I need help--I'm confused and in need of answers.

[macadacious]

I've liked this guy for almost a year now. He's a very close friend of mine. He's an amazing person--funny smart, gorgeous, and can always make me smile. Yet, there was always something different about his sexuality. Everyone that knew him always jokingly said that he was asexual. He thought that 'making out' was unnatural, so obviously sex was out of the question. I never thought too much of his stance, because- one- I am against sex before marriage so I was comfortable with that. two, I am infatuated with him. And three, I am ashamed to admit, I never realized that someone's sexual orientation could be asexual. The other day I heard an interesting statistic--that something like one in fifteen people is asexual. When I heard that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I wanted to find out more about asexuality because I was instantly convinced I had solved the puzzle of this boy. But then when I got onto this website, I realized that maybe asexuality is not the answer. This boy has never really shown any interest in girls or boys. Granted, he's 17 and may not realize that he's asexual, but what does it mean if a teen-age boy shows no interest whatsoever in either gender? Does that still mean that he's asexual. Am I trying to look for answers that aren't really there? I feel like if I didn't realize that someone could be asexual, he didn't realize that either. How should I know---or can I only know if he is the one to tell me. I think I would be putting him in an horrible position by asking him outright, so is the answer to just wait? Please, I know I sound ignorant, but I am trying to become informed and I need assistance. Whatever advice anyone can give me is appreciated.

[Brodertun]

Granted, he's 17 and may not realize that he's asexual, but what does it mean if a teen-age boy shows no interest whatsoever in either gender? Does that still mean that he's asexual

Some asexuals have interest in one or both genders, others have neither. But without him telling you so you really can't say he hasn't shown an interest. Perhaps he shows an interest but not in a way that is overt.

Some may argue he's a late bloomer, but I point to the argument that is used when people say 12 year old kids can know they are gay. How old were you when you had your first crush? I was 6 and it was on a boy named John. So obviously I had interest in the other sex before any sexuality, or lack thereof, became apparant.

[Dargon]

I, as well as many people here, consider people to have both a sexual and a romantic orientation. He very well may be asexual. You also said he shows no interest in either gender, I assume you mean in a romantic aspect. He could very well be aromantic. Truthfully though, I think the only way to know for certain is if he told you. I really cannot give advice on how to approach that. I'm sorry I cannot be more helpful.

[Flyin'Solo]

How should I know---or can I only know if he is the one to tell me. I think I would be putting him in an horrible position by asking him outright, so is the answer to just wait?

That's so sweet.

It's true--only he can tell you. Sexual orientation and romantic orientation are both parts of a persons identity, and no one can determine anyone else's identity. (...though many people make the mistake of trying to do so, leading to a lot of hurt feelings, remorse, conflicts, wars, etc.)

As for asking him outright- I'd encourage you to approach the topic with caution, but to do it! He may decide that his sexual/romantic orientation is not be any of your business, but if you want to have an honest and open romantic relationship, you must give him the opportunity. Maybe you should start out by talking about your own feelings toward him and see how he feels about it, then talk about the specifics of how your relationship could be compatable with both of your sexual and romantic orientations.

Remember that just because a person is asexual doesn't mean they aren't open to loving relationships, or even that they aren't open to learning to appreciate the sexual interests and expressions of their partner.