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I did it! I finally did it! Today I filed the paperwork to have my name legally changed! Eek!! *runs around the room doing a stupid happy dance*

 

I'm so happy that I finally did it. No more going by just some nickname. Screw that! I hated seeing my old name on all of my ID, plus I hated dealing with the people who insisted on calling me by my birth name (actually most people were good, but there were complications when it came to dealing with certain entities like the government; insisting on being called by my preferred name didn't always work very well...)

 

I had to get my fingerprints taken today. That was fun. First time for me. Apparently the fingerprinting machine had trouble reading my fingerprints 'cause my hands were "too small". Okay... And apparently you are also required to get a picture taken (news to me! 😱), which is a form of hell for me.  I kept grinning like a moron, I was so damn nervous. I'm not sure how many pictures were taken, at least several dozen. Apparently the camera is "funny" and had trouble taking my picture 'cause I'm "too short". Oh, for the love of... I swear, I can't go anywhere without being reminded of my size. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm a short lil sh*t... 😑

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2 minutes ago, Dani-Chan said:

I did it! I finally did it! Today I filed the paperwork to have my name legally changed! Eek!! *runs around the room doing a stupid happy dance*

 

I'm so happy that I finally did it. No more going by just some nickname. Screw that! I hated seeing my old name on all of my ID, plus I hated dealing with the people who insisted on calling me by my birth name (actually most people were good, but there were complications when it came to dealing with certain entities like the government; insisting on being called by my preferred name didn't always work very well...)

 

I had to get my fingerprints taken today. That was fun. First time for me. Apparently the fingerprinting machine had trouble reading my fingerprints 'cause my hands were "too small". Okay... And apparently you are also required to get a picture taken (news to me! 😱), which is a form of hell for me.  I kept grinning like a moron, I was so damn nervous. I'm not sure how many pictures were taken, at least several dozen. Apparently the camera is "funny" and had trouble taking my picture 'cause I'm "too short". Oh, for the love of... I swear, I can't go anywhere without being reminded of my size. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm a short lil sh*t... 😑

My boyfriend has put people through walls, got grubbby man hands, warm man legs,has put people through sheet wall, and will punch mountains for me, oh did I mention he's 5'2"?  Your size doesn't stop you from much else than reaching things on the top shelf. 

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6 hours ago, Dani-Chan said:

I had to get my fingerprints taken today. That was fun. First time for me. Apparently the fingerprinting machine had trouble reading my fingerprints 'cause my hands were "too small". Okay... And apparently you are also required to get a picture taken (news to me! 😱), which is a form of hell for me.  I kept grinning like a moron, I was so damn nervous. I'm not sure how many pictures were taken, at least several dozen. Apparently the camera is "funny" and had trouble taking my picture 'cause I'm "too short". Oh, for the love of... I swear, I can't go anywhere without being reminded of my size. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm a short lil sh*t... 😑

I took a tutoring class once and we were required to get background checks with fingerprinting.  There was a single mom in my group and she was told that she almost had no more fingerprints, which she attributed to cleaning too much.  She joked that she could get away with crimes with the lack of fingerprints.

 

Meanwhile, I seem to have had horrible luck for times to take ID pictures?  There was a year in high school that I went back a second time before school started because the line for ID pictures took too long when I was there earlier in the day.  My hair was a bit long so my dad just cut my bangs so everywhere else was still long.  Then my driver's license, I had realized that there was a missing letter in my name after I had verified that my name was correct.  The mistake was made when I got my permit, but I was told that it wasn't that big of a deal so I didn't go back in the hours long lines.  Then when I actually got my license, I forgot to actually get it changed.  I did not know that when I fixed the name, I had to get a brand new picture.  I was not prepared to have my picture taken that day so again my hair was longer than usual.  A name change can't come soon enough so I have to stop not looking like my ID with the extra long hair.

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On 9/6/2018 at 10:42 PM, Emery. said:

I'm wondering what's up with this feminine mood of mine. Especially that it emerged after I got my hair cut. Am I just freaking out about this? Or is it a genuine swing? 

