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PoeciMeta

''Just because you don't want to use your uterus at 17, doesn't mean you won't want to use it at 35.''

Okay so you can't know your lack of orientation/gender before 35 now. 

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Iridium
12 hours ago, Poe's Creep Meta said:

''Just because you don't want to use your uterus at 17, doesn't mean you won't want to use it at 35.''

Okay so you can't know your lack of orientation/gender before 35 now. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

If you can choose to get tattooed or start smoking at 18, you should also be allowed to get sterilized.

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nerdperson777
On 10/29/2019 at 6:48 PM, Iridium said:

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

If you can choose to get tattooed or start smoking at 18, you should also be allowed to get sterilized.

Or breast augmentation at 16.

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anisotrophic
On 10/29/2019 at 6:48 PM, Iridium said:

If you can choose to get tattooed or start smoking at 18, you should also be allowed to get sterilized.

I apologize if this is an unpopular position, but I think these are enormously different things.

 

I'm a parent & I'm glad I did that. I'm also glad I live in a world where I don't have to stay/be female. (I just picked up my new prescription for full dose T that transmen typically graduate to.)

 

I do strongly support autonomy, but forever discarding the ability to have children is hardly comparable to a tattoo or smoking. It's so irreversible (far more than hormones), it changes the life you can choose to lead in decades to come.

 

It shouldn't be taken lightly, it's not crazy to worry that folks need to take time with this decision, and what's worse is when it is "required". I'm a strong supporter of advocacy against laws that require sterilization for changing gender identity. eg https://www.thedailybeast.com/its-not-just-japan-many-us-states-require-transgender-people-get-sterilized

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PoeciMeta
2 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

forever discarding the ability to have children

I'm not doing that though. The idea of going through sex 😱 pregnancy 🤢 asnd dhildbirth 😫 makes me want to die, let alone the existential-related fear of passing on my genes. Removing that possibility altogether would be fantastic. If I end up wanting kids one day, I'll just adopt. I don't know why whether you grew your kid's fetus with your blood is so important. Must be quite the experience for people who would tolerate that, but once the kid is born, there shouldn't be a difference. 

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anisotrophic

@Poe's Creep Meta I appreciate that it doesn't remotely feel like something you want to do, but I'd rather not conflate all these objectives and forget the other options.

 

Sterilization isn't necessary to avoid sex and pregnancy. Nor are sex and pregnancy, for that matter, required for having biological children, should that be something someone wants. There are many folks take the path of IVF and surrogacy to have biological children, including many gay couples who want kids. Those might not be things you want to do, but they are things people do currently do and so I think worth mentioning.

 

I think sterilization is a major decision that shouldn't be trivialized as similar to smoking or tattoos. I think it's also a topic where transfolk have actually suffered a lot of oppression in the other direction (it being "required"), and treating it as a major decision helps underscore how unacceptable that is.

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PoeciMeta
2 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

Sterilization isn't necessary to avoid sex and pregnancy. Nor are sex and pregnancy, for that matter, required for having biological children, should that be something someone wants. There are many folks take the path of IVF and surrogacy to have biological children, including many gay couples who want kids. Those might not be things you want to do, but they are things people do currently do and so I think worth mentioning.

Another reason to not treat fertility as the only/best ways to have kids. I don't choose to get sterilised (even partially if I keep just my gonads) to avoid sex and pregnancy, I'm aro ace anyway, these other ways to have kids are just counterarguments to the ''but you'll want kids someday'' barrier. 

 

2 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

I think sterilization is a major decision that shouldn't be trivialized as similar to smoking or tattoos. I think it's also a topic where transfolk have actually suffered a lot of oppression in the other direction (it being "required"), and treating it as a major decision helps underscore how unacceptable that is.

Sterilisation is far healthier than smoking when done right, as far as I know... I don't think the same can be said for tatoos, all right. But I don't think it's that major to decide you'll be unable to grow an embryo (which half of the population can't anyway) and pass on half of your genes, while you can definitely have a child that, granted, won't be a half-clone of you and your partner (which is a disturbing idea to me personally) but will be in every way your child otherwise. I don't think it's a trivial decision at all. It's still surgery. But we need to stop seeing it as a harsh choice with terrible consequences akin to mutilation. The thought that having kids through sexual reproduction is so important is what's preventing me from alleviating dysphoria right now (aka without having played my 'I'm trans' card yet). 

 

I totally agree about the requirement part, it shouldn't be a thing. However, I think it goes both ways concerning your last point. Treating sterilisation as major and radical may make people think it should be used only if people really really want it, sure, and maybe counteract the 'requirement' in other ways, I don't know. But some people kind of expect trans folk to be radical, no? With trans people being so pressured to 'go all the way' and pass as much as they can and get as close as they cis counterparts as possible? Like, how much easier it would be for me to have male parts constructed than to just get what I have removed? 

