Trans Musings & Rantings

[SkyWorld]

Talking with my coworkers and there was something I wasn’t too happy about. Now know that I’m not out as trans and only one of my coworkers who is now a friend only knows. So the other coworker had told me to “grow a pair of ovaries” and explained how I’m a “girl” and wouldn’t say grow some “balls”. That was awkward... as a trans guy going through changes with testosterone and might actually need to get his ovaries removed in the future. Tried laughing it off with my coworker/friend in private about how ironic that statement was on so many levels.

 

I try to laugh things off and try not to take it so seriously, especially since I’m not so out about it. Though it still bothers me. I should come out at work, but I’m honestly just too afraid to do so. Especially since I don’t pass that well. Maybe it’ll be easier once I pass better? Or if someone asks? 

[nerdperson777]

I'm kinda stressed out about my relatives visiting, which means being misgendered more than usual.  Dad's constantly compromising my mom and I for the benefit of the relatives.  Like today, after lunch, we were taken to a temple and forced to wait while they all went inside.  We had stuff of our own to do and dad constantly changed his tune on what he would do.  First he said he would take us home and come back.  Then he went inside the temple.  I called him asking to be taken home and he said yes.  He didn't come out for 5-10 minutes so I called him again.  He then said that we should wait longer and he didn't want to come back.  I was kind of fed up with them all already with all the misgendering and overstepping boundaries "because family" so I decided to drive to mom and my errands with my currently compromised legs.  (I can drive, I can move my legs, it's just that my parents don't seem to think that physically disabled people can drive.)  There's another car of ours there so they can make two trips.  Right when I left, they were finally out and then dad got mad at me for driving, because he's a hypocrite like that.

 

What I was pretty miffed about is what my dad said before lunch.  I have an aunt who's visiting from a farther away temple, a place she decided to stay at after retiring.  She now has the title of Sifu (Chinese for master, mostly a martial arts thing from what I know, but it can be for other things) so then she has been having all of us address her as Sifu before her name.  So I have to call her Sifu Auntie [Name].  My visiting uncle called her Big Sifu Sister, which may actually should have been Sifu Big Sister, and my aunt said that she didn't want to be called the former.  Then I heard something about her not wanting to be called Sifu in public, because it draws attention to her, I guess?  But what my dad said, he should really have said that to me, but he doesn't have a grasp of logic to understand that.  He told her, "You tell us how we should call you.  We don't want to hurt your feelings.  Just tell us."  You can say that to your sister, but you have not tried to correct anything about how to call me.  I told him to not call me she.  Call me they.  But I have never heard him call me they.  I also said call me my nickname.  I don't like my full name.  He's calling me my full name.  My relatives are all calling me my full name.  I've heard my name way too many times just in this past week.  My only time being referred to as my gender this week is when I went to a class earlier and when I got a call from my supervisor at work for things to do.  I was feeling so heated after arguing with my dad over us being forced to wait there against our will.  I never get to be the real me.  Also, I still had some bedhead that I thought I fixed, and one aunt thought that I cut my own hair again.  She told me to be a prettier girl.  I'm still feeling pretty heated just knowing that we had this happen and I'm stuck with it for at least the next two weeks.

 

My parents don't care that I'm stressed about this.  It's all compromise, compromise, compromise.  It looks like compromise means I have to hold everything in.  I don't get anything out of this compromise.  I told my mom about what my dad said and how he hasn't called me they.  She's still more concerned with how people think so she says calling me they will make them turn their heads.  So my comfortability is not as important as keeping the secret, good to know.

 

Also I think my mom wants my T to be the reason for not related things.  I said after the lunch, I used the bathroom at the restaurant and had a pretty nasty #2.  She asked me in the car when we were waiting if my stomach events were because of T.  TESTOSTERONE DOESN'T AFFECT BOWEL MOVEMENTS. *facepalm*

[Mezzo Forte]

On March 14, 2018 at 4:34 PM, nerdperson777 said:

Is the consensus now that Emery just has good genes for acne and it doesn't really go away for everyone else?

