Trans Musings & Rantings

[nerdperson777]

13 hours ago, CustardCream said:

She broke your hymen? Sheesh, that's awful. Didn't she ask about your exoerience levels first? They have different sizes of those things, I know because they used a small one on me because I haven't had kids. But a broken hymen is famously uncomfortable. I can say from experience that it's unlikely anything up there will ever hurt as much again.

Well, she knows I've not had (penetrative) sex, because a penis would've done the bleeding first.  I never stuck anything up there before.  She used some clear thing, probably with a clamp so she could reach inside me and pull a sample.

 

9 hours ago, CustardCream said:

That's horrid. I'm glad I don't bleed any more.

My medication is stable now so I shouldn't but I did end up having them the past 2 months.  Those were quite dysphoric.  But I shouldn't have anymore, yet I still did, out of a different reason than the usual.  My roommate went with another friend to the pool downstairs earlier to cool off and I didn't join them because my swimsuit as at home.  Also, I'm still wearing a pad today so that irony came up.

 

[Guest]

It looks like it's been awhile since I last posted in this thread... Time to fix that!  

 

Hmm, where to start...

 

Spoiler

Let's see. I had a delightful run in with a VERY narrow-minded individual last week, though they claimed that they're not at all bigoted. Uh huh...

 

I was told that I was not "allowed" to be with the person that I really care about, all because of the "way" that I am. There were other issues that came up, but the conversation kept coming back to my gender identity and expression. This person REALLY took offense to how I am. They said that if I was "really trans", why didn't I just go have the surgeries and everything? Someone who barely knows me and refused to get to know me had the audacity to tell me what to do with my body. Oh, and they told me to leave the person that I cared about alone, to "go find someone like me". And this person kept generalizing all trans people, that they are pretty much nothing but a bunch of angry, frustrated individuals who only get more angry and frustrated as time goes on. I tried to explain to this person that not everyone is like that, but they wouldn't listen. They kept saying that they were the one with all of the "facts", while I had nothing but "feelings" and "opinions" on my side. 

 

The pot calling the kettle black much? 

 

I refuse to let someone like this dictate how I live my life. I will not let their gendered bullshit influence who I am. It's 2019, for god's sake. This person acted like this is the 1950s and everyone belongs in a little gendered box, either blue or pink. Fuck that. My friend accepted me for who I am. They had no problem with my appearance, my choice in dress, etc. Thankfully not everyone is like this narrow-minded little person. It's the 21st century. People can wear what they want. They can choose what they do with their bodies. To be told that my behavior doesn't "match up" with my birth gender is absolutely ridiculous. If someone wants to stick with the traditional gender norms, that's up to them to decide. If someone wants to do things differently, that's up to them as well. Being "different" in any way is not a bad thing. I'm glad that there are so many different people out there, many of whom are a lot more accepting than this person is. To judge someone's character based on their outward appearance and how their brain works is just wrong.

 

I'd rant some more, but I have to go to work now. Till another time then! 😤 

 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Well, I'm now putting my foot down on gender at my mother's. The groundwork has been laid, but I can't accept feminine shit anymore. Mother is claiming ignorance and the usual 'they is not singular', but I don't care. She even said she likes to tell everyone her 'daughter' is a train driver because it makes her look good; like wtf?? I'm not your fucking trophy. She also says I can't change pronouns until I've had surgery. Basically, she's talking bollocks, and I'm ignoring her unless she gets it right.

 

Father is in too much of a state to even try with rn, but I'm gonna do the same with him and that side of the family (who I actually spend enough time with to bother) eventually.

[Custard Cream]

2 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Well, I'm now putting my foot down on gender at my mother's. The groundwork has been laid, but I can't accept feminine shit anymore. Mother is claiming ignorance and the usual 'they is not singular', but I don't care. She even said she likes to tell everyone her 'daughter' is a train driver because it makes her look good; like wtf?? I'm not your fucking trophy. She also says I can't change pronouns until I've had surgery. Basically, she's talking bollocks, and I'm ignoring her unless she gets it right.

 

Father is in too much of a state to even try with rn, but I'm gonna do the same with him and that side of the family (who I actually spend enough time with to bother) eventually.

I'm so sorry you have to go through such sh$t. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

3 minutes ago, CustardCream said:

I'm so sorry you have to go through such sh$t. 

