Trans Musings & Rantings

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

I read somewhere that it is more regular that someone already is on hormones when they are coming to the centers.

It IS becoming more regular, Heck... People want to continue, to live by nature...

 

Yes it's illegal. But what else?

 

Sure, there are alternative care popping into existence, but not all insurances cover these new centers yet...

[Kimmie.]

8 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

It IS becoming more regular, Heck... People want to continue, to live by nature...

 

Yes it's illegal. But what else?

 

Sure, there are alternative care popping into existence, but not all insurances cover these new centers yet...

I am not sure if it illegal here because when the centers get to know that you are doing it they will help with the blood tests and all that because they know that you will do it either way. 

[SkyWorld]

On 5/19/2018 at 11:13 AM, Mezzo Forte said:

On the other hand, I know some trans guys who want to be “seahorse papas,” and I find that imagery adorable and delightful.

That does sound cute, lol.

 

Pregnancy and giving birth kind of repulses me. A couple times I had nightmares about it and even in my dream, I questioned how was that even possible (on sooo many levels), it can’t be real. Before even knowing anything of my identity, gender and (a)sexual, I thought it was my “duty as a woman to have children” and I would dread it. I realized adoption is okay and I was a little more relaxed on that end, but still didn’t want kids. 

 

I considered saving my eggs, but I honestly feel like never at one point at my life did I actually wanted to get pregnant and have kids. I had always felt like I had to, and that would distress me. Maybe I’d change my mind, but that’s very hypothetical. It has yet to change. 

[nerdperson777]

7 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

That does sound cute, lol.

 

Pregnancy and giving birth kind of repulses me. A couple times I had nightmares about it and even in my dream, I questioned how was that even possible (on sooo many levels), it can’t be real. Before even knowing anything of my identity, gender and (a)sexual, I thought it was my “duty as a woman to have children” and I would dread it. I realized adoption is okay and I was a little more relaxed on that end, but still didn’t want kids. 

 

I considered saving my eggs, but I honestly feel like never at one point at my life did I actually wanted to get pregnant and have kids. I had always felt like I had to, and that would distress me. Maybe I’d change my mind, but that’s very hypothetical. It has yet to change. 

If I do have a child from my eggs, I'm not carrying it.  Also I kinda forgot about it, since going on T for the effects was the top thing on my mind.  Yay shriveling ovaries!  But I don't think I'll even consider it until I'm like late 30s or early 40s, which could be too late by then.

[SkyWorld]

2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

If I do have a child from my eggs, I'm not carrying it.  Also I kinda forgot about it, since going on T for the effects was the top thing on my mind.  Yay shriveling ovaries!  But I don't think I'll even consider it until I'm like late 30s or early 40s, which could be too late by then.

Tbh, when I learned that I had PCOS, I was actually happy in a way (for several reasons). It definitely helped me use it as an excuse saying “I probably couldn’t have children, even if I wanted to, so...” And with testosterone, that unlikeliness probably has increased. But at this point, I don’t need to make excuses anymore. I don’t want kids, and that’s a good enough reason, no matter what anyone might think.

[nerdperson777]

13 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

Tbh, when I learned that I had PCOS, I was actually happy in a way (for several reasons). It definitely helped me use it as an excuse saying “I probably couldn’t have children, even if I wanted to, so...” And with testosterone, that unlikeliness probably has increased. But at this point, I don’t need to make excuses anymore. I don’t want kids, and that’s a good enough reason, no matter what anyone might think.

I saw a post in a group I was in, a trans guy and his cis gf wanted children.  The gf was infertile so then he would be the one who would have the genetic child.  Someone in that comment section dispelled the idea that being on T makes one unable to have genetic children.  Don't know if that's really true.  I haven't heard it anywhere else.

 

Even if I had kids, I would keep them away from my parents.  They're too toxic to have around.  I have a name from a childhood cartoon that I would want to name a future child, or dog.  The dog seems way more likely.

[SkyWorld]

12 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I saw a post in a group I was in, a trans guy and his cis gf wanted children.  The gf was infertile so then he would be the one who would have the genetic child.  Someone in that comment section dispelled the idea that being on T makes one unable to have genetic children.  Don't know if that's really true.  I haven't heard it anywhere else.

