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Trans Musings & Rantings


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50 minutes ago, Neutral nerd said:

What the hell??? Why does everyone have to be enemies? That's really quite stupid 🙄

I agree. Thanks to @Kimmie.for posting that link. 

 

I don't understand how being transgender would erase lesbianism. I get that being born physically as a girl and being transgender would lead to somewhat different life experiences, but how would being a certain gender identity lead to the erasure of a sexual orientation? 🤔

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2 minutes ago, Dani-Chan said:

I don't understand how being transgender would erase lesbianism. I get that being born physically as a girl and being transgender would lead to somewhat different life experiences, but how would being a certain gender identity lead to the erasure of a sexual orientation? 🤔

I don;t understand either, but I think it has to do with "men claiming to be women to force lesbians to have sex with them" and "patriarcal brainwashing that makes lesbians feel they have to be male to date women" or something.

 

Basically, as a quote in the article points out (about who was at Stonewall), those who do not know their own history are condemned to be idiots.

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"transgender earase lesbianism"

attention seeking if you ask me. Having been with lesbians for a bit recently. That is attention seeking. Claiming that lesbians require special care and attention, more than others. "transgender people this and that" - > "but LESBIANS xyz!!!"

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I think I might be trying a new name and pronouns with my counsellor on Tuesday but I'm not too sure on it. I know I want different pronouns and don't like that my current name is clearly female, but I'm not very confident at trying stuff out. I have a short list of possible names that I'm struggling to choose from, mainly because I don't have much confidence in my own judgement and feel like I always have to make the right decision first time. Half of me wants to ask my friends for their opinions and advice but the other half is irrationally nervous about discussing it with anyone, even when I 100% know it's ok to. I wish I had more faith in myself 😕

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4 hours ago, Zsareph said:

I think I might be trying a new name and pronouns with my counsellor on Tuesday but I'm not too sure on it. I know I want different pronouns and don't like that my current name is clearly female, but I'm not very confident at trying stuff out. I have a short list of possible names that I'm struggling to choose from, mainly because I don't have much confidence in my own judgement and feel like I always have to make the right decision first time. Half of me wants to ask my friends for their opinions and advice but the other half is irrationally nervous about discussing it with anyone, even when I 100% know it's ok to. I wish I had more faith in myself 😕

I just wanted to wish you good luck with trying a new name and pronouns with your counselor on Tuesday. :) 

 

I, too, lack faith in myself (very much so!). I know what it's like to greatly desire making the right decision the first time (I'm a diehard perfectionist 😔). My birth name is rather female-sounding, which I don't like, so I switched to a neutral-sounding nickname, which is what I prefer. Still training the people around me, but it's slowly coming. I may change the whole thing one day, tho. Been thinking about it, but man, there's a lot of choices out there! 

 

Sounds like you have a great bunch of friends there, being able to discuss such matters openly with them. 😊

 

I wish you the best of luck with everything. 

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nerdperson777
On 7/7/2018 at 8:05 PM, Starbogen said:

I wanted it to be clearly male but not too masc, I wanted to fit with Spanish but have super similar versions in English and other languages so it worked no matter what, I wanted something that could have realistically been my name if only I had been born male, and I wanted it to be a name that was not super common but that also still sounded classic and well known.

My mom told me that she wanted me to have a classic name, so regardless of what I came out of the womb to be, I would've gotten a name that would've been great no matter when I was born.  I asked her what she would name me as a guy and still said classic.  But since she doesn't seem that easy with my gender, I don't want to push her now about what my name would've been.  If there was a neutral name that fit me, I probably would've gone for it but I just have a male name now, and I still thought I was more binary when I was questioning, since I did fit that tomboy narrative, and possible lesbian from my inclination towards girls, that weren't actually romantic.

 

14 hours ago, Emery. said:

transgender people this and that" - > "but LESBIANS xyz!!!"

TERFs: we shouldn't be defined by our parts to have rights!

Also TERFs: people with penises can never be female.

