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Ugh, I had bloodwork done at my dad's workplace, and I feel bad because the nurses working with me were well-intentioned and sweet, but they were just so exhausting with the trans stuff. One outed me to the other before I had a chance to even consider disclosing, and they kept going on about how you "wouldn't even know [that I] was trans." Both of them had asked if I had bottom surgery just for their own curiosity, and both kept asking about relationships and saying "that will change" when I mentioned that I'm ace. The thing that sucks is that they both know my dad and sister really well, and I just don't think I could comfortably express my exasperation to my family because of it.

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13 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Ugh, I had bloodwork done at my dad's workplace, and I feel bad because the nurses working with me were well-intentioned and sweet, but they were just so exhausting with the trans stuff. One outed me to the other before I had a chance to even consider disclosing, and they kept going on about how you "wouldn't even know [that I] was trans." Both of them had asked if I had bottom surgery just for their own curiosity, and both kept asking about relationships and saying "that will change" when I mentioned that I'm ace. The thing that sucks is that they both know my dad and sister really well, and I just don't think I could comfortably express my exasperation to my family because of it.

Ew that's so weird. Sorry that happened.

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7 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Both of them had asked if I had bottom surgery just for their own curiosity

Time to bring out my standard annoyed emoticon: (T_T) 

 

That reminds me of talking about this with my mother. She loves celebrity gossip, and she keeps bringing up certain transgender celebrities and wondering if they've had bottom surgery or not. If they have, then she won't stop bringing it up. Sigh...

 

I guess it just really fascinates some people... 😑

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31 minutes ago, Just Dani said:

Time to bring out my standard annoyed emoticon: (T_T) 

 

That reminds me of talking about this with my mother. She loves celebrity gossip, and she keeps bringing up certain transgender celebrities and wondering if they've had bottom surgery or not. If they have, then she won't stop bringing it up. Sigh...

 

I guess it just really fascinates some people... 😑

I think a lot of cis people see genitals as the end-all-be-all of transition, and a lot of them forget that asking someone about their junk is a little off-putting. (There was a point when the nurses were bringing up stuff about Jazz Jennings possibly having bottom surgery, and I found that hella weird considering how young Jazz is.) Medical folks have a way of getting especially inquisitive in my experience.

 

I miss my old doctor; while she was a bit blunt, she still was always very tactful about genital talk and knew what she was talking about when discussing surgeons, the intensity of the procedures, and how to sense when you're ready. (She also would actively raise hell whenever there were issues with things like when the pharmacy deadnamed me or when the old computer system was showing the wrong name.) It's nice when medical professionals actually feel like medical professionals. Hopefully, I'll have better experiences with the doctors nearby my current university. I just wish I didn't have to go to trans specialists in order to feel comfortable getting basic care. >>

 

I have an eye appointment in the morning, and I haven't been to that office since before I changed my name, so let's hope this appointment doesn't end up quite as exhausting.

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Hello, I go to an all girls school, and I am the only guy in my entire year group. (I'm transgender, and closeted to mostly everyone except teachers and friends). The culture of hating men is very prevalent in my school, teachers put up YouTube videos that are designed to be motivational to teenage girls. The problem is that these videos are motivational to teenage girls, buy dragging men in the mud. I keep being told that men are trash, men are violent and dangerous, and that all men want to have sex with all women, all the time, and that we'll do anything to get it. (While this is true of many people, and it is unfortunate that enough guys are like this for this stereotype, it is still not a good message to send to young girls). This has happened multiple times, in multiple subjects during class time. This is really damaging to my mental health, especially when teachers I've come out to are the ones playing these videos. When I try talk to my friends about it, they tell me that those video are not about me because "I'm not a real guy."

 

All this makes me think *sarcastically*: Jeez, that helps solve my deep mental image of myself as a broken and messed-up individual. Thank you so much!

 

I don't know what I can do, because changing schools is over the top and not an option for me right now. Sorry, I just had to rant.

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Celyn: The Lutening

@Acciaccato That sucks big time. As a transmasculine teacher I apologise for my fellow so-called "professionals".

It's not the best solution but I guess all you can do is remember that you'll be out of that place soon enough. 

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@Acciaccato my heart goes out to you, my friend. :( I can’t stand the implication that everything men do is inherently violent and/or sexual, and it can really fuck up those of us who are gentle souls. Videos like the one you saw sound like aggressive abstinence videos too, and that one sounds like it assumes not only that are men are aggressively hypersexual, but that they are always into women. 