 

Even if I had kids, I would keep them away from my parents.  They're too toxic to have around.  I have a name from a childhood cartoon that I would want to name a future child, or dog.  The dog seems way more likely.

Yeah, trans guys on T, it’s still possible for them to have biological kids, but I think the case is that it’s probably just less likely.

[nerdperson777]

2 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

Yeah, trans guys on T, it’s still possible for them to have biological kids, but I think the case is that it’s probably just less likely.

The guy said that T has no effect on his ability to have children.  I haven't looked up the proof for this.

[Maiflower]

I'm surprised I haven't responded to this thread.

 

I realized an advantage of being a closeted trans person. Some stuff is slighty funny because they don't know your secret. Two examples happened this week.

 

The first was yesterday. I was talking about how much I hate shaving. My mom said when I'm older, I could get it removed with lasers. I didn't like that, so she then said electrolysis is the other option, and that sounded worse. I asked if there's anything else. She jokingly said I could take estrogen. I tried not to laugh, because that was exactly what I wanted.

 

The other was today. I was talking to my therapist saying how common my deadname is. She suggested going by my full first name, and I said that's even common. She asked what I'd go by in college. I came close to saying May, but I realized I'm closeted. So, I avoided answering the question and kind of laughed in my mind.

[daveb]

As far as I know, estrogen doesn't get rid of facial hair. That's why MtF transgender people still usually have laser hair removal and/or electrolysis. I think it does thin out body hair somewhat, though, at least in some cases?

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

8 hours ago, daveb said:

As far as I know, estrogen doesn't get rid of facial hair. That's why MtF transgender people still usually have laser hair removal and/or electrolysis. I think it does thin out body hair somewhat, though, at least in some cases?

I think estrogen can change the texture of hair though, and imagine it would be significantly less painful? With thinner hair, surely it doesn't affect as much skin when shaving at least, even if lasers/electrolysis were still painful. Of course estrogen also affects the texture of skin, so I don't know if the effects are the same as a result of that?

 

I'm actually quite confident that I will benefit from medical transition now, though it still scares me in multiple ways and I'm still very fluid. I'm suddenly realising that there seem to be more fluid people who tend to stay on one half of the spectrum, but I do feel like I go all over the place in this regard. And although I wouldn't really list it anywhere since I obviously already get it, I'm okay with she/her pronouns sometimes as well-in fact one of my best friends makes a point of using he/him pronouns and she/her pronouns both to refer to me and it makes me so so happy. ❤️ But it seems my mum's got her own transphobic views too(my dad's worse though) and she laughed at the idea of me going by he/him, saying she could never imagine me as a he, at most somewhere in the middle. I love her, and in all other regards we have a good relationship, but her and dad say some fucked up things.  

[nerdperson777]

20 hours ago, daveb said:

As far as I know, estrogen doesn't get rid of facial hair. That's why MtF transgender people still usually have laser hair removal and/or electrolysis. I think it does thin out body hair somewhat, though, at least in some cases?

Yeah, estrogen can weaken it, but won't make it fully go away.  Even laser makes it go away for a long time, but not permanent.  I think hair can grow back years and years later.

 

11 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

But it seems my mum's got her own transphobic views too(my dad's worse though) and she laughed at the idea of me going by he/him, saying she could never imagine me as a he, at most somewhere in the middle. I love her, and in all other regards we have a good relationship, but her and dad say some fucked up things.  

My parents think even calling me they draws too much attention.  So what doesn't draw any attention at all?  Nothing other than she!  Why wouldn't it be the best pronoun?  They don't have to change anything, AND it doesn't draw attention!  It sounds perfect!

Me: 😩

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

@nerdperson777 same, the thing is my mum said this and said that at most she could think of me as somewhere between, but she doesn't use my chosen name and hasn't changed from female gendered language in English or in German, so she's not really showing whether she can even think of me as not a girl. I also stopped raising the topic with dad for the moment, because when I try something shitty is always said. I started a conversation with him in which I brought up and demonstrated how Chaucer and Shakespeare both used singular they, but somehow the conversation still ended with him thinking it's "unnatural". It's just getting tiring tbh and there are other ways to feel valid in my gender anyway.