Isn’t this the mood of my life. 😩

 

I actually put on a dress the other day, just to see how I would feel, and actually freaked out over how naturally masculine my shoulders and chest looked, like extremely so (despite being AFAB and not wearing a binder/sports bra) and just ripped that dress off in horrible fit of confusion and dysphoria.

 

I’m still trying to analyze the situation and determine if it was a violent gender swing I wasn’t prepared for or if I was just so shocked by the stark contrast of my expectations for it and the reality of the outcome, or shocked by the fact that I could actually perceive myself as so naturally male with an AFAB body in a DRESS. OF ALL THINGS. WTF.

 

Ever only felt mildly male/handsome in male clothes, binder, even a packer. In fact, sometimes, this stuff actually reminded me how feminine I was. Which was sometimes good (in that my gender perception was clear), sometimes neutral (didn’t care, still felt like rocking it), and sometimes bad (as in disappointing, anxiety/insecurity triggering, etc.). 

 

But apparently dresses bring out the man in me. That...that was an unpleasant experience. Makes me kind of tentative to go near another one. I’m not a dress wearer in any gender to begin with, but if I’m trying one on, chances are I’m trying to gauge my femininity (which is jarring if you’re expecting to see either a comfortable femme or an uncomfortable tomboy in the mirror, but only see a grown ass man staring back at you). 

 

I was NOT expectating that AT ALL. Shit came out of nowhere.

 

It was surreal. 😐

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On 9/7/2018 at 2:54 PM, Phoenix the II said:

A door that I didn't knew yet, closes quickly while me carrying 2 bags in either hand... 

 

Decided as usual I'll use the side of my chest to lean into the closing door...

 

Hitting me in the chest

 

OUCH.

 

._.

 

I wont do that again.

 

😂

Oooh no, I felt that. Ouchies. 😵

 

Being an easily distracted klutz with a somewhat big chest (though I think all my binding is actually starting to flatten them/degrade the tissue a bit idk) I’m pretty sure I’ve done this before. 

 

I don’t recall the memory, but this sounds...horribly familiar. 🤣

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So Wrabel's, The Village is making it's rounds on facebook and everytime it does I ... I cry a lot is all.  If you haven't seen it,

 

 

I get to the part where they looking at the ace bandages and go,

 

"Don't you dare, don't you even dare."

\person does it anyway

 

\Crying commences. 

 

It's hard for me to listen to it and watch it at the same time and usually the two have to be done seperately cuz it's hard TT_TT.

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I've been feeling dysphoric lately and am toying with the idea of writing some to release my frustration. I'll probably wait until I have more time, though. 

Does anyone know how sports would work if i did some after surgery/hormones? There aren't any nonbinary options so far, from what I can tell. 

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6 hours ago, Dani-Chan said:

@Taylor Lilith I've seen it! I love that video! I also tear up every time I see the music video or hear the song (bought it from iTunes; gotta have it for on the go! 😁).

Spotify but yeah. Gotta listen to it OCCASIONALLY ( I know the lyrics by heart ) if by occasionally you mean it's in pretty much every other cycle of my playlists. Songs get old and I need breaks so I usually have 30 songs out of my 500+ cycled in. It's in pretty much every other cycle. That's pretty frequent. 

 

So much crying TT_TT

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12 hours ago, Taylor Lilith said:

So Wrabel's, The Village is making it's rounds on facebook and everytime it does I ... I cry a lot is all.  If you haven't seen it,

 

 

I get to the part where they looking at the ace bandages and go,

 

"Don't you dare, don't you even dare."

\person does it anyway

 

\Crying commences. 

 

It's hard for me to listen to it and watch it at the same time and usually the two have to be done seperately cuz it's hard TT_TT.

“And you can't tell grandma 'cause her heart can't take it / And she might not make it.”

 

That hit WAY TOO FUCKING HARD FOR COMFORT. Like someone just knee’d me in the gut.

 

Went on a trip up to my paternal grandparents a few weeks ago because my Grandmother has terminal cancer and we just want to visit her as much as possible, and I just cringed at all the old photos of me with long hair when I got there. They made my stomach turn a little bit.

