Trans Musings & Rantings

[DolphinLover22]

4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I have heard over the years that Mulan's Reflection is a great representation of the AFAB trans experience.  I actually thought to record myself singing it in my different pitches.  "I will never pass for a perfect bride" would be in my bass-baritone pitch, because I'm totally not going to pass as a girl with that deep of a voice.  "Who is that girl I see" and on will be in a passing "female" pitch, which would probably be mezzo soprano?  I'm trained in music but not voice so I don't really know.

 

I also saw one post someone made: "If you're a trans man and you loved Mulan as a child, Shang successfully made a man out of you."  I'm not a man, but I'm masculine enough that it is true.  I liked Mulan and Tarzan and watched both of them so many times.  Mulan probably does take the top spot because I'm also Chinese.  In a Disney type setting, I never thought to be the princess to be rescued.  I wanted to be the prince hero guy who saved the girl, and then give the girl to some guy who would actually be attracted to her.  That says a lot about my gender and lack of sexuality.  Who wouldn't want to masquerade as a guy and fight in a war?  I guess little shy me would not have the guts to do it, but I liked the idea

 

The first time I cut my hair, I had to go to a cousin's wedding within the month.  One relative said I looked like a boy.  That cousin said that I looked like a tomboy.  I guess she wanted to affirm the assumably cis me that she wouldn't insult me by calling me a guy.

Lol I love it! XD you could totally sing it and post it/send it to me! I also studied music for a couple years 😊 Also, I love that quote 😝 he made a man out of me 😂

[nerdperson777]

On 12/19/2019 at 10:13 PM, DolphinLover22 said:

Lol I love it! XD you could totally sing it and post it/send it to me! I also studied music for a couple years 😊 Also, I love that quote 😝 he made a man out of me 😂

Sure, I can probably do it within the next week, since my roommates are gone for the week.

[Starbogen]

So something that happened today that really shows how far my family, my dad in particular, has come recently in genuinely being more accepting is that we were out eating and at one point I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, and my brother also went to show me how the drying machine worked cause it was a different type than I'm used to and I could not figure it out to save my life... and then my dad also went in to wash his hands, and all three of us were just in the men's room laughing at the machine and there was absolutely no comment or odd look or anything about me being there.

 

And up until basically a month ago I was genuinely worried about my dad finding out that I use men's bathrooms so I would always avoid going if he was around. But yeah it was just a silly moment but I'm actually really impressed by how much he's changed. He might not actually think of me as male personally, but now at least he's caring about my feelings and doing his honest best to respect me and have more of a "live and let live" attitude even if he doesn't quite understand the way I am. That's definitely a huge progress for him and something I can live with. 

[nerdperson777]

14 hours ago, Starbogen said:

So something that happened today that really shows how far my family, my dad in particular, has come recently in genuinely being more accepting is that we were out eating and at one point I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, and my brother also went to show me how the drying machine worked cause it was a different type than I'm used to and I could not figure it out to save my life... and then my dad also went in to wash his hands, and all three of us were just in the men's room laughing at the machine and there was absolutely no comment or odd look or anything about me being there.

 

And up until basically a month ago I was genuinely worried about my dad finding out that I use men's bathrooms so I would always avoid going if he was around. But yeah it was just a silly moment but I'm actually really impressed by how much he's changed. He might not actually think of me as male personally, but now at least he's caring about my feelings and doing his honest best to respect me and have more of a "live and let live" attitude even if he doesn't quite understand the way I am. That's definitely a huge progress for him and something I can live with. 

I think my dad did the bathroom thing once.  We were out with relatives and we stopped by a familiar place for the bathroom.  I was the last one to get out of the car so I would have to wait, but I didn't mind, as I have always had a strong bladder.  Seeing a huge line of people, one of the workers there directed my parents and I to the other side, which we never knew had another set of bathrooms, even after all these years.  My mom begged me to use the female bathroom, in case our relatives came that way.  My dad said it didn't matter and I went with him the male bathroom.  I don't know if he was being accepting (unlikely), or just wanted to keep the suspicion down, because arguing about it on the way to the bathroom would get more suspicion than anything.

[Starbogen]

On 12/19/2019 at 9:24 PM, nerdperson777 said:

 

I also saw one post someone made: "If you're a trans man and you loved Mulan as a child, Shang successfully made a man out of you."

I love this XD

 

And yeah @DolphinLover22 lots of if not most young transmen have felt that connection to Mulan, that scene/song in particular.

