Trans Musings & Rantings

[ChillaKilla]

If you wanted another language to do it in, you could use Mandarin @Starbogen  They’re really easy phrases to say, if you just look up the phonetics of Mandarin and have a basic grasp on tones. If you’re not interested, then anyone else here who wants to use these can  

I am a man- Wǒ shì nánzi。

I am not a woman- Wǒ búshì nǚzi。

I’m not your daughter- Wǒ búshì nǐ(men*) de nǚ‘ér。**

I am your son- Wǒ shì nǐ(men*) de érzi。

 

*- the “men” suffix indicates plural, so if it’s one of them saying that you’re their daughter you’d just drop it

**- the pronunciation of ü with tone 3 can be kinda hard so I provided “I’m your son” instead

[Toothlesss]

...

Edited November 12, 2017 by Toothlesss
off topic?

[Lord Pocky]

16 hours ago, The-world-is-quiet-here said:

You know that saying, “do no harm but take no shit”? I’ve decided I’m going to start correcting people- out loud!- when they misgender me. And I finally changed my pronouns on facebook, so I’m proud about that.  

Proud of ya m8! Just be careful and try not to sound snotty when correcting folks (that can happen to some people, I don't know why) also kudos to changing your pronouns!

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

@The-world-is-quiet-here Congrats!!! I hope you get a good reaction from the people you correct.

 

@ChillaKilla It's so awkward, I really wanted to learn Cantonese and maybe Mandarin but all my goal-driven work outside of uni tends to last about a week before my interests have changed now I'm onto chemistry for biologists and wanting to learn genomics and stuff. I always put this down to being ND. But off topic.

 

Meh. I'm feeling more agender today which is weird because dysphoria is coming and going from one day to another and it's confusing. Only a few days ago I was thinking to myself whether I'm just plain neutrois, and now I'm back to not caring about gender I can barely remember having one.

[nerdperson777]

I don't think I'm getting any better at this STP thing.  Last night I managed to get pee on my socks.

 

Also, I decided to get a massage today.  The massage I'm getting says that I'm only wearing underwear.  I'm thinking that I shouldn't pack because it's hard to do that in boxer briefs.  (When I tried, it was just uncomfortably fumbling around in there.)  And as for my chest, I'm not sure if I can just pass it off as a guy with moobs.  I only look flat enough when I raise hands above my head.

...Wow, I think this is the first time anyone besides my parents would see me shirtless.  (And my parents would've only seen when I was preteen or younger.)

[Was here]

Found a youtuber recently, his avatar wear a bow, and he was kind of touchy with the subject that he wasn't trans and that he's "okay with his masculinity". I don't want to look like an SJW, but it pisses me off how apparently only non-binary people can look ambiguous or present in different ways, but a lot of people still don't get it. being a feminine guy isn't bad. being a masculine girl inst bad. being male/female and presenting as feminine/masculine/ambiguous isn't bad. I honestly wish people would stop giving a fuck and just do whatever they want without getting the question "why do you look like a ___?" " why does your avatar look like a ____ and/or look like a ____?" why do you act ___? "are you transgender?" "are you gay?" "are you a lesbian?". How they act or represent themselves doesn't always have to do with gender and sexuality. 

[Starbogen]

Apparently when I was little, like a toddler, I used to get really close to my dad's face and say that we were the same. 

I don't actually remember doing this but I remember my parents mentioning it enough throughout my life that it seems like it was something I did quite a lot back then. I never thought anything of it but last night I randomly remembered it and now I wonder how exactly baby-me meant that comment about being "the same" as my dad. 