 

When we first arrived, my grandma greeted me, telling me my short hair was cute (she really did think so) but she eventually ended up asking me why I cut it SO short. I was too afraid to fess up, afraid of making this trip that was about her, about me. Plus, they’re super traditionally Christian, although my grandmother has gotten a bit more open-minded over the years surprisingly. Like SURPRISINGLY, since despite being fundamentalist Christian, she’s the only one in my family who actually Googled what asexual was when she heard that I identified as such AND was actually cool with it, saying she could see me being that, despite her tendency in the past to ask me if “there was anybody I was seeing”, or if “there were any cute boys at work?” and her alignment with my grandfather supporting the illegality of gay marriage in CA years before that. I didn’t hear this directly from her, but apparently she talked about it with my Dad over email a while back when she saw a Facebook post of mine talking about it. 

 

Unfortunately, my grandfather hasn’t, and still thinks being LGBTQ+ is a mortal sin. He loves me, but I’m sure he would have a heart attack, figuratively speaking, knowing his granddaughter is also his grandson, in a matter of speaking (although he has a heart condition actually, had to have a pacemaker installed a long time ago, so maybe he actually would). 

 

But I wasn’t worried about that, I was worried about my grandmother asking me why I cut my hair so short. How me telling her the truth wouId affect the rest of our visit. I had affirmed to myself before the trip that I wouldn’t go just blatantly dropping gender bombs. But if someone asks/infers something about me that hits close to home, I’m not going to lie.

 

Our family always had to do that whenever they came to visit us growing up. But that was back when we had the luxury of time. Now that it was running out, I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I love them, and I want a real relationship with them. 

 

And I ended up lying anyway. I froze. Maybe I was just being defensive and paranoid, but for a split second her tone cut through me when she asked me, like she was trying to sus something out of me. She knows about my stepsister being a butch lesbian, who also has super short hair, so I’m sure that was the conclusion she was jumping to, if any. But she could have also thought I was trying to be a boy. Who knows?

 

And instead of having a heart to heart with her about my genderfluidity/questioning, I ended up just telling her I just preferred having short hair (which isn’t a TOTAL lie). She went on about, in a genuinely loving way, how pretty my long hair had always been, how she was always jealous of it, how she always wanted it. We continued to talk about it, in a casual way, how it was easier to manage and how I even picked my hairstyles, dropping my personal philosophy that if I didn’t like a hairstyle I could always grow it out and try again.

 

It was quick and it was subtle, but she seemed to kind of brighten up at the last bit. Like she was relieved. That killed me a little inside. But at least, she was talking about how my long hair itself was pretty, not how pretty I looked with long hair. Got to give her points for that. 👍

 

I didn’t know how many visits I had left with them, and since my grandfather actually dropped me as a friend on Facebook for using a swear word in a post one time, I can’t even imagine what might happen if I openly admitted I got a Men’s haircut, for that reason too. In-person visits are the only contact I have left with them, and I’d hate to ruin that over something that makes me feel awkward at best uncomfortable at worst. I’m lucky my dysphoria is mild and not a life-threatening situation for me, but I hate that's essentially what guilted me into shutting up and lying.

 

Plus, as progressive as my Dad and stepmom are, I’m pretty sure they’d be afraid to back me up because of the truth in those lyrics. Afraid of alienating themselves from a loved one with a terminal illness. We’ve talked about before that there’s a point in someone’s life where they really are set in their ways, and anything you might say might be the thing that puts them over the edge. So it’s just easier to let them think what they think. And I’ve agreed with them on that. We weren’t talking about my gender/orientation or anything, but it definitely still applies. 

 

So, hooray for complex, grey-area, end-life, potentially permanently fucked, regretful, guilt-filled familial situations.

 

Woo. 😔

 

DAMN IT @Taylor Lilith. THAT VIDEO WAS BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTWRENCHING AND NOW I’M LEAKING SALT WATER ALL OVER MY THINGS. 🤣

 

tumblr_inline_n5gxc3r1mR1rrzg0n.gif

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21 hours ago, Pixley said:

Isn’t this the mood of my life. 😩

 

I actually put on a dress the other day, just to see how I would feel, and actually freaked out over how naturally masculine my shoulders and chest looked, like extremely so (despite being AFAB and not wearing a binder/sports bra) and just ripped that dress off in horrible fit of confusion and dysphoria.