 

I actually talked about it with my dad recently, the day he decided to be more supportive, and he loves Mulan and always gets really emotional about it because of the parent-child relationship aspect of the movie. That day there was a really rough situation that my family thought I handled really well and while talking about Mulan that night my dad basically said I brought honor to the family. I still remember when he told me he was ashamed of me a few years ago, because he found out I went by a male name at uni, so to hear him say that now was crazy.

I told him I always related to Mulan as a kid but that while she was perfectly happy to take off the men's clothes when she got home I would have just wanted to keep living as a guy forever XD

[DolphinLover22]

I just need to rant to someone... I finally came out to my family as trans, and my mom basically told me that there's no way our relationship is going to work out because she can't accept that I'm a guy... She just kept saying I'm "confused" and that Satan is leading me astray blah blah blah... I then sent her a super duper long text explaining my life long challenge of living as a boy in a girl's body, and she just replied, "I wish you didn't feel that way. I always wanted you to be more feminine because you are a girl. I'm sorry if that hurts you. Because I can't accept that you're a guy. It goes against everything I believe. I feel like my world shifted today." I'M THE SAME FREAKING PERSON MOM!!!! Ugh! I just wish she'd understand... Also, because I came out, my sister finally decided that they could come out too. They're non binary. But my mom really has no idea what that means, so she basically just ignored them and started telling me about how heart broken she is because of me... I'm kinda happy that she's not acting like that to my sister, but at the same time, they deserve to be understood too... I'm just done with interacting with my mom right now...🙄🙄

[Sarah-Sylvia]

5 minutes ago, DolphinLover22 said:

I just need to rant to someone... I finally came out to my family as trans, and my mom basically told me that there's no way our relationship is going to work out because she can't accept that I'm a guy... She just kept saying I'm "confused" and that Satan is leading me astray blah blah blah... I then sent her a super duper long text explaining my life long challenge of living as a girl in a man's body, and she just replied, "I wish you didn't feel that way. I always wanted you to be more feminine because you are a girl. I'm sorry if that hurts you. Because I can't accept that you're a guy. It goes against everything I believe. I feel like my world shifted today." I'M THE SAME FREAKING PERSON MOM!!!! Ugh! I just wish she'd understand... Also, because I came out, my sister finally decided that they could come out too. They're non binary. But my mom really has no idea what that means, so she basically just ignored them and started telling me about how heart broken she is because of me... I'm kinda happy that she's not acting like that to my sister, but at the same time, they deserve to be understood too... I'm just done with interacting with my mom right now...🙄🙄

That sucks. And I can tell you you're not alone with those types of experiences. I really don't like that it can be like that. Someone who cares, like a parent, should be able to listen and understand from our perspective, not just their own thoughts, or traditions, or beliefs. It just happens that some people (including in the older generation) can be like that.

The most important is how you feel about yourself, and them knowing is not a bad thing, it's just sucky that they can't actively support. It doesn't mean they don't love you though, but I guess in a way it does say that they have trouble caring deeply in some ways.
Do your best and take care. I'm glad your sister was able to come out as well. It sounds like you two have a good deal you can share with each other, if you don't already.

[DolphinLover22]

1 minute ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

That sucks. And I can tell you you're not alone with those types of experiences. I really don't like that it can be like that. Someone who cares, like a parent, should be able to listen and understand from our perspective, not just their own thoughts, or traditions, or beliefs. It just happens that some people (including in the older generation) can be like that.

The most important is how you feel about yourself, and them knowing is not a bad thing, it's just sucky that they can't actively support. It doesn't mean they don't love you though, but I guess in a way it does say that they have trouble caring deeply in some ways.
Do your best and take care. I'm glad your sister was able to come out as well. It sounds like you two have a good deal you can share with each other, if you don't already.

Yeah my sister and I have definitely bonded over this. We came out to each other about a month ago and it's been nice having someone to talk to and relate to.

[nerdperson777]

On 12/22/2019 at 12:32 PM, Starbogen said:

I love this XD

 

And yeah @DolphinLover22 lots of if not most young transmen have felt that connection to Mulan, that scene/song in particular.

 

 

I told him I always related to Mulan as a kid but that while she was perfectly happy to take off the men's clothes when she got home I would have just wanted to keep living as a guy forever XD

I said in another thread that I wanted someone to write a scenario story with Mulan being trans.  Trans guy, trans girl, non-binary, don't care.  Either way they can end up with Shang.  I remembered something else about someone analyzing the story and wondering if Shang is bi because he would've fallen in love with her while she was presenting as a guy.  It's not like she suddenly became attractive when her gender was revealed.