I think it varies from person to person, but a lot of people's acne calms down after they've been on hormones long enough. One dermatologist told me that testosterone can randomly cause outbreaks even many years after the acne seemed to have I calmed down, but that sounds like it isn't terribly common.

 

My face is relatively devoid of acne at the moment, but I'm religious about my skin care and also got some acne medicine that works for me. I still have some body acne too, but not as much as I once did.

[Emery.]

My bust grew recently and I wonder if I should bother or something. It got quite... noticable. It began to be objectively big. But... I never felt like reading too much into anything, and I feel the same about this thing. I guess I still can present masculine with a bigger bust. Like Marlene Dietrich, for example. Or Ruby Rose. So... there is no problem, right?

[nerdperson777]

2 hours ago, Emery. said:

My bust grew recently and I wonder if I should bother or something. It got quite... noticable. It began to be objectively big. But... I never felt like reading too much into anything, and I feel the same about this thing. I guess I still can present masculine with a bigger bust. Like Marlene Dietrich, for example. Or Ruby Rose. So... there is no problem, right?

Since mine are at the size where they can be flattened enough to be pec-like, if you choose to bind, you might just have some bigger pecs.  The kid I knew at the martial arts studio had it pretty big.  I feel awkward asking if he had top surgery.

[SkyWorld]

Oh my god, I am feeling so horrible right now.

Spoiler, kind of getting emotional.

 

 

Every time someone calls me a “girl” or “lady”, it just stabs harder and harder every time.

 

My hips gives me the most dysphoria and I was trying to find some ways I could hide it better because clearly what I was doing wasn’t working. One of the answers in a search result was saying something like “Don’t! Most guys love girls with large hips and girls envy those who do” and went on this rant about loving yourself and your body. You didn’t answer the goddamn question! I’m all for body positivity and people loving their bodies more, which is why I would love my body being more masculine. I hate my feminine body. I don’t give a rat’s ass about what guys think. I’m not even exclusively attracted to guys anyway. Besides, I want someone to love me for me, not because I look like a girl. I don’t give a fuck what others think. I don’t (necessarily) think I’m ugly, but I just hate being seen as a female. If not seen as a guy, I just want to hide and not be seen at all. Don’t look at me! I hate it when people look at me. They just always see me as a girl.

It reminded me of what my mom would use to say and what my grandma still says. I don’t want to be “pretty”. I don’t want to embrace my feminine body. I hate it so much. People just don’t understand. They try to cheer me up, but holy shit, it only makes me feel so much worse. They see me as a “pretty girl”, but not a guy.

Oh my god, I just wish it would stop.

 

[nerdperson777]

1 hour ago, SkyWorld said:

Oh my god, I am feeling so horrible right now.

Spoiler, kind of getting emotional.

 

  Hide contents

Every time someone calls me a “girl” or “lady”, it just stabs harder and harder every time.

 

My hips gives me the most dysphoria and I was trying to find some ways I could hide it better because clearly what I was doing wasn’t working. One of the answers in a search result was saying something like “Don’t! Most guys love girls with large hips and girls envy those who do” and went on this rant about loving yourself and your body. You didn’t answer the goddamn question! I’m all for body positivity and people loving their bodies more, which is why I would love my body being more masculine. I hate my feminine body. I don’t give a rat’s ass about what guys think. I’m not even exclusively attracted to guys anyway. Besides, I want someone to love me for me, not because I look like a girl. I don’t give a fuck what others think. I don’t (necessarily) think I’m ugly, but I just hate being seen as a female. If not seen as a guy, I just want to hide and not be seen at all. Don’t look at me! I hate it when people look at me. They just always see me as a girl.

It reminded me of what my mom would use to say and what my grandma still says. I don’t want to be “pretty”. I don’t want to embrace my feminine body. I hate it so much. People just don’t understand. They try to cheer me up, but holy shit, it only makes me feel so much worse. They see me as a “pretty girl”, but not a guy.

Oh my god, I just wish it would stop.

