Are you out? Do you want to come out?

[MightyProphet]

I came out to my mum yesterday! I'm still not 100% sure whether she gets it, but she's a very caring person and didn't judge me at all for it, which is what I was fearing. She does seem to think though as I'm young (and on antidepressants to boot) that it's something which may change over time. Granted, she may be right, but I really had to emphasise that this is something I had thought about a lot, and I'm pretty sure I am at least very uninterested in sex. I'm not terribly good at getting my point across though, so instead I've referred her to various articles which seem to sum up what I'm feeling rather better (it's good timing that it's asexual awareness week- plenty of good stuff going round). I'm probably going to talk to my dad fairly soon too (my mum intimated that he felt fairly similarly to me before he met her), but I'm still pretty nervous about that.

 

So I'm now out to 3 of the closest people in my life- my mum and 2 of my closest friends. I kind of figured none of them would be surprised, given that I haven't had a partner yet and I'm in my mid-20s, but they all thought I'd just been really secretive about it. Tbh, I thought I would feel better than I'm feeling right now, I'm just feeling pretty hollow and emotionless.

[Zebrafinch]

I'm sort of out to my mother - she knows how I feel about relationships and men, but I've never used the word asexual. 

She thinks I'm very sensible. Something I said recently to her, before I gave my (a)sexuality much thought: "you've only made one mistake, whereas (friend) has made two. Three if you count (Name). At least she's learned from her mistakes and has now got a horse." 

I dread to think how much teasing I'd get from one of my sisters if I came out to her. 

[CallaWolf]

I thought I posted on this thread, but I guess I didn't hit post after writing it.

 

I'm out only to my mother, but that's it. I'm not out to the rest of my family, or non-family. I kinda want to come out, but I just haven't, mostly because I'm not sure how they'd take it and I'm worried things won't go over because they just wouldn't understand, plus I'm not a "talk about myself" type of person. Though I'm sure at least half my family already knows (and the other half just seems worried that I'll be feeling "forever alone" and I don't think they'll really "get" what asexuality is).

[Semiterrestrial Scientist]

I want to come out. But since I’m on the younger side I would probably get replies like “You’ll change your mind” “Your too young to know” etc. So I’m probably gonna wait until around college or something to come out.

[Zebrafinch]

I saw today that national Pride is going to be in my area next year. I'd like go and feel i should go. But then I'd need to come out and I'm not quite ready yet. Still, I've got a few months to think about it and maybe organise a few people on here to go with me. Just looked at the Facebook page - they had an Asexual Awareness Week post.

[Fighting_For_Us]

I am out to a couple close friends, including one who herself is ace. She's been a huge help in me accepting myself and I'm so thankful for her to be in my life.

I am not out to any family. I would like to be, since then I'd be able to openly speak about how I feel to them. But, as I come from a Christian background, they are not terribly open to the idea of anything other than hetrosexuality. My mom especially is against the idea of my sisters or I being anything but straight.

So for the moment I'm planning to remain closeted, though I'm considering talking over my sexuality with one or two trusted Church members.

[Fues]

On 9/19/2017 at 10:00 PM, Fues said:

No, although my little brother and my best friend do know about it. But I come from a pretty judgmental family and I can't see them understanding. Most of them think I'm gay, since I haven't have a relationship, well at least not one they know of, because for them no girlfriend = gay. Which makes perfect sense, I know. Or if not gay, then there's something wrong with me.

 

If I find myself girlfriend, who's also asexual, maybe then I could come out. I believe it would be easier for them to understand, if I was in a relationship.

Okay, I did it. I don't know how or why I got the courage but I did last Wednesday. I wrote lengthy message to our family's whatsapp-group and explained everything thoroughly. I forbid them to call me, since after I sent it, I was a wreck, crying and shaking. But for my own great surprise, everyone took it very calmly and lovingly. My little brother actually said that I described a lot of how he is feeling. My big brother is only one, who didn't say anything, but to be honest, I wasn't even expecting anything from him. After that message, I came out on my social media accounts too. I feel so relieved. So free.

