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Aminah

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,I am a 32 year old wife to an asexual fella of the same age! When we first got together we had a lot of sex and it was amazing!! About three weeks into our relationship ,we were laying in bed and I was trying to initiate sex, and he looked at me as sweet as possible he said "sweetheart I think you have a higher sex drive than I do, and I just can't keep up with you" I remember crying my eyes out that night in his arms. I felt like a pervert, or a sexual monster. I was still over the moon though and I knew this guy's was the one I had been waiting for! Throughout the next two years we had a lot of fights,but we always left out fights or squabbles with a better understanding of who our partner was. I could not understand why a man would not want to have sex? I really thought I was ugly or just stupid. I still have my moments...for me it is an everyday process. He and I love each other very much and before we got married we had a long conversation and I was very honest with him. I told him that sex is important to me and I am not ready to completely give it up,but I could agree to so.esort of comprise if he is thought he could also do that. We agreed to a plan that we could both live with. We promised to be honest and open about everything. I know sex for him is like folding clothes and I hate that It is something that I need....I still struggle with confidence issues which I never had before we met. I guess I write all this to see if there is anyone who know how I feel or can  tell me I am doing ok...

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NoLongerActive1234

There is nothing wrong with you or with him, you just have an incompatability here and different needs. It sounds like you are both doing amazingly for a tough situation tbh. Kudos to you for deciding to be open and honest about all this and to communicate....seems like you are on the right track! Many couples that don't even have this incompatability struggle to talk with one another so you two are already far ahead for deciding to keep talking. Relationships are never perfect and there are always obstacles to face when trying to mesh together. It is just a matter of if you both can feel fine with the compromise. If not that is okay and totally understandable just as is if you do decide it can work.
It makes total sense that this has en effect on your self confidense but he just doesn't experience sex like you do and never has. So it has nothing to do with you being not good enough. That's very easy to say logically but so hard to come to terms with emotionally I'd think. It will take time to process and work out and that is how it has to be in situations like this so do give yourself time and a pat on the shoulder for doing your best.
He could not change this about himself even if he would have liked to just as you can't change who you are. Meaning don't hate yourself for needing sex! If you do that means your husband would need to hate himself for not wanting sex like you do....it is no one's fault. Hope this was helpful and please do stick around here, there are always people eager to give support. Welcome to Aven! :):cake:

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