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Things Asexuals hate to hear


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Hermit Advocate

"But I like sex soooo much! Why can't you like too it so I can talk to you non-stop about how great sex is." (this is a dramatization)

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10 hours ago, Hermit Advocate said:

"But I like sex soooo much! Why can't you like too it so I can talk to you non-stop about how great sex is." (this is a dramatization)

But only a slight dramatization.

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"You'll grow into it. You don't finish developing until you're twenty-five."

 

I think people get their first hints at the start of puberty...

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On 12/22/2017 at 10:21 PM, Duke Memphis said:

"You'll grow into it. You don't finish developing until you're twenty-five."

 

I think people get their first hints at the start of puberty...

I don't get why people would use that particular statistic; it has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality. Your frontal lobe (which finishes development at 25 according to my psychology class) is the center for reasoning and rationality, not desires, urges or drives. That latter part would be hardwired much earlier on in a more primal area of the brain...

Sorry, got a little carried away - but these people really need to pay more attention to the facts, instead of twisting misunderstandings into half-baked "truths". It's ridiculous.

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“It’s because of your ADHD. You don’t connect emotionally to things and you hide your emotions. Talk to your psychiatrist about it, I’m sure they can come up with an answer! I really don’t think you are actually asexual.....”

 

”Sometimes I’m asexual too! Once, I didn’t want to have sex for 2 months”

 

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Hm, well I cannot add much since I only just started considering asexuality but reading through some of your posts... Phew. That's intimidating. It definitely makes you consider if it's even worth entertaining the thought of telling someone.

 

For me, because of my age and I'm not with anyone I can certainly see some of the responses posted here being thrown my way. Already people had taken my lack of emotion to meaning I maybe sociopathic or autistic. So much so that I then question if I am one or the other (or even both). I could very well be but it never felt like it explained me fully.

 

My new line of thinking for why I am this way makes more sense to me, but I can already see the sociopathic and autistic accusations being thrown at me again should I ever say anything about being asexual.

 

I know my sister gets frustrated sometimes because people can't get their head around her being bisexual. You can tell they default her to being just gay (especially because she is married to a woman) as the concept of being sexuality attracted to both men and women is just too alien.

 

That fact of life is enough to stop me from ever telling someone. After all, if they can't accept something like bisexuality what hope do I have with asexuality?

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How about this one? 

 

Friend: Oh, you've just never had good sex.

Me: ummmm....well ok true but it's much more than that.

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Somebodysomeone

My sis is the worst.  She is the person Who believes asexuality is a temporary thing . And yess I told her Its not feeling sexual attraction anyway back to the story. 

 

Last week she said the terrible phrase are you still asexual?  LIKE ITS A DISEASE ABLE TO BE CURED.  Omg and it just continues with trying to make me get tempted to get sex by saying how great making a family is. ( She will Be in labour next month ) 

 

Just fuckin understand it ffs 

 

Aaaahhh typing this feels relaxing. Could use some love rt now xd 

 

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14 minutes ago, Somebodysomeone said:

My sis is the worst.  She is the person Who believes asexuality is a temporary thing . And yess I told her Its not feeling sexual attraction anyway back to the story. 

 

Last week she said the terrible phrase are you still asexual?  LIKE ITS A DISEASE ABLE TO BE CURED.  Omg and it just continues with trying to make me get tempted to get sex by saying how great making a family is. ( She will Be in labour next month ) 

 

Just fuckin understand it ffs 

 

Aaaahhh typing this feels relaxing. Could use some love rt now xd 

 

Well, love is a tall order for me but I can give you encouragement to let the rage blast out!

 

Rage is good.

 

Your experience sounds awful and insulting. I mean, the making a family mention is just outright cruel. I honestly believe that a device to automatically record all we say and can playback it at the end of the day (pointing out particular corrosive comments) would go a long way to rectifying people's dismissive nature of others. It's like they are incapable of comprehending the full weight of what they say so long as it derives from their selves. If anything, it is likely they would speak ill of those who conducted themselves in the same manner if they saw it being said by someone else or on the TV, which makes it all the more frustrating.

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What I hate is when my friends try to “prove” me that I’m not asexual. Saying things such as: 

“you’re just scared of the idea”

”you’re not ready yet”

”you care about your appearance “ (sorry if I don’t come with the same clothes for a year just cuz I don’t feel attracted to anyone. What I wear is not for other people’s pleasure it’s just cuz I enjoy wearing this and feel more confident) 

 

 

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On 27/12/2017 at 2:19 PM, umbasa said:

Hm, well I cannot add much since I only just started considering asexuality but reading through some of your posts... Phew. That's intimidating. It definitely makes you consider if it's even worth entertaining the thought of telling someone.

 

For me, because of my age and I'm not with anyone I can certainly see some of the responses posted here being thrown my way. Already people had taken my lack of emotion to meaning I maybe sociopathic or autistic. So much so that I then question if I am one or the other (or even both). I could very well be but it never felt like it explained me fully.

 

My new line of thinking for why I am this way makes more sense to me, but I can already see the sociopathic and autistic accusations being thrown at me again should I ever say anything about being asexual.

 

I know my sister gets frustrated sometimes because people can't get their head around her being bisexual. You can tell they default her to being just gay (especially because she is married to a woman) as the concept of being sexuality attracted to both men and women is just too alien.

