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Welcome Older Asexuals


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Welcome, @CarolCMBR.  You are very lucky to have found a compatible significant other who is also ace.

Welcome to the Forum, @Member114264  You Moved from the Teen Corner to the older aces thread!  Happy 20th!  I really liked that photo of your former home in Colorado that you posted on the photo thread.  Do you miss living there?

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1 hour ago, Muledeer said:

@Member114264  You Moved from the Teen Corner to the older aces thread!  Happy 20th!  I really liked that photo of your former home in Colorado that you posted on the photo thread.  Do you miss living there?

I still do. It was so lovely there. Waking up to warmed floors and crackling of either bacon or wood on the fire was so nice.

Then daliy hikes up, down and around were nice too.

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On 10/25/2019 at 5:00 AM, CarolCMBR said:

I am introducing myself here, but I did a longer introduction in other topic. I am Carolina, born in Brasil but I am living in the Netherlands since 2002, so I could say I am 50/50. 

As a teenager I thought I was a nerd, or very late in having sexual interests. I never had any sexual interest, I did have aesthetics preferences but nothing that would attract me. When I was almost 17 I met an online boy, we became friends and this friendship became a relation. Suddenly my romantic and sexual attraction were born! Well, this boy is Dutch and that's why I am in the Netherlands, we got married and we have 2 boys from 9/11 years old. My husband is asexual as well (NO, we didn't know when we met and only years later we found out about beeing ace). 

Couple of years ago I noticed my sexual attraction is almost gone, and the romantic attraction is different. I wouldn't say it is gone but it is not as it used to be. I am not sure if it is just us getting older, or the relation changing. I love him more than anyone and I trust him completely. I know he feels the same way. Truth is I also have romantic feelings with another friend, said that, the feeling is actually more than friendship but less than a feeling for a relation. There is no sexual desire, for sure. 

I don't like labels but I can see myself perfect fitting with demisexual. And I am glad I found a place where I am not the "different" one. 

 

Does your husband know about your friend. Is the other person just a 'special' friend that you can share feelings with that you can't with your husband?

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@will123 Yes, my husband knows about my friend. We are very open about everything. 

My friend might not know I like him more than a friend, or maybe he knows and enjoys it as he is at this moment single. 

 

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  • 2 months later...
Lady Hummingbird

Hello, I know I am asexual now.. I am 75 year young female, and I still enjoy being friends with the opposite sex..but a lot of younger men might think I am a couger.. far from it.. I prefer older men.  so there I have said what I came here to say..

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@Lady Hummingbird, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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@Lady Hummingbird Welcome to AVEN. I hope you find the forum enjoyable. I'm 58 and found out about aexuality when I was 44. Too long in my opinion to not know who I really was.

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  • 3 weeks later...
silent autumn

Hi, I'm also new here. I'm 36 and I've known about my asexuality for some time now. I've finally decided to join this place, as I don't know any other aces.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 12/31/2019 at 8:30 PM, Lady Hummingbird said:

Hello, I know I am asexual now.. I am 75 year young female, and I still enjoy being friends with the opposite sex..but a lot of younger men might think I am a couger.. far from it.. I prefer older men.  so there I have said what I came here to say..

Hi Lady. Wish you had more to say! 

Thanks for stopping by!

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...
Professor Tarknassus

Guess I'd better introduce myself here.  I'm 44yo, have wondered if I was asexual since my teens and struggled with trying to not be.  Finally coming to terms with the fact I am, and learning how to move forward.  Also very introvert/asocial which hasn't helped in terms of figuring stuff out.  Getting there though.

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7 hours ago, Professor Tarknassus said:

Getting there though.

Good for you! :)

Welcome and :cake: !

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14 hours ago, Professor Tarknassus said:

Guess I'd better introduce myself here.  I'm 44yo, have wondered if I was asexual since my teens and struggled with trying to not be.  Finally coming to terms with the fact I am, and learning how to move forward.  Also very introvert/asocial which hasn't helped in terms of figuring stuff out.  Getting there though.

You were aware of asexuality in the 90s? Wow! I hadn't heard or read anything about it until 2005. Up to then as far as I knew a person was hetero-, bi- or homosexual. It definitely was a mind blowing revelation to find out that there was a name for those of us that weren't sexually attracted to others.

 

I'm of mixed feelings about finding out later in life that I was asexual. Yes had I known sooner it would've saved me some drama. But, had I known sooner would I have avoided females socially? I met a girl a couple of years before I knew I was ace (let alone aro) and am still friends with her. I would think my life would've missed something had I not met her.