[mayapple]

4 hours ago, Fues said:

Okay, I did it. I don't know how or why I got the courage but I did last Wednesday. I wrote lengthy message to our family's whatsapp-group and explained everything thoroughly. I forbid them to call me, since after I sent it, I was a wreck, crying and shaking. But for my own great surprise, everyone took it very calmly and lovingly. My little brother actually said that I described a lot of how he is feeling. My big brother is only one, who didn't say anything, but to be honest, I wasn't even expecting anything from him. After that message, I came out on my social media accounts too. I feel so relieved. So free.

Congratulations! I'm glad that went well for you. Please, go eat some cake and pretend it's from me.

[TeddyMiller]

I've told my Mom, brother and sister, and a few co-workers and friends. And I've included it in online dating profiles.

[Micha]

I oddly find coming out asexual more difficult than when I came out as gay. When I came out as gay, the worst response I remember getting was, "Oh so you like men? I hope God will show you the way." Being an atheist, I can easily dismiss such comments. But when I try coming out as asexual, I get responses like, "Are you sure you're not just confused/picky/impotent/etc.?" I try to come out to people who try to date me, just so I have everything out upfront and don't give them false expectations. It hasn't gone well.

[Bluewaters]

I did come out as LGBTQA to all of my friends; I identify as Queer. I came out to quite a few friends as Asexual, and they were warm and accepting. But recently, I came out as Queer and Asexual to a few very close older friends--and it went so poorly. Unbelievably so. I cannot even really talk more than small talk around them; it felt, with their questions and labels and judgments..honestly, so intrusive I felt emotionally drained. Like a violation of my everything.

 

I came out to my parents as Asexual this week. It was very hard for them. They have strange ideas of what Asexuality is; they are confused because I am in a relationship [with an Asexual]. it's all new territory for them...

 

In my experience, it has been very hard to come out as Asexual to  my older friends. I am fifty. Friends over 70 have had a tough time understanding Asexuality or that there is a spectrum; fluidity; or identities which they did not always know about before. For friends my age group and under, it has been very simple. It was familiar and perfectly fine. It was like, ok, are you ok talking more about it? How are you doing? That was it. My older friends have struggled a lot with it and I'm unsure how I will proceed. I suppose they may need more time. I guess it is a different conversation than they have had before.

 

My parents were confused and 'sad for me'. My mother tried to say she could always tell. I told her kindly this was not possible. It's very difficult for them to understand all these variances, words, and concepts. I've given them a lot of links they read, and that helped. They are learning. I am not sad at all. I am beyond happy.

 

 

 

 

[kittyblomu]

On 29.10.2017 at 7:10 AM, Fues said:

Okay, I did it. I don't know how or why I got the courage but I did last Wednesday. I wrote lengthy message to our family's whatsapp-group and explained everything thoroughly. I forbid them to call me, since after I sent it, I was a wreck, crying and shaking. But for my own great surprise, everyone took it very calmly and lovingly. My little brother actually said that I described a lot of how he is feeling. My big brother is only one, who didn't say anything, but to be honest, I wasn't even expecting anything from him. After that message, I came out on my social media accounts too. I feel so relieved. So free.

I know this is super late, but congratulations !!! I am very proud of you. I don't think I could ever muster up the courage to do something like that. 

[Oh Damn]

Honestly, I think choosing when and how to come out is different for everyone, and that's okay. Your sexual orientation is a part of your personal identity that you can choose to share or not share with others (which is, honestly, a little unfair, because straight people never have to go through that). Fact is, no one ever has to come out in any situation, even if you're an ace person in a relationship where the other person might be 'expecting something' of you. You don't ever owe anyone any personal information. Everyone has their own boundaries. But also, on the other hand, if you want to take pride in the label and shout it from the rooftops, go for it! God knows the ace community needs more active representation both in LGBT+ spaces and just society in general.