 

I’m still trying to analyze the situation and determine if it was a violent gender swing I wasn’t prepared for or if I was just so shocked by the stark contrast of my expectations for it and the reality of the outcome, or shocked by the fact that I could actually perceive myself as so naturally male with an AFAB body in a DRESS. OF ALL THINGS. WTF.

 

Ever only felt mildly male/handsome in male clothes, binder, even a packer. In fact, sometimes, this stuff actually reminded me how feminine I was. Which was sometimes good (in that my gender perception was clear), sometimes neutral (didn’t care, still felt like rocking it), and sometimes bad (as in disappointing, anxiety/insecurity triggering, etc.). 

 

But apparently dresses bring out the man in me. That...that was an unpleasant experience. Makes me kind of tentative to go near another one. I’m not a dress wearer in any gender to begin with, but if I’m trying one on, chances are I’m trying to gauge my femininity (which is jarring if you’re expecting to see either a comfortable femme or an uncomfortable tomboy in the mirror, but only see a grown ass man staring back at you). 

 

I was NOT expectating that AT ALL. Shit came out of nowhere.

 

It was surreal. 😐

You’ll get used to it. I do a lot of sport and probably also have natural predispositions for it, so... Let’s begin over. In high school, I rode bike every week and did karate, but not a lot. My legs quickly became steel and wiry. Combined with hair on them that’s impossible to fight (black dots when shaven) and with a dress, I thought I look pretty horrid. I think I no longer care. But obviously, some clothes look on me like I went loco. Really awkward. Imagine a tall athletic woman in a cutesy outfit. Yup. This is how some clothes look on me. 

 

Out of curiousity: don’t you find packing uncomfortable? Probably for this reason few people pack. I think a lot of body fluids have to collect in the packer. Which is not too hygenic. 

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@Pixley First of all, *hugs*

 

I'm sorry to hear about, well, everything. I'm sorry about your grandmother. I totally understand your desire to spend as much time with her as possible, but I also understand your desire to be yourself around your loved ones. That's of the utmost importance, but I don't think that some people understand that. 

 

I've been there, spending time with family, yet not feeling comfortable enough to truly be myself. I'm still struggling with some things, but I've made up my mind to not be so timid anymore about what's important to me. I realize that it's not always that easy, but I think that it's better than the miserable alternative (been there, have already done that). You can't rush things though, and you have to do what you think is best, even it's just taking one moment at a time. 

 

Sounds like that song really spoke to you. It sure did to me! I keep catching myself tearing up whenever I hear it... 😢 

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On 9/11/2018 at 1:42 PM, Taylor Lilith said:

So Wrabel's, The Village is making it's rounds on facebook and everytime it does I ... I cry a lot is all.  If you haven't seen it,

 

 

I get to the part where they looking at the ace bandages and go,

 

"Don't you dare, don't you even dare."

\person does it anyway

 

\Crying commences. 

 

It's hard for me to listen to it and watch it at the same time and usually the two have to be done seperately cuz it's hard TT_TT.

I think the person in the video was an AMAB transgender woman, right?

 

Also, my favorite part of the video was at the end, when the dad was examining the painting, beginning to show compassion and understanding in his eyes. At least, that's what it seemed like to me.

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7 hours ago, Emery. said:

You’ll get used to it. I do a lot of sport and probably also have natural predispositions for it, so... Let’s begin over. In high school, I rode bike every week and did karate, but not a lot. My legs quickly became steel and wiry. Combined with hair on them that’s impossible to fight (black dots when shaven) and with a dress, I thought I look pretty horrid. I think I no longer care. But obviously, some clothes look on me like I went loco. Really awkward. Imagine a tall athletic woman in a cutesy outfit. Yup. This is how some clothes look on me. 

 

Out of curiousity: don’t you find packing uncomfortable? Probably for this reason few people pack. I think a lot of body fluids have to collect in the packer. Which is not too hygenic. 