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nerdperson777

I still think it's really weird that I have a student with my birth name because I think people are talking about me or at me.  Also, since this place is just 10 minutes from home, it's very likely for me to run into someone I know from high school or something.  I'm not sure what to do if such an event happens.  I'd also have to take into account, would that person recognize me?  Most of the time they would not, since my before hairstyle was my defining feature.  Take that away, and many won't know.  I think my guy friend (who ended up being my first LGBT+ friend) is the only one who recognized me right away.  Other people have not.

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Oh god I just came out to a new friend... This is the first time I come out to someone who knew me as male first and it's weird. Her reaction has been perfectly fine but it just feels weird to me that I've done this. It would have felt weird to not mention I was trans at that moment though because I was talking about something that was an important moment for me and it felt wrong to sort of pass it off as a mundane thing that I would have had anyway if I had been a cis guy. So I came out..  but it's so weird to come out like this.

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nerdperson777
1 minute ago, Starbogen said:

Oh god I just came out to a new friend... This is the first time I come out to someone who knew me as male first and it's weird. Her reaction has been perfectly fine but it just feels weird to me that I've done this. It would have felt weird to not mention I was trans at that moment though because I was talking about something that was an important moment for me and it felt wrong to sort of pass it off as a mundane thing that I would have had anyway if I had been a cis guy. So I came out..  but it's so weird to come out like this.

Now that I think of it, when I told that gay co-worker, I was just seen as a guy the entire time.  With my other co-workers that seem old-fashioned with their cis binary thinking, I don't think that would turn out well.  The lady who told the creepy texter to "be a man" has a total opposite personality to me and I have no idea what she really thinks about gay people, let alone trans people.  It's better to keep myself stealth for now.

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14 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Now that I think of it, when I told that gay co-worker, I was just seen as a guy the entire time.  With my other co-workers that seem old-fashioned with their cis binary thinking, I don't think that would turn out well.  The lady who told the creepy texter to "be a man" has a total opposite personality to me and I have no idea what she really thinks about gay people, let alone trans people.  It's better to keep myself stealth for now.

Yeah, part of why I was okay with telling her was because she's bi and I already knew she was trans friendly for lack of a better term. But I'd never tell someone who I knew was cishet and seemed pretty traditional, especially if they were older, unless they had shown themselves as good trans allies before somehow. My "plan" is to be generally stealth but to share that info with people I want as more than casual friends/people with whom I want to potentially have serious conversations.

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nerdperson777
11 hours ago, Starbogen said:

Yeah, part of why I was okay with telling her was because she's bi and I already knew she was trans friendly for lack of a better term. But I'd never tell someone who I knew was cishet and seemed pretty traditional, especially if they were older, unless they had shown themselves as good trans allies before somehow. My "plan" is to be generally stealth but to share that info with people I want as more than casual friends/people with whom I want to potentially have serious conversations.

I also have this thing where I don't like to lie, so if I got stuck in a situation where I had to come out, I would have to do it instead of avoid it, but with the current co-workers, I don't see it happening.

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nerdperson777

I've newly noticed that I have skinny arms.  It's not even just "AFAB people have smaller arms than guys."  I was hanging out with my cis female friends and their arms are much bigger and wider.  I guess I inherited it from my mom, even though my wrists should be a bit bigger with my dad's frame.

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I've only used the men's restroom once since I've been out and it was at DisneyLand....for being the happiest place on Earth, it was hella stressful to use the men's room

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Celyn: The Lutening

Last night, in the throes of insomnia, I was thinking to myself "I want a set of pronouns that are in between he/him/his and they/them/theirs" and my brain supplied "the/thim/this". I don't know whether it was sleep deprivation, but I found it hilarious.

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I came to an epiphany a few days ago.