 

As another educator on these forums, I also want to apologize that these teachers have failed you so badly. Their attempts at empowerment sound like they are inadvertently reinforcing toxic masculine behavior, and the fact that you have actually come out to these so-called educators and they still showed you the video is especially damning. You deserve so much better, so I at least want to send good vibes your way. You are real, and you are a man. Nothing they say can change that. You have my hugs if you want them.

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@Acciaccato *hugs* That really sucks. I hope you know that the teachers and your friends are wrong--you are a "real man", and not all men are violent, extremely sexual monsters.

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nerdperson777
On 1/3/2019 at 6:15 PM, Just Dani said:

Time to bring out my standard annoyed emoticon: (T_T) 

 

That reminds me of talking about this with my mother. She loves celebrity gossip, and she keeps bringing up certain transgender celebrities and wondering if they've had bottom surgery or not. If they have, then she won't stop bringing it up. Sigh...

 

I guess it just really fascinates some people... 😑

I heard this story from one of my bosses.  He said he used to work in a hospital until he decided that he would rather open a martial arts studio than go the next 7 years to medical school.  A celebrity, he thinks Britney Spears, was admitted into the hospital and there were workers, not even assigned to her, checking out her file for curiosity.  They were all fired.  What I've learned from the medical industry is that you only need the minimum info required to do your job, and getting info on someone you're not even working on is not minimum.

 

On 1/4/2019 at 12:20 AM, Celyn said:

@Acciaccato That sucks big time. As a transmasculine teacher I apologise for my fellow so-called "professionals".

It's not the best solution but I guess all you can do is remember that you'll be out of that place soon enough. 

Yay transmasc teachers!

 

18 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

@Acciaccato my heart goes out to you, my friend. :( I can’t stand the implication that everything men do is inherently violent and/or sexual, and it can really fuck up those of us who are gentle souls. Videos like the one you saw sound like aggressive abstinence videos too, and that one sounds like it assumes not only that are men are aggressively hypersexual, but that they are always into women. 

 

As another educator on these forums, I also want to apologize that these teachers have failed you so badly. Their attempts at empowerment sound like they are inadvertently reinforcing toxic masculine behavior, and the fact that you have actually come out to these so-called educators and they still showed you the video is especially damning. You deserve so much better, so I at least want to send good vibes your way. You are real, and you are a man. Nothing they say can change that. You have my hugs if you want them.

It really doesn't go in the favor for us who are AFAB and assume more masculine roles in society.  Suddenly we're all sexual predators.  Trans women get it too, so all trans people are predators?  *sigh*  I'm way too soft and gentle to even hurt anyone, even if I pass enough to be male all the time.

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@Acciaccato That really sucks, it doesn't matter who you are, your gender does not make your personality, actions, or role in society...
You are what you are, your friends probably mean well but unfortunately not everyone understands.
I hope things get better for you somehow...

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I'm starting to realise I'm being held back by my own self negativity. The people I've come out to are all really supportive and accepting of me maybe being trans but I'm....not....and I don't know how to be. I can't stop doubting myself and making excuses even when it's logically starting to look less and less likely that I'm cis. I can't think too much about it anymore because it just stresses me out but at the same time I can't go one day without thinking about it. I've made more progress in understanding myself in the last few months than I have in the last few years but I'm also feeling as stuck and hopeless as I did when I first started questioning, if not more so. 

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ElasticPlanet
1 hour ago, Zsareph said:

I can't think too much about it anymore because it just stresses me out but at the same time I can't go one day without thinking about it.

I've been there. Obsessively wanting answers now; unable to find/understand them quick enough and knowing I need to be patient and work on it slowly. Not comfortable trying to do the patience thing.

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2 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

Saw a few youtube videos with ... Ben Shapiro...

 

Blergh, I feel sick.

 

Really, don't go if you ever see youtube suggest you these.... ;( 

Who is that, i dont really want to look him up because what that can do with my suggestions.

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11 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

Who is that, i dont really want to look him up because what that can do with my suggestions.

Benjamin Aaron Shapiro is an American conservative political commentator, writer....

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2 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

Benjamin Aaron Shapiro is an American conservative political commentator, writer....

Ohh i don't need to know more to guess where this is heading. 

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5 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

Who is that, i dont really want to look him up because what that can do with my suggestions.

He's a pretty transphobic republican who is universally disliked by trans people.

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6 hours ago, Light02 said:

Fuck that guy. 🤬

More like slap him repeatedly, throw fire ants on him and give him to very hungry and violent dogs wrapped up like a little present.

