Where im at personally, while dating an asexual man

[Aaronsgirlfriend]

dating an asexual guy has made me think a lot, first off sometimes i just feel like this sex- hungry predator for craving sex from someone who doesnt share that craving. Not that im not ok with abstaining from sex, more that its just always on my mind now (im transgender, and im on hormones so im basically going through second puberty and my libido has never been so high. Im also very emotional about everything which doesnt help)Now that i know hes ace and i read more about it, i just have a hard time having sex with him because its like i feel guilty for wanting it because i NEVER want to pressure him if he doesnt want to do it. i really dont think id want an open relationship either, i love him and when i want sex i want it with him (again, fully ok with not having it being on hormones and abstaining from sex is just a challenging combo). He initiated the other day for me to give him oral (srry tmi) and thats the first time weve done anything since we talked about the fact that hes ace (which was like june so like a little over 2 months-ish) im just taking it slow, one day at a time. I think the biggest hang up i have is that i just feel weird doing it if he doesnt necessarily enthusiastically want it (even though he asks for it relatively enthusiastically).I dont know if that feeling will pass or not, but again just taking it slow. Sometimes i feel anxious though like not really understanding him individually because he seems somewhere between sex-neutral to sex-positive and i dont know if he knows and thats the confusing part because if he was like 100% sex-averse and id have that knowledge in my head and we could go from there. but i think he fluctuates, so i think its just going to be me being patient to get to a place where i understand how he feels more. Idk where i was intending to go with this, its becoming more of a journal entry than anything.

[roland.o]

8 hours ago, Vannassecret said:

(even though he asks for it relatively enthusiastically)

Well, maybe he's enthusiastic about doing something for you, and gets the kick out of that rather than the act itself.

 

Make sure to keep up the communication and the both of you will have a fair chance to make this work!

[Treesarepretty]

On 8/23/2017 at 4:23 AM, Vannassecret said:

Idk where i was intending to go with this, its becoming more of a journal entry than anything.

It's fine to use this place as a journal. I find it fascinating to read about the relationships of other people in this forum. 

 

Will your hormones calm down at some point so that your libido doesn't give you so much trouble in the future? 

 

19 hours ago, roland.o said:

Well, maybe he's enthusiastic about doing something for you, and gets the kick out of that rather than the act itself.

While I know what you mean, I still find it funny to think of "receiving" as something you do for someone else. 🤣

[Telecaster68]

Quote

 I still find it funny to think of "receiving" as something you do for someone else.

You could think about it as sharing the pleasure of something, and taking pleasure in your partner's pleasure. It's pretty normal for sexuals, and called compersion.

[Gleep]

57 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

You could think about it as sharing the pleasure of something, and taking pleasure in your partner's pleasure. It's pretty normal for sexuals, and called compersion.

Yep. At least for myself, I get one hell of a good time out of making my lover ... very happy.

[gisiebob]

I am sorry this person you care about is responsive to your needs or desires even if he does not share them.