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Things Asexuals hate to hear


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GreatPretender
On 8/5/2017 at 10:22 AM, Jayce said:

"You just have to wait untill you meet THE ONE™"

 

Barf

I've only recently begun to consider asexuality as a thing for myself, but I tried to explain how I feel to my mom and sister and they both said exactly this. Even after I tried explaining that I didn't want anything other than romantic feelings. It just doesn't make sense to me how they are so stuck on this idea

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On 10/2/2017 at 6:59 PM, Fifi123 said:

"Isn't it just a phase?"

Umm, well, no. Not when you're already 37 and practically nothing that concerns this subject has changed since you were in your teens.

 

"Are you sure? Isn't it just because you were bullied in high school or something?"

No. I already felt different before that and during that. Not after that.

 

"How can you enjoy masturbating/fantasizing?"

I don't know, but I can. Doesn't mean I want to have a sexual relationship or anything like that irl.

 

"You'll change your mind eventually."

Meh, proooobably not.

 

"Perhaps you're just insecure."

No, I'm not.

 

...and the list goes on, and on, and on. I am so tired of explaining myself. I have to add that most of this all happened before I really came out to anyone, and before I felt sure about (comfortable with) my orientation.

I just wish some people would just let it be. :mad:

 

 

Triggers me so much. I'd tell them the exact same things like, "Oh, you like sex? I think it's just a phase. You'll get over it. But how do you know that you don't like it if you haven't tried not doing it?..."

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On 10/10/2017 at 6:28 PM, ThatHuman said:

Trigger warning!

 

  Hide contents

Over the years... I can tick off all 3...

 


Pretended to be sexual for like 4 years... It didn't do me any good... And when I say pretend I mean just too my past friends, just words of mouth...

 

Emotionally, yes, I'm still scared to death by other people... BECAUSE SEX IS INESCAPABLE! - sex ed...

Mentally, yes, sometimes I'm scared to sleep because of possible sexualised nightmares - I wish I was joking, that is actually a thing...

Physically... Self-harm... Scratching... Thanks society for making me think I'm a psychopath...

 

I've been sex-repulsed all my life -

And I'm still greatly traumatised... By my past friends particularly.........

Nothing 'happened' to me, but I still feel greatly violated... As I was surrounded by it 24/7 at one point... 

 

 

 

Sorry... I have alot of suppressed emotions... Especially on this subject...

Sweets, I'm so sorry :'(  I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've never been raped or anything but that violated feeling, I live with this every day and the trauma, my past...I get it!!! Not being able to sleep because of the nightmares; YES!! It's a horrible feeling that me in particular, I don't feel comfortable telling anyone because logically, go can one have a trauma of rape if one hasn't been rabed? Hypersexualized society, plus a body that makes you go through urges that you don't want. Hence the body changes and feelings, the "natural" sexual dreams that I wake up feeling horrible, shamed, raped. In a way, we ARE being raped but who the hell's gonna understand that besides your own self? So psychological therapy is NOT an option. I feel like I'll be taken to a mental institute and drugged. Yes society, thank you for making me think that I'm insane. Suicidal thoughts are constant with it. And I am EXTREMELY sex-repulsed to the point of flinching every time I have to write this word. Don't apologize for feeling the way you do. People suck and you don't have to do anything you don't want just because they say it's "normal". Well you know what? It's not normal to me. In fact it's damn disgusting and I don't want it. That's the beauty of colors, we all have our favorites and our least liked. They're all different and no one can force you to like a certain color. 

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Somebodysomeone

When I told my dad I was ace his first comment was dude you find someone just go hunting for girls 

 

Aaargghhhh like dude thats exactly what aces cant we dont feel attracted that way. Almost broke in tears. 

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3 hours ago, Somebodysomeone said:

When I told my dad I was ace his first comment was dude you find someone just go hunting for girls 

 

Aaargghhhh like dude thats exactly what aces cant we dont feel attracted that way. Almost broke in tears. 