What are the chances? Just now, as she was going to bed, she said "Goodnight whatever you are" and "I'm not calling you that, they is plural". So much for being supportive; she's as bad, if not worse, than my father. At least he told me outright he doesn't support me.

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

What are the chances? Just now, as she was going to bed, she said "Goodnight whatever you are" and "I'm not calling you that, they is plural". So much for being supportive; she's as bad, if not worse, than my father. At least he told me outright he doesn't support me.

Sorry to hear about that...  

[Anthracite_Impreza]

This is not hard, I don't care what anyone says. I'm quite happy to accept it takes a while to get used to, but not even trying for such BS excuses? And people wonder why I get on better with machines.

[Custard Cream]

7 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

This is not hard, I don't care what anyone says. I'm quite happy to accept it takes a while to get used to, but not even trying for such BS excuses? And people wonder why I get on better with machines.

No, it isn't hard. It makes me really angry when parents undermine the gender identities of their own children. I'm 50 years old, and am mortified whenever I get pronouns wrong. Anyone can grasp this. 'They' is perfectly acceptable in the singular form where the gender is unclear. It is grammatical fact.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

2 minutes ago, CustardCream said:

No, it isn't hard. It makes me really angry when parents undermine the gender identities of their own children. I'm 50 years old, and am mortified whenever I get pronouns wrong. Anyone can grasp this. 'They' is perfectly acceptable in the singular form where the gender is unclear. It is grammatical fact.

Can I swap you for my mother? I'd love to have a demon-biscuit parent.

[Custard Cream]

Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Can I swap you for my mother? I'd love to have a demon-biscuit parent.

You are my demon car-child. I accept the charge.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Just now, CustardCream said:

You are my demon car-child. I accept the charge.

🚗 💚

[Custard Cream]

Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

🚗 💚

🚘♥️

[no-longer-in-use]

@Just Dani @Anthracite_Impreza Virtual hugs for both of you, if you're into hugs. ❤️ People can really be jerks sometimes...

 

Today I had to fill out a required gender box to sign up for an event and they didn't even have a "decline to answer" option, much less a nonbinary one. Luckily(?) I would have had to click my AGAB anyway because the event was related to someone I'm not out to, but if I was out to them I'd pretty much be screwed. Maybe I'd flip a coin or something to decide.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

6 hours ago, Coddiwomple said:

Today I had to fill out a required gender box to sign up for an event and they didn't even have a "decline to answer" option, much less a nonbinary one. Luckily(?) I would have had to click my AGAB anyway because the event was related to someone I'm not out to, but if I was out to them I'd pretty much be screwed. Maybe I'd flip a coin or something to decide.

I've started drawing a new box on non-government things. Sadly if I did that on their forms I'd probably be arrested or some bollocks.

[Guest]

@Coddiwomple Thanks. Virtual hugs are always welcome.  

 

Yeah, sometimes people CAN be jerks, unfortunately. I do have a better idea of why this person is the way that they are, tho. Not that that excuses them of their treatment of me, but it does explain a bunch of things that I was wondering about. This seems to stem from ignorance, a lack of understanding and empathy, and generalizations and stereotypes of certain groups of people.

 

Still, I'm not gonna live my life based on what someone who barely knows me says. I was told that if I was "really trans" (their words, not mine), then why didn't I just go take the hormones and get the surgery and become the opposite of my birth gender. It was implied that I'd be much "happier" that way, that I'd stop being so "frustrated" and "angry", which would only get worse as I get older, not better. Okay... 

 

I've mentioned this before on AVEN, but I've decided to NOT take hormones or have surgery of any sort. This is a decision that I made earlier this year. Not that I'm against this option for others, but I have made up my mind that this is not the path for me. I seriously did consider it, tho. And I was so happy to finally find medical professionals that were supportive of this, not to mention my family and RL friends and the people on AVEN here who have supported me through everything. It's been really tough, but I know that I've made the right decision, despite what a certain someone said to me recently. I'm not gonna let one ill-informed individual dictate how I live my life and the choices that I make. 

 

I will admit, though, that I used to think somewhat like that. Okay, nowhere near THAT bad, but I used to carry certain stereotypes inside my head as well. I used to think that to be a REAL transgender person, you had to do everything in your power to change yourself into the opposite of your AGAB - clothes, hair, hormones, surgery, etc. If you couldn't do that, then you were fake in some way (yeah, I know; I used to be ignorant about so much, and I felt so bad that I couldn't become the complete opposite of my birth gender on the outside, at least not convincingly enough to satisfy myself). And I even felt bad about my body not being androgynous "enough" to pass as either gender. Obviously one's gender is more than what they look like on the outside. 