So he can rue the day he made his first transphobic remarks for all of eternity 

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I don't have the time to worry about transphobic politicians, I get enough of that trouble from my sister in law...
I don't actually get why some people are so set on being loudspeakers of their opinions... especially when those opinions are exclusionary and hateful...

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nerdperson777
6 hours ago, StomachGod said:

I don't have the time to worry about transphobic politicians, I get enough of that trouble from my sister in law...
I don't actually get why some people are so set on being loudspeakers of their opinions... especially when those opinions are exclusionary and hateful...

I get enough issues without asking for it. My mom says she is accepting but she has never used the correct name or pronoun. It sounds like people can be gay or trans or whatever, as long as she doesn't personally know them. She's misgendered all my trans friends. She can understand just about anything but conveniently not this thing. 

 

I'd say the reasoning behind that is that people think their opinions are totally valid and want to be heard. My mom does that often. When I cut my own hair, she always must tell me hoe ugly it looks and how she hates it. She must tell her opinion on anything but usually no one cares. She says random extra stuff and often we're wondering where that thought came from. She knows that I don't want to know what she thinks of my hair because I already know but she has to say something every time I do a cut and look at it intently. It's not a big deal, she's just making a big deal out of it. 

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On 1/13/2019 at 5:00 PM, nerdperson777 said:

I get enough issues without asking for it. My mom says she is accepting but she has never used the correct name or pronoun. It sounds like people can be gay or trans or whatever, as long as she doesn't personally know them. She's misgendered all my trans friends. She can understand just about anything but conveniently not this thing. 

 

I'd say the reasoning behind that is that people think their opinions are totally valid and want to be heard. My mom does that often. When I cut my own hair, she always must tell me hoe ugly it looks and how she hates it. She must tell her opinion on anything but usually no one cares. She says random extra stuff and often we're wondering where that thought came from. She knows that I don't want to know what she thinks of my hair because I already know but she has to say something every time I do a cut and look at it intently. It's not a big deal, she's just making a big deal out of it. 

Parents right? Always trying to force you into their ideals... I think it is good that you take your looks into your own hands, and I am sure it looks just fine!

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nerdperson777
9 minutes ago, StomachGod said:

I don't ask for it though. My sister in law does not know about my "deviance". She just seems to like spewing anti-LGBT hate speech and promote conversion therapy whenever possible... Along with her other obsessions like homeopathy and anti-vaxxing...

That seems to be a common ideal, "It's okay unless it's family", or something like that. If I ever speak about my friends to her I don't tell her they if they are trans, I just use their name and pronouns so she is none the wiser, that said I don't have any IRL trans friends, it might be tougher if she met one in person =\

Parents right? Always trying to force you into their ideals... I think it is good that you take your looks into your own hands, and I am sure it looks just fine!

That family thing is totally true. I can explain to my parents the issue with it but they won't understand. One Sunday over the break, I had lunch with my parents and I went home, slept for 4 hours afterwards. I then ate my dinner at like 10pm because of that. Then New Year's Eve, there was a gathering. I slept until 1:30 the next afternoon because I had too much interaction. We met again on New Year's Day for dad's birthday dinner and the next day I even went as late as 2:30. I explain that they drain my energy a lot. People who understand energy told me that my parents are energy leeches. Mom waved it off saying that New Year's Eve was not just them two. Also she doesn't believe in any of this energy stuff because she's not one to use feeling in decisions (except when it's for misgendering me). But with all that, the gathering was family and family friends. I'm not out because I fear rejection, and my parents fear being outcasted especially when one of the friends in attendance is a conservative homophobic transphobic man. But that's the thing. We are obliged to be at these events just because we're family. I don't feel anything for them. My uncle is misogynistic. Family violates consent often because it is assumed. I spent so long not realizing consent was a thing. Parents have often scolded me for leaving my stuff around but they always decided what was mine and what wasn't. I didn't own my room because my parents entered whenever they wanted and moved stuff around. I didn't even know what it was like to own something without restrictions. I could never know what was okay to use and what wasn't. I just know I'm often yelled at for leaving stuff around. 

