Things Asexuals hate to hear

[vega57]

This one ticks me off the most: 

 

"If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, your partner doesn't love  YOU."  or, "If someone doesn't want to have sex with you it means that they're just not into YOU."

 

Rarely do we read or hear, "If your partner doesn't want to have sex with you, then perhaps your partner doesn't like SEX." 

 

 

 

 

[umbasa]

6 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

"Prepare to die a virgin!"

Phew.

 

I mean, whoever said that were not fucking about. Tell us how you really feel, friend.

[umbasa]

4 hours ago, Zenzencat104 said:

If I say that it means that the person is getting overexcited about something (ie, a event, a surprise, etc.), and I want them to calm down, or just saying not to get too excited about something beforehand. A lot of these situations can be interpreted in many different ways, it probably had nothing to do with anything sexual.

I'm guessing given the lightbulb remark the person changing it was on a chair and rebecca was holding the chair. In that case, it was very likely a jokey presumption of sexual tension.

 

"I know we're oddly close right now, but don't read anything in it!"

 

I mean, it can be just a joke but depending on the positioning of the situation (if the person on the chair has their groin at face level with the person holding the chair) the remark can be inappropriate. But that depends on what kind of friendship they have.

[vega57]

1 hour ago, umbasa said:

Phew.

 

I mean, whoever said that were not fucking about. Tell us how you really feel, friend.

LOL! 

 

I mean, seriously?! 

 

Them:  "Prepare to die a virgin!"

Me:       "WOW!  That means I'll die HAPPY!!!!!!

[the_rebecca]

4 hours ago, umbasa said:

I'm guessing given the lightbulb remark the person changing it was on a chair and rebecca was holding the chair. In that case, it was very likely a jokey presumption of sexual tension.

 

"I know we're oddly close right now, but don't read anything in it!"

 

I mean, it can be just a joke but depending on the positioning of the situation (if the person on the chair has their groin at face level with the person holding the chair) the remark can be inappropriate. But that depends on what kind of friendship they have.

Yeah—I didn’t set the scene well, but that was the gist of it! It was supposed to be a joke and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t trying to be crass, but I was like, “excited about light bulbs? Oh. You mean me because we are very close. Got it. Joke acknowledged.”

[Duke Memphis]

22 minutes ago, the_rebecca said:

Yeah—I didn’t set the scene well, but that was the gist of it! It was supposed to be a joke and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t trying to be crass, but I was like, “excited about light bulbs? Oh. You mean me because we are very close. Got it. Joke acknowledged.”

I actually do get excited about lightbulbs. They give me an opportunity to tell people how many of me it takes to screw them in.

 

[AussieIsAce]

get fucked....cause nobody wants someone to say that to them 

[Yep, me]

5 hours ago, umbasa said:

I'm guessing given the lightbulb remark the person changing it was on a chair and rebecca was holding the chair. In that case, it was very likely a jokey presumption of sexual tension.

 

"I know we're oddly close right now, but don't read anything in it!"

 

I mean, it can be just a joke but depending on the positioning of the situation (if the person on the chair has their groin at face level with the person holding the chair) the remark can be inappropriate. But that depends on what kind of friendship they have.

Wat

[the_rebecca]

30 minutes ago, Duke Memphis said:

I actually do get excited about lightbulbs. They give me an opportunity to tell people how many of me it takes to screw them in.

 

I don’t know, I tend to get my best ideas around light bulbs. That’s pretty exciting.

[Tyger Songbird]

3 hours ago, vega57 said:

LOL! 

 

I mean, seriously?! 

 

Them:  "Prepare to die a virgin!"

Me:       "WOW!  That means I'll die HAPPY!!!!!!

For sure, I agree. I own my own body, not to anyone else

 

Yeah, as if people who don't have sex instantly are losers. It seems with all the divorce and all the breakups that people go through, sex seems to never fix your problems.  Maybe better yet, sex isn't love.

 

Somehow virgin is a fate from hell. I think it's a wonderful gift, with nothing of trouble from it. None that I can think of. I personally see my life of asexuality as beneficial, really.

 

Plus, it seems as if people think asexual = potential serial killer with no "feelings". Yeah, as if. If that were the case, then why do people like the Grim Sleeper and the Night Stalker exist?