Maybe if your ability to procreate was less of a deal, there would be less pressure to alter this function in trans people... 

I don't actually know how people think, I'm not too exposed to discussion around transness in general, so this is just my own assumption; but still, maybe this would work? 

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Destan

(please tag me instead)

For my friends party, I tried to dress up nicely for once. I went on full guy mode.

I was feeling a little confident like 'yeah, I look good as a guy. No one can call me a ... now.'

However, my confidence fell during the party. The whole time there, I was misgendered. I had to act like I didn't feel stabbed whenever they say it while keeping a smiling face. I again couldn't bring myself to correct them because I'll just ruin the mood for everyone and my friend, the host of the party herself kept misgendering me too. Don't get me wrong, I had lots of fun there playing board games but in the back of my mind, I always felt hurt a little.

Like what's the point of dressing up like this?

Especially my friends, they know everything and yet how could you? They're very supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Sometimes I feel like, do I really have to blurt out: "whenever you think I overreact or you're mad at me for correcting you, have you ever imagined everyone constantly calling you a guy despite how feminine you look? How come you only gender your new friends right and not me? despite yourself calling me your best friend?"

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Bloc

@Destan
Sorry that you were missgendered the whole party. This hurts. Feel  hugged if you want.

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ColeHW34

@Destan   (Hugs)

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Celyn

@Destan Yeah I know that feeling. *Joins hug pile*

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Janus DarkFox

I’ve now been wearing a full set of women branded clothing and got a good winter coat, I’m publicly out wearing girls clothes and it feels as or more so naturally fit for me as well.

 

It isn’t overtly fem but it’s clothes shaped for women all branded as such.  I’m getting there slowly, though if that of the body changes, I could get away with a bit more. :)

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nerdperson777

@Destan could you have a pronoun pin or nametag or something with pronouns on it?  Would that help?

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Destan

@nerdperson777 I'm not sure. I've never used something like that before. I'm actually closeted.

The only things that's close to that was nicknaming myself 'He' in a group chat and mentioning it on my Instagram account.

However, those are limited to online. I'm scared of how people react offline.

Especially, one certain person because it would seem like to them I'm going too far and not appreciating their 'efforts' in real life.

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Celyn

It sounds like that person is just being selfish and trying to make it all about them, and they should sod off.

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Destan
18 hours ago, Celyn said:

It sounds like that person is just being selfish and trying to make it all about them, and they should sod off.

It's just my assumption though. I don't dare to remind or even talk about my preferred pronouns offline. But the weird thing is they adapted to my preferred pronoun on Instagram right away so I guess the cause is really my face. 

 

Honestly, sometimes I wonder how much more obvious do I have to be about not being my assigned gender. I mentioned surgeries, I complain about being mistaken for one, I said I prefer male pronouns and correct some people for it, my gender dysphoric moments, I literally came out and said I hate being born this way.

And then you tell me years later you aren't sure I was still my assigned gender. I don't get people.

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nerdperson777

I'm kind of wondering now.  My online friends started another DnD game.  My character, yet again, is non-binary.  The other members of the party are girls, in the game and offline.  I like having androgynous looking characters with androgynous voices, even if we were just playing on Discord without voice.  This time around I'm a true neutral Centaur.  I was supposed to be lawful good in the previous game but I did not really play that in the actual game.  In terms of appearance, my characters tend to have long hair.  Not as long as to butt or thigh length, but definitely long enough to pass the chin.  I had drawn out my character despite not being an artist, as I didn't get what I was looking for from the online character creators.  I traced a few pictures online as references so my character has middle of back length hair now when I had originally only planned on being a little past the shoulder.  So this is making me think now, is my preferred identity using they pronouns and I actually want long hair?  I've never liked long hair growing up and a bowl cut was just my compromise.  I had people over the years telling me that I should grow my hair out and I'd always said that I didn't like it.  Right before I figured out gender stuff, I actually did try for once.  My hair touched my shoulders and that was the squirmiest feeling ever.  Maybe I just like the aesthetic of a long hair non-binary but I could never actually have long hair.  Plus long hair is a lot of maintenance and I can barely manage my short hair.  I would have way worse bed heads.  I'd also probably get misgendered with long hair because of how young and soft my face looks.  Maybe I just want a long haired wig but not actually have long hair.  But at the very least, I probably just want to use they pronouns over he just because I like being ambiguously gendered.  I mostly just use he right now because of binary environments and in my apartment it is easier when everyone has a different pronoun, and I just happen to have two.  So no one really uses they pronouns on me.  I don't hate being he, but I just rather not gender things most of the time.

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Laurann
2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Maybe I just want a long haired wig but not actually have long hair.