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On 1/13/2019 at 5:38 PM, nerdperson777 said:

That family thing is totally true. I can explain to my parents the issue with it but they won't understand. One Sunday over the break, I had lunch with my parents and I went home, slept for 4 hours afterwards. I then ate my dinner at like 10pm because of that. Then New Year's Eve, there was a gathering. I slept until 1:30 the next afternoon because I had too much interaction. We met again on New Year's Day for dad's birthday dinner and the next day I even went as late as 2:30. I explain that they drain my energy a lot. People who understand energy told me that my parents are energy leeches. Mom waved it off saying that New Year's Eve was not just them two. Also she doesn't believe in any of this energy stuff because she's not one to use feeling in decisions (except when it's for misgendering me). But with all that, the gathering was family and family friends. I'm not out because I fear rejection, and my parents fear being outcasted especially when one of the friends in attendance is a conservative homophobic transphobic man. But that's the thing. We are obliged to be at these events just because we're family. I don't feel anything for them. My uncle is misogynistic. Family violates consent often because it is assumed. I spent so long not realizing consent was a thing. Parents have often scolded me for leaving my stuff around but they always decided what was mine and what wasn't. I didn't own my room because my parents entered whenever they wanted and moved stuff around. I didn't even know what it was like to own something without restrictions. I could never know what was okay to use and what wasn't. I just know I'm often yelled at for leaving stuff around. 

Excuse my ignorance but I am not sure which energy system you are describing... Sounds like social energy, but that normally refers to introverts and extroverts?  I mean, I know people who are tiring to talk to, but I thought that is just because it wears on me to listen to her preaching? Hmm...
Bleh, I don't envy you, that sounds like a terrible family situation. Hopefully you don't have to deal with it too much =\
Hmm, while my parents do feel quite free to just wander into my room and store stuff in there or take things out, they don't do that very often. There is certainly a level of respect for things that ARE mine but sometimes my room often feels more like storage, so I can empathize with you on that to some extent. I certainly know I can't store anything there I don't want them to see because they will probably stumble upon it at some point while trying to find space to store more useless stuff. =P
(I don't know why my room became the storage place for unwanted goods...)
(I am getting the distinct impression your parents failed parenting 101...)

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nerdperson777
13 hours ago, StomachGod said:

Excuse my ignorance but I am not sure which energy system you are describing... Sounds like social energy, but that normally refers to introverts and extroverts?  I mean, I know people who are tiring to talk to, like the previous mentioned sister in law, but I thought that is just because it wears on me to listen to her preaching? Hmm...
Bleh, I don't envy you, that sounds like a terrible family situation. Hopefully you don't have to deal with it too much =\
Hmm, while my parents do feel quite free to just wander into my room and store stuff in there or take things out, they don't do that very often. There is certainly a level of respect for things that ARE mine but sometimes my room often feels more like storage, so I can empathize with you on that to some extent. I certainly know I can't store anything there I don't want them to see because they will probably stumble upon it at some point while trying to find space to store more useless stuff. =P
(I don't know why my room became the storage place for unwanted goods...)
(I am getting the distinct impression your parents failed parenting 101...)

The energy I'm referring to is some magical thing that I don't totally understand since I don't have the ability to sense it like some of the people I interact with. It appears very feeling based to me, which my mom doesn't understand at all. Apparently everyone gives of a certain energy based on how they are at the moment. My family has a hopeless vibe about many things and they don't realize it. So they drain other people inadvertently that way. I know it makes little sense but once I stopped trying to make sense of it, I understood it better. 

 

My room has been a storage room. I tried putting some of my stuff in there to make it feel like I own it but it didn't work. There's this huge desk in there that takes up half the room. I heard that someone got it for a good deal at the farmer's market many years ago. The stuff in the desk are not mine. Mom owns every closet in the house and encroaches all over. Dad said there's a stool for sitting and mom puts her handbag on it now. She will throw a fit if someone takes the bag off to sit on it so even that chair is off limits. My parents don't sleep in the same room so dad has the master bedroom but the closet is all mom's stuff. Mom says dad's stuff is all over his room and he should clean it. He doesn't have a closet or hangers but he has many drawers. The closet in my room has extra blankets and other random junk. The blankets used to be on my desk.

But even growing up, I never felt like I owned anything. My parents would claim it as theirs, even if it was a present to me or I bought it with my own money. Once my aunt was visiting and she got me a Game Boy Advance SP (I was like 9). I had school the next day and was eager to come home and play it. I went to where I left it and it wasn't there. So I cried really hard because I already lost my new game. I then get a call from my mom saying that she took it and she enacted the no games rule on weekdays. There was no warning, no consent, just "this is how it is". I talk about this now and she says that I was small so she had to control my game time. But I bring up anything from the past and she says that I have to get over it. 

 

I'd say my parents failed the making your child happy part of 101 but they were only good at responsibilities like not leaving me at school and making sure I was fed and clothed. They would spend all their money on my education but nothing for fun. They just assumed their ways were the only correct ones and no input from me, because "they know more". I've never been that expressive so it could be hard to tell

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