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Sexuals....how often do you experience sexual attraction?


Lovelykat

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I consider myself not fully asexual but definitely on the spectrum, because I do experience sexual attraction but very, very very rarely and only with certain people. 

 

So question...sexual people, how often do you experience sexual attraction? How often do you see someone on the street that you would like to have sex with? 

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I'd love to see a lot of responses on this for the exact same reason as OP.

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I'm super curious too! But I'm guessing that it's very different and personal to every person. Still it would be fun to hear of some people's sexual attraction... what it feels like, what it's like, etcetra.

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This seems to become an "everyone's waiting for the first sexual to respond" thread. So I'd like to point out that I'm curious, too. :D

 

While we're waiting... anyone here who has read or seen "Waiting for Godot"? I haven't, but maybe I should.

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apatrickwsu

I'm aro and do experience sexual attraction and in my real life (not movie stars or whatever) I feel attraction to some degree very often. Basically thinking someone is attractive several times a day. Acting on that is very rare, and not always something I would want to do even if I didn't have anxiety issues and had all the confidence in the world, but in the right conditions I would probably have sex with a lot of them.

 

My sexual fantasy life includes 4 - 5 people on a regular basis and even if there were a sexual relationship with any of them I still fantasize about the others and don't desire a romantic relationship at all. My libido is pretty high and I generally "get off" about 2 or 3 times a day, but can go a couple weeks on a trip or something without sex or masturbation and it doesn't bug me much. Probably TMI but wanted to give the right kind of answer to help people answer their questions.

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Hi, this is my very first post.  I'm a sexual man and my wife realized that she's asexual about a week ago.  Needless to say we have a lot to figure out.  Without getting off topic too far I'll say that I'm completely devoted to her and knowing she's asexual provides a certain relief as it explains the lack of sex in our relationship for the past 6 years, and why everything we've tried has failed. On the other hand I'm left feeling like my sexual desires are going to be left wholly unsatisfied and theirs no possible light at the end of the tunnel, whereas before I felt it was something that we would work through, and now I feel like I'm doomed to be mostly sexless, which only makes my sexual frustrations grow.  I'm trying to figure it out but it's all so new right now and I'm really confused and unsure what to do.  Sorry to get off topic but I really needed to get that out.

 

To answer the question, as a sexual man I think about sex many times a day, easily once an hour, if not more.

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2 hours ago, MJ7 said:

Sorry to get off topic but I really needed to get that out.

It's OK to get things out. If you open a new topic though, you'll get more responses relating directly to your situation, and people will find it easier to follow the conversation.

 

Oh, and welcome... have some :cake: :-)

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Hi! There is another thread directed at sexuals which asks a similar question (alongside a lot of other ones that seem relevant) and I thought it was very interesting to read!

 

When I asked my girlfriend the questions she said that gauging how often she experienced sexual attraction was very hard - but things are different for everyone. Check it out:

 

 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

Hell, I don't know. Maybe 1-2 a year ? I'm mostly fictosexual-/romantic so I don't care about RL that much. At least not for these kind of things.

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"Sexual attraction", isn't necessarily the same, as wanting to have sex with someone. The latter only happens to me very rarely with people who aren't my partner, maybe a few times a year. And even then it's more like finding the thought of having sex with them pleasant, which is not the same as actually wanting to have sex with them.

 

My sexuality expresses itself more as an emotional / physiological response. I'll see a woman I find attractive, and maybe feel something in the area my genitals, or feel my body becoming warmer, heart rate increase, that kind of thing. It usually results in a desire to interact with this person more than anything. Talk to them, look them in the eyes, etc. Depending on my emotional state, this can happen several times a day.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello, I'm what I suppose would be classed as a sexual & my wife is homoromantic. I am highly sexed and probably in all honesty experience sexual attraction towards my wife & that feeling of wanting her sexually almost everyday normally several times a day! 

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*A little NSFW, if you don't want to read that, jump to the final answer, although this is important*

 

I'm sexual, and I'm really trying to have a relationship with an Ace.

The thing is, everytime I'm with her, close to her, watching movies, cooking, doing everything with her, I'm excited.

2 days ago, she was here, she stayed for 8 hours.

When I was leaving her to home, I was having serious problems to walk, the pain was so big, and I mean physical pain.