 

That's why I like the term "non-binary" so much. It suits me. It lets me be myself without having to worry if I'm "fitting into" a certain gender or not. For me, gender doesn't matter all that much, either my own or someone else's. At the end of the day, we're all just people. I'm much more than just what gender I was born as or the clothes that I choose to wear or how short or long I keep my hair. I'm "Just Dani" (hey, my username has a lot of significance for me, for a couple of reasons; if people can't accept me for who I really am, that's their loss, not mine ). 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

6 hours ago, Just Dani said:

That's why I like the term "non-binary" so much. It suits me. It lets me be myself without having to worry if I'm "fitting into" a certain gender or not

I loooves this. Much yes.

[no-longer-in-use]

16 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I've started drawing a new box on non-government things. Sadly if I did that on their forms I'd probably be arrested or some bollocks.

Lol, I might've considered doing that if the form wasn't on a computer.

[chairdesklamp]

@Anthracite_Impreza I've done that on state forms where mixed race people don't exist. On any form that tells you to check only one for race, I would always check both that I am and they just had to deal with it. 

 

Although if this is the US, in 2019... 

 

But I never got arrested. 

[no-longer-in-use]

@chairdesklamp It's hard to understand how they could make people select one option for race... Kind of making people select one option for gender, except even more ridiculous because mixed-race people are much more known about in society than nonbinary people.

[chairdesklamp]

45 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said:

@chairdesklamp It's hard to understand how they could make people select one option for race... Kind of making people select one option for gender, except even more ridiculous because mixed-race people are much more known about in society than nonbinary people.

Actually, denying mixed people's existence is a crux of racism. If you treat whites in a superior way and Asians in an inferior way, what the heck do you do with someone who is both? 

 

A lot of society is also still predicated on "mixed people are 100% whichever I hate more." 

 

The One-Drop Rule is still alive, well, and denying people like me exist.

 

(Actually, for YEARS I've been saying I'm so many erased things, I'm a mass delusion )

[Anthracite_Impreza]

6 hours ago, chairdesklamp said:

@Anthracite_Impreza I've done that on state forms where mixed race people don't exist. On any form that tells you to check only one for race, I would always check both that I am and they just had to deal with it. 

 

Although if this is the US, in 2019... 

 

But I never got arrested. 

I don't think I've ever known our forms not have mixed race on them, we're a bit more careful in this country I think.

 

The gender thing is because I claim benefits. If I put a gender that I'm not 'officially', they'd probably think I'm trying to defraud them in some way. It's stupid, but it doesn't take much for them to make some BS excuse to stop your money.

[nerdperson777]

On 5/14/2019 at 10:46 PM, chairdesklamp said:

Actually, denying mixed people's existence is a crux of racism. If you treat whites in a superior way and Asians in an inferior way, what the heck do you do with someone who is both? 

From what I remember from history, it's the one the person looks more like.  In young America, many white men raped their female black slaves.  So now they have this mixed race offspring.  If the offspring looks more white, they pass as white and get privileges.  If they look more black, I guess they're just going to keep getting beat up somehow.

 

If we apply that to gender, seems the same to me.  If someone looks like a guy, they're going to get treated better by current society for many things.  If that person looks like a girl, they'll possibly be degraded down to only their appearance.  I'm just taking some stereotypes here, but hopefully it isn't that unequal where we all are.  Passing as male has gotten guys to call me "buddy" even if I'm not their friend.  Earlier some female cashier called me "honey", probably as a younger male sort of way.  But I guess that can also be said to a girl?

 

 

I was looking through medical stuff at my job and decided to take a look at the drop down options for patients' gender identity and sexual orientation.  As expected, "Male" is different from "FTM/Trans Male/Trans Man", just like "Female" with "MTF/Trans Female/Trans Woman".  Obviously asexual falls under Other, and so does pansexual.  But what I thought was interesting is that the gender identity I would've chosen from the list was "Genderqueer, not exclusively male or female".  That's not exactly what genderqueer means but I guess of all the terms they could've used, it works well enough.  If there was non-binary, I would've been impressed.

[Karst]

I really wish that any of the languages I speak had a polite way to address strangers without having to gender them.

