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Aromantics...do you date? Or does dating feel unnatural?


Lovelykat

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if someone said they wanted to date, I would assume they were not aromantic. idk if that's an accurate assumption to make tho. I just can't really think of benefit to dating for someone aromantic, unless they were sexual, which idk

 

idk

 

shut up, me. you're embarrassing yourself. . .

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On 8/17/2017 at 11:06 PM, Lovelykat said:

Aromantics...do you have any desire to date for non-romantic reasons? (To be seen as "normal", to not be lonely, curiosity, etc.) 

I had a semi-desire to date at some point. I feel like it was kind of brought on by peer pressure to some degree. Dating felt extremely unnatural. It's just not my thing... The second I got in, part of me wanted out (but then part of me wanted to stay in this relationship. It was really confusing). Being in a relationship actually felt much more lonely than being single. 

 

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Do romantic acts like kissing or hand holding make you feel uncomfortable...or are you just indifferent? 

I actually enjoyed the non-sexual physical stuff, e.g. french-kissing, cuddling, etc. Often times, all the crazy emotional sh** that was going on between me and my ex would make the physical stuff difficult to enjoy, because it felt kind of fake.

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Charlie Weasley
On ‎22‎.‎09‎.‎2017 at 7:44 AM, helana12_03 said:

 Being in a relationship actually felt much more lonely than being single. "

 

 

I can relate to this

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I dated before I knew my orientation, and I experienced way too much self-imposed guilt in relationships to ever want to do that again.

 

I only understood romantic acts as gestures of expressing attraction rather than something that's supposed to be pleasurable in their own right. Can't say either kissing or hand-holding really do anything for me, and in relationships, I start to get repulsed out of the sheer guilt of not being able to return the same feelings that the other person is expressing.

 

My ideal is emotionally intimate friendships. I think the label of "committed partner" would suffocate me even if the relationships was totally platonic. I deal with a lot of guilt over being able to love people so strongly in a platonic way while being incapable of loving them in a romantic way. That guilt even manifests in situations where it really shouldn't, particularly with my straight male friends who could never be attracted to me in the first place. Maybe someday, I'll be comfortable with a platonic life partner, but even if I was comfortable, I doubt finding one would be high on my priorities.

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I've gone on dates before for the purpose of life experience. I think at this point it's less fun or beneficial, and the age of people I'd likely score dates with (ie around me age) would probably mean they're in a place in life where they want to get down to business. I don't want to waste the time of people who feel a clenching need to find a spouse to start a family with.

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if meeting friends for the first time is dating, then we would be into it always. otherwise, no. it all depends on what we mean by dating and what we do when we meet. first time meeting can be just for strengthening friendship after much chatting online or for curiosity to know the person with whom we have been chatting.

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On 8/17/2017 at 9:06 PM, Lovelykat said:

Currently questing if I am aromantic. A few questions...

 

Aromantics...do you have any desire to date for non-romantic reasons? (To be seen as "normal", to not be lonely, curiosity, etc.) 

 

Do romantic acts like kissing or hand holding make you feel uncomfortable...or are you just indifferent? 

I have dated out of pure curiosity. I wanted to know what it was like to be picked up and taken out on a date, etc. It was an interesting experience, but in the end rather frustrating for the guy in question. We were definitely on two very different paths - he was ready to settle down and get married and I wanted to actually get to know him better before we started trying anything physical, which in the end probably would have ended up being never, considering what I know now (I have known I was never interested in either a physical or romantic relationship since my teens, but even curiosity can over comes some of those notions).

 

Which leads into your second question: I don't like kissing, holding hands, cuddling, etc. All of that makes me uncomfortable and feeling a bit claustrophobic/constricted. That's what put an end to our dates (see above) - he wanted to hold my hand, and I told him that until we knew each other much better, I did not want to hold hands. Even now, some 18 years later it still makes me shake my head. LOL

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