Marina Diamandis Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 ... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 The definition of demisexual is usually becoming sexually attracted to someone after forming a close bond with them, do you feel that fits your experiences? Grey-A might be a useful term to look into also http://wiki.asexuality.org/Gray-A_/_Grey-A Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marina Diamandis Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 Thank you so much!! <3 Grey asexual seems to fit me as well as demisexual! I'm probably both if possible. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 17 minutes ago, Marina Diamandis said: Thank you so much!! <3 Grey asexual seems to fit me as well as demisexual! I'm probably both if possible. It's definitely okay to use both labels if you feel they fit for you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marina Diamandis Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 Awwww THANK YOU! xD your username and pic is so cute btw x3 labels makes one sound silly but hey everyone is silly and so am i right? :3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 1 hour ago, Marina Diamandis said: Spoiler I would masturbate to nothing but then later started to create an image with my mind of a beautiful woman and jerk off to her (she doesn't exist) I never had sexual attractions though. I had 4 boyfriends in the past back when i was like 12 or 13 (they were my online boyfriends never been with them in real life) I never had wanted to screw them or anything like that despite having a high sex drive. And then later after that one boy came in my way, he was my very first true love (still online boyfriend). I loved him deeply, still felt no sexual attraction and all I wanted was to marry, hug, kiss, and cuddle with him. Later after 3 years when I turned 14 he made the first move to flirt with me in a sexual way. I felt tingly feelings down there. Though I didn't masturbate, I talked back with him in a sexual way and continued to have those tingly feelings. Then we started being sexually active through online. I would try to masturbate to him. But I couldn't orgasm to him no matter what he says or does. It was very hard and frustrating to me. But i seem to orgasm when I'm alone masturbating using my imagination to create women and jerk of to them, and sometimes use male video games characters to jerk off too. It doesn't work either but only very once when i tried very hard for like after hours. But quickly switched into thinking about women and that is how orgasm worked. I'm not a lesbian though but for some reason it works if i think about women and... I know this sounds creepy but I also masturbate to tortured scenes in movies (not rape); like gore and punishing and people with slowly painful deaths.. (No I don't like to screw dead bodies or something like that ew) And then this continued until when I turned 16. We broke up, I became very depressed... He turned out to be gay.... Which doesn't make sense at all.. since he was the first one to seduce me and things. I didn't want to be selfish force a gay person to be straight for me. [My current boyfriend] is the only one I would ever have sex with nobody else no matter how "Attractive" or "supermodel" they are. I tried to masturbate to him i couldn't orgasm to him either... I did once and it is because I quickly thought of women or tortured twisted crap. In reply to the title, nothing you've said denotes you could be either. Asexuals don't desire sex with anyone (that includes all forms of sex; even cyber sex). Demisexuals only desire sex after an abnormal span of time. You don't mention when you started to sexually desire these guys so Demisexual may or may not be accurate, but your trigger seems to be strong romantic attraction based. But if it's about a month into a relationship with them then that's actually normal. You didn't want sex with your past boyfriends at 12/13 because you were 12/13 i.e. too young to desire sex yet. Some desire sex in JR high and some don't. Only wanting sex with people you have a crush on is a normal thing too. And true, you wouldn't be gay, but you sexually desire women, and you know sexually desiring both genders is bisexuality. But you don't seem to romantically desire women, which i think is what's confusing you on that matter. There are cross-orientations where peoples sexual and romantic orientation don't match up. Specifically you sound heteroromantic bisexual. And the women being a figment of your imagination seems to be confusing you too. Someone being real or fictional doesnt matter. You getting aroused by sexual flirting is normal, but did you want sexual activity from it/it to continue? Being willing to consent to sex with these past two men doesn't actually mean you desire sex with men. So you could be heteroromantic homosexual. Also, what are these women/man you use to masturbate to doing? If it's something sexual then you could be asexual because you don't sexually desire them, you're just using their sexual implications to get yourself going. But are you bugged by not orgasming from cyber sex/just thinking about him because that's something you expect should happen in a relationship, or do you genuinely desire sex with these men? And gore/torture fetish is a real thing. Also, once some people explore their fetishes with a partner they end up desiring sex in that specific way and may even require that activity to orgasm (cyber sex/fantasizing of him idea~). And your past boyfriend being gay has nothing to do with him being the first one to seduce you. Actions don't always reflect orientation. He could have simply been acting the part; as many before coming out do. And you couldn't be forcing a gay person to be straight if you stayed in a relationship with him, he'd still be completely gay. Many gay men suffice with being with women because it's hard finding a compatible partner when you're such a small portion (1 to 2%) of the population. These man are not bi; they still don't sexually or romantically desire women, they're just sufficing with what they can get; just like straight men in jail sufficing with same gender sex. 40 minutes ago, Marina Diamandis said: Grey asexual seems to fit me as well as demisexual! I'm probably both if possible. Yes it's possible to be multiple things under the Gray umbrella. Demisexual is under the Gray umbrella. But desiring sex IRL wouldn't be under Gray-asexual (i.e. effective asexual) but Gray-sexual. Going by Gray-asexual also doesn't allow you to denote your orientation (which there'd be no point in doing for real Gray-As) but Gray-sexual does (e.g. Gray-bisexual). Orientations refer to WHO you desire sex/a relationship with, sub-orientations are needed details; like needing an abnormal span of time before desiring sex (i.e. the Gray spectrum in general). 