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s why I freaked. Probably some deep-seated insecurity leftover from years of being seen as “ugly” because I was tomboyish. Internalized cissexism at its finest. I like dresses aesthetically, but I also hate wearing them because of the implicit expectations that I’m “supposed to”. I like being a girl in my own way, which is why I can be touchy with traditional femininity in terms of makeup, dresses, etc. and love being a tomboy while simultaneously self-conscious about my masculinity.

 

I honestly would just love to wear a dress because I’m a person who likes them, not because I’m a girl. Can we just be done with gendering clothes, hobbies, colors and ALL THE THINGS I LIKE? IT’S GROSS. 🤣

 

For packing, with mine, I don’t get fluids building up or anything like that. 

 

Spoiler

Of course, mine is an STP so any fluids just go right through it. If I really feel like packing that day, I’ll just wear a liner to “catch” any fluids. It’s really only sweat that can be an issue, but baby powder clears that up pretty effectively.

 

Also, if you wipe well consistently, it’s fine. Not really that unhygienic at all actually. 

 

Sorry for the grossness. 😆

 

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22 minutes ago, The Angel of Eternity said:

I think the person in the video was an AMAB transgender woman, right?

 

Also, my favorite part of the video was at the end, when the dad was examining the painting, beginning to show compassion and understanding in his eyes. At least, that's what it seemed like to me.

Other way around I think, AFAB transgender man. 

 

But of course, this video was about the struggle of finding acceptance in a cisheteronormative society as a transgender/Genderqueer individual. There’s nothing wrong with you, as pressured as you might feel to conform, there’s something wrong with the “village”. 

 

So the person in the video could represent any number of trans/queer/non-binary identities. It’s more like the feeling/the fear of being alienated by the people around you because you’re different, which is a universal feeling/fear almost any gender identity outside of cis can relate to. 

 

And yeah, I saw that too. I’d like to think that the Dad will go from disgust and outrage to sadness and confusion to begrudging acceptance to full on acceptance. 

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23 minutes ago, Pixley said:

Other way around I think, AFAB transgender man. 

Really? To me, they looked more like AMAB trying to express a feminine side. After all, in society, wouldn't it be more acceptable for the dad to grab them like that if they were AMAB? Those are just my thoughts, though. 

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7 hours ago, Dani-Chan said:

@Pixley First of all, *hugs*

 

I'm sorry to hear about, well, everything. I'm sorry about your grandmother. I totally understand your desire to spend as much time with her as possible, but I also understand your desire to be yourself around your loved ones. That's of the utmost importance, but I don't think that some people understand that. 

 

I've been there, spending time with family, yet not feeling comfortable enough to truly be myself. I'm still struggling with some things, but I've made up my mind to not be so timid anymore about what's important to me. I realize that it's not always that easy, but I think that it's better than the miserable alternative (been there, have already done that). You can't rush things though, and you have to do what you think is best, even it's just taking one moment at a time. 

 

Sounds like that song really spoke to you. It sure did to me! I keep catching myself tearing up whenever I hear it... 😢 

Aww, that’s really sweet of you. Actually, this whole post is. ❤️

 

And you pretty much just summed up the point of my novel of a post into two sentences. I am genuinely impressed both by your extensive attention span and your apparent gift for brevity. 😆

 

giphy.gif

 

And damn did it speak to me. Honestly, I think it would speak to anyone who’s ever felt like the black sheep of their family, or just alone, because of their inherent queerness, be it in terms of gender and/or sexuality. Especially when the rest of your family is cis and/or straight. 

 

The family in the video was a bit more hostile than mine was growing up, but I can definitely relate to the loneliness because of your inability to relate to your family members and vice versa. Like not being able to talk about your problems with them because it’s a struggle they’ll never understand which I’m sure kills them too. 

 

It’s got to suck big time wanting to help you someone you care about, but not being able to. The irony of that is painful beyond words and is giving me major, MAJOR empathy feels. UGH. 💔

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12 minutes ago, The Angel of Eternity said:

Really? To me, they looked more like AMAB trying to express a feminine side. After all, in society, wouldn't it be more acceptable for the dad to grab them like that if they were AMAB? Those are just my thoughts, though. 

I think the actor in this is a trans man who has medically transitioned which is why they might appear to be AMAB.