When I get back to home, i went to the bathroom,my testicles was so big that I couldn't even handle them. As i touched them, I realized how hard they were, and when I mastubated myself, it took less than a minute to ejaculate everything, It was like 2 or 3 times more than the usual sperm. Then, I was still hard, and after 2 minutes, I ejaculated again, with the "normal" sperm quantity.

What I'm saying is that it was hard to me, you know, my body keeps producing stuff, while I can't handle it, and I would never force anything, because I love her so much that I won't want her to do anything that she doesn't want or enjoy. Even if this means keeping my desire, and having lots of problems about it.

 

*Actual answer of the question*

 

As an answer of the question, I usually fell experience attraction with her at all the time we're together, I think in sex maybe once in a hour, or two, maybe more, maybe less, depending on other situations, on my feelings, on my mood.
About sexual attraction with other people and not her, I still fell it, but a lot less, maybe once a day, or two. Not that I would do anything, I mean, It's just my body corresponding to a sexual need. I wouldn't actually be able to do anything with someone that's not her at the moment.

 

*Extra*

 

I know, some of you wouldn't understand that.

I mean, it's so selfish to think about my sexual needs when she doesn't want anything and doesn't enjoy anything.

But sometimes I think it's selfish too when she "repress" my sexual needs.

I mean, she doesn't really do it, we talk sometimes, she likes to see me happy, and I love to see her happy too.

Sometimes, we do some stuff, but it's not actual sex. I mean, its actually good when it happens, but after, I just fell even worse, I can't really describe why.

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Hard to say, but it does depend on how sexually frustrated/underfed i am. Sometimes it is like a spark, when I see someone/something who triggers me. 

Usually it is more about looking and fantasycing and not about actually wanting sex with them. It can even fuel my desire for sex with my wife. But i am curious about how the hot girl looks under her clothes, how her body feels and occasionally I drift off into a fantasy, where we engage in that hot, steamy, lustful sex that I will never have with my lovely ace-wife. Sometimes looking is a vent that makes me happy about what I have with my wife. Sometimes it is feeding my depression about what i dont have.

by the way, my wife triggers a lot of the same, a young hot girl would, though she doesnt fit model-requirements. It is like being a bit blinded by love. (This sounds like she looks like an ugly truck. She doesnt! She looks fine, But she is 40+, 3 kids and not fit-ish)

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MarmadukeMcFluffy

How often do I see someone in the street I would like to have sex with?... Never, that's not how my sexuality works. I experience 'sexual attraction' in two very different ways, and so I guess this question deserves two seperate answers.

 

Firstly, sexual attraction for people I don't have an emotional bond with is very responsive. I have a high libido and so when I wasn't in a relationship I would often go out 'on the pull' to find someone to have casual sex with. In that context who the person is or what they look like is almost completely irrelevant. So long as someone isn't physically repulsive to me I am more than happy to have sex with them. I'm not even overly picky about gender, so I guess heteroflexible would be a more accurate label for me than heterosexual. The sexual attraction would kick in once I was already in a sexual situation with them, then I would go from "this is a random convenient person to sate my horniness with" to "yes this is hot I want you". So... in  single life how frequently I experienced sexual attraction was dependant on my libido (which varies with my hormones) and how often I could be bothered to go out and find a sexual partner. On average... maybe 5 times a month?

 

Secondly (I have only experienced this with men, hence 'heterosexual'), sexual attraction for people I have a bond with is very closely tied with my emotions. Basically whenever I am feeling particularly fond/affectionate/playful I also experience sexual attraction. With my husband it can vary from several times a day to a couple of times a month  during in a rocky period in our relationship.

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

1-2 times a year? Not really sure but it must not be more than 4 times *lol* Otherwiese I wouldn't be able to count it down :D

 

It also depends whether I'm in love with someone or not. There can't be any sexual attration without setting up an emotional connection first and these things don't happen very often.

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Valentine18

I'm sexual and willing to try to answer this.  First, I never just see a person on the street and have a sexual reaction to them, it has to be someone I know and have a connection with.  But when the connection is there, the attraction will be every day, multiple times a day, if I'm around that person.  It can be from a touch as simple as him running his hand down my back or arm, a hug, or seeing him dressed in something that fits well and looks nice, really anything that, at that moment, makes me notice his body.  The reaction can be mild with just a little tingle or tightening in the lower abdomen that comes and goes in a second, or it can be strong where my body says "hello, I'm ready!"  A woman can feel some wetness and heat at those times, with stronger tingling and tightening in the abdomen, and the nipples might respond and get hard. 

