Evergreen Strauss Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Hi everyone! I've already realised and accepted that I'm gray-ace some time ago and I remember that back then I thought: 'I am most definitely not aromantic.' Nevertheless I've been doubting myself more and more often recently. It is true that I can be kind of obsessed with romance in fiction (depends on the writing, bc I can also be very annoyed by it). But to be honest, I have dismissed all my feelings for everything that is fiction at this point, because they do not correspond to my feelings in real life at all. The idea of a romantic relationship seems great to me, but when I think about it more, a lot of it just sounds... fake to me. Take the concept of love at first sight. Some days ago I asked my parents if they believed in that, and they both immediately said yes, because they had experienced it themselves. So alright, love at first sight exist. I believe in it. But do I believe in me, falling in love at first sight? Hell no. That sounds so extremely impossible. I just can't imagine it happening. I cannot imagine myself being all head over heels for a person and not being able to think rationally because of that. I don't even think I'd want that, I need to be able to think clearly, right? About romantic gestures, I sometimes feel kind of repulsed by it. When I see a couple doing nothing but cuddling and kissing and holding hands for hours, I can't help but think: how?? Especially when they haven't known eachother for that long. And especially when it is hot outside. (How can you sit so close to eachother when existing is already too much to bear with that kind of weather?) I am rarely really comfortable with cuddling and holding hands, except with people I am used to doing that with, and trust and know really well (only my sister and mom basically, and in that situation it isn't even romantic of course). I am all for platonic cuddling and even kissing, but when I am not good enough a friend with them I am not comfortable. (It'll probably take years for me to reach maximum comfort lol) So basically, when I think about myself being in a relationship, it has to be someone I have known for a long time and trust, so we should be good friends. (That probably also explains why I can only picture myself with one of my current friends even though I do not feel romantically attracted to them) But ultimately, I don't think I really need a romantic relationship. I have talked quite often with my friends about how we'd like to just move in with eachother and live with eachother as friends. A queerplatonic relationship also sounds like something I'd really like. Anyways this turned into a huge rant (I tend to do that a lot) and while typing this out I kind of realised I'm probably demi-romantic... But I'm still interested to hear about people with similar experiences! Thanks for reading till the end! EDIT: I also rarely get crushes in real life? Like maybe once, but it turned into a squish pretty quickly, or it just never was a crush.. Link to post Share on other sites
Member5732 Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Yeah, it really sounds like you are demi-romantic. And it's completely okay to not have any aesthetical attraction or crush or whatsoever. I mean I am Aro-asexual and I definitely have the similar experience about having crush or whatever it is. I never had any crush, probably because I'm not attracted to anybody in any way. But I think it's okay for a demi-romantic to have no crush or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Amber79 Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Hi, I'm aro ace. No I don't get crushes on people I might actually be in the room with, but I do with characters in TV and film. I also have some fantasies surrounding romantic love, but in reality I no I'm not capable of that in real life, only in my dreams. I've never been in love so I put myself in the aromantic catagory, but I don't rule anything out. You know your self better than anyone, be guided by that. Link to post Share on other sites
200 Ponies Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 You definitely sound like you're on the aromantic spectrum. Sometimes it's hard to tell if you've ever felt romantic attraction, especially if it was only maybe one time or you weren't sure how you felt about that person. For example, I may have had a crush on a girl in high school, but that was over five years ago and I can't pin the feelings down well enough to tell, and it's been so long without any other similar feelings. You seem like you're maybe in the same boat. You could certainly be demi or aro, but if you feel like no label fits perfectly, feel free not to use one. You could also just pick the one closest to how you feel (like I do with aromantic) and go with that. No pressure there. Hope that helped! Link to post Share on other sites
ImperialLad Posted April 10, 2019 Share Posted April 10, 2019 So, would I be allowed to interject and inquire as to what on Earth these words mean? Seriously lads, sounds like you're making it up as you go along. can't even get a clear answer online because everything's so bloody vague and most of it just seems to describe the way any person can feel based on opinion or recent experience. Can someone please explain? Link to post Share on other sites
TypingDragon22 Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 Romantic attraction: an emotional attraction, and a desire for a romantic relationship, or to do romantic things, with a person. Aromantic: A person who does not experience romantic attraction. Demi-romantic: Someone who may experience romantic attraction, but only with someone they have a close emotional bond with. Queerplatonic Relationship: A platonic relationship with an emotional bond beyond that of the usual friendship. I hope these are good definitions. Link to post Share on other sites
TypingDragon22 Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 You could also read the frequently asked questions. I believe the stuff people are talking about here is explained more in detail there. Link to post Share on other sites
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