 

And I think the Dad was grabbing them like that as a “Well, if you’re really a man, I’m going to treat you like one” kind of outrage, which is a huge fear in the AFAB community actually. It’s pretty much a horrifying crossover between “it’s wrong to hit girls” and transphobia.

 

Like “it’s wrong to hit girls, but since you’re not apparently...” meets “I feel threatened by you because I feel like you’re invading my space and my privilege and you need to be put back in your place where you belong”. 🤢

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@Pixley Thanks. :) Let's just say that I'm infamous for my prodigious powers of concentration, or extensive attention span, as you called it (you also have a knack with words!) 

 

I'm also known for my powers of brevity. :D I have a lot of experience editing other people's work (it was part of some of my previous jobs). 

 

I know the feeling of being the black sheep in the family, as I am the black sheep in mine. As far as I know, I'm the only queer person in my family (both immediate and extended). I do feel lonely sometimes... :( My family situation is very complicated and f*@ked up, so that makes it extra hard... 

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Well, if no one can tell which "way" the person transitioned, they achieved the non-binary look. I didn't look at it but I started thinking about this commercial I saw online. I think it was Thai or some south Asian country. It was about a trans girl with a toxic masculine father who kept trying to make her "be a man". She would dress up to go out with friends but come home in boy clothes. She saved up her money to buy a wig. Then she wins a beauty contest and comes home in the attire. The father is staring at her, while not being sure how to reply to a text he got that linked a video of the contest and asked, "isn't that your son?" Then he sends the message, "yes isn't she beautiful?" and hugs her. In the end I found out it was a shampoo commercial. 

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@Taylor Lilith That hit me right in the feels, such an emotional song.

 

@Pixley I understand the feeling. I think my gender identity would be devastating to my grandparents, so that hit me too.

 

@The Angel of Eternity I'm pretty sure the person is FtM, as they are binding in the beginning, and presenting as masculine at the end.

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Thank you all for the kind words. I don't really think there are any other real "main stream" trans songs. By main stream I mean something a trans orientated Facebook page would share other than MAYBE Againstme! That's pretty popular too. Transgender Dysphoria Blues or Fuckmylife666 are examples from this band. Maybe Garbage but that's about it. 

 

There are other LGBT songs and artists that people know like Lily Alan or Mary Lambert or Pansy Division but Wrabel is the one I see most often that IS just transgender. 

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7 hours ago, Pixley said:

Can we just be done with gendering clothes, hobbies, colors and ALL THE THINGS I LIKE? IT’S GROSS. 🤣

<sarcasm> You want to be free of your flesh prison and not limited because of parts you were born with?!  HoW DarreE YoUUU trY TO BreAK CiSSEXISM!?1!</sarcasm>

 

IDK if you know XML but those are sarcasm tags that start and end a sarcastic statement.  My sister tried to tell me I wasn't agender because I used logic which is CLEARLY a male only trait >=[

6 hours ago, Pixley said:

The family in the video was a bit more hostile than mine was growing up, but I can definitely relate to the loneliness because of your inability to relate to your family members and vice versa. Like not being able to talk about your problems with them because it’s a struggle they’ll never understand which I’m sure kills them too. 

I put a lot of emphasis on my accomplishments when I was young.  It got all emphasis of my person when I was young and onto my achievements.  When I talked to my family about they were like, you did a really good job.  I was so ridiculously and obviously trans/queer but I fooled everyone, including myself.  So my family wasn't violent but my dad literally said, "I'm really happy you figured this out now so we can be accepting because we probably would have kicked you out when you were 15!" and  I was like, cool, Dad that makes me feel so much better if by better you actually mean much much worse.  If I hadn't started Anti psychotics when I did I probably would have figured it out in under  months.  I'm really sad about losing those 15 years to unnecessary medication but they are super happy.

5 hours ago, Dani-Chan said:

I know the feeling of being the black sheep in the family, as I am the black sheep in mine. As far as I know, I'm the only queer person in my family (both immediate and extended). I do feel lonely sometimes... :( My family situation is very complicated and f*@ked up, so that makes it extra hard... 