 

33 minutes ago, DolphinLover22 said:

Yeah my sister and I have definitely bonded over this. We came out to each other about a month ago and it's been nice having someone to talk to and relate to.

My roommate is a gay trans girl and her brother is gay.  Her mom probably still sees her as a straight guy, but I was thinking from an Asian standpoint, which tends to be a little homophobic, if the mom was at least semi-accepting, about the trans part, she would wonder what luck she got to have two gay kids, since many Asian families aren't accepting of gayness.

[DuranDuranfan]

2 hours ago, DolphinLover22 said:

I just need to rant to someone... I finally came out to my family as trans, and my mom basically told me that there's no way our relationship is going to work out because she can't accept that I'm a guy... She just kept saying I'm "confused" and that Satan is leading me astray blah blah blah... I then sent her a super duper long text explaining my life long challenge of living as a boy in a girl's body, and she just replied, "I wish you didn't feel that way. I always wanted you to be more feminine because you are a girl. I'm sorry if that hurts you. Because I can't accept that you're a guy. It goes against everything I believe. I feel like my world shifted today." I'M THE SAME FREAKING PERSON MOM!!!! Ugh! I just wish she'd understand... Also, because I came out, my sister finally decided that they could come out too. They're non binary. But my mom really has no idea what that means, so she basically just ignored them and started telling me about how heart broken she is because of me... I'm kinda happy that she's not acting like that to my sister, but at the same time, they deserve to be understood too... I'm just done with interacting with my mom right now...🙄🙄

I feel your pain. I tried to tell my parents about how I believe I’m Non Binary but they didn’t understand, especially my mom. Basically she told me the same thing. I’m trying to find articles written by this neuroscientist who visited the church I attend with my parents to see if she agrees with the science behind gender identity being a spectrum with the binary genders on either end. Meanwhile my parents are trying to understand but it’s been a challenge.

[PoeciMeta]

@DolphinLover22 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better with time. Apparently some parents have a hard time because they think they have to mourn their former ''son/daughter''. Let's just hope your mother can learn what trans really is, and realise you're still the same person and that she didn't lose you. 

[DolphinLover22]

2 hours ago, NoelciMeta said:

@DolphinLover22 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better with time. Apparently some parents have a hard time because they think they have to mourn their former ''son/daughter''. Let's just hope your mother can learn what trans really is, and realise you're still the same person and that she didn't lose you. 

She literally told me she feels like I died...

[PoeciMeta]

1 hour ago, DolphinLover22 said:

She literally told me she feels like I died...

Yeah, that's not uncommon. She may feel like you ''becoming'' a boy would mean that you'd be a completely different person (because gender is such a crucial component to one's being apparently >.> *agender noises*). She may not understand yet that you were a guy all along, just stuck with a female body, and that nothing really changed about who you are. Does she believe in the concept of a soul separate from the body? You can try to explain that your soul is male and has always been. 

However, her complaining to you about how she doesn't want to lose her daughter? I do hope she'll stop, because she's making it all about her. 

[DolphinLover22]

1 hour ago, NoelciMeta said:

Yeah, that's not uncommon. She may feel like you ''becoming'' a boy would mean that you'd be a completely different person (because gender is such a crucial component to one's being apparently >.> *agender noises*). She may not understand yet that you were a guy all along, just stuck with a female body, and that nothing really changed about who you are. Does she believe in the concept of a soul separate from the body? You can try to explain that your soul is male and has always been. 

However, her complaining to you about how she doesn't want to lose her daughter? I do hope she'll stop, because she's making it all about her. 

Yeah I tried explaining that... She just said God made me a girl, and that's that.

[PoeciMeta]

57 minutes ago, DolphinLover22 said:

Yeah I tried explaining that... She just said God made me a girl, and that's that.

Well God made you trans. Following her own logic, she should respect that. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

If someone was born with some kind of condition, do you just say well they were made that way so that's how they're supposed to be? Or do you try to help them increase their quality of life?

I think the answer is obvious.

[anisotrophic]

Holidays are uncomfortable and typically unaffirming... I guess that's  sort of true for everyone, because we spend time around family-we-didn't-choose instead of friends & partners. But it can be especially uncomfortable when trans. It's just so omnipresent, it becomes visible if you're presenting or physically transitioning... people totally don't get it & erase it, misgender, engage in disrespectful microagressions. 😞

 

Stay strong, folks! Just get through it, that's what I tell myself. ✊

[Janus the Fox]

I’ve finally got the GIC Bloods referral, the hormonal landscape tests and I’ve expected it covers a lot, never expected to cover that much.  The PSA one was a surprise... considering it’s the same thing my dad is monitored with through his prostate cancer progression.  Some of those I’ve had tested over the years for various other issues over the years and having a historically low testosterone level during my hormonal development years.