 

When I looked up how to make a butt smaller, I mostly came across similar results.  "Girls like guys with big butts!"  "Embrace that part of yourself!"  ...I asked a question and it wasn't answered!

 

Sometimes when I'm not out but depressed, I've gotten comments about how "at least you're pretty".  I don't want to be pretty.

[Emery.]

I just got sirred. That was pretty strange. I was sitting in the lecture, and the lectured talked with me and adressed me as miss/madam/however his translates, and then I said something a couple of minutes later and he addresed me as sir... I can't say I looked too much like a guy, given my recently grown big bust that I don't make an effort to hide. Maybe the clothes convinced him? I was dressed pretty androgynous. I think my voice has gotten lower recently as well... oh those hormone peaks  You never know what is up to happen. 

[Iota Tau]

Ugh...I have to wait on hormones.

 

Its a good reason (I have to show I'm more self sufficient first) but still annoying.

[nerdperson777]

I was trying to get my prescription refilled but then it said that I was out of refills.  I don't see the doctor until Wednesday.  I was hoping to get it switched to Tuesday so I wouldn't have to miss work two days in a row.  I'm already working home Tuesday because of my first physical therapy appointment.  I forgot that I had the appointment on Wednesday.  I also can't switch my physical therapy appointment because they just happen to not be open on Wednesdays.  So I'm going to be a few days late on my shot due to a circumstance out of my control.  I was supposed to have my blood test around 3/6, but I was healing up from my surgery and was dependent on my dad for transportation.  The day I would've gotten blood drawn would've been a few days after surgery, when I'd still be in a lot of pain.  So I ended up doing that late.  And that is going to postpone my prescription refill.  I think I'll ask if I can get a one-time prescription for gel or patch for these kinds of situations in the future, if I don't switch from injections to them.  Augh, this is a pain.

[SkyWorld]

Pre-T, I kind of gave it a pass when people would call me a “girl”, “she”, whatever, because I knew I didn’t pass.

 

And now, I noticed how strangers would avoid calling me either words associated with women or men.

 

And yet, someone I know and they know me to be trans would misgender me as a “girl”, I just feel really hurt. Maybe it was a slip, and I haven’t really been one to correct people, but it just hurts even more than it did before. Obviously other people are starting to see it, why can’t you? I just feel betrayed and disrespected, even though I know it was probably an honest mistake. Maybe... but it still really hurts because I’m trying to hard and then it’s like a slap in the face.

[Neutral nerd]

This happened earlier this week, and I'm just really disappointed in my brother. He's really narcissistic and never accepts other points of view. 

My brother(1): blah blah your a girl (or something like that)

Me(2): could you please not call me a girl/woman?

1:but you are a girl. You have the physical parts of a women, and you are not a guy. 

2: dude, just don't call me a girl 

1: I can call you a girl, that's what you are. 

It basically continued like this and I got really annoyed and left. Later I told me mom to keep my brother from calling me a girl, she got really pissed off at him and he's just like "fine, whatever". He didn't (and still doesn't) understand that I feel differently from his cis hetero male self, and wasn't willing to listen to me explaining my frustration. 

[PixleyDust✨]

6 hours ago, Neutral nerd said:

This happened earlier this week, and I'm just really disappointed in my brother. He's really narcissistic and never accepts other points of view. 

My brother(1): blah blah your a girl (or something like that)

Me(2): could you please not call me a girl/woman?

1:but you are a girl. You have the physical parts of a women, and you are not a guy. 

2: dude, just don't call me a girl 

1: I can call you a girl, that's what you are. 

It basically continued like this and I got really annoyed and left. Later I told me mom to keep my brother from calling me a girl, she got really pissed off at him and he's just like "fine, whatever". He didn't (and still doesn't) understand that I feel differently from his cis hetero male self, and wasn't willing to listen to me explaining my frustration. 

Sounds like he’s scared and confused, and like my little brother, would rather react and get angry than risk being vulnerable and honest about his feelings. I think it’s a control thing, like any big life change makes them feel powerless, and being aggressive gives them a sense of control over the situation. 

