Being an older virgin

[Queenie]

I am 31 years old and I am still a virgin. Personally, it does not bother me...one way or the other. It is what it is and I intend on keeping it this way. Honestly, it would not bother me if I died a virgin. The only time I was remotely interested in having sex was when I was in my early 20s when I fell in love with one of my dear friends after knowing them for two years back in college that hasn't happened since... if by some minuscule chance my attraction is ever stirred again than maybe but other than that no... I am good as I am and happy. 

 

 

[will123]

On 2018-04-21 at 2:17 PM, Queenie said:

I am 31 years old and I am still a virgin. Personally, it does not bother me...one way or the other. It is what it is and I intend on keeping it this way. Honestly, it would not bother me if I died a virgin. 

 

 if by some minuscule chance my attraction is ever stirred again than maybe but other than that no... I am good as I am and happy. 

 

 

I'm 56 and my thoughts are pretty much the same as yours. In my 20s having sex was on my mind but I made no real attempt to 'sleep with' either of the girls I was friendly with.

[C.A.S.]

I'm a (nearly) 31 year old virgin male who's had a couple of intimate experiences with the opposite sex that didn't lead to intercourse due to my lack of interest. I do often feel insecure about how different I am to the general population in this regard, but I think I'm mostly doing OK. I'm a solitary person with quite eccentric interests so I tend to just do my own thing most of the time. I am however, open to the idea of a non sexual relationship at some point, if I can find the right person.

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I'm in my late 20s and still virgin, I'll never be sexual with a female or male on any level, I don't masturbate either. I never been in a physical relationship, and have no desire for one, I love being virgin I find intimacy being very nasty so I avoid it and everything with sexual scenes and romance. I prefer to stay to myself and I have never been very open to anyone about it or let anyone try to "open doors" by showing interests in what I do for a living. I love my virginity and will never let it be taken from me.

 

[Jenna Nicole]

I always thought there was an expiration date for virginity, such as you had to lose it by a certain age. But now, I could not care less about losing it and I never plan to. I'm an Asexual and will always be. I have no interest in pursuing a sexual relationship with anyone. Even masturbating is painful and uncomfortable, and I always feel a huge amount of guilt afterwards. Damn hormones!

[Techie]

15 hours ago, C.A.S. said:

I'm a (nearly) 31 year old virgin male who's had a couple of intimate experiences with the opposite sex that didn't lead to intercourse due to my lack of interest. I do often feel insecure about how different I am to the general population in this regard, but I think I'm mostly doing OK. I'm a solitary person with quite eccentric interests so I tend to just do my own thing most of the time. I am however, open to the idea of a non sexual relationship at some point, if I can find the right person.

It's been a while since I posted on this thread and I am now 56. Like you, I would say I am open to the idea of a non-sexual relationship but even in my current age group I think that will still be difficult. After all, dating sites for 50+ people (such as OurTime.com) would not exist if there still wasn't some sexual interest present in my population. Frankly I am beginning to think I would find such a relationship someday if I am in a nursing home with a physical infirmity that genuinely precludes me from being able to have sex and thus have an excuse "acceptable" to others.

[Nila24]

On 6/30/2017 at 11:30 PM, Woodworker1968 said:

Nope. I can keep my virginity until the day after forever. My John Thomas, I decide what to do with it.

 

I regret nothing.

Nothing.

I am 27 years old and I'm going to be 28 very soon. I am a virgin and I want to be a virgin all my life.

 

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien

 

 

[will123]

57 minutes ago, Nila24 said:

I am 27 years old and I'm going to be 28 very soon. I am a virgin and I want to be a virgin all my life.

 

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien

 

 

If you've read thru the posts you'll know that I'm 57. In my case my asexuality and being a virgin is not a 'want'. As far as I'm concerned they are just two characteristics of me.

 

I never desired/decided to be asexual or a virgin. It's just how things have turned out for me.

[Nick2]

68 and virgin but I just look at it as this is who I am and I am great with that.

[Nila24]

22 hours ago, will123 said:

Si has leído las publicaciones, sabrás que tengo 57 años. En mi caso, mi asexualidad y ser virgen no es un "deseo". En lo que a mí respecta, son solo dos características de mí.

 

Nunca quise / decidí ser asexual o virgen. Es así como las cosas me han salido.

Yes. I understand you.  It's a natural state. There is no sacrifice. It's as natural to me as breathing. I'm natural born celibate. 

 

I have learned to embrace my natural state, although often... my younger sister tries to make me ashamed of being a virgin.

 

I've never regretted anything. And now, I will not be ashamed of anything, either.