Yeah try it :) 

 

2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

My character, yet again, is non-binary.

Lol same. I've had a total of 1 character that isn't nonbinary, out of the 5 that I've played. It just feels wrong and unnecessary to gender them. Like, it shouldn't be relevant or something.

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nerdperson777
15 hours ago, Laurann said:

Yeah try it :) 

I saw a $15 wig on Amazon but I don't have my job now so I should be trying to conserve money.  So I would have to wait a little.

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Laurann
8 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I saw a $15 wig on Amazon but I don't have my job now so I should be trying to conserve money.  So I would have to wait a little.

Hmm that's too bad. What about trying one on in a store, pretending you're interested and then not buying it? Obviously not as good, but it'd give you a tiny taste.

Or just be patient, that's possible too :) 

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nerdperson777
12 hours ago, Laurann said:

Hmm that's too bad. What about trying one on in a store, pretending you're interested and then not buying it? Obviously not as good, but it'd give you a tiny taste.

Or just be patient, that's possible too :) 

I actually did see one at Target in the Halloween section but when I came back a second time, I couldn't find it anymore.  I had originally thought that I could get higher quality ones online, and I had missed my opportunity upon returning.  Plus I guess it feels like a secret in-the-closet kind of thing.  I haven't told IRL people about it, if at all.

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Phoenix the II

I just wish I was born female, cis...

 

The feeling of being an imposter is haunting me whenever I go outside... :( 

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Destan

(Please tag me instead)

On my way to leave the school, I had to be pestered by annoying teenagers who questioned my gender.

I went to through the main hall where those teenagers were sitting at the other side of it.

As soon as they saw me, they were talking like is that a guy and stuff. They couldn't figure it out so they started to call me saying "Hey guy. Guy .You guy there. Guy!"

I completely ignored them and then they started to call me a girl a few times but again, I ignored them. Since I didn't respond to both, they involved my ethnicity into this by mockingly say Ni hao. Even though I was pissed off I kept ignoring so they started to shout saying why I didn't talk and ask if I couldn't speak or something.

Fortunately, there were still respectful people out there. The classmate of those annoying brats told them off, shouting they should stop.

That they should leave that person (me) alone.

 

Honestly, it's not their fricking business what's in my pants.

I'm surprised those brats think I'd respond after getting called out so disrespectfully.

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ColeHW34

@Destan (hugs)

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anisotrophic

I shaved the nascent facial hair to avoid making my folks uncomfortable, and I get that pronouns are difficult, but I didn't expect to get full on deadnamed.

My name is just a shortening of my deadname, it isn't difficult! It's been nearly two years since I came out to them. It was like they were saying... "I don't approve of what you're doing and I'll express this by refusing to acknowledge it in any way."

(I'm older, but that doesn't protect me from my parents being invalidating – it still hurts. You don't get new parents in life, after all. I've accomplished so much, but it seems like nothing is enough for them. I've got kids of my own; I hope I don't do something like this to them.)

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JustJay04

This is something really really small, but my school has one family bathroom, because they had a bathroom pair (male/female), and turned the female into the teachers lounge, and the male was like five feet from the next closest bathroom and it’s really tiny, so they just turned it into a family restroom.  I was informed that it was a family bathroom by this... not nice person (that is all I will say), and I am literally too ...not confidant? (there’s a better word somewhere) to use it.  Like, the cis people of my school use it fine and that’s what they think I am, so there’s literally no reason, I’m just too scared.  I’ll survive.

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JustJay04

@Destan  I’m really sorry.  That sucks.  That seems really, really rude!  I hope that you don’t have to go through it again.  Also, nice job taking the high road and ignoring them.  That’s really impressive, and really hard to do.  *hug* (but only if you’re cool with it).  Have a good day, okay?

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Destan

@ColeHW34 thanks as always.

@JustJay2 Thanks, you have a nice day as well. Unfortunately, that happens often, though more towards my ethnicity than gender identity.

I'm used to it. I ignore them because I know from experience that these kind of people don't stop unless someone else tell them off. I wish I could do it myself but I know things won't change if I did that. 😕

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DolphinLover22

I'm just curious if any of the trans guys out there relate. When I was a kid, before fully realizing I was trans, I fell in love with the movie Mulan. For once, a character in a movie made me feel like I wasn't alone. Especially during the scene when she sings "reflection":

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be I'm not meant to play this part
Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight, back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside
When will my reflection show who I am inside
 
Especially when the music rises and she takes her makeup off. Being a confused kid, I saw her passing as a guy and being treated like one. I felt her pain as she was being treated as a girl and all the pressure she felt for being the "perfect bride/daughter". My parents are very traditional, so naturally, they're pretty sexist. I couldn't ever tell them how Mulan made me feel because they wouldn't understand...
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