It's very difficult with parents because of the fact that you do have to deal with them every day. It takes a lot of work and patience to get them to understand. It's been rough with my family but at least my parents, mostly my mom because my dad doesn't really say much, but my mom asks questions to get to know better. It used to be fun to them to bully me about it. Any help you need in this, you have a bunch of people here who've been trashed just as much and can help you. ❤

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Guys, I just want to say that I understand we have it really hard in terms of this. Many of us have practically no one outside of this page. We're not exactly friends, I know, but, I think we all know what it's like and we hate that each of us has had to deal with this pain one way or another. So please DON'T be afraid make an approach, whether it be through private message or in a comment. Please speak up if you need someone to listen. Outside of here I've never known anyone in person like me, like us. So I get it! Please do not hesitate to speak to me or anyone else you feel comfortable with in here❤.

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"All people need that physical aspect of a relationship, especially when it comes to sex, it's just simple nature! If you don't get sex from a relationship, you need to dump the relationship, move on, and leave the loser behind"

 

 

I actually heard this from a person once. I wanted to just say "pfft, not all of us, I'm asexual, I don't give a crap about that!" but I didn't because it was at work and didn't think talking about my sexuality was very professional.

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8 hours ago, CallaWolf said:

"All people need that physical aspect of a relationship, especially when it comes to sex, it's just simple nature! If you don't get sex from a relationship, you need to dump the relationship, move on, and leave the loser behind"

 

 

I actually heard this from a person once. I wanted to just say "pfft, not all of us, I'm asexual, I don't give a crap about that!" but I didn't because it was at work and didn't think talking about my sexuality was very professional.

A girl and I were debating on this and she said something very similar. She didn't want to listen to another point of view cause she was the correct one. In the end I thought I was wasting my time so I said, "Mmhh, yes, you have the correct answer, yes! Everyone thinks the same as you. Congratulations, you won!" The debate was over xD

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8 hours ago, Keakin said:

A girl and I were debating on this and she said something very similar. She didn't want to listen to another point of view cause she was the correct one. In the end I thought I was wasting my time so I said, "Mmhh, yes, you have the correct answer, yes! Everyone thinks the same as you. Congratulations, you won!" The debate was over xD

"Hey, I just remembered I had something I needed to do."

 

"Oh, what's that?"

 

"Anything else."

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On 05/08/2017 at 4:57 AM, Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet said:

"Asexuality doesn't exist"

Ugh.

"Asexuals are just ugly folks who can't get laid"

"You choose to be asexual"

"How can you know your asexual if you haven't had sex"

I hate when people say this ^^ it's like telling a straight dude "how do you know you're not gay unless you fucked a man" <_<

"How can you be asexual if you tried sex?"

"You're gonna be a lonely cat lady"

Hmmm....sounds kind of nice, actually.

"You're lying"

"Are you sick?!"

"Freak"

All these things I hate to hear.

When they said "you're lying" i feel like punching them even though i dont. Sadly, people are so annoying and close minded that get on my nerves. I, an asexual, accept others to be, heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual whatever. I am not like them but i accept them, because it simply doesnt bother my life neither is my business. So why dont they? Why cant they just shut the fck up and accpet something that is none of their business.

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On 31/10/2017 at 8:18 AM, Chibi105 said:

I've only recently begun to consider asexuality as a thing for myself, but I tried to explain how I feel to my mom and sister and they both said exactly this. Even after I tried explaining that I didn't want anything other than romantic feelings. It just doesn't make sense to me how they are so stuck on this idea

I already found the one: And guess what, he has been my best friend for 20 years in a TOTALLY asexual relationship! No sex atraction, no kisses, nothing sexual or similar AT ALL. Just two deep bound friends, brotherhood-like, long term friendship. Hanguing togeteher, laughing, crying togeteher, making music, travelling together. I already have all the men i need - my friends, buddies, in a completelly comradeship, asexual way!

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Because I'm completely closeted and don't want to inadvertently come out, I've never mentioned the word 'asexual' to acquaintances or friends before. However, I've explained it and essentially given its definition to my closest friends, and each time, I'm left seeing blank stares and confused faces. 