 

But yeah, doesn’t excuse him being a jerk though. I understand the frustration of dealing with the emotional constipation of family members. Too many times to count how often my brothers and father annoyed, ANGERED or even hurt me with that crap. Ugh. 🙄

 

At least, you have a community that’s a bit more accepting, if not like-minded here on AVEN. ❤️

[Neutral nerd]

Yeah, I actually have a lot of open-minded people around me. Probably some of the reason I am the way I am right now  My family's Mormon, but my mom is really nonjudgmental and firmly and openly believes relationship choices to lie solely in the hands of the people they effect. I actually have another brother who's ace and on AVEN. Don't know his account though, it's a mystery  0w0

[Mezzo Forte]

21 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Pre-T, I kind of gave it a pass when people would call me a “girl”, “she”, whatever, because I knew I didn’t pass.

 

And now, I noticed how strangers would avoid calling me either words associated with women or men.

 

And yet, someone I know and they know me to be trans would misgender me as a “girl”, I just feel really hurt. Maybe it was a slip, and I haven’t really been one to correct people, but it just hurts even more than it did before. Obviously other people are starting to see it, why can’t you? I just feel betrayed and disrespected, even though I know it was probably an honest mistake. Maybe... but it still really hurts because I’m trying to hard and then it’s like a slap in the face.

I remember experiencing all of that. The ways people avoided gendering me. The slowly disappearing patience for "she" and "girl." I only spent a very brief time looking particularly ambiguous, and I'm able to take getting gendered correctly basically for granted now, but I remember how all that felt. Some people are slower than others about readjusting to pronouns/gendering, and it's frustrating to see people be so slow to adjust. Over time though, most of them will adjust, and it will become second-nature for them to call you they/he. You're moving in the right direction if you ask me. You've got this.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

23 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Pre-T, I kind of gave it a pass when people would call me a “girl”, “she”, whatever, because I knew I didn’t pass.

 

And now, I noticed how strangers would avoid calling me either words associated with women or men.

 

And yet, someone I know and they know me to be trans would misgender me as a “girl”, I just feel really hurt. Maybe it was a slip, and I haven’t really been one to correct people, but it just hurts even more than it did before. Obviously other people are starting to see it, why can’t you? I just feel betrayed and disrespected, even though I know it was probably an honest mistake. Maybe... but it still really hurts because I’m trying to hard and then it’s like a slap in the face.

Being permanently Pre-E and seemingly permanently A-for-Androgynous, I get that, too. I guess deep down inside, I know that's the price one pays, but it still feels like taking a sip from a glass of hemlock every time it happens.  Even being immune to that poison, it still feels like venom.

 

I just woke up from a mild nightmare about something like this. It was about meeting people from high school at a sort of class reunion. Even though I was successful in my own business for a lot of years, and even though I'm a successful engineer now, because I'm not there with anyone and because how I look, the only interaction I have is consoling people (come to think of it, they were all women) who have medical problems, I guess because they've heard about my brushes with death.

 

But then a really famous and masculine alumni enters the area, and suddenly?

 

I'm alone with my cup of hemlock again.

[Destan]

[Deleted]

[nerdperson777]

9 hours ago, Rynar said:

I've posted here before that my mom has accepted me after I came out, atleast I thought she did but yeah things are back to square one :/

 

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This year my parents want to go on a family trip and since we're going to meet acquaintances and on vacation in another country. they want me to dress up as a girl (just skirts and dresses) and grow my hair out because they don't want strangers ask ing if I'm their son/daughter. Even more worse, yesterday I had to cut my hair (it was blocking my sight) and my dad complained if I wanted shorter than I already had then I should become a guy and wear guy clothes. that was actually a bad argument since I'm already like that but he doesn't notice/know that. 

 

my mom was like 'you better be like a girl by the time we go on vacation. I'm gonna buy dresses for you too so you must wear them. I don't want people think I have a son or that my daughter is like a son, that's a disgrace!'

she protested too when I said I wanted my hair shorter because I'll look more like a guy. She threatened that if I wanted it shorter so bad I should shave off my hair and become bald. 