[nerdperson777]

2 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

@nerdperson777 same, the thing is my mum said this and said that at most she could think of me as somewhere between, but she doesn't use my chosen name and hasn't changed from female gendered language in English or in German, so she's not really showing whether she can even think of me as not a girl. I also stopped raising the topic with dad for the moment, because when I try something shitty is always said. I started a conversation with him in which I brought up and demonstrated how Chaucer and Shakespeare both used singular they, but somehow the conversation still ended with him thinking it's "unnatural". It's just getting tiring tbh and there are other ways to feel valid in my gender anyway.

I am in between, so I guess she thinks that means I'm still a girl.  I'm not male or female.  I have qualities of both, but that doesn't make me a girl.

 

There is no point arguing with my dad because he doesn't listen to reason.

Dad: You're not a boy until you do a full transition and get a penis. (with legal change and things like that)

Also dad: The wedding is what makes a marriage official.

I argued with him that the legal papers defined a marriage (this was before I questioned my gender).  So the one who thinks the actions make it official, also believes that the legal parts make it official.  Can't really persuade him to any thought that isn't his own.

 

What happens when I change my gender to non-binary?  My parents probably both would think female is correct.  In written Chinese, the word for he and she sound exactly the same.  In actual colloquial, no one really uses those words and use other words so I have no idea what that is supposed to do.  And I think default/unknown gender for things are he.  I'm not complaining for me but others may have an issue.

 

I had weird dreams all night last light.  One was about working at a restaurant and I was a waiter with my gay co-worker.  I forget what brought me to sing in my girl voice, so in this, he got introduced to this range of mine.  But then a police officer eating there didn't like my singing and wanted me to stop.  Then a really random detail happened.  After everyone left the restaurant, I was looking for my water bottle, which had milk tea and pearls in it.  I had trouble finding it, since many bottles look the same.  Then I remembered that my bottle was completely plain with no decorations.  I had bought this bottle at my university right after graduation.  It had a design on it but it all rubbed off from using it for several months.  This part is actually true.  I have a plain water bottle for this reason.  IRL, my co-worker knows I'm queer.  He asked if I was gay and I said that I was "other things".

[SkyWorld]

Ugh, I can’t wait until my name is legally changed.... It would save so much hassle. I had to email my summer professor about my name and pronouns and I just feel so uncomfortable outing myself like that, but it’s necessary because I would hate it more if people would call me my birth name and wrong pronouns... Sigh...

[KRae]

On 5/30/2018 at 6:37 PM, May Flower said:

I'm surprised I haven't responded to this thread.

 

I realized an advantage of being a closeted trans person. Some stuff is slighty funny because they don't know your secret. Two examples happened this week.

 

The first was yesterday. I was talking about how much I hate shaving. My mom said when I'm older, I could get it removed with lasers. I didn't like that, so she then said electrolysis is the other option, and that sounded worse. I asked if there's anything else. She jokingly said I could take estrogen. I tried not to laugh, because that was exactly what I wanted.

 

The other was today. I was talking to my therapist saying how common my deadname is. She suggested going by my full first name, and I said that's even common. She asked what I'd go by in college. I came close to saying May, but I realized I'm closeted. So, I avoided answering the question and kind of laughed in my mind.

My mom has been known to say things like, "That makes you look like a boy." Well, um, that's kind of the point... (I'm desperate enough that I'm seriously considering saying that to her at some point. Probably not a good way to come out.) 

 

One of my coworkers has said things to me like, "Girls your age [insert comment here]... NOT YOU. I'm just saying in general..." Um, maybe I don't fit into that because I'm not a girl?

[nerdperson777]

3 hours ago, KRae said:

My mom has been known to say things like, "That makes you look like a boy." Well, um, that's kind of the point... (I'm desperate enough that I'm seriously considering saying that to her at some point. Probably not a good way to come out.) 

