The Chocolate Jew Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 I just found this place and am just starting (at age 24) to look at the idea that maybe I am not a late bloomer who will become more sexual when I get older. I want physical closeness (what one man I was dating for a brief time dismissed as `just cuddling') but no sex. If a man tries to kiss me, I feel like I'm being attacked, even though intellectually I might like to know what it feels like. I've never done anything but pulled away or frozen. I would like to get married and probably have children, and I could see having sex for that purpose, but it would be a difficult thing to do--unbearable unless with someone whose experience was similar to mine. Anyway, a boyfriend would be great, but at this point I am very interested in just meeting friends. I'd particularly love meeting other intellectual people. I can't even talk to anyone about this... Anyone out there? Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Yep. Sounds like me. I was with the entire "late bloomer" hypothesis for a while...until i realized I AM TWENTY! and it ain't happening! Glad you are finally conseding it....you more than likely are asexual. And I can completly relate with the entire wanting to find a "more than friend" of the opposite gender thing. I love to cuddle...Romance is cool too. It's just that I have no intrest in sex whatsoever. But yeah...there are lots of people here like that! Glad to see you here and hope to hear more from you! WELCOME TO AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Welcome to the board! Yeah, I, too, kept thinking, 'Okey dokey, I'l start wanting sex soon...any time now...yep, those hormones will be showing up right about...uh...hello? hormones? are you there?' Nothin'. So there it is. I'm 25 and it's weird to be at this age where everyone else has all of this experience and you don't , I can definitely sympathise. And the people at my synagogue keep going, 'Hey, you wanna meet a nice Jewish boy?' 'Uh, not if I have to sleep with him, no.' I live in a small town with a tiny Jewish community so sometimes I want to say, 'You know, folks, if I don't have a couple little mumzers it ain't the end of the religion, you know?' I only say so because of your screen name. Do you have this problem, as well? Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Blue!! Sorry, just had to point that out. Welcome to AVEN, Chocolate Jew :) Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Welcome Chocolate Jew!!! You have one of the all time best AVEN names ever I think. My favorite was "they all think I'm gay" but yours is my second favorite. I love chocolate. And I'm Jewish. I love the chocolate part better than the Jewish part though I think. Anyway. :) welcome and make yerself at home. yeah i think a lot of us thought it was the late bloomer thing. Cate or chocolate, did you see the newsweek my turn article where the single jewish woman was saying how everyone kept pressuring her to get married? Kate Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted October 18, 2003 Share Posted October 18, 2003 i completely understand, chocolate, and welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 18, 2003 Share Posted October 18, 2003 It sounds vaguely familiar, Kate, but it also sounds like the people at my synagogue so I might just be thinking about them rather than an article I read. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
The Chocolate Jew Posted October 22, 2003 Author Share Posted October 22, 2003 Wow, I guess I should have checked back here sooner. This is a weird format, with no threads. What am I supposed to do, reply to everybody at once? Okay... "And the people at my synagogue keep going, 'Hey, you wanna meet a nice Jewish boy?' 'Uh, not if I have to sleep with him, no.' I live in a small town with a tiny Jewish community so sometimes I want to say, 'You know, folks, if I don't have a couple little mumzers it ain't the end of the religion, you know?' I only say so because of your screen name. Do you have this problem, as well?" Well, there are occasional matchmaking attempts or references from other Jews I know, but fortunately not from my parents since they aren't Jewish (I'm a convert). Still, I am pretty religious in a Reform sense and have actually thought about becoming a rabbi, so I definitely want to marry a Jew and raise my children as Jews, but it seems like I'm already looking for a needle in a haystack without requiring a Jew on top of that. So of course, I like to think, `A like-minded person will want to convert, like I did...' :roll: As for pressure to get married, I actually wish my synagogue were more accommodating to the single set. I asked a rabbi about this, and he said, "Most people don't start going to shul until they get married, anyway." Hello?! How do they go on and on about intermarriage and expect people to marry Jews if they don't provide any way to do so? When there is a singles event, it's usually totally not the type of thing I would do, anyway. So... Do you all find sexuality to be an issue in social settings, and how do you deal with it? In high school, I was friends with people who were fun to be around and also became more and more sexually active as we got older, while I did not. That may have had to do with why my best friend broke off our friendship. In college, I fell in with what I think of was the `wrong crowd' of religious Christians, and almost everybody in college (religious or otherwise) was single. I don't know how I wound up friends with these people; one of them at one point started arguing the virtues of creationism; others didn't learn how to drive until they were in college but thought taking the bus was too dangerous, making me the `risk-taker' in the group, which I found laughable. Now that I'm out of college and in the working world, it seems like suddenly everyone is married, and I'm single without even a date. I feel awkward going to work functions by myself when everyone else is bringing their wives and husbands. Plus, I'd like to start associating with people who are more like me and like to have fun, which probably means the sex issue will come up again. When I first came here, I was all upset because a married man at work I have been trying to get to know better (as a friend) finally invited me to a party, only it is being held in a dance hall--couples dancing!--and of course I don't have anyone to go with, and even if I did, I would not enjoy myself--I have never been a dancer. Still, I don't want to miss it, so I'm in a quandary. Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 *squints* Lighter blue :shock: Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 I converted, as well, CJ. When I was in process to do so people kept saying, 'Oh, you gotta Jewish boyfriend, eh?' 'Uh, no...Just doing it for myself, surprise I have a mind of my own.' There's nothing here for single Jews, either. And we've a very small Jewish population so they need to. Then again, with all the yentas around here, they make sure to introduce the singles to one another. :roll: Cate Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Do you all find sexuality to be an issue in social settings, and how do you deal with it? very much so. answer: I avoid social settings as much as possible. I've found many virtues in spending time alone. Kate Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 surprise I have a mind of my own.' What? When did this happen? God damn it, Cate, this means I have to up the voltage on your electroshock therapy. The electricity bill is gonna cost me a fortune... EDIT: I'm a "Mega Mitosis"...woah...:shock: I think I miss being an Amoeba (Colony). Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 *Tackles Julie and wrestles mind back* GIVE...IT...BACK! MINE! MINE! MINE! Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 EEP! No, it's mine! You belong to MEEEEE... *runs far and away* Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 *Chases after Julie* Gimme gimme gimme. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 *Looks Confused* "Riiiight"......"OUR GOVERNER TO BE, EVERYBODY!" *runs in the opposite direction screaming "Give it back!" to add to the mass insanity and choas* Link to post Share on other sites
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