new, questioning and confused

[questioningSTar]

hey, I'm new here....not sure of a lot of things, questioning a lot of things right now.

At times in my life I have kinda identified with the notion of asexuality, at times with bisexuality, at times hetero.

My friends just call me picky.

Here's the dilema.....

First definate crushes were in 7th grade, possibly a few before then. Crushes were always on guys. It wasn't until Freshman year that I had some kind of physical interaction, mostly just public displays of affection (but no kissing, just arms around each other stuff). This stirred up 'physical reactions'. I especially enjoyed flirting with this guy.

From then on I was kinda unlucky, sometimes the guy I liked would like me but nothing would come of it. There was one guy I thought I liked, but when he asked me out, I said yes, but then panicked and avoided him.

I have always feared guys I didn't like who liked me, feared their interest in me, didn't want them thinking of me that way (sometimes, not always though), but mainly didn't want ot be pressured by them, forced into a relationship...coerced maybe...into a relationsihp I didn't want ot be in, pressured by my friends to date them, and feeling the whole time very uncomfortable.

First kiss came junior year high school. First real boyfriend *however longdistance* senior year....first guy I hooked up with on a regular basis was junior year as well.

So this sounds all 'normal' so far, with the exception of my reaction to guys I'm not interested in.

Freshman year is when I first started questioning. There as a close female friend that I felt something towards, never sure what, she was very beautiful but I don't know that I felt attracted per se, and we sometimes held hadns and walked around on campus. Sophomore year I dated a guy a little bit, so the questioning went away.

Since college I have been involved with very few people. Guy # 1, D., who I have dated and sometimes been exclusive with, on and off (with off periods sometimes lasting more than a year) for four or five years now. Guy #2, who I never dated but we were friends and would hook up on a constant basis for a few semesters. Guy #3, met at a party, messed around a bit, never saw him again (this sounds like someone who shouldn't be included, but I may or may not have been attracted to him so it gets mentioned here).

Also there were 2 guys, friends of mine, who I kissed or something during truth or dare or something similar, and felt a reaction to them, a chemistry.

I am not sure if I've ever been very physically and/or sexually attracted to these guys, however. I can acknolwedge that they are physically attractive. I want them to flirt with me, to be involved with me. I enjoy, for the most part, the physical stuff that goes on between us.

So basically, yes, I do want to do physical things most of the time, but I don't want sex (since the defiintion of sex can be so broad I will specify-vaginal), and my reasons are many, as well as a lack of a strong desire to do it. Sometimes in the midst of othre things my body seems to want to do it though.

My problem is sexual attraction. I can't think of anyone I am attracted to at the moment, with the exception of D. (however in that case it is also largely based on emotional, mental, and past physical interactions). Sometimes I wonder if I have ever been sexually attracted to someone...although I admit I'm still kinda confused as to what that is like.

As recently as this summer I can remember people who I thought were attractive....but does that mean I was attracted to them? One of those people was female.

I've met a lot of guys lately, been keeping my eye out, cause a relationship would be nice right now, but I can't find anyone I'm attracted to.

I guess one of my questions is, can asexuality include someone who has the desire for sexual activity, but no sexual attraction? I guess the desire is based on a want for physical pleasure?

Does anyone else understand what I'm talking about? My friends just think I'm picky, but I don't think that's the case. Also, medicaiton could be to blame for this, sexual side effects, I suppose, but I wonder, how they could affect attraction and not desire for physical interaction?

I apologize for the long post and also if this was an innapropriate post or not in the right posting catagory.

[fluffy_hime]

welcome, star! (haha! i was first!)

none of that story sounds off to me. in fact, it sounds pretty familiar from what i've read here. you might check out the Information on Asexuality link. i think there's a type of asexuality that includes sexual desire but no attraction or something like that.

maybe you are just picky, but probably not since you've never felt sexually attracted to the people you did find attractive. (i'm with you on that one--not knowing what sexual attraction is. i'm like what...you want to have sex with them?)

anyway, i've also heard of bisexual asexuals, if that answers your question about finding your female friend attractive.

^_^

[marleyslimit]

welcome star! :D

[Neko]

Welcome to the group! :D

[VivreEstEsperer]

Welcome star! The most important thing to keep in mind is that the label of asexual is not meant to be a restrictive one. Use it liberally; if it would help you to identify as such then do so, but, if not, well, that's fine too. i hope you find the answers to your questions...

Kate

[Gorax]

Welcome, Questioning STar!

[wombat]

Most of what I would say has been said.

There are alot of different asexuals....TONS.

Asexual is just a term. It can be used a variety of different ways. I'm still not too sure what I am....I know that i'm not interested in sex....but there are those who are....look for it in the "Information on Asexuality" link below the AVEN thingy at the top. But, anyway! WELCOME to AVEN!