[Shiloh_Rose]

It bothers me that so many equate being a virgin to being inexperienced and naive, and also use it as an insult(and yet its also this Big Thing at the same time like 'oooh well I hope you're a virgin cause x y or z, you don't want to be 'loose''). It's annoying.
To many others, since I've not had sex(and never intend on having it) I'm not as 'adult' as everyone else, I'm not mature enough, etc. /the stuff about it being a rite of passage and all that nonsense, basically. That I'm frigid and a prude, etc. The usual. I mean any time someone is rude or mean to me, I don't like it, never been able to just 'whatever, no skin off my back' of many things. It's the same if someone throws around something else that happens to be an aspect of myself/part of who I am/etc, too.
I mean what if I got nasty about their hair, or started in about their sense of style or something? Anything like that is just rude and they shouldn't/no one should just talk to people like that.
I lost where I was going with this. But yeah it bothers me that it's used as an insult and whatnot.
 

[helana12_03]

I'm a proud "older" virgin. Most of my friends don't know because I know they wouldn't understand. 

[animelover]

am in my mid 20s and i have no issues with being a virgin my whole life but what really annoys me is that the few people outside of my closest friends who found out am still a virgin treat me like a child and think that am not a real “adult” just because i havent had sex and it really sucks that people think that to be an adult your meant to have sex and alway be looking for someone to marry/married. (which is something am always being asked “so have you found anyone yet?” sorry about going off topic, but being single and not looking for someone to be with/date/have sex with and the way people treat you when your not doing what society think is “normal” is “its not your life am living so its none of your concern how i live mine!”) so to sum it all up am not bothered by the fact that am a virgin or stay one, but it does bother me how people treat me when they find out that am still a virgin.

 

sorry for any spelling mistakes and bad grammar and my mini rant 😁 hope it makes sense. 😄

[EdInLeeds]

I am 34 and still a virgin.  I find it odd when I sometimes read comments of people who are about 20 fretting that they've not lost their virginity yet.

 

As it says in my info-box to the left, I remain confused about my sexuality.  I don't think that I can know for sure if I'm asexual or demisexual or just a very unlucky sexual until I can experiment with a trusted partner.  It would have to be quite a patient partner to put up with this though.

 

When I was about 26, I did visit a brothel twice with the intention of seeing what sex was like.  Both times, I realised that I wasn't going to get any blood flowing to the nether regions and didn't do it.

[will123]

7 hours ago, EdInLondon said:

I am 34 and still a virgin.  I find it odd when I sometimes read comments of people who are about 20 fretting that they've not lost their virginity yet.

 

As it says in my info-box to the left, I remain confused about my sexuality.  I don't think that I can know for sure if I'm asexual or demisexual or just a very unlucky sexual until I can experiment with a trusted partner.  It would have to be quite a patient partner to put up with this though.

 

When I was about 26, I did visit a brothel twice with the intention of seeing what sex was like.  Both times, I realised that I wasn't going to get any blood flowing to the nether regions and didn't do it.

In my 30s before I identified as asexual I had thoughts of hiring a sex worker to lose my virginity. My concerns over the illegality of this quickly dashed that idea.

[SavvyPineapple]

34, and not bothered at all. Like a lot of other people on here, I thought sex was something I would have to go through eventually, and that maybe it would magically make me sexually attracted to people afterwards. I also had grand plans of a one-night-stand in a foreign town with someone I would never have to see again, just so I could get it over with and collect my gold star.

 

Then I discovered that asexuality wasn't just a for microorganisms, and thought, "well fuck fucking anything!"

 

And now I'm very very happy I never forced myself to do the wahoo with a Mr Tall, Dark and Shady. Probably saved myself years of therapy.

[nerdography]

I’m 35 and female. And I’m going stay a virgin the rest of my life. When I was younger I wanted to lose it, because I wanted to be included. But, the older I got the less I cared about losing it. And I realized I’m repulsed by sex and kissing.

 

I would like to have a companion that wouldn’t mind holding hands and cuddling in the sofa. But, if that never happens I’m okay with that too.

 

I haven’t told anyone in my life that I’m ace, I have a feeling they wouldn’t understand.

[will123]

2 minutes ago, nerdography said:

I’m 35 and female. And I’m going stay a virgin the rest of my life. When I was younger I wanted to lose it, because I wanted to be included. But, the older I got the less I cared about losing it. And I realized I’m repulsed by sex and kissing.

 

I would like to have a companion that wouldn’t mind holding hands and cuddling in the sofa. But, if that never happens I’m okay with that too.

 

I haven’t told anyone in my life that I’m ace, I have a feeling they wouldn’t understand.

As soon as I identified as asexual, that was the end of me thinking I had to lose my virginity. When I have come out, I have told them (five individuals) that I am a virgin as well. They were not aware of asexuality but understood where I was coming from when I explained it and my own personal experience to them.

[Techie]

14 minutes ago, nerdography said:

I haven’t told anyone in my life that I’m ace, I have a feeling they wouldn’t understand.

Outside of one sister, my mother and a friend, I have not told anyone either and pretty much for the same reason. My sister grasped it easily enough because she has an ACE colleague and knew about it before I told her #metoo.

 

Where it is getting complicated is being heteroromantic. There is a single woman four years my junior at my church who I find interesting from a romantic standpoint. A mutual friend of ours knows there is some kind of interest on my part and thinks I should try and get together with her. The complication is I would have to explain why this could be a problem for me. Not that it would cause any discrimination against me but I see it is kind of slamming a door shut permanently not to mention being viewed somewhat differently than I have been for what seems like a million years. Just a single guy with a busy life who never found the time to get married.