[umbasa]

14 minutes ago, Zenzencat104 said:

Wat

What part throws you off?

[Yep, me]

3 hours ago, umbasa said:

What part throws you off?

I don’t understand the logic, I usually have a hard time understanding potential sexual ‘hints’.

[umbasa]

27 minutes ago, Zenzencat104 said:

I don’t understand the logic, I usually have a hard time understanding potential sexual ‘hints’.

Ah, well I just put two and two together about what rebecca said about having a lightbulb fitted. But basically, it's just teasing that is sometimes done to make an uncomfortable closeness less uncomfortable.

 

So, to use an example. Your friend twists their ankle and you suggest to give them a piggy back. Before they get on your back they joke "Now, don't use this as an excuse for wandering hands!"

 

Like, they know you won't do that but the breaking of the ice for what can be an uncomfortable situation can instead lessen the awkwardness.

Edited January 27, 2018 by umbasa

[bananas]

I was seeing a counsellor once (for totally nothing related to sexuality) and she asked if I was in a relationship. I said I had never been.

 

She said "that's sad, I really hope that changes for your sake" ... I was shook lol. I had never considered it an issue before, I decided to search why i had never wanted sex before and .. well, hello. But I never thought a professional would make a call like that. 

[umbasa]

16 hours ago, bananas said:

I was seeing a counsellor once (for totally nothing related to sexuality) and she asked if I was in a relationship. I said I had never been.

 

She said "that's sad, I really hope that changes for your sake" ... I was shook lol. I had never considered it an issue before, I decided to search why i had never wanted sex before and .. well, hello. But I never thought a professional would make a call like that. 

In my experience, counsellors tends not to be as professional as psychologists. Met with a couple counsellors in my time and a lot of the remarks always had me thinking "Is that really the right thing to say in this situation?"

 

Put it this way, if I had met those counsellors before my psychologist when I sought help for my eating disorder, the experience with the counsellors would have put me off seeking further help. Crikey, was it painful having to explain myself and my illness (it felt like I was justifying I had an illness... horrible).

[Filmfan]

On 1/26/2018 at 9:33 AM, tygersongbird said:

"How can you really know if you've never tried sex?"

 

"Shouldn't you just try it first? Maybe you'll like it!"

When I hear this about sex or having kids or whatever, I think, "Well, I've never slammed my hand in a car door or jumped out of an airplane or joined the Marines, but I'm pretty sure that I don't have to try those things to know that I wouldn't like doing them." 

[havenseeker]

hmm... as long as ppl got a mouth that can talk, they're gonna. so y not just laugh it off? or shut them up with some of your creativity? yeah?

 

someone once said smth risible with a shit-eating grin, when he heard I might be ace. "So you reproduce by yourself?"

 

i wanted to laugh so badly but managed to keep a straight face.  "Ofc, I reproduce by chopping off a limb or two and it'll magically grow into a person. Yeah, science."

[Nylocke]

On 1/26/2018 at 9:33 AM, tygersongbird said:

"Prepare to die a virgin!"
 

Somehow they say this like it makes a difference to me ...

[Skwirlgurl]

"You know, they make female Viagra, now."

 

Oh, wow. So... I should take a pill to make me crave sex with people I'm still not sexually attracted to? For goodness sake, why? Basically, that sounds like raping myself for companionship, even if it could change my orientation (or lack of it).

[mafreer]

Recently came out to my close friend who claims to be forward thinking and liberal. 

 

"Oh that'll be a hormone imbalance, I have a friend who has too much testosterone and her vagina didn't form properly and she always wants sex"

 

¿YOU WHAT?

[Selket]

I also had the "It's probably a hormone imbalance" remark from the first friend I came out to. And the, "I can put you in touch with a counselor who might be able to help you with the asexuality problem."

 

Fortunately we were out hiking so I was able to just keep on hiking and focus on the beautiful scenery and not say something snippy. 

 

 

[mafreer]

10 hours ago, Selket said:

I also had the "It's probably a hormone imbalance" remark from the first friend I came out to. And the, "I can put you in touch with a counselor who might be able to help you with the asexuality problem."

 

Fortunately we were out hiking so I was able to just keep on hiking and focus on the beautiful scenery and not say something snippy. 

