will123 Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 32 minutes ago, daylily said: Hi all - back again after a bit of a hiatus. I have since gotten divorced (about 8 years ago, hetero marriage) and am now married again (same sex marriage). Although, my asexuality is still an issue for me. I discovered (late in life) that I am not sex averse with women like I am with men, but I will never initiate and I can't make people feel desired, which is apparently something that is very important to a lot of sexual people. I'm glad to be back here where I can be reminded that I am not the only one in the world who feels this way. Welcome back! You were away, longer than I've be on the forum. Mind you I did find out about AVEN and asexuality (promptly identifying as such) back in 2005. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveb Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 1 hour ago, daylily said: Hi all - back again after a bit of a hiatus. I have since gotten divorced (about 8 years ago, hetero marriage) and am now married again (same sex marriage). Although, my asexuality is still an issue for me. I discovered (late in life) that I am not sex averse with women like I am with men, but I will never initiate and I can't make people feel desired, which is apparently something that is very important to a lot of sexual people. I'm glad to be back here where I can be reminded that I am not the only one in the world who feels this way. Welcome back! And best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skycaptain Posted May 18, 2022 Share Posted May 18, 2022 @daylily, welcome back 🎂🎂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anders279 Posted May 18, 2022 Share Posted May 18, 2022 Hello All...I am new to defining myself and to forums. Any advice will be well met 😁 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will123 Posted May 18, 2022 Share Posted May 18, 2022 38 minutes ago, anders279 said: Hello All...I am new to defining myself and to forums. Any advice will be well met 😁 Welcome to AVEN from southern Ontario! I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but feel free to ask any questions. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveb Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 4 hours ago, anders279 said: Hello All...I am new to defining myself and to forums. Any advice will be well met 😁 Welcome and ! I'm not sure about advice; maybe look around the forums for threads and section that might be of interest to you, join in and have some fun. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skycaptain Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 @anders279, welcome to AVEN 🍰🍰 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daylily Posted May 20, 2022 Share Posted May 20, 2022 On 5/18/2022 at 4:43 PM, anders279 said: Hello All...I am new to defining myself and to forums. Any advice will be well met 😁 Hi and welcome! I am just returning here after my first visit here which was about 8 years ago. And I am STILL defining! This place, these forums have been a haven for me and a retreat from what feels to me like an extremely over-sexualized world. I hope you find that same here. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will123 Posted May 20, 2022 Share Posted May 20, 2022 1 hour ago, daylily said: Hi and welcome! I am just returning here after my first visit here which was about 8 years ago. And I am STILL defining! This place, these forums have been a haven for me and a retreat from what feels to me like an extremely over-sexualized world. I hope you find that same here. That how a friend described things when I came out to her a couple of years ago. I've known her since I was 19 and she was 17 (I'm 60 now). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NHD Posted June 5, 2022 Share Posted June 5, 2022 Just wondering, is there anyone on here in their late 40's? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebis Posted June 5, 2022 Share Posted June 5, 2022 Yah, I am 49, plus there's a whole pinned "40s" thread where a bunch of other people in their 40s ... talk about being in their 40s? Actually, I think the 50s thread is more active. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordianot Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 Hello, @rebis, 49 here… 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordianot Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 Hello, I’m new here. Older, lots of trauma from trying to conform. Finally figured out that asexuality is an orientation and that it fits me. Looking forward to chatting with others. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pickles Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 On 6/4/2022 at 6:49 PM, rebis said: Actually, I think the 50s thread is more active. Yes, the 50s thread is the most active of the "decade" threads. Lots of great people there, and members of any age are welcome! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebis Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 49 minutes ago, Gordianot said: Hello, I’m new here. Older, lots of trauma from trying to conform. Finally figured out that asexuality is an orientation and that it fits me. Looking forward to chatting with others. Howdy! And welcome! 😀🍰 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveb Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 Welcome to all of the new oldies! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace_Reporter Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 "Extremely over-sexualized world." LOL. Which if anybody has stepped into it, there's no world more sexualized than the gay culture. My roommate is gay, so I live in that world. RuPaul and the Trixie Motel stream behind me 24/7. We often have chats about our celebrity crushes, with whom there is nothing wrong. And so when he thought I was asexual, I was like, "nah, I'm attracted to men." It would me more correct to say I found men attractive. Aesthetically. All this time, I thought I was just a straight girl who couldn't get a date. But I wasn't trying hard to get one either. Priorities, man. I had more important stuff to do. Despite all that, I felt so comfortable in the LGBT community that I wanted the A to stand for Ally. Now that I know it stands for something that actually represents me, I'm actually balking at being part of the community. But I have to say the welcome has been pretty dang amazing, from people with whom I have little in common. I have never been marginalized because of who I'm not having sex with. Misunderstood, pitied, but not marginalized. The community says "F gatekeepers" not realizing that I am the one gatekeeping myself. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordianot Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 2 hours ago, GrACEFully said: I felt so comfortable in the LGBT community that I wanted the A to stand for Ally. Now that I know it stands for something that actually represents me, I'm actually balking at being part of the community. I hear you! I always told my MANY LGBTQ friends I was an ally. Then, when discussing my experience and attitudes with one, she called me out and told me I was ace. It’s taken me several years to really look at the various definitions and figure out that I really do belong here. (What, I actually belong somewhere?!) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveb Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 @Gordianot I just noticed your avatar is a miniature figure (some sort of gnomish character with a gun (raygun?) and potion?). Do you play any sort of games? One of my hobbies is painting miniature figures. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anders279 Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 On 6/8/2022 at 1:00 AM, Gordianot said: I hear you! I always told my MANY LGBTQ friends I was an ally. Then, when discussing my experience and attitudes with one, she called me out and told me I was ace. It’s taken me several years to really look at the various definitions and figure out that I really do belong here. (What, I actually belong somewhere?!) I'm following this thread going "oh! me too!" to both of you - I have been single nearly 18 years now and couldn't figure out why. My helpful sister said "you're intimidating" 😑 hmmm - that can't be it... surely there is a man out there bigger than that lol... it took me a long time to figure out I was ace and I am still trying to decide exactly how it fits without narrowing it so much that I am single for life! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace_Reporter Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 On 6/8/2022 at 3:00 AM, Gordianot said: I hear you! I always told my MANY LGBTQ friends I was an ally. Then, when discussing my experience and attitudes with one, she called me out and told me I was ace. It’s taken me several years to really look at the various definitions and figure out that I really do belong here. (What, I actually belong somewhere?!) I am going to the Labor Notes conference this weekend and they have an LGBT meet up ... I am going ... I feel like kind of a party crasher but they assure me that I'm welcome. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace_Reporter Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 Oh yeah we're SOOOOOO intimidating. That's what the world tells women ... we have learned to make it on our own and take care of ALL our needs without a man, AmIRight? If that's "intimidating" then I don't want it ... because truth told, what I would want in a partner is emotional support, and sharing finances would not be a bad thing either ... but if that doesn't happen, I can get my emotional support other places. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clowel Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 (edited) 20 hours ago, GrACEFully said: Oh yeah we're SOOOOOO intimidating. That's what the world tells women ... we have learned to make it on our own and take care of ALL our needs without a man, AmIRight? If that's "intimidating" then I don't want it ... because truth told, what I would want in a partner is emotional support, and sharing finances would not be a bad thing either ... but if that doesn't happen, I can get my emotional support other places. Yeah, so agree about the partner thing. Once, I was told by an interviewer that my "intelligence and confidence was intimidating as f. Getting hired anywhere was going to be difficult. " It may have just been him as I have been working in the field for over 20 years now. Edited June 15, 2022 by Clowel Edited 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonaBeeswax Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 On 6/7/2022 at 10:21 AM, Gordianot said: Hello, I’m new here. Older, lots of trauma from trying to conform. Finally figured out that asexuality is an orientation and that it fits me. Looking forward to chatting with others. My first post was literally about trying to conform. I now feel much safer inside my body since I began identifying as an Acearo. Like measurably better about life. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonaBeeswax Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 On 6/15/2022 at 3:54 PM, Clowel said: Yeah, so agree about the partner thing. Once, I was told by an interviewer that my "intelligence and confidence was intimidating as f. Getting hired anywhere was going to be difficult. " It may have just been him as I have been working in the field for over 20 years now. I thought that was just me!! I've been told that a lot!. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will123 Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 4 hours ago, MonaBeeswax said: My first post was literally about trying to conform. I now feel much safer inside my body since I began identifying as an Acearo. Like measurably better about life. Welcome to AVEN! Even though I had never worried about my sexuality (or lack of), it was such a huge relief to find out about asexuality. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aris T. Posted August 2, 2022 Share Posted August 2, 2022 Hello everyone!! Newbie here as well. I turned 50 in March and started understanding my asexuality couple of months ago. I am so glad I found AVEN and all you great people!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StratoChief Posted August 2, 2022 Share Posted August 2, 2022 Welcome @Aris T.! Great to have you aboard. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will123 Posted August 13, 2022 Share Posted August 13, 2022 On 8/2/2022 at 12:20 PM, Aris T. said: Hello everyone!! Newbie here as well. I turned 50 in March and started understanding my asexuality couple of months ago. I am so glad I found AVEN and all you great people!! Welcome to AVEN! 🍰 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B4BEA Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 Wow! I found AVEN a few days ago, and it is amazing and wonderful how my life, the decisions I made, the situations I found myself in, the relationships I had, all fell into place (like a rubics cube magically sorting itself out); suddenly it all makes sense. I kind of knew since I was 16 that I was different, but conformed to society, faked a lot, drank a lot. I found myself in a long-term relationship that was satisfying and fulfilling in many ways, but not based on sexual attraction. We just never "talked about it" - and now I am 63, widowed, realizing (quite relieved) that there is a name for who I am, and while I don't fit into the mainstream sexual culture, I now know I am not alone, feeling (or rather not feeling) this way. I am still finding my way around the various forums, so much information to process. And while a younger me identifies with many topics, I am particularly grateful for the "Older Asexuals" forum. I so identify with this "later in life" sudden realization "Oh! That's me! It's always been me!" Wow! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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