 

Although I don't blame people for not understanding (as asexuality can be complicated), it can be draining and disheartening to hear the same words over and over. 

 

"What? How does that make any sense!? You mean you've never felt sexually attracted to someone? How can you like someone but not be turned on by them?"

 

"If you're not turned on by someone, then you only view that person as a friend. I know I'd feel extremely sad and offended if my signigicant other told me they weren't turned on by me."

 

After a few minutes, I drop the subject. It only makes me feel worse.

 

--------------

 

However, on a different note, I become extremely offended when people claim that asexual aren't LGBTQA+. Like, my dude, what do you think the 'A' stands for...... Comical at times, really lol

 

 

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On 8/5/2017 at 7:02 AM, Carson:) said:

"Real men like sex"

Aghhhhhhh =_____= hearing this on social media is so annoying.

NOT ALL MEN LIKE IT!! And it's freaking attractive x)

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On 8/5/2017 at 10:42 AM, To Each Their Own said:

when I told a friend of mine that I was asexual and that I hadn't had sex in over 15 years, he said, "I just want to crawl up your vagina right now and see what's going on."

 

at at least he didn't offer to change me. 

What the actual f***??? D:

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"You should try harder"

"Had I known about asexuality when I was younger, I would probably have thought I was asexual, but then I met your dad and he was the one for me and I like sex with him" (that one really hurt, coming from my mom...)

"You haven't met the right guy yet" (I have, and still I was not interested in having sex with him)

"You can't have a relationship without sex"

"No one wants to be with someone who doesn't want to have sex"

"Have you had sex before?" (yes, still don't like it)

 

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On 30.10.2017 at 4:57 PM, Keakin said:

How's it going with the club?

P.S.

Sorry I took so long. I'm in Puerto Rico and communications here have been hard.

you're in Puerto Rico? i hope you and your family are okay after the hurricane. my school holds this annual bake sale/fundraising thing where we raise money for a good cause. this year, we're donating the money we get to Puerto Rico :)  be safe always!

 

the club thing didn't work out. turns out the due date for the registration forms were the day after they announced the club was a thing... usually the forms are due a week or two after but apparently they weren't. fml.

 

oh well. its okay. :/

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On 11/2/2017 at 10:00 AM, Kersenne said:

"You should try harder"

"Had I known about asexuality when I was younger, I would probably have thought I was asexual, but then I met your dad and he was the one for me and I like sex with him" 

 

WHAT THE FUDGE! 

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On 11/2/2017 at 1:32 PM, kittyblomu said:

you're in Puerto Rico? i hope you and your family are okay after the hurricane. my school holds this annual bake sale/fundraising thing where we raise money for a good cause. this year, we're donating the money we get to Puerto Rico :)  be safe always!

 

the club thing didn't work out. turns out the due date for the registration forms were the day after they announced the club was a thing... usually the forms are due a week or two after but apparently they weren't. fml.

 

oh well. its okay. :/

Uejdodnfudowndid❤!!! That is just beautiful! Thank al of you❤ My Family and I are well; it's the aftermath that's the problem. People are finally beginning to realize you can't eat money. 80% of the Island are unemployed, and yet colleges want to act like everything is fine and made us go back without water or electricity. So there are a lot of students in need. The government of the U.S. has been holding the donations in the docks. A bunch of countries from Latin America donated a bunch of things but the FEMA confiscated them. Trump said the death toll was 16 people, our governor, a corrupt piece of ass, "confirmed" it...the death toll is over 500 people and they've been covering it. They've started burning bodies without registering them. And much more but, we're surviving, helping whoever we can. Thank you again❤

 

P.S.

I'm sorray the club didn't work out. Maybe you should start one :)

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On 8/10/2017 at 9:26 PM, Jonesythejoker said:

"I'm sure you'll grow out of it!" 

(nearly 18 and still only want a dog. Who needs sex when you can get dogs. Dogs are best.) 

substitute 'dog' for 'cat' for me ;)

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On 02/11/2017 at 0:23 PM, Sera1001 said:

Aghhhhhhh =_____= hearing this on social media is so annoying.

