TeslaTess

I feel broken, i dont like kissing help

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TeslaTess

Okay so, Im asexual. i've come to terms with that i guess, but i feel so broken. Im completely fine with not having sex ever that part doesn't bother me, but i have this weird thing were i dont really like kissing. like i can kiss and everything, but after the happy chemicals from my brain fade away or whatever i just kinda think "huh i dont really like that.."

i will kiss my girlfriend and all that because i love showing her affection and letting her know that i do love her (in a very touchy person in general). She has recently asked if we could make out and that kind of scares me i guess? i cant identify my exact feeling but my chest feels tight at the thought and i guess it makes me anxious. and i know itd probably be best to talk about this with her but im scared cause if i talk about this i will end up talking about other things im not ready to bring up and i dont want her to think i dont want to kiss her because i do! i just dont enjoy it. i dont know what to do or why i dont like kissing. any advice? 

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Confirmed Bachelor

Why do you feel you have to like kissing? If you don't like kissing then don't kiss. What's wrong with that?

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ItWasNiceKnowingYou

Literally 6 words.... "Making out is not my thing." 

I know people who like kissing but making out (kissing extensively) isn't their thing. If it isn't yours then it just isn't. I am not sure how understanding your gf is,but then if she asks why, i really don't see the need to say beyond "I just don't like it." and leave it.

Kissing or making out aren't requirements to show someone affection. There are plenty of other things that could be done.

And communication is important... So if you decide to stay with this person, it's fair that (when you are ready/sure), you tell them about your orientation since that's important that she get a fair chance of knowing what kind of relationship she's getting into. Just a thought 

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Allegra

I hope it doesn't stress you out or upset you too much! This may just be who you are, or at least who you are right now. What's important is that you honour your true feelings and are honest with yourself (as well as your girlfriend, both so that she knows your boundaries and so that she can support you). There are so many ways you can be affectionate without kissing or making out! Good luck!

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Float On

you aren't broken. 

 

if you like it or don't, either way it's ok. 

 

you'll know better as you learn yourself more - it takes time. and that's ok. it's in fact to be expected. it gotta take some time right? how long - well as long as it takes, it's worth it to take that time. 

 

 

about fear of talking for fear of more talking - omg I know those feels. idk really what to say - well, I certainly had my share of talking more than I wanted to, and well I'm sitting here ok about it. hindsight is - it was fine actually. even the times things went sour well - they woulda gone sour eventually, it was better to approach the stress and work it out. 

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Janus DarkFox

I've never been able to like kissing for its own sake until slowly feelings of affection started to develop over a bit of time, different people develop affection at different rates or never or, quite the case of my boyfriend, quite immediately for which most people would consider it rather creepy and uncomfortable.

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OldSoul

Firstly, I know many sexuals who hate kissing too!

Secondly, I DESPISE kissing SO MUCH. Holy heck is it gross. I kissed so many dern humans before I figured out that I did not have to like it. Just gross.
 

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Philip027

holy-necrobump-batman.jpg

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Niohmaye

So...I hate kissing because...my first kiss was with my dad. It was as if he wanted to make sure my first kiss wasn't some guy so he basically was my first kiss and that makes me so angry like I was robbed. But on the upside, I don't feel bad that I don't like kissing, I understand the psychology behind why and I've made peace with that. So, bottom line, there's nothing wrong with you even if you don't like kissing. You're allowed to like or dislike whatever you want.

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Philip027
7 hours ago, Nancy Esther said:

So...I hate kissing because...my first kiss was with my dad. It was as if he wanted to make sure my first kiss wasn't some guy so he basically was my first kiss and that makes me so angry like I was robbed.

Yeah, that doesn't really count.  A whole lot of people's first kisses was technically with a family member.  So was mine.  Some cultures are big on that sort of thing, some aren't.

 

Regardless of what his intentions were behind it, nobody (well, almost nobody) kisses their family members the same way and with the same meaning that they would for a romantic partner.  It's sort of like how for most people with their partners, sex might be intertwined with their love for them, but it is not that way with their love for, say, their parents.  Similarly, your parents have certainly already seen you naked, but that doesn't take anything away from the first time you allow a potential romantic/sexual partner to see you naked.  It's a totally different beast.

 

It's totally fine if you just dislike kissing anyway, but just letting you know that what you experienced is (potentially) nothing like what it would be with an actual intimate moment with someone you actually liked in a romantic way, so don't let your dad take that away from you.

 

If you're going to dislike kissing, let it be on your own terms, is what I'm trying to say 😛

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Niohmaye

@Philip027 I get what you're saying. But I'd also argue that french kissing is not how I want to be kissing my dad, whether something sexual is going on or not. And neither of my parents cultures involve that level of intimacy with ones parents. So with that said, I guess I'm saying I just wish it had never happened. But good advice and gives me something to think about. That's partly my struggle as I get older is defining myself and my desires/dislikes based on what I want and not based on other people, what they want, what they did to me. It's a work in progress:)

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Opal_lee

I enjoy kissing on and off, it can be fun occasionally lip on lip but I prefer a kiss on the cheek, it seems so much simpler. 

when I was younger i freaked out over my first kiss but in the end it's just a weird thing that happens if you break it down enough, if you like it , yay and f not you are perfectly normal and fine. its can literally be an aquired taste ( sry bad joke)

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