 

One of my coworkers has said things to me like, "Girls your age [insert comment here]... NOT YOU. I'm just saying in general..." Um, maybe I don't fit into that because I'm not a girl?

When I first revealed my short hair, I had some relatives saying I looked like a boy.  Some said I looked like a tomboy, probably because those people were so cisnormative and couldn't think of me as anything else but a girl.

 

Once I said I needed a haircut and mom decided to come with me to dictate what haircut I got.  She kept telling the hairdresser about her "daughter".  The hairdresser didn't understand why I had short hair.  "But most girls like long hair!"  Ugh.

[Lirpaderp]

10 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

When I first revealed my short hair, I had some relatives saying I looked like a boy.  Some said I looked like a tomboy, probably because those people were so cisnormative and couldn't think of me as anything else but a girl.

 

Once I said I needed a haircut and mom decided to come with me to dictate what haircut I got.  She kept telling the hairdresser about her "daughter".  The hairdresser didn't understand why I had short hair.  "But most girls like long hair!"  Ugh.

When I first got my haircut I pretended to be offended when people thought of me as a boy but it actually made me really happy. I thought every girl wanted to be a boy so I ignored it. My mom was there when I got my hair cut short and her and the hair cutter were talking about how this is a girls haircut and all that stuff.

 

Yesterday my sister cut my hair (first time not going to a place to get it done) and I love how short it is. But now I think my face looks more feminine and it upsets me. But I also think that could just be me in a weird mood because my friend accidentally called me he today and people at home don't know I prefer he/him.

[nerdperson777]

7 minutes ago, Lirpaderp said:

Yesterday my sister cut my hair (first time not going to a place to get it done) and I love how short it is. But now I think my face looks more feminine and it upsets me. But I also think that could just be me in a weird mood because my friend accidentally called me he today and people at home don't know I prefer he/him.

I had the same but with my cousin, who could really be my sister, since my mom raised her through her preteen and teenage years.  I think my mom was jealous that I let my cousin touch my hair but not her, since whenever I cut my own hair, she has to stare at it very obviously, looking for every mistake.  Then she'll touch it.  She knows I don't like to be touched but she goes for it when I hate it the most.  She also misgendered me when telling my cousin how impressed she was that she was allowed to touch my hair.

 

When I was teaching yesterday, the main coach of one class I was assisting, accidentally called me by my old name and she both one time.  I just really hope the students didn't pick up on it?

[Lirpaderp]

19 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I had the same but with my cousin, who could really be my sister, since my mom raised her through her preteen and teenage years.  I think my mom was jealous that I let my cousin touch my hair but not her, since whenever I cut my own hair, she has to stare at it very obviously, looking for every mistake.  Then she'll touch it.  She knows I don't like to be touched but she goes for it when I hate it the most.  She also misgendered me when telling my cousin how impressed she was that she was allowed to touch my hair.

 

When I was teaching yesterday, the main coach of one class I was assisting, accidentally called me by my old name and she both one time.  I just really hope the students didn't pick up on it?

If your students are anything like the people I went to school with, they won't notice at all. I feel like the only ones that would notice are people who are thinking about their own pronouns.

[nerdperson777]

19 hours ago, Lirpaderp said:

If your students are anything like the people I went to school with, they won't notice at all. I feel like the only ones that would notice are people who are thinking about their own pronouns.

Maybe I'm just paranoid.  People don't tend to mess up pronouns for cis people.  If someone DOES mess up pronouns, there would be a reason why.  Unless they're like my parents, messing up pronouns all the time, because he and she in our heritage language sounds exactly the same, just slightly different when written.  So they are kind of using them interchangeably.  So when they actually call me he, I think they just did it on accident.

[nerdperson777]

I was teaching on Sunday and I was kind of 1 on 1 with a small girl, probably less than 10 years old.  I guess I was talking in my "gay" voice and then my voice dropped an octave.  She mentioned how funny my voice went.  Since I don't really have control of my voice, I couldn't really force it back up just like that.  I guess I just talked deep for the rest of class.  I was made aware that I still didn't know my "real" voice.

[PixleyDust✨]

I have a serious question for y’all: 

 

When (and if) you decided to change your name to more accurately reflect yourself, how did you know it was the right one? 