 

For a long time now, my gender expression has been very masculine and as a result of this I tried to shove down the feminine parts of me that I still enjoyed, like crop tops or even makeup.  Granted, I never really liked makeup anyway, but some aspects of makeup I liked, like eyeliner.  My male identity has not changed, but after a lot of thinking I feel like I can be androgynous appearance-wise and can pull off a non-conforming look.  The only downside is that the dysphoria I have for some parts of my female body can make the androgyny part of it kinda... uncomfortable.  Things like crop tops I can deal with because I can hide it if I want to with my binder on, and still feel masculine.  I doubt things like dresses would be a possibility, because those are beyond my scope of comfort.  I can totally see myself being on hormones, and being able to look androgynous or wearing some feminine clothing and/or jewelry.  Because I genuinely did like those things when I considered myself cisgender.

 

It was kind of painful to admit it to myself, once I came to that conclusion.  I dug up my female clothing that I still kept to find the things that would be okay for me now, and it was a bit bizarre.  I'm going against the binary gender that I feel, and it's weird for me at first.  Because I'm coming up against the things that not even two years ago I found dysphoria inducing.  But I think it'll be good for me to accept it, and to feel good about something that used to be painful.  That and it just isn't healthy to "conform" when you're forcing it, you know?  I don't think I was intentionally forcing the masculine part of me, because presentation wise I am pretty masculine.  But I can afford to bend the rules a bit, just to spice things up :)     

 

Maybe I'll upload some selfies in the Photo Thread, who knows :P  VALIDATE MEEEEE

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  • 2 weeks later...
7 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

Slowly beginning to see a girl in the mirror now. :o 

 

❤️ HRT and laser hair removals

 

😭

I am so happy for you!!

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Ms. Carolynne

That's awesome Phoenix :cake:

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On 7/18/2018 at 10:38 AM, vmdraco said:

I came to an epiphany a few days ago.

 

For a long time now, my gender expression has been very masculine and as a result of this I tried to shove down the feminine parts of me that I still enjoyed, like crop tops or even makeup.  Granted, I never really liked makeup anyway, but some aspects of makeup I liked, like eyeliner.  My male identity has not changed, but after a lot of thinking I feel like I can be androgynous appearance-wise and can pull off a non-conforming look.  The only downside is that the dysphoria I have for some parts of my female body can make the androgyny part of it kinda... uncomfortable.  Things like crop tops I can deal with because I can hide it if I want to with my binder on, and still feel masculine.  I doubt things like dresses would be a possibility, because those are beyond my scope of comfort.  I can totally see myself being on hormones, and being able to look androgynous or wearing some feminine clothing and/or jewelry.  Because I genuinely did like those things when I considered myself cisgender.

 

It was kind of painful to admit it to myself, once I came to that conclusion.  I dug up my female clothing that I still kept to find the things that would be okay for me now, and it was a bit bizarre.  I'm going against the binary gender that I feel, and it's weird for me at first.  Because I'm coming up against the things that not even two years ago I found dysphoria inducing.  But I think it'll be good for me to accept it, and to feel good about something that used to be painful.  That and it just isn't healthy to "conform" when you're forcing it, you know?  I don't think I was intentionally forcing the masculine part of me, because presentation wise I am pretty masculine.  But I can afford to bend the rules a bit, just to spice things up :)     

 

Maybe I'll upload some selfies in the Photo Thread, who knows :P  VALIDATE MEEEEE

I think that I get what you've been going through. 

 

I went through some clothes lately, and I felt weird looking at stuff that I've bought in the past. These were all items that I thought that I "might" wear one day. They were nice, but they weren't really me, at least not the me that I am now. So I donated them. I still have more clothes to go through, but at least it's a start. At least someone will get to enjoy the things that I gave away. Certain articles of clothing make me VERY uncomfortable. Dresses are SO not a possibility for me, it's not even funny... 😬 

 

I wish with all my heart that I could look more androgynous. I spoke to another person recently about how I've really been struggling with my gender identity and severe body dysmorphia. She seemed nice, yet she didn't seem to understand that not everyone who identifies as something other than cisgender chooses to go through hormones and surgery (I have A LOT of these talks...). 