[will123]

2 minutes ago, Techie said:

Outside of one sister, my mother and a friend, I have not told anyone either and pretty much for the same reason. My sister grasped it easily enough because she has an ACE colleague and knew about it before I told her #metoo.

 

Where it is getting complicated is being heteroromantic. There is a single woman four years my junior at my church who I find interesting from a romantic standpoint. A mutual friend of ours knows there is some kind of interest on my part and thinks I should try and get together with her. The complication is I would have to explain why this could be a problem for me. Not that it would cause any discrimination against me but I see it is kind of slamming a door shut permanently not to mention being viewed somewhat differently than I have been for what seems like a million years. Just a single guy with a busy life who never found the time to get married.

I would hope that's how I've been viewed.

[nerdography]

@Techie I’m heteromantic too. And it really does complicate things. And usually the other person feels rejected when that was never the intent.

 

@will123 I was the same way when I accepted I was ace. For a long time I tried to force myself to be interested, and I dreaded it more than looked forward to it.

[everywhere and nowhere]

I hate the phrase "still a virgin". I'm not "still" a virgin because I don't intend to ever stop being one!

[Fydron]

I am 36 never had a relationship nor do i care about having one in my life i have been on one date and i just did not find the whole hassle worth it.

 

I am just glad that i don't have the same crazy obsession about my "virginity" like most of the people seem to have i actually could not give a f about it at all.

 

[JannahM]

I'm 28 and still a virgin. That is unlikely to change and I don't even care. In fact, I wear my virginity with pride. People occasionally use it to insult me, but my response? Usually something along the lines of "you must not have very much confidence in your achievements if getting laid is considered one of the biggest and most significant". 

[naakka]

On 7/1/2017 at 6:31 AM, globetrotter85 said:

I was just wondering how other people feel about being a virgin as they get older. Does it bother you? Do other people know? Does it bother you what they think / might think?

--- 

Also wondering, do you think you will die a virgin, and how do you feel about that? Do you think you would be ok with it, or if you might actually regret having never given sex a try?

I haven't told to anyone - though I never talk about sex stuff so I guess some of my friends might wonder if I'm virgin...

 

Being virgin bothers me less every year as my peers aren't so fanatic about sex when they get older. It doesn't bother me what others might think, for if it's something negative they probably wouldn't be my friend anyway. Actually opinions of relatives bother me more, as pressure "to find a guy and have a family" is always there. But I've been passive about dating for so long that they don't bother to ask anymore. Still it sometimes bothers me if they think I'm a loser or picky or something x/

 

Sometimes I'm curious about sex, how it physically feels. But that's not by any means a must for me - rather I felt relieved when I first realized sex indeed isn't a must to ever have. It's like any other thing I haven't tried out and don't have great passion for; I might try it or might don't, either way I it doesn't hold huge importance for me. At the moment it feels more likely I'm never going to have sex with anyone and it feels just fine.

[will123]

4 hours ago, PaganUnicorn said:

I'm 21, fairly good looking and a virgin so people either assume i must have had many boyfriends or if they know i havent they assume im either crazy or a lesbian. The former is somewhat true.

It's sad that society has such a negative view of those who aren't sexually active. On the flip side, if you're a male virgin it is assumed you're gay.

[Charlii]

Wow I've just read through every post in this thread. It's great that so many of you are confident with virginity/plan to remain a virgin. As for myself, I'm so confused and don't know. I have very mixed feelings. I am very shy and have no confidence at all and hate the way I look, which I am certain is the main reason I have never had sex, never been in a relationship, and never kissed.

 

I don't feel like I could be with someone in a romantic or sexual way, or even in an asexual relationship, with how I feel about myself. So I have become more accepting of the fact that I will be a virgin for a very long time at least, whilst I feel this way about myself. It isn't the end of the world for me if I remain a virgin until the day I die. However, I have to be honest, if I ever become happy and confident in the way I look, and someone actually wanted to date/be in a relationship with me, would I have sex?!? If I am to be truthful, I'd at least try it only with the condition that I am 100% certain I'm ready.

 

 

[Sally]

Being a virgin simply means that you haven't (yet) participated in a specific physical action.  The "yet" can last the rest of your life, if you want it to, but that's up to you, not anyone else.  

[Nylocke]

I don't think its an issue unless people find out. In my personal experience I don't generally have a reason to discuss that with people and endured a situation where my mom told my boyfriend that I was a virgin and then exclaimed that he was "only after sex". Well, now had she not said anything then she would have no reason to think that ... x.x

[Morgan123]

Virginity is just an archaic concept use to police people and make them feel bad about themselves. What even “counts” as sex anyway- everyone argues a lot about that one.

 

I never understand why people get to angry when someone doesn’t want to have sex- it’s their life and they can make their own damn decisions without being pressured into doing something they don’t want to.