 

I’m Gender Non-Conforming, so I still feel like I’m a girl (albeit a masculine one at times, sure, but ultimately a girl) but I can remember since adolescence that I’ve never really liked my name because I never really felt it was ever an accurate label for me. But I didn’t really understand my discomfort, so I just kind of shrugged it off and went with it. I had often considered changing it more than once throughout my life, but something always held me back.

 

But now, I’m trying to actually listen to my feelings for a change, instead of worrying about how stuff like this is going to affect other people, and have realized that I would prefer something more unisex. Something that honors both the masculine and feminine sides of me.

 

Now, the point of this post is not in search of suggestions. I guess what I’m really asking you all is what your process was? Was it trial and error, or kind of like a eureka moment? This would help IMMENSELY in terms of better understanding and coping with my own journey. 😊

[Iota Tau]

@Pixley For me, there was some trial and error involved, mainly due to wanting to keep my initials (I'd always been proud that my name started with a J). But once I gave up on that, it was a matter of looking at name lists and trying them for a few days (or hours), sometimes only to myself. For me, that process was quick (as a history buff I already knew the name Asa as a colonial-era name), but it could have been longer.

 

TL;DR - Yes, there was trial and error involved, but once you find the "right" name, you'll know within a day.

[PixleyDust✨]

40 minutes ago, Iota Tau said:

@Pixley For me, there was some trial and error involved, mainly due to wanting to keep my initials (I'd always been proud that my name started with a J). But once I gave up on that, it was a matter of looking at name lists and trying them for a few days (or hours), sometimes only to myself. For me, that process was quick (as a history buff I already knew the name Asa as a colonial-era name), but it could have been longer.

 

TL;DR - Yes, there was trial and error involved, but once you find the "right" name, you'll know within a day.

Thank you. I’m starting a temporary job very soon, and would like at least a nickname I’m comfortable with worked out by then. 

 

I guess I got quite a bit of googling ahead of me. 😊

[PixleyDust✨]

Okay, lately, anytime a family member refers to me as their daughter or their sister, I keep finding myself fighting the urge to say -ish. 😆

 

My Dad: “Because you’re my daughter.”

Me (thinking): “...ish.”

 

My Stepsister: “It’s cool that I gained a sister.”

Me (thinking): “...ish.”

 

And when I think about them calling me their son or their brother, it doesn’t feel right either. And literally every time I say daughter-ish, or sister-ish in my head, I get this feeling like, “Huh. That actually feels right. Weird.”

 

So, I’m proposing that Girl-ish just be a gender now. Or even just -ish, honestly.

 

Like Gender-ish.

 

God that prefix is fucking MAGICAL. 🤣

[nerdperson777]

6 hours ago, Pixley said:

I have a serious question for y’all: 

 

When (and if) you decided to change your name to more accurately reflect yourself, how did you know it was the right one? 

 

I’m Gender Non-Conforming, so I still feel like I’m a girl (albeit a masculine one at times, sure, but ultimately a girl) but I can remember since adolescence that I’ve never really liked my name because I never really felt it was ever an accurate label for me. But I didn’t really understand my discomfort, so I just kind of shrugged it off and went with it. I had often considered changing it more than once throughout my life, but something always held me back.

 

But now, I’m trying to actually listen to my feelings for a change, instead of worrying about how stuff like this is going to affect other people, and have realized that I would prefer something more unisex. Something that honors both the masculine and feminine sides of me.

 

Now, the point of this post is not in search of suggestions. I guess what I’m really asking you all is what your process was? Was it trial and error, or kind of like a eureka moment? This would help IMMENSELY in terms of better understanding and coping with my own journey. 😊

I tried not to think too hard about it.  I have been known to want things absolutely perfect by spending oodles of time on it.  Some people may want their name to be super special and unique, but for me, if I am probably going to be using this name for the rest of my life, I would like to just choose something and stick with it.  I don't want some special name to wear out on me.