I am the only atheist and the only person who says they are in my atomic family queer/LGBT but it turns out I am just the only trans one.  My sister says she is totally straight, however,

Spoiler

She spent most of Highschool eating her gal pals out, and she really enjoys relationships with women but god "cured her" when she got married.  I am ace, I know sexual attraction when I see it because I don't feel it.  She has literally expressed a desire for sexual action with female characters in video games and movies.  She has just homophobiad so hard she takes her being demi and attracted to her husband in that she was cured of being bi.  And she wonders why her queer friends don't talk to her about LGBT stuff.  Trans and Cis LGBT peeps won't talk to her and she is genuinely confused as to why,

I have 4 grandmothers because two of them are lesbians and my mom is adopted.

Spoiler

My mom is the child of a youth pastor raping my grandmother.  I'm guessing it was an effort to prove she was straight and turn her onto the path of righteousness that is heterosexuality.  My birth grandma decided to have her and is now living in a state where she and her wife are married.  I have a lot of fucked up history, y'all.

 

I feel lonely often because I am the only trans person, the only atheist and the only liberal.  I'm very much an outlier in my family.  My family is super ridiculous level alt-right.  We got an N64 when we were young because it had LESS demons than the PS1 not NO, less as an aexample.  Now they buy stuff from Trump brands when everyone boycotts them but they are just a little right of center.  That's how that works, right?

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7 hours ago, Pixley said:

I think the actor in this is a trans man who has medically transitioned which is why they might appear to be AMAB.

 

And I think the Dad was grabbing them like that as a “Well, if you’re really a man, I’m going to treat you like one” kind of outrage, which is a huge fear in the AFAB community actually. It’s pretty much a horrifying crossover between “it’s wrong to hit girls” and transphobia.

 

Like “it’s wrong to hit girls, but since you’re not apparently...” meets “I feel threatened by you because I feel like you’re invading my space and my privilege and you need to be put back in your place where you belong”. 🤢

Ah, thanks. That helps.

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8 hours ago, Pixley said:

honestly would just love to wear a dress because I’m a person who likes them, not because I’m a girl. Can we just be done with gendering clothes, hobbies, colors and ALL THE THINGS I LIKE? IT’S GROSS. 

Ideally? Yes. Definitely. I’m sure you can reach this state some day :)

 



I’m still more into cotton underwear. :P I mean, one thing is pee, another is just vaginal fluid. I’d say it’s because you’re young that you don’t have this discharge, but in reality everyone has their own timeline and I was completely mature physically at a relatively young age, for example. I haven’t had any puberty going on since 15. 

 

I’m sorry about the family issues you have to deal with. :( I regret that I didn’t do all the gender stuff younger but being older has the advantage of not caring so much about other people’s opinions. 

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13 hours ago, Taylor Lilith said:

My sister tried to tell me I wasn't agender because I used logic which is CLEARLY a male only trait >=[

 

I put a lot of emphasis on my accomplishments when I was young.  It got all emphasis of my person when I was young and onto my achievements.  When I talked to my family about they were like, you did a really good job.  I was so ridiculously and obviously trans/queer but I fooled everyone, including myself.  So my family wasn't violent but my dad literally said, "I'm really happy you figured this out now so we can be accepting because we probably would have kicked you out when you were 15!" and  I was like, cool, Dad that makes me feel so much better if by better you actually mean much much worse.  If I hadn't started Anti psychotics when I did I probably would have figured it out in under  months.  I'm really sad about losing those 15 years to unnecessary medication but they are super happy.

I am the only atheist and the only person who says they are in my atomic family queer/LGBT but it turns out I am just the only trans one.  My sister says she is totally straight, however,

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She spent most of Highschool eating her gal pals out, and she really enjoys relationships with women but god "cured her" when she got married.  I am ace, I know sexual attraction when I see it because I don't feel it.  She has literally expressed a desire for sexual action with female characters in video games and movies.  She has just homophobiad so hard she takes her being demi and attracted to her husband in that she was cured of being bi.  And she wonders why her queer friends don't talk to her about LGBT stuff.  Trans and Cis LGBT peeps won't talk to her and she is genuinely confused as to why,

I have 4 grandmothers because two of them are lesbians and my mom is adopted.