NOT ALL MEN LIKE IT!! And it's freaking attractive x)

True. My best friend is a man and he does not care about sex. I think he did it occasionally with some girls he met when he was younger but he does not care anymore. He does not have to prove himself in the oversexualized trend. He is nice, intelligent, supportive, honest, he likes music, art, history and hiking/travelling, best friend ever, More than a real "man", a real human.

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Salted Karamel

"If I had known my significant other was asexual, I never would have married/dated/considered them."

 

"If you think you might have experienced sexual attraction once in the past or you're not sure if you might ever experience it in the future, you're not asexual. That just makes you a regular old sexual, because sexuals don't want to have sex all the time."

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As a heterosexual woman I think it's great that Asexualality is now being recognised and accepted. We can't help they way we are sexual wired and why should we. The only thing I will say is I wish this had been recognised a long time ago. As noone deserves to be unhappy.

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Here's something that happened not too long ago.

 

my mom : you like red heads?

me: yep! They look very pleasing to my line of sight.

mom: not who I'd personally choose as attractive, but okay.

Me: well, he/she i aesthetically attractive to me, I don't want to date them!

mom: oh come on, you're young! You'll be having kids some day.

me: no I will not! You can have a cat as a grandchild.

mom: fine, I can live with that. (But you'll give me real grand kids some day)

 

so yeah. 

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On 04/11/2017 at 7:44 PM, Keakin said:

WHAT THE FUDGE! 

I agree.

I wish I made that up but I really didn't... 

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Me and friends in a bar

*they make jokes about banging that girl and that one blablabla, I remain silent*

'hey, would you do her'?

Me: No

'Them: wtf, are you gay or something, shes smoking hot'.

Me: 'Yeah she looks great, but I don't want to have sex with anyone,maybe I would try it in a relationship if it would make her happy.....but not because I want to'.

Them: 'How do you know if you never tried'?

Me: 'How do you know you don't like jumping in front of a train, you never tried it before'.

 

Every....single...time

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On 4.11.2017 at 8:58 AM, Keakin said:

Uejdodnfudowndid❤!!! That is just beautiful! Thank al of you❤ My Family and I are well; it's the aftermath that's the problem. People are finally beginning to realize you can't eat money. 80% of the Island are unemployed, and yet colleges want to act like everything is fine and made us go back without water or electricity. So there are a lot of students in need. The government of the U.S. has been holding the donations in the docks. A bunch of countries from Latin America donated a bunch of things but the FEMA confiscated them. Trump said the death toll was 16 people, our governor, a corrupt piece of ass, "confirmed" it...the death toll is over 500 people and they've been covering it. They've started burning bodies without registering them. And much more but, we're surviving, helping whoever we can. Thank you again❤

 

P.S.

I'm sorray the club didn't work out. Maybe you should start one :)

WHY. WHY ARE YOU NOT RECEIVING THE ESSENTIALS YOU NEED! 

 

Wow, I am actually royally pissed off. Seriously, what the crap! Why are the donations being confiscated? Why are they covering up the death toll? 16? 16 does NOT equal 500! Everyone knows that. How can they just brush this aside like it's nothing! To Alejandro whats-his-face (to quote The Office): BOI have you lost your mind because I'll help you find it!!

 

I can't believe what our world has come to. Puerto Rico is a part of the U.S. Why are we just ignoring it as if nothing had happened? And why is it that the donations people have made are not going through? Why? We have more than enough material to share! Why is everyone so f***ing selfish!

 

I'm so sorry that you're not receiving the donations. If I could smack some sense into the U.S. government, I would (it's probably not good of me to say something like this, but then again, it's not good that said government is not allowing donations to go through, so).

 

I am praying that the money my school has collected will be sent through. I'm also praying that the colleges will realize that you can't just pretend everything is fine after a huge hurricane just destroyed everything in its path. I'm glad you and your family are alright. 

