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Lamkirk

Are sexuals and asexuals really compatible?

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Drummergirl

Echoing a lot of what I have read from others, but my asexual boyfriend likes most of the same things I do, has a similar world view and whilst he is not sexually attracted to me he does tell me that I am cute or adorable or other such things and that makes me feel special. And we enjoy everything else we do together like enjoying the same films, going to music events or just lounging about in the comfort of each others company. There is a lot of physical affection, which is the part I would be lost without, and there is a sexual element but I don't mind that it is not all the time, in fact it makes it that much more lovely when it does happen. 

 

In the past I have had brief sexual relationships with men that I was not interested in on any other level so on the flip side it is fair to say they were more doomed to fail in the long term. 

 

On the topic of starting a relationship of a mixed nature, how are asexuals supposed to meet other asexuals in a small town, especially ones they connect with on a deep emotional level? And in my case I put my feelings out there and the reply that followed was "I'm asexual". It would have been damaging to just run off at that point, almost certainly as he has since confessed that he thought he could never have a romantic relationship with anyone ever again and it would have just reinforced that belief. Instead my reply was that we should just have a date or two and see what happens. Really glad he agreed to that.

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Chimeric

I don't identify as ace or ace spectrum. I was married to a sexual man for a few years, and while we were close, that relationship doesn't hold a candle to the intimacy I've developed in my current relationship with a partner who does identify as ace/ace spectrum.

 

It happens to work for us. It takes a lot of communication and a lot of commitment and (on his part) a lot of reassurance, but I've found that he does such a good job supporting me in all other areas of my life (my ex-husband did not) that I'm very happy to compromise on the sex bit. Actually, the perspective he's able to bring to my life alone is worth it, to me.

 

It's just kind of funny that sexual incompatibility contributed to ending my marriage but is not much of a factor in my current relationship. :lol:

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Visenya

I don't identify as asexual anymore and, despite desiring sex, I still don't consider myself compatible with most sexual men. I've heard a lot of sexual guys complaining about marriage, sexual monogamy, and different libidos, and their partners are sexuals as well, so... Sex usually becomes a problem even in normal long-term relationships, so I have no reason to believe that mixed relationships would work.

 

I know that I'd feel miserable with a guy who is deep down blaming me for depriving him of something he wants. And I'd resent him as well, because I'm much more monogamous and less sexual than the average straight man, it seems, and I don't want to feel like a target, as if I'm being elected to fulfill someone's needs. Besides, I prefer not doing something I want than being nagged/guilt-tripped into doing something I don't want. That's why I'd probably prefer a relationship with an ace or grey-sexual than with a "normal" sexual guy.

 

Of course, some mixed long-term relationships work quite well, but they seem to be very rare. More often than not, there are underlying feelings of guilt, resentment, anxiety, and frustration on both sides, and it ends up contamining the rest of the relationship. Most sexuals say that they wouldn't have married their partners if they knew what they were getting into, but they're usually too reluctant to take the initiative and breakup. And I know it's much harder for romantic asexuals to find a partner, but being single would actually allow them to look for someone compatible and find true happiness, which is better than insisting on a relationship that won't work, especially in the long term.

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Ilovecake

As friends absolutely yes

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Prof.Owl

I've been with my Allo partner for five years so far and we're pretty happy

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