I'm already enduring that they still call their daughter and stuff. why still make me suffer more than usual? things were getting better but now back to square one.  

 

 

 

 

 

I've totally gotten that, but not to the extent of "I buy you skirts/dresses, you wear them."  When I cut my hair, and it was getting shorter and shorter with each cut, she did ask if I was planning to be bald.  Heck no.  I know that being bald would make it that much harder to pass.

 

Yesterday was my nun aunt's last night before going back to the monastery.  I was in the middle of a game and my mom said that we should go.  I said dad didn't mention any names as to who, so I didn't think it included me.  He probably thought he could guilt me by saying that he would tell everyone that I (using my birth name and she) thought it was more important to play games.  I didn't really care.  I just kept playing.  Then mom made me go as an obligation to relatives.  I told her that when I move out, I won't see anyone when they visit.  There really is no reason for me to.  They've made the assumption that one is obligated to do things for relatives just because they're family.  I don't feel connected to my family.  Just because you're family doesn't mean I enjoy your presence.  If I enjoy, I enjoy.  There's no assumption.  Especially with my nosy ableist cousin who visited the previous week.  My mom was making all the excuses about my T causing me "bad" acne.  I don't tend to believe her when she says that because growing up, she acted like acne was completely in my control and any amount is me "destroying [my] beautiful face".  No, I think the reason why I've been getting acne the past week was because of relatives visiting.  My parents basically didn't want me to be out.  And I'm sure we're going backwards again.  With relatives around, they have been affirming my birth name and female pronouns when talking about or referring to me.

 

A friend came over last night so we could go out for refreshing drinks.  She thought my dad was the one who answered the door but it was my uncle who was living with us.  She had to say that she was looking for my birth name.  Then my parents shouted that name loudly to me upstairs.  That really stung.  They could've at least called for me by my nickname.  This just really shows to me that I don't have any obligation to do anything for anyone who doesn't respect my identity.  Family has never meant anything to me.  There's no positive thing I can associate with family.  It's about the individual person to me.  I don't owe respect to anyone who doesn't respect me.

[Renamon]

Hi all, newbie (to the forums) trans lady here.

 

Most days I am pretty darn sure of my gender identity, but I still struggle sometimes.

 

I think... one big problem is, like... clothing is confusing? I like wearing skirts but oh gosh, jeans have pockets. Hoddies are just... weirdly comfy for me. They make me feel safe. And lots of more feminine clothing is really involved in its fitting, use, and care. T-shirts and jeans are easy, ya know? And I get to have pictures of my favorite characters on t-shirts!

[Destan]

[Deleted]

[nerdperson777]

My main reason is that my parents didn't give me much of a childhood to remember, and I was pretty isolated.  I didn't really have friends to give me a second opinion.  My childhood really just had my parents and I would see the local uncle's family when there were gatherings.  My other uncle, his family lives out of state so they don't really know how the rest of us usually are.  They are still constantly overstepping boundaries.  Yesterday, my dad was recommended to fill the house with vinegar to disinfect.  So our house just had this extremely strong scent of vinegar for several hours.  My dad and his brother were leaving right as I got home so they left me with a house that smells of vinegar.

 

Sometimes I wonder, my relatives can totally see that I look like a boy, in fact, a younger version of the cousin closest in age to me.  I even sound like the current him.  I pass really well.  Why don't they ask me anything about it?  I have to be the one that initiates that conversation if I want to stop being called the wrong pronouns then?  They all know I'm shy too so I wouldn't be an instigator.  I'm sure they've all noticed my voice drop too.  Last night, I probably just brought in my gay voice when I passed the time talking to that closest cousin about the old gaming days at a group we were in.  I probably just still sounded like I was recovering from my cough.

 

Actually, last year, I just happened to be in the same area as my far away uncle's family for a competition so I needed their help getting around.  His oldest daughter, my cousin, has a baby boy, who was about a year old last year.  I just pretended that whenever she said he to refer to the baby, I considered it to refer to myself to make myself feel better.  She called me the baby's aunt and my brain was just "no".