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marina Diamandis Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 Hmmm when I was masturbating I did it just to get it over with the raging hormones. it took me 2 years to start to have sexual activity (He was my first) with my previous boyfriend. I met him when i was 12. And I did it because i loved him and I thought it will make him love me even more and i thought we were going to end up together forever and get married... and for my current boyfriend I met him at 13 (back then when we were just best friends) and it took me 4 years to become sexually active with him which means until I was 17. I did it because i love him and he loves it. Not just for fun or pleasure. I could of have got that from anywhere if it was only for sex. In my whole life I only did sexual things through online with 2 boys. Which is my current boyfriend and previous boyfriend (gay one). Thats all. The rest boyfriends i mentioned I never did any sexual talk or activity with them or felt any sexual attraction. Also yes honestly I find it annoying when my current boyfriend asks sexual favors from me. I do it for him just to avoid drama. And also I'm pretty sure I can't orgasm I get turned off in real life sitatutions but I can when I'm alone imagining things. Hope I make sense. Thank you for your reply! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marina Diamandis Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 I forgot to tell you I don't mind if I don't ever get sex. It is not something I'm crazy after. I can easily get sex right now If i truly want to. there's so many men out there who would take anything they can. But I'm not going to do that despite having a high sex drive because It is not important to me. I can live without it. But I can't live without love & romance and with someone I am madly in love with right now. Not to brag but he is madly in love with me too. <3 He may not be perfect in looks or anything else but he sure as hell is perfect at loving me. <3 okay I'll shut up now XD Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 3 hours ago, Star Bit said: Demisexuals only desire sex after an abnormal span of time. Eh... no? Demisexuals desire sex only after forming an emotional bond. The length of time required to form that bond is quite unspecific. For some, it might take years. For others, just days. It can also depend on how much time one can spend with the partner, of course. Mistaking romantic attraction for an emotional bond - if that is even a mistake? - is easy though. So I agree with the rest of your post. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 Feel free to label as whatever you are COMFORTABLE with! Labels are NOT set in stone, and sexuality can be fluid. I started out identifying as demisexual, which I very well may be, but very quickly changed to just plain "asexual". Your label is for you, and not for others to tell you is "wrong" or "right". Don't feel trapped by whatever you chose to identify with, as over the course of your life your feelings may change. Best of luck! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 10 hours ago, roland.o said: Eh... no? Demisexuals desire sex only after forming an emotional bond. The length of time required to form that bond is quite unspecific. For some, it might take years. For others, just days. It can also depend on how much time one can spend with the partner, of course. No, needing an emotional bond/trust is extremely common for sexual people. What makes Demisexuals different, and what the term seriously needs to be changed to, is that they need an abnormal span of time, and for some it isn't even bond related but comfort level related (i.e. which can be one sided). These terms weren't made by Gods; they're subject to change/updates. At the time of the term's conception people simply put it into the best words they could, but that doesn't mean they were right. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 1 hour ago, Star Bit said: At the time of the term's conception people simply put it into the best words they could, but that doesn't mean they were right. OK. I'll remember that there is an ongoing debate, and will leave that debate to another forum. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marina Diamandis Posted July 10, 2017 Author Share Posted July 10, 2017 6 hours ago, OldSoul said: Feel free to label as whatever you are COMFORTABLE with! Labels are NOT set in stone, and sexuality can be fluid. I started out identifying as demisexual, which I very well may be, but very quickly changed to just plain "asexual". Your label is for you, and not for others to tell you is "wrong" or "right". Don't feel trapped by whatever you chose to identify with, as over the course of your life your feelings may change. Best of luck! Perfect <3 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marina Diamandis Posted July 10, 2017 Author Share Posted July 10, 2017 Thank you so much everyone <3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 20 hours ago, Star Bit said: No, needing an emotional bond/trust is extremely common for sexual people. What makes Demisexuals different, and what the term seriously needs to be changed to, is that they need an abnormal span of time, and for some it isn't even bond related but comfort level related (i.e. which can be one sided). These terms weren't made by Gods; they're subject to change/updates. At the time of the term's conception people simply put it into the best words they could, but that doesn't mean they were right. Most sexual people have sexual attraction expressed through sexual fantasies, regardless of whether or not they're in a relationship. It's the fact that demisexuals don't start experiencing sexual attraction at all until they've developed a close emotional bond to a romantic partner that makes them unique. I highly doubt that anyone is going to change the terminology. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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