I'm not sure what, in particular, you all want to know but I'll try to answer questions whenever I can.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Grumpy Alien
On 7/12/2017 at 8:43 PM, Lovelykat said:

How often do you see someone on the street that you would like to have sex with? 

Absolutely never.

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7 hours ago, Graceful said:
On 7/13/2017 at 0:43 PM, Lovelykat said:

How often do you see someone on the street that you would like to have sex with? 

 

Absolutely never.

Same here. IiteraIIy never. 

 

On 7/13/2017 at 0:43 PM, Lovelykat said:

because I do experience sexual attraction but very, very very rarely and only with certain people. 

That's exactIy how I feeI. I onIy desire a sexuaI connection very rareIy, and the times that I have it's onIy with certain specific peopIe (twice-ish in my Iife so far and I'm aImost 29). Though when I had those feeIings it was pretty consistent as Iong as my Iibido was up.

 

 I'm not on the ace spectrum though, that just makes me a reguIar(ish) sexuaI person!

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On 7/12/2017 at 8:43 PM, Lovelykat said:

How often do you see someone on the street that you would like to have sex with? 

Never, ever. 

 

My sexual attraction has manifested as wanting to do specific things (not intercourse). And random strangers can't spark that interest. I don't really consider myself on the ace spectrum, because I absolutely have to admit it's sexual attraction. 

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On 7/12/2017 at 5:43 PM, Lovelykat said:

How often do you see someone on the street that you would like to have sex with? 

Echoing what the others have said above, I'd be careful to avoid conflating sexual attraction/desire (or whatever you consider to be the defining quality of sexuality) with wanting to have sex with random people. There are some sexual people who never have that feeling. I've never looked at someone on the street in passing and desired sex with them, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm asexual (or even "on the asexual spectrum," as it were). For me, desiring sex with a specific person is something that can only happen in the context of a pre-existing connection. I need to know them and their personality to some degree; otherwise, the prospect of sexual activity seems awkward at best. I don't desire sex with everyone I'm attracted to, either - sometimes, I only want nonsexual forms of intimacy.

 

I also occasionally experience sexual desire that's not in connection with any specific person, but not in the sense of "I would have sex with a random person." In my case, it's more like "I wish I had a relationship right now with the level of comfort and intimacy required for me to express myself sexually." Once again, the emotional connection has to come first - I can't just leap to having sex with someone I don't know, no matter how strong my desire is in the moment. These experiences happen rarely enough that it's hard estimate how often they happen, but they still happen often enough that I can confidently say I'm not asexual.

 

TL;DR: There are lots of ways that sexual people can experience their sexuality, and not all of them include wanting sex with strangers on the street.

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Treesarepretty
On 7/12/2017 at 5:43 PM, Lovelykat said:

[H]ow often do you experience sexual attraction? 

When I am in a relationship? Literally every time I see my significant other. If the relationship is going well, those are the only times I experience it. If the relationship is going poorly, I try to avoid situations where I am with someone else I may be sexually attracted to because that would make me feel like a terrible person. 

 

When I was single, this would happen several times per day. 

 

On 7/12/2017 at 5:43 PM, Lovelykat said:

How often do you see someone on the street that you would like to have sex with? 

Wanting it and deciding to go through with it are different things. When I was single, this would happen several times per day, but I would be too worried about STDs, having some psycho as the mother of my children, having some psycho kill me to harvest my organs, etc., to decide to have sex with someone I didn't know. 

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On 8/7/2017 at 7:00 AM, Law of Circles said:

I also occasionally experience sexual desire that's not in connection with any specific person, but not in the sense of "I would have sex with a random person." In my case, it's more like "I wish I had a relationship right now with the level of comfort and intimacy required for me to express myself sexually." Once again, the emotional connection has to come first - I can't just leap to having sex with someone I don't know, no matter how strong my desire is in the moment. These experiences happen rarely enough that it's hard estimate how often they happen, but they still happen often enough that I can confidently say I'm not asexual.