 

Perhaps your friend was feeling hesitant around her friends.  I'm comparing it to how my parents affirm me in having a female identity when relatives are around.  I'm not any more female than when they're not around.  I once worked at this one place, but they had my legal name so when I wanted to be called something else, they were fine.  But when someone familiar to them is around, they tend to screw up pronouns more, even if there's no reason they should suspect I'm trans by how well I pass.

[nerdperson777]

Finally got my prescription refilled.  I think the medical assistant at the doctor's was new.  The automated phone call that reminded me of my appointment said to bring in any papers for any hospital stays so I brought in some paper that mentioned my knee surgery.  I let them make a copy of it for their records.  That medical assistant called the name on the paper, my birth name, to call me into the back.  I feel like she should know, working in a trans clinic, that most people don't like using their birth name?  I asked for a more needles and when I injected last night, I found out that I was given 21G instead of 25G.  I didn't have other needles, except the 23G from the needles I got from the doctor's other location, which I didn't like their syringes.  So I injected myself with the 21G and I probably did it wrong.  It hurt and I probably didn't even go that deep into my skin so the T leaked out.  This morning I noticed there was a blood spot going through my bandage.  Yep, definitely did it wrong.  My guess is that the clueless medical assistant gave me the 21G.  I might have to just use the 23G from the other syringes, even though they're meant for IM.

[vmdraco]

I can't tell you how many times I considered coming out on social media.

 

I guess the question is "why?" when it's just Facebook, but it feels like I'm lying the longer I don't come out.  I'm only out to a handful of people, and it gets harder and harder every day.  Not that any misgendering or general nonsense that I receive wouldn't pop up again when I do, but it would be freeing to just... let it go, you know?  I use they/them there because seeing she/her hurts too much, but people still misgender me because they don't know, and it just feels like I'm wearing a mask for them to see.  I don't know...

 

I know I have to come to a place in my life where I'm not afraid of that, and I'm just not strong enough in the now.  As a result tho it's just... it's hard, it's hard to wait around and develop a thicker skin to handle hurtful comments.  I know that's something that I struggled with for a long time, and still do.

 

Sometimes I just wanna bite the bullet and do it, but goddamnit my brain won't let me, it's protecting me from being hurt but I wonder if it's really helping

[PixleyDust✨]

@vmdraco

 

I think coming out on Facebook is a great idea. You’ll know for sure who you your true friends are.

 

But I understand the desire to just express yourself once and for all, only for something to pull you back at the very last second. This is giant news for you, and it’s safe to say that I don’t know your situation.

 

What I do know is, that we’ll always have your back on here. 😊

[vmdraco]

1 hour ago, Pixley said:

@vmdraco

 

I think coming out on Facebook is a great idea. You’ll know for sure who you your true friends are.

 

But I understand the desire to just express yourself once and for all, only for something to pull you back at the very last second. This is giant news for you, and it’s safe to say that I don’t know your situation.

 

What I do know is, that we’ll always have your back on here. 😊

Thank you... that means a lot.  

 

"you'll know who your true friends are" oh my god ABSOLUTELY, that's what's so terrifying!  Some might surprise you in good and bad ways, but others will be predictable.  

 

I don't plan to come out right now, I honestly feel that I need to build myself up before someone can try to knock me down.  I'm still in the phase where transphobic comments make me rethink everything about myself, instead of having the confidence to stay fuck you.  It's been almost two yeas since I came out to my close friends and main family so I'm still really struggling with it all.  I really need to be strong for that sort of thing, I can't get knocked down so easily.  Sigh.  

[PixleyDust✨]

2 hours ago, vmdraco said:

Thank you... that means a lot.  

 

"you'll know who your true friends are" oh my god ABSOLUTELY, that's what's so terrifying!  Some might surprise you in good and bad ways, but others will be predictable.  

 

I don't plan to come out right now, I honestly feel that I need to build myself up before someone can try to knock me down.  I'm still in the phase where transphobic comments make me rethink everything about myself, instead of having the confidence to stay fuck you.  It's been almost two yeas since I came out to my close friends and main family so I'm still really struggling with it all.  I really need to be strong for that sort of thing, I can't get knocked down so easily.  Sigh.  