 

That fact of life is enough to stop me from ever telling someone. After all, if they can't accept something like bisexuality what hope do I have with asexuality?

I find it surprising that even today some people can’t open their minds to anything that isn't them. Sometimes even people who I thought were open minded have said some pretty closed minded things. But I just think that we should be open to who we are in defeat to these people who want us to ignore our own beliefs, thoughts and feelings. In the same way that love beats hate I believe that openness beats close-mindedness and you not caring about other people beats them trying to make you care. 

 

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On 8/5/2017 at 1:21 AM, dragon_nerd said:

"Oh I can't wait for you to grow up and get married and have kids of your own"

This was AFTER I told my Mum that I am ace. 

Ugh

See, my parents tell me I don’t have to get married and I feel rather bad for you, because if it was me, I would’ve said  “ya know, some people do and don’t want to get married. But why say to this kiddo that they should get married because they’re ace? What if this kiddo didn’t want to get married?” 

 

Know what hat I mean? Lol 😅 like I’m not even sure, being ace, that i’d want to get married myself 🤔🤔😅😅 in my opinion 😅😅

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On 05/08/2017 at 9:42 AM, To Each Their Own said:

when I told a friend of mine that I was asexual and that I hadn't had sex in over 15 years, he said, "I just want to crawl up your vagina right now and see what's going on."

 

at at least he didn't offer to change me. 

My god that’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard 😂 

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2 hours ago, Mayayaya said:

My god that’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard 😂 

Oh my word. I did not see that post you quoted.

 

Why.

 

Why would anyone think that is an acceptable thing to say to another person.

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What's going on is absolutely nobody's business.

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On 28.12.2017 at 11:21 AM, Somebodysomeone said:

My sis is the worst.  She is the person Who believes asexuality is a temporary thing . And yess I told her Its not feeling sexual attraction anyway back to the story. 

 

Last week she said the terrible phrase are you still asexual?  LIKE ITS A DISEASE ABLE TO BE CURED.  Omg and it just continues with trying to make me get tempted to get sex by saying how great making a family is. ( She will Be in labour next month ) 

 

Just fuckin understand it ffs 

 

Aaaahhh typing this feels relaxing. Could use some love rt now xd 

 

not gonna lie, this makes me a little more angry than it should. i do not stand for stuff like this, i really don’t. it really upsets me. if there is one thing i wouldn’t mind being wiped from the face of the planet it would be how invalidating people are (not the people themselves — just to clear that up) & how those types of people try to shove their beliefs down our throats. it’s seriously annoying. whooo sorry i went on a mini rant there. i hope one day your sister will understand. until then, i wish you the best! 

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To Each Their Own
17 minutes ago, umbasa said:

Oh my word. I did not see that post you quoted.

 

Why.

 

Why would anyone think that is an acceptable thing to say to another person.

I’m not sure why he said it. I thought maybe it was because he didn’t know what else to say?? I don’t know. It was awkward for me and I’m not really sure what he meant by it (even now). It was just...super cringe >.<

 

14 minutes ago, Duke Memphis said:

What's going on is absolutely nobody's business.

^^What I probably should have said!

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58 minutes ago, To Each Their Own said:

I’m not sure why he said it. I thought maybe it was because he didn’t know what else to say?? I don’t know. It was awkward for me and I’m not really sure what he meant by it (even now). It was just...super cringe >.<

 

^^What I probably should have said!

Well, I've had an unpleasant thought about why he might have said that. But I don't want to dwell on what must have been an awful experience for you. 

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A shard of glass

"You're just saying that for attention" - Ummm, yeah, sure, what do you really think I'd achieve out of saying this for attention?

 

"You're just depressed" - Ok, my mental health isn't great, and never really has been. But thank you for dictating my feelings.

 

(BTW, this was from a time before I started to find people attractive at all)

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Confused.Kitten

"You wont get it, it's different , you are assexual"

Yes, but I still wanna hear your POV '-'

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5 hours ago, Infrared said:

“Have you considered being homosexual?”

 

So often yet it never ceases to blow my mind.

I think what gets me with that is the touch of politeness about it.

 

"You wont get it, it's different , you are assexual"



Yes, but I still wanna hear your POV '-'

 

Now this is interesting. There is an acceptance of you being ace but it is being used to exclude you.

You 
Edited by umbasa
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3 hours ago, Horserider said:

I love being a cat lady. I prefer to chill with my cat friends. Cats are nice. Anyways... I hate when people say these things too. I don't understand why it's so difficult for others to wrap their heads around it. It's so simple.

Yeah, i can't understand too

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5 hours ago, Horserider said:

I don't understand why it's so difficult for others to wrap their heads around it. It's so simple.

"You... don't... like it???" *Does a bunch of overly complicated math* "Is it truly possible...??? No, I think I did it wrong." *Erases math and starts over*

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A shard of glass
12 hours ago, Duke Memphis said:

 

"You... don't... like it???" *Does a bunch of overly complicated math* "Is it truly possible...??? No, I think I did it wrong." *Erases math and starts over*

"These readings are off the charts!" [overly dramatic music]

 

"We must find a way to reverse this!" [Ace person looks confused]

 

"Umm... guys? I just said I don't have any interest... the world isn't ending." 

 

Sorry, saw the opportunity for some weird jokes, so I made the world's worst script :P

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Oh, here's some.

 

"You can't be asexual, because you've dated someone before, even if just once."

"Relationships are based on sexual attraction."

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