I've been getting that lately, desiring that sexual connection but knowing it'll take time to form the level of comfort and intimacy necessary for me to be able to even begin to express myself sexually, and first I have to meet the person who could potentially fill that role of lover, partner, and best friend in my life. I couldn't have sex with just anyone (even online) despite having an active desire for sexual intimacy every now and then (which appears to be getting stronger and more frequent the loner I remain physically celibate... sigh) :P

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On 13/7/2017 at 2:43 AM, Lovelykat said:

I consider myself not fully asexual but definitely on the spectrum, because I do experience sexual attraction but very, very very rarely and only with certain people. 

 

So question...sexual people, how often do you experience sexual attraction? How often do you see someone on the street that you would like to have sex with? 

 

I don't think it works that way, specially when you are in a reationship. I consider myself highly sexual, but I can't remember the last time I was in the street or in a club and thought that I wanted to have sex with somebody. I am not even sure if I know exactly what "sexual attraction" is. When I read AVEN and people separate concepts like "Sexual attraction", "Aesthetic attraction" "libido", etc... I am not sure if things work that way in the real world.

Some people have reactive sexual attraction, specially women, in other words, they only want to have sex or they just only experience sexual attraction when they are aroused. In my case I totally get excited when my girlfriend grab me in the morning naked or jump on me or when she send me spicy texts when I am working.

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I'm sexual. I'd say I experience sexual attraction almost every day, on varying degrees.

 

Mild - "Wow, they are so cute/good looking. His/her eyes are gorgeous! Look at their hair!" 

Medium - "They are ADORABLE! I'd really love to date them."

High - "Omg, his muscles!! He's so sexy! Omg, her body is so great! She's hawt!" 

 

Mild is most common. Medium tends to happen more so after getting to know someone better - I usually experience mild attraction or even no attraction, and then move on to medium attraction after liking their personality a lot. 

High attraction like that happens once in a blue moon. For example, Khal Drago from Game of Thrones - I do have very sexual thoughts. Sort of like "Wow, I want to bite him/tackle him. He can be the father of  my children any day". 

Again, with high attraction, it isn't instant. I didn't have thoughts like that at the beginning of Game of Thrones - but I started to like Drago's manliness more and more each minute, and it eventually lead to very high attraction. 

 

Here's another example - When I was 12 or so, I watched Twilight for the first time and thought Edward was kinda ugly the first time I saw him. But by the end of the movie, I liked him so much that I found him hot at the end. I don't think most people are like this though. A lot of people will see a picture of an attractive person and immediately have those thoughts. But for me personally it takes getting to know someone to make the attraction higher. 

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I'm bi, and sexual. I never have the desire to have sex with a stranger, but I'm a sexual abuse survivor so I think that may impact my feelings in that area. When I'm in a good relationship  I could easily have sex most days, as I have a tendency to find many things about my partner very attractive. Which is just to say that I'm easily aroused by non-sexual behaviors like the way he moves, or smells, or speaks to a friend...these things strike a deep kind of gratitude and appreciation for how amazing he is, which in turn sparks a strong desire to be intimate with him, and if I nudge that even a little bit it will manifest physically for me as sexual desire. On the other hand, in a bad relationship I can easily go without desire for very long periods of time, only very rarely (like once every 6 months) feeling "pent up" if you will. So my desire for sex is almost completely contingent on the health of the emotional attachment. If I had to pick a number for a "good normal" amount of sex per week, I guess I would say 4-5 times. Also, I enjoy occasionally having a bacchanal, where we may have sex multiple times and stay in bed much of the day. Life won't allow such things all the time, but when the heart and the clock will allow it, it can be really amazing. 

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Demi here. And it's absolutely impossible to feel sexually attracted to strangers. To those I care about when I'm not attempting to stuff it in a box and forget about it? Every other day or so.

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Hello

 

I've just joined to get some advice/help for my asexual friend, who is also quite shy and introverted.  I'm very sexual :P , I experience sexual attraction I'd say on average of 10-20 times a day, but it would heavily depends on circumstances, mood and physical wellbeing. 

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Hi new here. I am married to a most probably an asexual wife.  We haven't been intimate for years.  I am sexually attracted to her and other females, I find attractive,  several times a day.  I don't act on it with others because I am monogamous.  I don't act on much with my wife because I am always rejected.... 

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