[Light02]

Something happened today which I think counts as harassment? That's not the point of the story, though. What happened was, as I was walking down the street two guys randomly said: "Miss, do you know where Bulgaria is?" and started laughing (despite that being one of the most confusing and unfunny things I've ever heard). The problem is, I probably would not have cared at all about those random jackasses, would have forgotten about this and I it wouldn't have affected me if they hadn't called me "miss". It was incredibly upsetting and embarrassing. I don't know if I've already talked about this here before but ever since I turned 18 (so, about a year ago), almost immediately people started calling me "miss" and reffering to me as a "woman". It's genuinely one of the worst feelings ever. Sometimes I get angry about it and want to punch that person in the face (even though, rationally, I understand there's no way for them to know), other times it makes me want to cry. I thought words like these wouldn't affect me that much because I've never been really dysphoric about being called a girl, perhaps because I always had this sense of "a girl is not really a woman, at least not fully yet, it's more like "half" a woman. One time my dad reffered to me as a woman to one of his colleagues and I said: "I'm not a woman!", my dad asked: "What are you then?" and I covered it up by saying: "I'm too young, I'm still a girl."

[Emery.]

3 hours ago, Dan99 said:

Found a youtuber recently, his avatar wear a bow, and he was kind of touchy with the subject that he wasn't trans and that he's "okay with his masculinity". I don't want to look like an SJW, but it pisses me off how apparently only non-binary people can look ambiguous or present in different ways, but a lot of people still don't get it. being a feminine guy isn't bad. being a masculine girl inst bad. being male/female and presenting as feminine/masculine/ambiguous isn't bad. I honestly wish people would stop giving a fuck and just do whatever they want without getting the question "why do you look like a ___?" " why does your avatar look like a ____ and/or look like a ____?" why do you act ___? "are you transgender?" "are you gay?" "are you a lesbian?". How they act or represent themselves doesn't always have to do with gender and sexuality. 

I seriously never ever got asked any of those, and I wish I was.

[Lirpaderp]

6 hours ago, Light02 said:

Something happened today which I think counts as harassment? That's not the point of the story, though. What happened was, as I was walking down the street two guys randomly said: "Miss, do you know where Bulgaria is?" and started laughing (despite that being one of the most confusing and unfunny things I've ever heard). The problem is, I probably would not have cared at all about those random jackasses, would have forgotten about this and I it wouldn't have affected me if they hadn't called me "miss". It was incredibly upsetting and embarrassing. I don't know if I've already talked about this here before but ever since I turned 18 (so, about a year ago), almost immediately people started calling me "miss" and reffering to me as a "woman". It's genuinely one of the worst feelings ever. Sometimes I get angry about it and want to punch that person in the face (even though, rationally, I understand there's no way for them to know), other times it makes me want to cry. I thought words like these wouldn't affect me that much because I've never been really dysphoric about being called a girl, perhaps because I always had this sense of "a girl is not really a woman, at least not fully yet, it's more like "half" a woman. One time my dad reffered to me as a woman to one of his colleagues and I said: "I'm not a woman!", my dad asked: "What are you then?" and I covered it up by saying: "I'm too young, I'm still a girl."

Holy crap! The same thing happens to me and I hate it. For a few years now I've known I'm not a girl. My attitude's been uncaring about it (except for hatred of my chest, but that hated has been there since it developed). I thought I didn't really care about it and that it doesn't matter at all. It's only within the past year (I'm 19) that it's put me over the edge. Being called a woman makes me feel like I'm going to vomit sometimes. Other times it just feels wrong. My aunt called me a woman and I cringed and blamed it on not wanting to grow up. That plus how wonderful it feels to be called he is what made me snap. I'm still not out, but a few friends know and call me he and it's such a great feeling. The more they call me he, the less I can tolerate she

[Kimmie.]

On 2017-11-12 at 12:21 AM, Starbogen said:

So my Swedish still leaves a lot to be desired, I'm still very much a beginner... but I've taken to saying "that's not my name" in Swedish everytime my parents call me my birthname. And also "I'm not your 'daughter'", "I'm not a woman", "I'm a boy", "I'm a man".

 

So those are sentences I'm an expert at :/

I say it too quietly for anyone to hear but even if they caught it they wouldn't know what I was saying.

Keep fighting Sooner or later you will be able to do it.

 

Du är en /kille/man.