 

 

I didn't really know what to say so just sat with a bemused look and half heartedly nodded. Unfortunately there was no great scenery for me!

[in.visible]

My therapist wants to talk about my relationship status, or the lack thereof any time soon and I'm dreading it.

There's nothing to talk about.

I don't care.

Anything close to a relationship is more than I could deal with right now.

[Telecaster68]

2 hours ago, in.visible said:

My therapist wants to talk about my relationship status, or the lack thereof any time soon and I'm dreading it.

There's nothing to talk about.

I don't care.

Anything close to a relationship is more than I could deal with right now.

A therapist will be wanting to explore your feelings about it (including why you might seem a bit defensive about it) to see if that helps your situation, not tell you that you should have a relationship. It might feel a bit awkward to discuss, but they won't be out to get you.

[Forest Spirit]

Friend: talking about this teenage girl who attempted suicide because her boyfriend broke up with her after only a month and how that's not even a real relationship so it's stupid to go to such extreems because of something minor like that. Then the comment "well you wouldn't understand" (because I'm ace and have never been in a commited relationship)

 

Me internally: oh, I didn't know that I also can't experience any empathy or deep emotions towards people. I know that I have no heart, that's why every fucking person who knows me better than ^you exist^ things I'm so nice and lovely and caring. That's also why I was a shut-in for several years due to people hurting me emotionally and me not being able to deal with anyone anymore and getting paranoid of people hurting me (which I still am to a certain degree). Makes sense doesn't it!?

 

I know he didn't mean to offend me but it just shows how ignorant people can be with the "you're ace so you can't possibly understand stuff like this"

[in.visible]

1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said:

A therapist will be wanting to explore your feelings about it (including why you might seem a bit defensive about it) to see if that helps your situation, not tell you that you should have a relationship. It might feel a bit awkward to discuss, but they won't be out to get you.

Maybe, but I'm tired of talking about it. I'm tired of everyone trying to make it an issue. I just think I have more important issues to discuss that are not tied to relationships...

[dunphy_cat]

"I don't think you are"

[Fantastic Name]

Society's collective reaction to me not wanting kids:

 

[umbasa]

4 hours ago, Quasar.w said:

Friend: talking about this teenage girl who attempted suicide because her boyfriend broke up with her after only a month and how that's not even a real relationship so it's stupid to go to such extreems because of something minor like that. Then the comment "well you wouldn't understand" (because I'm ace and have never been in a commited relationship)

 

Me internally: oh, I didn't know that I also can't experience any empathy or deep emotions towards people. I know that I have no heart, that's why every fucking person who knows me better than ^you exist^ things I'm so nice and lovely and caring. That's also why I was a shut-in for several years due to people hurting me emotionally and me not being able to deal with anyone anymore and getting paranoid of people hurting me (which I still am to a certain degree). Makes sense doesn't it!?

 

I know he didn't mean to offend me but it just shows how ignorant people can be with the "you're ace so you can't possibly understand stuff like this"

That's a roundabout way to accuse you of being a psychopath, and yet more insulting than straight up calling you one.

[Nylocke]

On 2/1/2018 at 6:15 AM, Quasar.w said:

Friend: talking about this teenage girl who attempted suicide because her boyfriend broke up with her after only a month and how that's not even a real relationship so it's stupid to go to such extreems because of something minor like that. Then the comment "well you wouldn't understand" (because I'm ace and have never been in a commited relationship)

 

Me internally: oh, I didn't know that I also can't experience any empathy or deep emotions towards people. I know that I have no heart, that's why every fucking person who knows me better than ^you exist^ things I'm so nice and lovely and caring. That's also why I was a shut-in for several years due to people hurting me emotionally and me not being able to deal with anyone anymore and getting paranoid of people hurting me (which I still am to a certain degree). Makes sense doesn't it!?

 

I know he didn't mean to offend me but it just shows how ignorant people can be with the "you're ace so you can't possibly understand stuff like this"

Not for nothing, but if you have a "friend" that views you in that light then that's not a very good friend ... Its bad enough when you have family that comes off to you that way but their family so you deal with it. But if I had someone come off to me like that and legit say or insinuate that I'm heartless or some crap because I am asexual, more then likely I would cut them loose. Especially if they were a "close friend" who's supposed to know me well enough to know that I'm not like that.