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Lysandre, the Star-Crossed

Does anyone else feel like their romance and sexuality are independent, their romance and gender are independent, but their sexuality and gender are linked? I had a weird hang-up when romance turned sexual last night accompanied by some new gender confusion feelings,...so far I have no idea what to make of it.

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Sarah-Sylvia
2 minutes ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said:

Does anyone else feel like their romance and sexuality are independent, their romance and gender are independent, but their sexuality and gender are linked? I had a weird hang-up when romance turned sexual last night accompanied by some new gender confusion feelings,...so far I have no idea what to make of it.

It definitely can play a role. I mean for some sexuality and how they felt was a hint about being trans, in example. Really depends if how we feel about ourselves makes a difference, I'd say.

For me it does make a differnece sexually too, but still not enough (hence graysexual all around), while who I'm attracted to romantically doesn't have to do with my gender.

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Lysandre, the Star-Crossed
27 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

It definitely can play a role. I mean for some sexuality and how they felt was a hint about being trans, in example. Really depends if how we feel about ourselves makes a difference, I'd say.

For me it does make a differnece sexually too, but still not enough (hence graysexual all around), while who I'm attracted to romantically doesn't have to do with my gender.

I'm going to spoiler this, because it's a bit TMI. If you feel comfortable, tell me what you think.

 

Spoiler

I'm usually having sex with ciswomen or AFAB NB folks, and I'm generally doing so on days I'm feeling comfortable with masculinity and acting as a man. Last night I slept with a new partner, and it didn't go like I expected. I've never felt the desire to not be the top, but last night I had this strong desire for her to top me. We didn't go for it (mostly because of the lack of privacy and space) but I'd never felt that urge before. I also couldn't get off no matter how hard either of us tried, which is absolutely a new and frustrating experience for me. I was clearly very into her, we both could tell... but it didn't happen. For the first time I felt uncomfortable with masculinity and my body during sex yesterday, so I'm wondering if that was part of the problem.

 

 

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Sarah-Sylvia

@Lysandre, the Star-CrossedCould be something to it, since you consider yourself nb and genderfluid to some degree. I do know how we feel about ourselves and body can affect how we feel in bed too, though it wouldn't be possible to say what's going on in a sweeping way since there are bottoms and tops of all genders, plus switches.

 

In the last years when I thought about sex (not frequent since I have very low libido now), I just can't picture taking on certain roles anymore, and it does have to do with my gender identity. And because I'm not operated it could cause problems too. There's no way for me to know if it's something similar in your case, could be a dud night for sex, or but you mentioned being uncomfortable with your masulinity and body this time, so quite possible there's some element of it there.

Only you can know really what you feel but.. can be worth keeping open and see how you feel over time.

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7 hours ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said:

Does anyone else feel like their romance and sexuality are independent, their romance and gender are independent, but their sexuality and gender are linked? I had a weird hang-up when romance turned sexual last night accompanied by some new gender confusion feelings,...so far I have no idea what to make of it.

Yes. I consider my gender to be "gay trans man," not "man" and not even "trans man." Similarly, I call myself bigender and I find that my "woman" self is pretty explicitly sexual whereas my "man" self is just the sort of default state I'm in.

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The fun just never ends 🥴

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A transphobia drinking game, but instead of drinking alcohol you pet a dog. Win-win (for us and the dog, not the transphobes, because they don't get to pet dogs).

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2 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

A transphobia drinking game, but instead of drinking alcohol you pet a dog. Win-win (for us and the dog, not the transphobes, because they don't get to pet dogs).

Can I drink alcohol and pet a dog at the same time?

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Sarah-Sylvia
1 minute ago, vmdraco said:

Can I drink alcohol and pet a dog at the same time?

As long as you don't drive with it.

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3 minutes ago, vmdraco said:

Can I drink alcohol and pet a dog at the same time?

 

2 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

As long as you don't drive with it.

Yeah, let the dog drive. 

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Sounds like a Kimmie friendly drinking game.

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Lysandre, the Star-Crossed

I think I'm going to get out my witch hat, long black skirt, and shawl for Halloween this year. I think that's probably the only time I can get away with cross dressing at work

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Depending on my hair sitch I'm going to go as the sign guy meme, and/or get a red plaid flannel shirt and go as Kurt Cobain.

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On 6/13/2022 at 10:16 AM, A User said:

Sometimes there's that feeling that I really don't want any genitals, at all.

Just like, I'd be better off having the bare necessities to do my business in the bathroom and that's just about it

 

Idk really weird but like I don't want male parts but keeping my female parts is iffy too

honestly I feel the exact same way, I'm really uncomfortable in my body but I would be even more uncomfortable if I were biologically male so like :,,,,,,,D

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I find myself getting jealous of friends/acquaintances coming out as trans and transitioning to fit their own identities, while I can’t/won’t.

My best friend mentioned a person at our school who recently changed their pronouns and name. During the entire conversation, I kept thinking “lucky them,” and feeling so jealous of that person. I’m not out to my best friend about being genderqueer/fluid despite the fact that they are bi and accepting of everyone (and already have a lot trans friends, so it’d be nothing new for them).

honestly, I think it’s fear that’s holding me back. I don’t want to go off to college before coming out to my best friend, but I don’t know how to say it without making myself feel stupid. Then there’s the fact that I need to come out to my (lesbian) college roommate about my gender and pronouns.

I don’t like hiding this part of me, but I’m so afraid. A lot of people (minus my parents) would 100% support me and validate me, but I can’t even get myself to open my mouth to even begin to say what I want to say to everyone around me. The past is gluing me down.

How do I get over this inability to open my mouth? How do I tell my best friend since middle school the truth?

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I did an online thing that lets you "try on" makeup virtually, you upload an image and select a makeup and it shows what it might look like. 

