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Conversion Therapy and Attempts for Aces?


songchick

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Hello all!

 

I'm interested in writing an article about Aces and the concept of trying to change our sexuality, akin to conversion therapy for the LGBTQ+ community, etc.  Has anyone experienced any formal or informal attempts on the part of others, trying to "convert" you to being non-ace?  What was it like?  How did you respond?  If you spoke up saying it didn't work, how did the other person respond?  If you didn't speak up, how did you feel?

I'd be interested in interviewing 2-4 people who have had this experience.  Please let me know if you have had any such experience, and if you're interested in messaging about it.  If the article is accepted somewhere (it definitely will be somewhere), then I will credit people anonymously by their AVEN name (if desired) and will share the article here as well.

 

Let me know!  Thanks :)

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darkstreamers252

I don't know if I'd be much help, but when my mother found out I was asexual she wanted me to talk to church leaders and she did at one point mention conversion therapy, but that's about it.

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I once went to a counselor for a while to get a handle on my panic attacks and anxiety. After a few sessions where I brought up my lack of desire (I had a boyfriend and didn't know about asexuality then) she referred me to a sex therapist. I stopped seeing her and never contacted the sex therapist but that was where my feeling of brokenness started. It contributed to my relationship failing and for years I felt like I couldn't date cause I would be a burden. Finding out I was asexual helped a lot but some of that feeling is still there and may always be a part of me.

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Conversion therapy (at least in regards to LGBT; and I would think the same applies to asexuality, but it may not have any research in our space) is pseudo-science and barbaric and doesn't work. At most it only makes people hide their true feelings and true self and can end up with them in much worse mental shape at some point down the road. It is thankfully illegal in some US states (and I would hope, in some countries), and should be outlawed everywhere.

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Moved from Relationships to Visibility and Education Forum

 

Puck

Moderator, The Gray Area and The Sex Talk

Temp Mod, Relationships

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3 hours ago, daveb said:

Conversion therapy (at least in regards to LGBT; and I would think the same applies to asexuality, but it may not have any research in our space) is pseudo-science and barbaric and doesn't work. At most it only makes people hide their true feelings and true self and can end up with them in much worse mental shape at some point down the road. It is thankfully illegal in some US states (and I would hope, in some countries), and should be outlawed everywhere.

Exactly, I totally agree with you.  I want to write an article about how conversion therapy ALSO doesn't work for asexuals.  It seems that people are still ignorant of this concept, and there's a lot of disbelief that asexuality even exists.  I want to write the article to create awareness.  

For example, a friend of mine is trying to change my mind and make me realize that I am sexual.  He's totally mistaken.  We need to publicly shine light on this topic.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Nea Rose Symphony

My ex. Weeks after he broke up he tried getting me to send him nudes so he can think of ways to work on my sexual growth. I tried comparing it to him having sex with one of his gay coworkers to see if that'd "fix" him. He said it's not the same. Uh. Yes it is. If I wasn't into actual sex with him and once was only romantically attracted why would sexual growth even work when I'm not naturally into it?

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Er....how on earth can you convert an ace? By showing videos of people having sex while feeding them (the aces) cake? Thought I'd lighten it a bit!:D

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  • 3 weeks later...
To Each Their Own

I know this is a kind of late response...but I did go through this sort of thing in the 80s. Of course this is before I knew I was asexual. Back then I really did buy into the rhetoric that I was broken and I just needed to learn to be a better spouse.  It was awful. I was subjected to a lot of the hormone and blood tests. I did the talk therapies. I was encouraged to masturbate (>.<).  My husband was encouraged to “make me want it/take it from me.” This went on for months...maybe a year.  

 

Yes, it felt abusive to me. And yet, the longer it went on, the more I felt guilty about how horrible of a person I must be because none of it was working. My reasoning was, if I wasn’t so broken all of this would be working and I could be a normal person.  So yeah...it doesn’t work even when you drink the kool-aid and you really want to “normal.”  Heteronormative expectations have a way of doing some real damage to some really decent people.

 

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Divide By Zero
On 7/12/2017 at 3:49 PM, chandrakirti said:

Er....how on earth can you convert an ace? By showing videos of people having sex while feeding them (the aces) cake? Thought I'd lighten it a bit!:D

Maybe we should have our own conversion program where we convert non asexual people to being asexual. I imagine our conversion program would involve feeding people lots of cake and eventually they would realize that eating cake is way better than sex. :D

 

Seriously though, this does bring up the point that asexuality is sometimes not taken seriously and people believe asexuals are "broken" and with some work can be "cured".

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