a very good post, Gleep.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Law of Circles
7 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Answer 1: I meant me and you!!! I don't know if Serran is identifying as sexual or more just 'not asexual' haha.

 

Answer 2: okay I actually hadn't seen you commenting as I've been mainly visiting on my phone and its SO hard to scroll through comments on the AVEN mobile setup T_T I actually did mean me and Serran though my point in #1 still stands, I'm not actually even sure if she is identifying as 'sexual'. I still feel like a fraud when I say I'm a sexual for some weird reason haha, I'm just not ace enough (by any stretch of the imagination) to be ace :P Life is so confusing!

No worries - I don't expect anyone to remember me since I don't post very often. I just wanted to point out that there are actually even more of us posting who identified as asexual for quite some time and no longer do. I figured it would support your point. :P

 

I also feel hesitant to identify as "sexual" for some reason. I know from experience I'm not asexual, but I'm still not that fussed about sex, and I can go without it for a long time without much issue. Still, I feel that I'm qualified to respond to threads addressed towards sexuals, although I don't usually label myself explicitly as such.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
5 minutes ago, Law of Circles said:

No worries - I don't expect anyone to remember me since I don't post very often. I just wanted to point out that there are actually even more of us posting who identified as asexual for quite some time and no longer do. I figured it would support your point. :P

 

I also feel hesitant to identify as "sexual" for some reason. I know from experience I'm not asexual, but I'm still not that fussed about sex, and I can go without it for a long time without much issue. Still, I feel that I'm qualified to respond to threads addressed towards sexuals, although I don't usually label myself explicitly as such.

- my comments aren't making sense so I'll just remove this one until my head is more organised haha!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Law of Circles
18 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Haha I actually do know you're someone who used to ID as ace but doesn't now, I just hadn't realized you'd commented in this thread! I think the person who was upset before (I can't scroll up to find his name) seemed to be saying in his profile that he used to think he was ace but now identifies as pansexual. I was hoping he'd put in some constructive input as to how he feels regarding his own sexuality, its interesting learning about everyone's different feelings and experiences etc.

My post was all the way on the first page, and this thread kind of blew up shortly after I posted, so it's understandable that you might have missed it. :P

 

I also enjoy hearing from people who used to ID as ace but no longer do. It's an interesting perspective. I feel like - in my case anyway - it sort of enables me to understand both sides. I remember feeling like sexuality was such an alien thing that I could only understand from an observer's perspective... but now that I've experienced it for myself, it's so much more intuitive to me. I still have a lot of reservations and hangups about partnered sex, and overall I'd say it's not a high priority for me (and I like my nonsexual relationships!), but if you asked me if the desire for it was there, I'd have to say yes. I'm not interested in trying to rationalize my experiences just to keep my ace card. There's nothing wrong with being sexual, anyway. ;)

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gleep
4 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

Oh yes I understand. Some people are innately polyamorous and if they're open about it etc then it's not cheating if their partners are all okay with it. Some are also just innately monoamorous and for those people, they can only desire intimacy *from* their partner and no one else (that's both emtional and physical intimacy). If they aren't getting that intimacy then going somewhere else can't fill those needs because only that ONE person can fill them, if makes sense?  That's for a truly innately monoamorous person though, many people are capable of experiencing those intinate needs (whether emtional or physical or both) with multiple people at once but I wouldn't call those people monoamorous personally. Deeply monoamorous people just aren't capable of needing intimacy (or being able to enjoy it in any way) from more than one person at a time. I'm such a person and have met others like me, but I think innate polyamory is probably more common! (I can't really go into details regarding experiencing a lack of the intimacy that I need from someone as it involves a member from this site but I have been there, I just couldn't ever have any desire to try to find it elsewhere without leaving a partner and fully losing my feelings for them before I could try to seek it elsewhere. I can't desire intimacy with anyone else when I have those feelings and desires for one specific person. My intimate needs also aren't strong enough that I would ever be unhappy without intimacy while single. I've been celibate physically for 6 years now and am perfectly happy this way :)

 

I hope it didn't come across like I was saying polyamory was bad or anything, but I've had this convo a few times on AVEN and like to clarify that innately monoamorous people do exist, who are literally incapable of desiring emotional and physical intimacy from more than one person at at a time. So even if I'd been married for 30 years I'd have to kill all my feelings for my partner (and leave them) before I could be able to begin to desire intimacy with someone else, if he wasn't meeting my needs. Cheating couldn't accidentally happen as long as I have feelings for my partner because I'm incapable of desiring intimacy if I don't love the person,and can only love one person at a time. I'm just a weirdo, pretty much. lol :P:cake:

 

Omg sorry about all the typos, I typed this in a hurry on my phone and there are people everywhere *sigh*

 

I'm doing a terrible disservice to your post, but it's very late here and I'm tired and responding on my phone as well. 

 

You say you're only able to love one person at a time. So when did you stop loving your mom and choose to love your significant other instead? Which of your parents did you love? Only one. 

 

Love comes in many different flavors and colors. My lady love started out as platonic.. she was straight and monogamous and I was going to keep her in my life no matter what. It evolved slowly over time. Many many hours talking about everything while driving between classes. 

 

 I'm not saying mono-amorous folks don't exist, and I'm not disagreeing with your implied statement that you are only able to hold one romantic love in your heart at a time. But I can't help playing with language and pointing out things. Polyamory folks do have platonic loves. And we do reach for aces too, and accept them simply as they are. 

 

I have R and J that live in Rockport... that beautiful home of my heart that's being wiped off the earth tonight. I can't begin to say how much I love those two. Anything I have they could possibly need or want is theirs. And not interested in anything sexual with them at all. But they're part of my cluster... part of my family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
alibali
11 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

I've experienced the same. My sexual ex didn't give a crap if I was enjoying it or not (which like Swirl, happened 0 times) even when he knew it was hurting like hell that didn't bother him. I'd love to someday have someone love me physically who truly cares about my pleasure and my desires and wouldn't do anything they know I don't want to do sexually because of the pain it would cause me.

I think my sexual exes have cared about my pleasure, and I cared enough about them to fake it.  But over time it becomes an effort to keep faking it. 

 

And I know full well that the only way my ex husband could only express himself at all via sex. It was his way to feel close to me. Except that I didn't feel close to him then. I felt close when we went out and had a beer and a chat. But then he went teetotal for the last 10 years of our marriage, and so did the sex.....was never going to work after that. 

 

On the monogamy front, we both were monogamous and he would have waited forever. I refuse to blame myself though.  Could no longer give him what he needed....and vice versa.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...