 

I'm still working on my gender expression. It's hard when you're struggling with wicked body dysmorphia... 😢

 

I like bending the rules. 😁

 

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God what i wish that i was born female!🙁

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Celyn: The Lutening

A trans musing on the less serious side:

 

If I had top surgery and grew a beard with Rogaine rather than T, and took up opera, could I sell myself as a "natural castrato"?

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Anthracite_Impreza
8 hours ago, Celyn said:

A trans musing on the less serious side:

 

If I had top surgery and grew a beard with Rogaine rather than T, and took up opera, could I sell myself as a "natural castrato"?

Yes.

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nerdperson777
11 hours ago, Celyn said:

A trans musing on the less serious side:

 

If I had top surgery and grew a beard with Rogaine rather than T, and took up opera, could I sell myself as a "natural castrato"?

Meanwhile, I'm trying to hit all the voice pitches.  😶  *does a girl giggle and runs off*

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Hey everyone! It's been a while since I posted in the Gender forum. :'D

 

I meant to share how although I came out to my grandma, I haven't gotten a chance to tell her that I've already been on HRT, especially since she told me that she doesn't think that I'm actually trans and that I should at least wait until after college to start hormones or surgeries (when at this point, I was like 3-5 months on T). She has been noticing how my voice has been getting lower and is getting suspicious. I've just told her that I've been coming down with something. And now whenever she calls, I try to do a more feminine voice (which is hard now) so that she won't question it. It's kind of hilarious, but I also just want to tell her that I've already been on hormones for a while now.

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Anthracite_Impreza
2 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Hey everyone! It's been a while since I posted in the Gender forum. :'D

 

I meant to share how although I came out to my grandma, I haven't gotten a chance to tell her that I've already been on HRT, especially since she told me that she doesn't think that I'm actually trans and that I should at least wait until after college to start hormones or surgeries (when at this point, I was like 3-5 months on T). She has been noticing how my voice has been getting lower and is getting suspicious. I've just told her that I've been coming down with something. And now whenever she calls, I try to do a more feminine voice (which is hard now) so that she won't question it. It's kind of hilarious, but I also just want to tell her that I've already been on hormones for a while now.

My friend didn't tell his grandparents he was transitioning (FtM, because they're "that" type) and just turned up one day at Christmas with a full beard and everything. By the gods I wish I could've been there.

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Celyn: The Lutening
6 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

My friend didn't tell his grandparents he was transitioning (FtM, because they're "that" type) and just turned up one day at Christmas with a full beard and everything. By the gods I wish I could've been there.

By the gods I wish I could do that!

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Anthracite_Impreza
2 minutes ago, Celyn said:

By the gods I wish I could do that!

My friend gives no shits, he never has and he never will :P 

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Ms. Carolynne
22 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

God what i wish that i was born female!🙁

*hugs*

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nerdperson777
2 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Hey everyone! It's been a while since I posted in the Gender forum. :'D

 

I meant to share how although I came out to my grandma, I haven't gotten a chance to tell her that I've already been on HRT, especially since she told me that she doesn't think that I'm actually trans and that I should at least wait until after college to start hormones or surgeries (when at this point, I was like 3-5 months on T). She has been noticing how my voice has been getting lower and is getting suspicious. I've just told her that I've been coming down with something. And now whenever she calls, I try to do a more feminine voice (which is hard now) so that she won't question it. It's kind of hilarious, but I also just want to tell her that I've already been on hormones for a while now.

I just thought of you this morning.  Someone I knew was listening to....Skyworld, haha.

 

It does get pretty hard to go higher pitched again.  For a while I thought, I still got the "girl voice" but lately, it's been feeling more like male falsetto.  I was thinking that there's this one male singer on the internet who had the range was not really singing in a "girl voice" and just sounded like a guy pretending to sing like a girl.  I was able to actually do the "girl voice" because I was thinking that I had the actual experience to make it actually sound like a girl.  But now it's been feeling weird so I guess that's how he got to be that way.

 

The thing with someone saying something that's already been done reminds me of when I started working (not trans related).  My mom gave an unsolicited comment that my work clothes were too big and I should get them from Uniqlo.  My clothes were from Uniqlo.

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