[Fues]

On 4.3.2018 at 11:39 PM, kittyblomu said:

I know this is super late, but congratulations !!! I am very proud of you. I don't think I could ever muster up the courage to do something like that. 

Thank you 🙂 I’ve been pleasantly surprised that no one has mentioned about it since. It’s just a part of me and it doesn’t change the man I’ve been all my life.

 

I think that for me the the reason to come out now, is that I’m about to turn 30. So it felt like ’now or never’ type of situation.

[Raire]

I haven't come out to anyone (apart from on AVEN, of course!). 

 

I would do and offer explanations if someone asked me why I'm old and still not in a relationship, but no-one seems that bothered about my relationships IRL. 

[Adachiku]

I’ve come out to two friends so far - one of them turned out to be ace herself, which completely surprised me.

I’d like to tell my parents, but I’ve “come out” to them as lesbian many years back and I’m not sure how I can explain to them that l “changed my mind”, so to speak.

I also want to come out to a very good friend of mine, but since I’d like to do it in person, I’ll have to wait until I (hopefully) see her in the summer.

But in general, I feel like @Micha: I find it tough to come out as ace, mostly because I still don’t quite know how to explain it, so for now I’m only coming out to people who know their queer vocab 😅

[SallyBlackwater]

Update: I came out to a few of my friends a few days ago. I haven't seen any of them in the flesh yet since my coming out, but judging by their texts they seem to be cool with it. I just had to explain a few things to them because they were worried for my physical/emotional health, but as soon as I told them that my hormones are fine and that I'm actually happier now that I've discovered asexuality, they told me that since I'm happy, they're happy for me =)

 

The weirdest thing was that even though I know my friends are some of the most open-minded people I know, I was afraid they wouldn't understand =( ignorance sucks =(

 

And @Adachiku, cool profile pic, I love Makkachin <3

[Adachiku]

@SallyBlackwater Congrats on the succesful coming out! And what a cute pic of Phichit <3 

[Claire1983]

I just started seriously questioning if I'm Ace but I think once I figure it out I will want my family and friends to know.  My friends will be supportive.  My family probably won't get it, but I have weird hobbies so I'm used to them not getting me.  They're not going to disown me or anything so even if they don't understand it I don't think it'll change anything.  The thing I'm dreading is having to talk to my mom about sex, because I'm not a virgin so that'll be fun to explain.  (not) I might die of embarrassment but that;s the worst that'll happen.  But I just started trying to figure this out so that's a ways off.

[Dark-Spirit]

Being out ? I'm only out to my QPP.

For the rest ? No, not really.I would be tempted to, but I'm way too afraid of how people would react.

[kittyblomu]

On 6.3.2018 at 11:48 PM, Fues said:

Thank you 🙂 I’ve been pleasantly surprised that no one has mentioned about it since. It’s just a part of me and it doesn’t change the man I’ve been all my life.

 

I think that for me the the reason to come out now, is that I’m about to turn 30. So it felt like ’now or never’ type of situation.

I see what you mean. I'm glad that you're comfortable! Happy!... you know what I mean.

[Asexual._.Blanket]

I'm out to about seven people (excluding the people, online for example, who don't know my real identity)- two internet friends, and five friends I know irl. Within those seven people, I've recieved quite a varity of responses, from "aren't you to young to know?" to "maybe you just have't met the right person yet" to "I think doctors can fix that" to just being accepting and suppportive- though all of those seven people quickly became accepting after we had a discussion and I answered all the above questions. None of the people are in my family.

 

I would love to publicly come out to anyone and everyone. I've almost told my parents multiple times through a song or just straight out saying it, and coming out publicly to everyone else on Snapchat. I think the main thing for me is that it bothers me to think people may not always think I have the purest of intentions, aka I want to have sex or would want to in the future, and that would clear that right up.