[Bloc]

1 hour ago, Ardoise said:

I really wish that any of the languages I speak had a polite way to address strangers without having to gender them.

I wish I could speak about myself in German without gendering myself. Sometimes you can find ways, but it is often complicated.

[no-longer-in-use]

21 minutes ago, Bloc said:

I wish I could speak about myself in German without gendering myself. Sometimes you can find ways, but it is often complicated.

French is quite difficult as well for this. I'm lucky I'm okay with masculine pronouns because if I wasn't I'd be kind of screwed.

[Destan]

There's this new transgender law that has been legalized in my country since last year and I must say there's actually not much difference. 

I mean yeah it's totally great that

-you don't have to go through all medical procedures first anymore before you can change your name and gender.

-you can change your name from the age of 12 and change your gender at 16 with permission of your caretaker.

 

But that's only for people who are female and male. There's no third option for non-binary people.

I thought it was strange that the moment I heard this law was legalized that I couldn't find anything about a third option. I guess I know why then.

Today, I found an article saying that the defender organisation of LGBT+ finds it's discriminating against non-binary people.

and I must say, the comments below the article were offending. I shouldn't have read them.

[vmdraco]

I originally planned a gyno appointment for an issue I had, but now that it's gone away I called to cancel it.  I don't know why but I felt guilty in doing so, as though I have to go through with it.  I haven't had a... check up in several years.  I am not sexually active at all but they encourage you to get checked out anyway.  I don't know if i should have kept the appointment and went in even though my issue went away on its own.  I mean... it wouldn't have hurt to get a checkup anyway?  But I originally scheduled it for a concern and not for a checkup.  

 

I'm feeling both anxious and incredibly dysphoric after I hung up and cancelled and I'm losing my mind.  I'm in the middle of work and trying not to like... lose my collective shit.  It's at a really good, inclusive place that offers a variety of health services for LGBTQ+ folk and I've heard great things about it.  It's too late to reschedule since I had the appointment scheduled for tomorrow.  I guess that's why this is so difficult, because I feel like there's an opportunity to talk about shit etc.  I hate feeling like this 😕  I haven't done anything wrong!  Stop it!!!  

[Bloc]

@vmdraco hugs if you want

 

You did nothing wrong. If you think you need to talk about your shit, maybe you could make an appointment just for that.

[nerdperson777]

On 5/30/2019 at 10:47 AM, vmdraco said:

I originally planned a gyno appointment for an issue I had, but now that it's gone away I called to cancel it.  I don't know why but I felt guilty in doing so, as though I have to go through with it.  I haven't had a... check up in several years.  I am not sexually active at all but they encourage you to get checked out anyway.  I don't know if i should have kept the appointment and went in even though my issue went away on its own.  I mean... it wouldn't have hurt to get a checkup anyway?  But I originally scheduled it for a concern and not for a checkup.  

 

I'm feeling both anxious and incredibly dysphoric after I hung up and cancelled and I'm losing my mind.  I'm in the middle of work and trying not to like... lose my collective shit.  It's at a really good, inclusive place that offers a variety of health services for LGBTQ+ folk and I've heard great things about it.  It's too late to reschedule since I had the appointment scheduled for tomorrow.  I guess that's why this is so difficult, because I feel like there's an opportunity to talk about shit etc.  I hate feeling like this 😕  I haven't done anything wrong!  Stop it!!!  

It's probably a good idea to still have an appointment of some sort, just to have the peace of mind.  It's uncomfortable, I know.  I never want to do it again, even if it is every 3 years.

[anisotrophic]

I'm not sure if this goes here or what but... a very NB musing/rant...

 

I'm pretty sure I want T, I've had over a year thinking about it (shortly after switching publicly to an NB identity at the start of last year). (And crossdressing for years before that, but nobody notices that. Point is, there's been a trajectory here.)

 

But I never cut my hair. Because, F it, my hair took a long time to get this long. All the other stuff, binders, men's clothing, I'm so happy -- I would love to be a dude with long hair. Besides, I'm not trying to be fully male either. And I've waited long enough, damnit. I don't want to have to sacrifice my hair to meet a stereotype, to get treated.

 

Basically, I'm playing in my head what I'm going to say, y'know? Probably what actually happens is they're super nice, and don't give me resistance, and I'll feel silly for having planned a whole angry speech about my hair and binary stereotypes.