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2 hours ago, will123 said:

I'm of mixed feelings about finding out later in life that I was asexual. Yes had I known sooner it would've saved me some drama. But, had I known sooner would I have avoided females socially? I met a girl a couple of years before I knew I was ace (let alone aro) and am still friends with her.

Sorry, not sure I understand this. Would you have avoided females because you felt awkward around them, knowing you were asexual and therefore not interested in a relationship? 

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3 minutes ago, teatree said:

Sorry, not sure I understand this. Would you have avoided females because you felt awkward around them, knowing you were asexual and therefore not interested in a relationship? 

That's what I meant, but I don't know if that would've happened had I known sooner.

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Professor Tarknassus
6 hours ago, will123 said:

You were aware of asexuality in the 90s? Wow! I hadn't heard or read anything about it until 2005.

Well, at the very least on a conceptual level.  I'm applying the asexual term retrospectively here.  It's probably around 2000 I first heard of the term as well and could apply it to many aspects of my life before that.

 

I would say that sex education in the late 80's just made the whole thing weird.  Its not like I could put a label on it - I struggled with the concept of sex after that.  I remember talking to my dad about how odd it seemed and he just basically said 'You'll enjoy it when it happens'.  He was wrong of course 🤣 (plus I wouldn't find out for another 20-odd years).  My first girlfriend straight after school was probably my best indication that I was asexual - I wasn't really interested in any of the kiss/cuddle aspect of the relationship.  It never progressed any further than that and fell apart after a couple of months.

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I actually feel more comfortable with males (and people in general) ever since discovering asexuality. Hard to explain, but I don't worry anymore that guys will think I am interested in them. Before KNOWING I am asexual, I just kept thinking that maybe there MIGHT be a relationship...even though I wasn't at all interested or wanted that. Does that make sense?

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1 hour ago, teatree said:

Does that make sense?

yep :) 

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To add to what I posted earlier. Since I identified as asexual I've never attempted to befriend a female. After what happened in 2000 when I said no to sex, I'm sure that would be pretty much hanging over my head.

 

I'm very appreciative of the women that I'm friends with.

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  • 1 month later...
Skycaptain

@Donna t, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi eveyrone, 45 male, ace. I always understood I was an ace since I was young, but we didn't really have a great way to communicate it then, the terminology eluded me for decades. Very affirming to find the stories and alternate views everyone is sharing. Has really helped me start a new avenue of reflection and exploration for me. Will be interesting to see where I am in another 45 years 😁

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3 hours ago, Kelwyne said:

Will be interesting to see where I am in another 45 years 😁

:lol: 

 

Welcome and :cake: !

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@Kelwyne Welcome to AVEN :cake: Unlike you I thought I was straight until I found out about asexuality when I was 44. A lot of stuff made sense and I was content to identify as asexual. I'm 58 and wouldn't change a thing. 

 

I'm sure your next 45 will be fine!

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3 hours ago, will123 said:

I thought I was straight until I found out about asexuality

Same for me.

I always did (and still do) find pretty women attractive, at least aesthetically, and have had crushes over the years (especially in my younger days in school). But never got very far with dating (never even had many dates). So I didn't know I didn't want sex until I finally (in my late 40s) found myself in a relationship where it was a possibility and even an expectation. Even then I didn't know why sex wasn't working for me. That relationship broke up and it was only later that I came across the concept of asexuality and then everything clicked. I found that to be liberating.

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7 hours ago, daveb said:

[...]I didn't know why sex wasn't working for me. That relationship broke up and it was only later that I came across the concept of asexuality and then everything clicked. I found that to be liberating.

"Everything clicked"--precisely! Though as many have said in the past here on Aven, just wish I had known it sooner....

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18 hours ago, Kelwyne said:

Thank you @daveb and @will123

 

Glad I found this place, lots of really good information :) Hopefully in time I can be as well versed as some of you in helping others as well.

You're welcome. I don't think it's a case in becoming versed in the subject. If I read a person's post and I can relate to their feelings or answer their questions, I try to reply to the best of my ability.

 

On the reverse, it's nice to be able to post something that is troubling you and folks do their best to reassure you that it's nothing to be upset about. Especially when they've had the same feelings and know what you're going thru.

 

I'm not really into psychology or stuff, but just trying to share my experience(s) before and after identifying as asexual to help others on their 'journey'. Together we can all help each other.

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