 

ps: hmm. maybe i should. maybe i'll join GSA next year. and maybe i'll join the red cross next year too.

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On 11/5/2017 at 2:16 PM, Salted Karamel said:

"If I had known my significant other was asexual, I never would have married/dated/considered them."

 

"If you think you might have experienced sexual attraction once in the past or you're not sure if you might ever experience it in the future, you're not asexual. That just makes you a regular old sexual, because sexuals don't want to have sex all the time."

The first one truly hurts. I've heard someone say that before; a friend, actually. Although I don't blame people for wanting sex and considering it to be an important element in their relationship, when people say this, it comes across as exceptionally shallow. It makes me feel as though my sexual boundaries are more of a deciding factor than my personality. Again, there is nothing wrong with valuing sex in a relationship, but isn't the person more important? 

 

Also, as for your second point, this statement is the fuel of my doubts. I find myself in constant fear of discovering that perhaps I'm not asexual. We as individuals need to stop shaming ourselves if we discover that we are in fact not asexual. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it! Yet, we'd still feel a sense of guilt, and I wish we could just find a way to make it disappear.  

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my father told me these exact words when i was 11 and came out as ace to him:

"one day youll love to have penises inside you" 

 

i had a horrible abusive father but this shocked me...i was mortified as an 11 year old it was truly horrible. 

 

after about a year i came out as ace to my therapist from years back and she told me:

"go to a party have a few beers, find a guy and take him to a quiet room. then lay down and close your eyes he'll know what to do"

 

once again i was shocked...she basically said "let yourself get raped" i was horrified and never went back to see her 

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Salted Karamel
3 hours ago, Seraphic said:

The first one truly hurts. I've heard someone say that before; a friend, actually. Although I don't blame people for wanting sex and considering it to be an important element in their relationship, when people say this, it comes across as exceptionally shallow. It makes me feel as though my sexual boundaries are more of a deciding factor than my personality. Again, there is nothing wrong with valuing sex in a relationship, but isn't the person more important? 

 

Also, as for your second point, this statement is the fuel of my doubts. I find myself in constant fear of discovering that perhaps I'm not asexual. We as individuals need to stop shaming ourselves if we discover that we are in fact not asexual. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it! Yet, we'd still feel a sense of guilt, and I wish we could just find a way to make it disappear.  

The first one is said often by allosexual partners on these forums. :\

 

My issue with the second one isn't even the idea that someone who experiences sexual attraction ever at some point in their entire lifetime isn't asexual (a concept I am dubious of anyhow), but that if someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction acknowledges that they're not a fucking clairvoyant and doesn't know if that might ever happen in the future, that person would not be considered asexual by some elitists who will accept nothing less than total and complete certainty that sexual attraction was never experienced and never will be experienced as their definition of "asexual."

 

3 hours ago, miettaisace said:

my father told me these exact words when i was 11 and came out as ace to him:

"one day youll love to have penises inside you" 

 

i had a horrible abusive father but this shocked me...i was mortified as an 11 year old it was truly horrible. 

 

after about a year i came out as ace to my therapist from years back and she told me:

"go to a party have a few beers, find a guy and take him to a quiet room. then lay down and close your eyes he'll know what to do"

 

once again i was shocked...she basically said "let yourself get raped" i was horrified and never went back to see her 

That's really fucked up on both counts and I'm sorry. :| I'm glad you have enough sense about you to be horrified, at least.

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3 hours ago, miettaisace said:

my father told me these exact words when i was 11 and came out as ace to him:

"one day youll love to have penises inside you" 

 

i had a horrible abusive father but this shocked me...i was mortified as an 11 year old it was truly horrible. 

 

after about a year i came out as ace to my therapist from years back and she told me:

"go to a party have a few beers, find a guy and take him to a quiet room. then lay down and close your eyes he'll know what to do"

 

once again i was shocked...she basically said "let yourself get raped" i was horrified and never went back to see her 

Im sorry you had to go through such horrible situations. It sounds really really sad and disturbing to have to go through that. I hope that you are having a better life now and find respectful and decent people!

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