Say no more, I TOTALLY get it. I used to be in that stage with my asexuality, but now if someone doubts it, especially in a way that's supposed to be hurtful, I have no problem just saying something like "Oh. Ow. OW. While you're at it, make fun of me for breathing oxygen. Or for being 5'5." It honestly doesn't even make me mad, it just seems hilariously pathetic to me. Like, it says a lot more about you dude then it does about me, you know that right?  

Or when I tell my friends that I'm a virgin and am fine with being so, and they tell me not to grow up to be one of those single cat ladies, I can say, "Oh I will. JUST YOU WATCH." or "How did you know about my retirement plan?" They totally got a kick out of it AND I was able to address something toxic. It was a pretty awesome feeling.

But yeah, my gender identity though. I'm still in a weird place too. I actually posted about being genderfluid on Facebook for National Coming Out Day this past fall, but I kind of knew my family would have NO idea what that was, would Google it, or even ask me about it, so I only "kind of" came out. Kinda feel like I defeated the purpose of that holiday to be honest. Ugh.

Oh well. Maybe someday I'll work up the courage to tell my family:

"I'm not trans, but I am genderfluid." 

*proceeds to open up elaborate powerpoint explaining the differences between genderfluid and transgender*

"Okay, everybody, needs to save their questions for AFTER the presentation. THANK YOU." 

So yeah, learn from me and wait until you're ready, or else it's just going to seem like a hollow victory. 

[Neutral nerd]

10 hours ago, vmdraco said:

I can't tell you how many times I considered coming out on social media.

 

I guess the question is "why?" when it's just Facebook, but it feels like I'm lying the longer I don't come out.  I'm only out to a handful of people, and it gets harder and harder every day.  Not that any misgendering or general nonsense that I receive wouldn't pop up again when I do, but it would be freeing to just... let it go, you know?  I use they/them there because seeing she/her hurts too much, but people still misgender me because they don't know, and it just feels like I'm wearing a mask for them to see.  I don't know...

 

I know I have to come to a place in my life where I'm not afraid of that, and I'm just not strong enough in the now.  As a result tho it's just... it's hard, it's hard to wait around and develop a thicker skin to handle hurtful comments.  I know that's something that I struggled with for a long time, and still do.

 

Sometimes I just wanna bite the bullet and do it, but goddamnit my brain won't let me, it's protecting me from being hurt but I wonder if it's really helping

Maybe send direct messages to people who mess up your pronouns, so it doesn't feel quite so massive? I myself never use Facebook except for PMing. 

[vmdraco]

5 hours ago, Neutral nerd said:

Maybe send direct messages to people who mess up your pronouns, so it doesn't feel quite so massive? I myself never use Facebook except for PMing. 

Hmm that could come into play once I'm out, and as reminders to those that are supportive.  Though I do plan to change the pronouns on my page so that it'll be like "Vic uploaded a photo to his photo album" or something.  I'm not sure how that can be more direct lol if people misgender me it'll be done on purpose.

[Emery.]

11 hours ago, Pixley said:

Or when I tell my friends that I'm a virgin

Ummm... why do you discuss such things with anyone?  How is it anyone's business if you are a virgin or not?  That is a creepy (too intimate / intrusive) question actually. 

[nerdperson777]

My parents and my uncle's family went to visit our ancestors' tombstones for some weird tradition thing.  It's tradition to visit on some day during this time based on the lunar calendar.  Before visiting the tombstone of my grandfather, his two wives, and my baby aunt (only lived 6 months), we stopped by the cemetery main office to use the bathroom.  Mom told me that I shouldn't use the male bathroom because my uncle or the other members of the family will question it.  The more I hear my mom regarding my gender, the more I'm seeing her regress in her acceptance.  I refused to use the female bathroom.  Dad said that it was fine before we both walked into the male bathroom.  My uncle's family used a bathroom on the other side of the building so they didn't see me but mom's comment really stung.