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My mom is the child of a youth pastor raping my grandmother.  I'm guessing it was an effort to prove she was straight and turn her onto the path of righteousness that is heterosexuality.  My birth grandma decided to have her and is now living in a state where she and her wife are married.  I have a lot of fucked up history, y'all.

 

I feel lonely often because I am the only trans person, the only atheist and the only liberal.  I'm very much an outlier in my family.  My family is super ridiculous level alt-right.  We got an N64 when we were young because it had LESS demons than the PS1 not NO, less as an aexample.  Now they buy stuff from Trump brands when everyone boycotts them but they are just a little right of center.  That's how that works, right?

I can't even comprehend how your sister's mind works. Just because she doesn't have logic doesn't mean it's a male trait. I'm sure many cis women who use logic would be quite offended by that. My mom is just about all logic no emotion so I'm sure she's offended. 

 

I lived the same way with the achievement based satisfaction. It's still hard now to rewire my brain to not believe that my worth isn't dependent on my achievements. My parents only gave me negative incentive, as in there is practically only taking away something when I didn't do it. There is no actual reward for completing the assignment, just that I didn't get the consequence. I wasn't happy just doing these things. I didn't know why I was doing them, other than to get my parents off my back, although they would get right back on after. Once I told them that I didn't study for myself, I studied for them. Mom even said "no, you study for yourself." She didn't want to believe it. 

My cousin said that how can they ask more out of me? I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't have relationship drama, I don't go off having crazy sex with people. I was an easy low maintenance kid, who just had above average grades. Mom's idea of getting friends is to be super knowledgeable so that people would be impressed by what you know. So she made me learn music. My cousins (two brothers) were learning completely for fun. My mom forced me to learn for knowledge. I learned theory, which my cousins didn't until we changed teachers. I took the standardized tests. She made me learn as many songs as possible, as a large repertoire was impressive to have. She never really let me play any songs I wanted, none of the songs I've already "mastered". She did say that she wanted me to learn so I could play songs she wanted to hear. And now I've basically stopped playing music. I still remember how to play but I refuse to play anymore. The only reason was to flaunt skill and get praises from others. If I can't play for myself, I don't want to play at all. 

 

If your sister married a girl, I'd like to see if she got cured of being straight. 

 

I heard some distant cousin of mine is a lesbian and I wonder if one of my cousins is aro or ace due to his practically non-existent dating history. A sister set him up with a co-worker that didn't work out. He is the oldest on that side of the family and the only unpartnered of his siblings. Relatives seem liberal but socially very adhering to traditional values. My mom is liberal and votes Democrat but she thinks very surface level and black and white so I don't think she understands what it all means. Due to my pessimism of what's going on, I've started thinking more in the middle of the spectrum about it all. But due to the binary options of candidates, I'd lean more liberal. 

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14 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I can't even comprehend how your sister's mind works. Just because she doesn't have logic doesn't mean it's a male trait. I'm sure many cis women who use logic would be quite offended by that. My mom is just about all logic no emotion so I'm sure she's offended. 

Me neither but a lot of that conversation was how I was good at math therefore couldn't not be a male. My family is into the conservative end BIGLY ( see what I did there?) and they believe in a lot of over the top gender role BS.  I stopped drawing and didn't draw as well as I know I can now because I set an upper limit on my ability because I thought I was a man and men don't draw.  We're talking perverse gender roles.

 

Then they hate on BDSM for being abusive and manipulative.  First it's neither of those things and Second I chose that role, I chose to be a pet.  They only do these things because an ancient document told them to.  My sister and Mother balk under their husbands because they don't want that role but when someone puts themselves under that role--consensually--it's counter to scripture.  I don't understand how my family uses any rationle at all.  Or that polyamory is clearly wrong then cite how David being into many women destroyed Israel like ... no David betrayed his polycule and cheated on all his friggin partners and abused his power as king.  The Bible explicitly tells you DAVID AND SOLOMON were the problem NOT polyamory but they just pull these "factoids" out of their asses to justify being discriminatory.  It drives me insane that they call this rational and/or call themselves compassionate at all.  There is no logic in any of their thought processing.  My friend calls it mental gymnastics.  It's f**ked up is what it is

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