 

and you can do a friggen live feed too. 

 

and I did a live feed. 

 

 

and it made me really happy and laughy and smily and confused

 

IDK

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Out of nowhere, one of my own parents shamed me for being hairy. He called me outright gross and that I should shave.

I was so angry I couldn't even say anything against him. I just walked away.

I had struggled with hairiness when I was little. My peers pointed at me for it, implying it's gross to be hairy. Even worse when shamed by people who have the same issue (the irony 😤). I began thinking it was gross too. I'd try to get rid of it but the more you remove it, the more visible it became so I gave up and just accepted it.

After accepting it, I had no issues with it. I'd just get mad/annoyed at people when they tell me that shaving exists. Just because shaving is associated with femininity. I bet that if I was born differently, I wouldn't have gotten shamed for it.

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nazokashii

Had to use some gendered bathrooms while out the other day... that always hurts quite a bit, 'having' to use the 'wrong' ones as it is right now... it's so stupid why it's even a thing in the first place... ... at least at my university, I've worked out that while the bathrooms are gendered at the bottom/ground floor, I can just go to the third floor every time, where it's just general 'single' bathrooms...

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I don't mind using women's washrooms still, because I feel good about disrupting a space that's often very negative. I'm certainly still read as a woman, so I don't get hassled about that. But if I presented more masculine and got confronted about using the women's washroom I'd simply tell them to change how washrooms are assigned.

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Trans Aroace Girl

My work used to have single person gendered restrooms, but they're unisex now, so now whenever I have to use the bathroom and I'm at work, I use what used to be the women's room (unless it's occupied and the other one isn't).

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1 hour ago, Trans Aroace Girl said:

My work used to have single person gendered restrooms, but they're unisex now, so now whenever I have to use the bathroom and I'm at work, I use what used to be the women's room (unless it's occupied and the other one isn't).

I don't get why single person washrooms would have to be gendered anyway. Either whoever made that decision thinks most people get confused and anxious around anything non-gendered, or they (in a very cis-centric way) think that one gender would lose their minds if they ever had to see the garbage bins in a washroom used by the opposite gender. 🙄

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4 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I don't get why single person washrooms would have to be gendered anyway. Either whoever made that decision thinks most people get confused and anxious around anything non-gendered, or they (in a very cis-centric way) think that one gender would lose their minds if they ever had to see the garbage bins in a washroom used by the opposite gender. 🙄

I've seen cis people use the "wrong" bathroom when they're both single-stall and the other is occupied.  There's really no reason to have them be gendered if only one person's going to be in them at a time.

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Just some summertime AFAB woes:

 

I like wearing tank tops around the house when it's hot, but it's always so nerve-wracking wearing them in public. Before I got my binder, I would often wear just regular cotton tank tops, and even though they're technically men's, they're still tight enough that they somehow manage to make my chest look even larger than usual (even when I'm wearing one of my nice, extra-flattening sports bras underneath). So I'm very happy that I now have a "real" binder that hides my chest pretty well... except there's another problem: I'm hairy and I'm proud of it, and I refuse to be "shamed" into shaving my armpits just because it's expected of me. But my face still reads too feminine to pass as not-female most of the time (even with a flat chest), so if I go out in a tank, then I'm afraid that people are just going to read me as a "gross" woman who's just too "lazy" to shave (because women can't possibly enjoy being hairy- that's only a guy thing!)

 

As much as I enjoy flouting arbitrary social norms like that, it can be risky, and I don't always feel like drawing attention to myself. I should really invest in some men's/unisex short-sleeved dress shirts to wear over my tanks for those days when I do have to go out into public (instead of just wearing my tank binder and trying really hard not to lift my arms for anything). The only shirt I currently have like that is this lacy "women's" dress shirt that looks feminine even over my binder, which is fine for some days, but not ideal on transmasc/neutral days. Sigh...

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Broken Doll

TW Transphobia rant

 

Spoiler

Am I the only one who hates to see people make transphobic remarks in Hot Box? Sometimes I wish I could say something but my self esteem is so low I can't bring myself to say it to them anyway and I would just end up crying anyway. I wish there was some kind of a rule to stop people from saying those hurtful things... or a way to unsee that forum

 

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3 hours ago, Broken Doll said:

TW Transphobia rant

 

  Hide contents

Am I the only one who hates to see people make transphobic remarks in Hot Box? Sometimes I wish I could say something but my self esteem is so low I can't bring myself to say it to them anyway and I would just end up crying anyway. I wish there was some kind of a rule to stop people from saying those hurtful things... or a way to unsee that forum

 

I stay away from that part of the forum. I learnt my lesson from my first time here. Maybe you could report posts you find offensive?

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Broken Doll
14 minutes ago, Guybrush Threepwood said:

I stay away from that part of the forum. I learnt my lesson from my first time here. Maybe you could report posts you find offensive?

I just find reporting kinda pointless IMO because it's just me who dislike the comments. I do think your tip of staying away might help me better. I'm glad I'm not the only one who learned a lesson of not going to places not ment for you 👀 

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2 minutes ago, Broken Doll said:

I just find reporting kinda pointless IMO because it's just me who dislike the comments. I do think your tip of staying away might help me better. I'm glad I'm not the only one who learned a lesson of not going to places not ment for you 👀 

*hugs*

 

I've seen that there are certain individuals on here still that only argue back and talk about their own viewpoint with no attempt to listen to someone else. Unfortunately, challenging them likely only leads to more upset. For that reason I find staying away from certain parts of the forum and not engaging in certain conversations the better thing for me personally. I also find it useful adding people to my ignored user list when I don't want to read anything they say, particularly if they trigger me.

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Janus the Fox

Report any transphobic content as you see it, even in HB, transphobia is not tolerated.

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