[Starbogen]

6 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

Keep fighting Sooner or later you will be able to do it.

 

Du är en /kille/man.

Tack!

[Kimmie.]

11 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

Tack!

Where in Sweden are you by the way?

[Starbogen]

46 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

Where in Sweden are you by the way?

I'm going to Skåne.

[Kimmie.]

36 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

I'm going to Skåne.

Okay is it for studying? So is it Malmö more specifically then?

 

Hoppas du kommer att trivas. Det är rätt så mörkt så här års.

[Starbogen]

43 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

Okay is it for studying? So is it Malmö more specifically then?

 

Hoppas du kommer att trivas. Det är rätt så mörkt så här års.

No I'm going to visit my best friend/SO. Thanks!

[ChillaKilla]

I have a good friend in Norway... I wonder how she’s doing right now?

[Elden]

I just ordered a new passport and had to misgender myself and use my birth name.  I suppose on the positive side, all this dysphoria is further evidence that transition really is right for me.

[Starbogen]

How I wish I could just use the freaking urinal.

[vmdraco]

Spoiler

 

One of the few hairs I can grow naturally on my chin has fallen out.  RIP, chin hair, you will be missed.  Half an inch is all my body can do apparently.

[nerdperson777]

6 hours ago, Starbogen said:

How I wish I could just use the freaking urinal.

I'm still getting pee all over myself.  It's hard.  I'm starting to wonder if I need one of those wide cupped ones because I spray a little.

 

5 hours ago, vmdraco said:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

One of the few hairs I can grow naturally on my chin has fallen out.  RIP, chin hair, you will be missed.  Half an inch is all my body can do apparently.

I have one random long nipple hair.  It has grown back a few times.  The first time, it disappeared and came back, like really it poofed away and back.  The second and third time I accidentally pulled it out.  This is the first time it's grown back while I'm on T.  I think my hair is the same length.

 

Being at the massage place made me really self-conscious about my chest, so either I need to work it off or get top surgery.

[Starbogen]

27 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I'm still getting pee all over myself.  It's hard.  I'm starting to wonder if I need one of those wide cupped ones because I spray a little.

I get you, dude... I don't have an STP but I don't sit down to pee, so inevitably I get a bit splashed on the back of my legs sometimes. Just one of those parts of life ;n;

 

6 hours ago, vmdraco said:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

One of the few hairs I can grow naturally on my chin has fallen out.  RIP, chin hair, you will be missed.  Half an inch is all my body can do apparently.

Don't worry, I'm sure it'll grow back. I also have a few half inch long chin hairs and they always come back.

 

I actually kinda wish that when I get full facial hair that would be about as long as it got. I like nice short and trim beards, kinda like stubble lookings beards... I don't think I'll ever want to try out a super full and long kind of beard.

[nerdperson777]

18 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

I like nice short and trim beards, kinda like stubble lookings beards...

I think that would be what my dad has.  He has a stubble mustache and goatee and since he doesn't work anymore, I can tell when he hasn't shaved.  Meanwhile, I think my boss can grow a full beard within a couple days.

[Was here]

I'm starting to worry that I only think I'm trans because it's all a fantasy to deal with pain and my low self esteem. sure, I wish I had guy parts for sexual reasons, but I don't need that. I can ignore the instinct to....you know. Right now I'm worrying more about my mental health than gender issues.

[Emery.]

2 hours ago, Dan99 said:

I'm starting to worry that I only think I'm trans because it's all a fantasy to deal with pain and my low self esteem. sure, I wish I had guy parts for sexual reasons, but I don't need that. I can ignore the instinct to....you know. Right now I'm worrying more about my mental health than gender issues.

Have you looked for a therapist? With my unprofessional eye, you may have anxiety disorder. It means that you worry about everything way too much and overthink. I'm sorry dude, you question yourself too much for that to be normal or healthy. Why do you need to beat yourself up like that? You don't deserve it. It's a pity to look at you do that, harm yourself like this. 