 

Alright I’m a bit weary that if any of those comes back as poor, I’d just be told to again change the diet, exercise and don’t come back again until I can prove I’ve changed in another year, I get nowhere with the GP, communicating through the accent of theirs is hard enough.  These new age GP’s that don’t do a thing if you’re fat with a poor lifestyle, I’m not neither of those things anymore for the last 10 years.  I’m in the right place with psychiatry and co-care between psych/gp/endo/social services.  Interesting thought though... if or when the body changes, social services might have to change the care provided.  Hormonal change though cannot cure autism but can change it the more female I become, if it isn’t already like that already, I can relate to aspects of female autism already.

 

I’m interested if such levels of blood is already partially gender mixed, confirms more of the intersex would be just more of the genital defect I was born with.  There’s a worry there if the male hormones are low, to be told to get them back to a level typical of a male first and come back in a few years time to see if I’d feel more male...that would put back any attempt of transition indefinitely. 

[PoeciMeta]

@Janus DarkFox It's good you're making progress!

However they'd be pretty terrible people to tell you to get ''normal'' levels of T before transitioning. You should be able to transition from intersex to more female, even if it's not 100% female, no matter what your hormone levels are at the beginning. 

And yeah, nothing can ''cure'' autism, thankfully

[Sarah-Sylvia]

The only part of transition that would require hormones are surgeries. In some places they want you to have been on them for one year at least. Other than that, there's some transitioned people who aren't even on hormones. Uncommon, but does happen
I may have missed the point tho, not sure. I haven't heard of social services basing on hormones, is that really a thing?

 

[nerdperson777]

On 12/25/2019 at 3:23 PM, Sarah-Sylvia said:

If someone was born with some kind of condition, do you just say well they were made that way so that's how they're supposed to be? Or do you try to help them increase their quality of life?

I think the answer is obvious.

Don't know why, but I thought about an ace group I was in.  Someone was being told that they couldn't be ace if they want children.  I flipped it around and said that allo people who don't want kids aren't asexual.

 

12 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

The only part of transition that would require hormones are surgeries. In some places they want you to have been on them for one year at least. Other than that, there's some transitioned people who aren't even on hormones. Uncommon, but does happen
I may have missed the point tho, not sure. I haven't heard of social services basing on hormones, is that really a thing?

It shouldn't be required to take hormones to get surgery.  I'm in a few non-binary groups and there have been plenty of people who have had top surgery without taking hormones.  Don't remember exactly, but it's probably a new WPATH thing.  If people only want certain parts but not others, they should be able to.  It's just a gatekeeping thing where medical professionals think everyone who wants a service is on the trans binary.  Not all trans AFAB people want T, top surgery, hysterectomy, or phalloplasty.  Not all trans AMAB people want E, breasts, and vaginoplasty.  I know two girls who don't seem to mind having a dangly thing.  My AFAB roommate is sapphic and can't decide whether they want small boobs or no boobs.  (But they don't like a lot of the reductions they see in the group I invited them to, so they might have to go flat.)

There have been other gatekeeping things in the past like have to live as the opposite binary gender for 6 months or a year before getting hormones.  Some people simply can't pass without medical intervention.  So only the ones who already look the part can get it.  As for social services, I'm not sure what you would mean by that.  I do have a letter that says I've been living as male that I used to change my federal identity to male even though my driver's license is non-binary.  In that case, I'd guess that one would still have to see a doctor to write that letter for them, which usually they would have to go for hormones anyway, but this is all a generalization.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

12 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Don't know why, but I thought about an ace group I was in.  Someone was being told that they couldn't be ace if they want children.  I flipped it around and said that allo people who don't want kids aren't asexual.

 

It shouldn't be required to take hormones to get surgery.  I'm in a few non-binary groups and there have been plenty of people who have had top surgery without taking hormones.  Don't remember exactly, but it's probably a new WPATH thing.  If people only want certain parts but not others, they should be able to.  It's just a gatekeeping thing where medical professionals think everyone who wants a service is on the trans binary.  Not all trans AFAB people want T, top surgery, hysterectomy, or phalloplasty.  Not all trans AMAB people want E, breasts, and vaginoplasty.  I know two girls who don't seem to mind having a dangly thing.  My AFAB roommate is sapphic and can't decide whether they want small boobs or no boobs.  (But they don't like a lot of the reductions they see in the group I invited them to, so they might have to go flat.)