 

I'm scared to because of my strongly religious family and my wanting to possibly become a youth pastor or missionary- I, obviously, think that asexuality is okay and just how God made me but other people in my religion believe differently and that scares me. Besides that, I'm still accessing my biromantic feelings, so even if I did ever gather the courage to come out as asexual and somehow it didn't ruin my career, relationships, and life- coming out as biromantic definitely would.

 

So mostly in the closet I am, with just my pinky and my right-hand middle finger with a blank ring on it peeking out, and mostly in the closet I shall likely stay.

[HanBanana]

I came out to a few of my closest friends first and my sisters and my mom. Not my dad cuz I'm not sure exactly how he'd react... Overall I've had a very positive reaction from everyone! Mostly they just get very confused because they don't think that demisexuality is really even a thing. Even after I describe it to them, they don't seem to understand the difference between being demisexual and just being a normal person. This both bothers me and doesn't. I don't want anyone to think that I am just saying that I'm demi to be a part of a fad or to make myself seem special. On a similar note, I almost don't feel like I have "the right" to say I came out. To me, the journey of coming out is long and arduous for most people and I don't feel like what I went through, or will continue to go through on the basis of informing more people, is considered in that way. It was certainly hard for me to tell them cuz I was unsure of how they would react, but it's not nearly the same as telling someone you're trans for example (my brother is trans and I know he's been through a lot). I'm not at all trying to make generalizations about anyone else's experiences or anything like that, I'm just speaking on behalf of my feelings and my personal experience in the LGBTQ+ community. I have yet to come out to anyone as biromantic, but that is something still very new to me and I'm still exploring. Overall, I feel very comfortable with my labels and myself and I have almost no trouble spreading the word. Do you think that I should still feel less important in the world of "coming out" since my journey has been so calm? Not looking for sympathy, just honest opinions

[TheAP]

7 minutes ago, HanBanana said:

Do you think that I should still feel less important in the world of "coming out" since my journey has been so calm? Not looking for sympathy, just honest opinions

Everyone's experience of coming out is different. It's easier for some than for others. It doesn't mean your experience isn't as important. 

[Mirari]

I've come out to my friends, and like to hint at it a lot to acquaintances. I haven't come out to my family, but I have hinted at it a little bit too. I've asked questions like "Is it weird that I still don't find anyone hot?" "Would it be okay if I never had kids?"

 

That kind of stuff. So far, everyone's been cool with it

[Mae 🌼]

I've come out to my closest friend and she's super supportive and says she's proud.

 

I drop very subtle hints to my family, they're the polar opposite of me and are very family and romance orientated though so I'm afraid they won't be very accepting of it.

 

I would love to be out publicly but I know a lot of judgemental people so I'm happy with where I am for now

[Ms. Carolynne]

I've considered it, problem is the people around me have a lot of misconceptions regarding my sexuality already, and some are rather judgemental about it.

 

On one hand, I could dispell some rumors and get some people to maybe better understand me. On the other it could exacerbate some of what I already experience.

 

What it really boils down to is whether others will listen, or continue to believe what they want about me. 

[Crusty]

I'm out only to my mom, siblings, boyfriend, and close friends. I don't know if I could ever tell my whole family because I doubt they would understand and I'm afraid of how they would take it. Recently, I've been wearing a purple, white, black, and grey bracelet that my mom made. One of my coworkers keeps asking about it but I'm afraid to tell him what it is. I want to come out to my coworkers because I think they would be completely fine with it but I don't know if they would really understand. Everyone I work with is over 30 and I'm in my early 20's so I'm not sure how familiar they are with different sexualities. I've come out to coworkers in the past but this time it's more scary for some reason. 

[The Sad Ghost]

I'm still figuring out my sexuality and I don't feel the need of telling my friends that I'm probably not hetero. Even though most of them are gay and bi. They wouldn't judge me but nah... I think this website will be enough for me.

[SpaceDustbin]

I'm not out. In the beginning I was all for coming out, but I'm starting to doubt more and more whether it would really add something, especially since some of my close friends seem to be the people who don't believe in a world without sex . Now I'm just the person who's permanently single, and looking for a cat.