[Mezzo Forte]

23 hours ago, vmdraco said:

One of the few hairs I can grow naturally on my chin has fallen out.  RIP, chin hair, you will be missed.  Half an inch is all my body can do apparently.

I react the same way when I accidentally pull out my facial hair. In loving memory.

[Mezzo Forte]

Ugh, guess with all the really cool trans stuff my alma mater's been doing, at least one stinker was inevitable. I ended up sitting through a rather painful attempt at summarizing trans people in history that came off as nervous, excessively cautious, yet woefully unprepared and uninformative. My good friend and I ranted about it for quite some time after we left, but it's not even worth ranting about on here. Such a shame too, because especially after that one presentation on the Publick Universal Friend, I got my hopes up for this one. (Which btw, didn't mention the Universal Friend at all despite trying to give some focus on indigenous North Americans.)

[Was here]

10 minutes ago, Emery. said:

Have you looked for a therapist? With my unprofessional eye, you may have anxiety disorder. It means that you worry about everything way too much and overthink. I'm sorry dude, you question yourself too much for that to be normal or healthy. Why do you need to beat yourself up like that? You don't deserve it. It's a pity to look at you do that, harm yourself like this. 

I know I have some sort of anxiety disorder because I'm constantly thinking about the smallest things that stress me out, imagine bad situations, worry a lot, everything.

 

I beat myself up a lot over thinking I'm trans because it feels wrong, like I feel bad that I'm different and that I want don't want to be a girl all the time. I worry that my 'dysphoria' is just a normal girl thing. I'm afraid of people leaving me because of it or not taking me seriously, and/or I'm afraid it'll hurt someone somehow.. I've always hated my body after puberty, but right now I feel like it doesn't really matter and that I should deal with it. I'm afraid of coming out if I could ever transition, like it'd be weird to talk to my friend online and just say "Hey, I'm a guy now". I wouldn't say esactly that..probably, but it seems awkward and weird. If I set my profile image to a trans flag, I'm afraid o that getting questions too, because I know I'd get really nervous if someone asked me about it. I can't tell my parents about it because they wouldn't believe me and my mom would say it's OCD and I don't have the confidence to talk about it anyway. I'm too shy to talk to a therapist too, and everything I say is always missing something that I actually meant differently and don't realize until a while after I say it. Everything I say about something important is awkward, like I have no idea how to start it. plus

Spoiler

 

 

[Emery.]

2 hours ago, Dan99 said:

I worry that my 'dysphoria' is just a normal girl thing. 

But who cares?

2 hours ago, Dan99 said:

I'm afraid of people leaving me

Understandable. But are they real friends if they would leave you?

 

2 hours ago, Dan99 said:

or not taking me seriously

 That would make them awful people. 

 

2 hours ago, Dan99 said:

I'm afraid it'll hurt someone somehow

You can't make everybody happy.

 

2 hours ago, Dan99 said:

I'm afraid of coming out if I could ever transition, like it'd be weird to talk to my friend online and just say "Hey, I'm a guy now"

Yes, it is awkward... but you will get over it. 

 

As for parents... not all parents are understanding. I'm sorry yours are not. *hug*

 

If gender isn't your sole issue but your attitude, then you probably should be learn the approach that is better for you from a therapist without mentioning your gender issues. At least IMO it would make sense. I'm just a random someone on the net...

[Alex the Queer]

ughhh I’m starting to question my sexuality again and it’s stressin me out. wtf would y’all call it if you’re definitely physically and romantically attracted to girls and enbies, and find yourself attracted to guys at least outwardly, but would never want to be romantically involved with or have sex with one, and also happen to be v dick-repulsed??? bout to just fill in the blank for my sexuality as ‘a mess’ or ‘i give the fuck up’. like it’s sorta poly but not quite, and also sorta pan but not quite, and also sort of gynephilia/sexual but not quite bc while I’m primarily attracted to females/feminine ppl, i can also be extremely attracted to masculine qualities