There have been other gatekeeping things in the past like have to live as the opposite binary gender for 6 months or a year before getting hormones.  Some people simply can't pass without medical intervention.  So only the ones who already look the part can get it.  As for social services, I'm not sure what you would mean by that.  I do have a letter that says I've been living as male that I used to change my federal identity to male even though my driver's license is non-binary.  In that case, I'd guess that one would still have to see a doctor to write that letter for them, which usually they would have to go for hormones anyway, but this is all a generalization.

That's true, especially in the case of non-binary people.
So you've already changed your gender on some of the legal stuff?

And I think you mean't allo people who don't want kids aren't sexual?

[nerdperson777]

4 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

That's true, especially in the case of non-binary people.
So you've already changed your gender on some of the legal stuff?

And I think you mean't allo people who don't want kids aren't sexual?

Yes, I'm considered male by Social Security and non-binary by state.

 

No, I'm saying that sexual people that don't want kids aren't asexual, so why would an asexual that wants kids be sexual?  In my math studies, we called this proof by contrapositive.

[anisotrophic]

2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I'm saying that sexual people that don't want kids aren't asexual, so why would an asexual that wants kids be sexual?

Fully agree it's dumb logic. There's tons of gay people who have or want kids, it doesn't make them straight/bi/pan.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Yes, I'm considered male by Social Security and non-binary by state.

 

No, I'm saying that sexual people that don't want kids aren't asexual, so why would an asexual that wants kids be sexual?  In my math studies, we called this proof by contrapositive.

I understand, you weren't going for irony

See if they say you're not asexual if you want kids, you can say oh so I guess you aren't sexual if you don't want any.

[nerdperson777]

I was looking up some details on an upcoming anime yesterday and then I come across an article on LGBTQ+ in 2019 anime.  I was curious so I decided to read it.  To my surprise, the last one on the list was about my favorite character from when I first found out about being trans.  This character was truly me, I was 19 (at the time) like the character, approximately the same short height, had the same hair before I cut it, physically weak, studied all the time, and believed that I could be good one day without natural talent (compared to a prestigious lineage in the anime).  So it was about him after the events of the series he was first in.  The article claimed that he was gay, longing for the companion he lost in the original series.  I'm wondering now, what if he's just ace?  He becomes a great teacher but cares not for the reputation that comes with it, as he wants to have the skills, not just the ability to help others get their skills.  Apparently many of his female students consider him very attractive but he doesn't care at all.  I watched a scene just now, where he has to stay overnight somewhere, and he's wondering why he has to share a room with a girl from a prestigious lineage.  She joked that it's good for child bearing and he's totally not having it.  I know I wouldn't either.  Then she basically said that his genetics were trash anyway.  It probably wouldn't have been good anyway because it's a young girl and he's a grown man.  Well, just because he wants his companion back might just mean he only cares about his friend.  It doesn't have to be romantic.  The only thing he's done so far is talk to one of the companion's keepsake, which isn't inherently romantic.

[PoeciMeta]

@nerdperson777 Who is this character, out of curiosity?

If you know of good anime with good LGBTQ+ representation, I'd gladly take your recommendations ^^

[Celyn: The Lutening]

3 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

@nerdperson777 Who is this character, out of curiosity?

If you know of good anime with good LGBTQ+ representation, I'd gladly take your recommendations ^^

Seconded!

[nerdperson777]

17 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

@nerdperson777 Who is this character, out of curiosity?

If you know of good anime with good LGBTQ+ representation, I'd gladly take your recommendations ^^

 

13 hours ago, Celyn said:

Seconded!

I'm not really into anime.  I just watch whatever my friends tell me to watch.  It's Waver Welvet from the Fate series.  Fate/Zero was when he was young.  He gets the title Lord El-Melloi II when he is a professor.  I was watching Lord El-Melloi II's Case Files.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

17 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

@nerdperson777 Who is this character, out of curiosity?

If you know of good anime with good LGBTQ+ representation, I'd gladly take your recommendations ^^

I heard Sweet Blue Flowers isn't a bad anime and has some lgbtq stuff in it, and seems nice.

I watched a little bit of Wandering Son , which is a transgender anime, and actually from what I remember it was pretty good. I didn't finish it but talking about it again makes me curious.

There are some others, but I don't know enough about them, and the other ones I do know are kind of silly
There's Yuri!!! On ICE which is a homosexual one. I haven't watched it, dunno how good it is. Anyway. Those 3 are maybe worth it.