 

I didn't really spend much time thinking of one.  My group of female friends actually gave themselves male names for fun but I guess I'm the only one who actually took that seriously beyond the joke.  My choice of name sounded very similar to my given name so if I wasn't out to someone, that person could just think they heard wrong.  I had only two names in mind total.  The other name was just a name I found fascinating when I was very young that my neighbor mentioned once, but it didn't actually feel like ME.  So I've technically had the name thought out in high school but didn't question my gender for another couple years.  My name was basically waiting for me.

[Ms. Carolynne]

@Pixley For me, it was trial and error. I just thought of random names and played around with them in my mind until I found one that struck me, I then further played with variations of it, and I found something that felt right. I then looked up the name's meaning and etymology (as well as spelling variations) to gauge how well it fit. From there I kept it in mind, and later decided I would sign my journal with it when I started keeping one.

 

I have a secondary / middle name of sorts in the back of my mind. It's the one I posted about, where a coworker gender-swapped everybody's name as a gag. It sounds a lot like my birth name, but I really ended up liking it, it's short and sweet as well so it's a good complement to the other one. So that one I just sort of stumbled upon by chance.

[Kelpie]

10 hours ago, Pixley said:

I have a serious question for y’all: 

 

When (and if) you decided to change your name to more accurately reflect yourself, how did you know it was the right one? 

 

I’m Gender Non-Conforming, so I still feel like I’m a girl (albeit a masculine one at times, sure, but ultimately a girl) but I can remember since adolescence that I’ve never really liked my name because I never really felt it was ever an accurate label for me. But I didn’t really understand my discomfort, so I just kind of shrugged it off and went with it. I had often considered changing it more than once throughout my life, but something always held me back.

 

But now, I’m trying to actually listen to my feelings for a change, instead of worrying about how stuff like this is going to affect other people, and have realized that I would prefer something more unisex. Something that honors both the masculine and feminine sides of me.

 

Now, the point of this post is not in search of suggestions. I guess what I’m really asking you all is what your process was? Was it trial and error, or kind of like a eureka moment? This would help IMMENSELY in terms of better understanding and coping with my own journey. 😊

I chose my name based on a fictional person I like very much and aspired to be. Also I really liked the name itself and how it worked with my last name. A trans friend of mine did the same. I also chose a name that was kind of unisex (at least in abbreviated form) because while I identify as male I wanted to "honor" my past. Don't know if that sounds weird, but for me it was important.

If you want a unisex name there are lots of lists out there, maybe try looking at them and see how it feels? Also, changing your name a few times is no problem at all if you have understanding friends.

[nerdperson777]

8 hours ago, Kelpie said:

I chose my name based on a fictional person I like very much and aspired to be. Also I really liked the name itself and how it worked with my last name. A trans friend of mine did the same. I also chose a name that was kind of unisex (at least in abbreviated form) because while I identify as male I wanted to "honor" my past. Don't know if that sounds weird, but for me it was important.

If you want a unisex name there are lots of lists out there, maybe try looking at them and see how it feels? Also, changing your name a few times is no problem at all if you have understanding friends.

I'm a comic book character.  I was originally against just copying something but I decided that I shouldn't make such a big deal.  I didn't know any neutral names that I would've liked that weren't already taken.  I already knew an Alex and a Terry.  I like Taylor but I didn't want people to think I got my name from a pop star, plus it didn't feel "me".  My birth nickname is neutral and I don't mind that so it's still my nickname. 

 

I don't think honoring your past is weird.  I don't mind that I'm AFAB.  Having the AFAB experience gives me a more humble and less toxic masculine way to look at things in my opinion.  I know some people debate over this part, but I'm just saying what I think.  AMAB people definitely have different experiences from AFAB due to gender inequality.  If the AMAB person is trans, they may not expect to be treated differently, since that's how they were socialized.  So then they would've experienced male privilege in some way.  As AFAB, I would've started with the "lesser gender" treatment.  And I've gotten a lot of that from my traditional cishet dad.  Even as I discovered trans identities and transitioned, I don't really try to treat genders differently.  I'm not going to treat someone better for being male and less for being female like many toxic cis(het?) men would.  For the most part, I don't hate that I had a "female" body.  It's just all the puberty that I didn't like.  The rest is fine with me.