Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Tetra

Hello!

Recommended Posts

Tetra

Hi! I'm new here and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm going by the name Tetra. I am in my mid-twenties and have been married for nearly three years now. About two days ago, it occurred to me that I might be asexual. I was scrolling through social media and noticed that a good friend of mine had liked an article about the spectrum of asexuality. I generally try to read any articles my friends like or share about LGBTQIA issues because I like to be informed and open-minded, so I started reading and was like "oh hey, this sounds just like me." I read up on the subject of asexuality on AVEN and learned that it's a much more complex and diverse identity than I had previously assumed. I guess I never thought I could be asexual because I do very rarely enjoy sexual stuff and I thought the term "asexual" meant either never having any interest in sex at all or only masturbation. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure how I came up that incorrect assumption in the first place...

 

Anyway, once I realized it was not such a narrow category though, something clicked and a lot of things throughout my life made sense. All through middle school, high school, and college, I had pretty much no interest in sex. Any sexual activities were initiated by my partner and my participation was kind of a cross between curiosity and wanting to make him happy. I always assumed this was just some hang-up born from some combination of immaturity, a Catholic upbringing, and a group of friends with very conservative attitudes toward relationships. I also assumed that this would somehow change once I finally had vaginal sex (like it would only hurt the first time and then become the great thing society always insists it is) or once I got married (because the hang-ups about premarital sex would no longer apply). But that's obviously not what happened. My husband and I are really happy together as we connect on an emotionally intimate level, enjoy a lot of the same hobbies, and like cuddling/kissing together. He is a sexual person though, so he had been really confused as to why I never seemed physically attracted to him and why I never wanted any pleasure reciprocated. He didn't necessarily think it was a bad thing or anything, just confused and worried that he might not be making me happy. Yesterday, I mentioned the idea that I might be asexual to him and he was really supportive. Apparently, he had suspected as much for a while but thought it would be best for me to figure that out on my own so that it wouldn't sound like he was suggesting there might be something "wrong" with me. So basically, everything in my life is carrying on as normal but with a better understanding of my own sexuality.

 

What's kind of funny to me is just how long it took me to think of this. I took a ton of Gender & Sexuality Studies classes in college, but I guess this particular subject just never came up. And I remember playing a video game with an asexual character once and thinking that she sounded a lot like me whenever the subject of sex came up, haha... Anyway, I'm not really sure what I'm looking to get from the AVEN forums, but it seemed like a good next step to learning about myself, so here I am.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TopHatCat

Welcome to AVEN! Wow, you must have a very supportive, open husband for him to have that kind of reaction-that's incredible. As you observed, there's a lot to consider with this spectrum, so this is the place if you want to explore even more about how this may relate to you.

 

I would also recommend this site, there are a lot of clear break-downs on a variety of topics that the writer explores.

 

http://www.asexualityarchive.com

 

We are always growing in visibility, so in situations where asexuality should have come up but didn't, it's more likely to come up now. I'm always glad to see a positive impact from visibility efforts.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pramana

Welcome to AVEN! And thanks for sharing your story!

I can see how people might assume that asexuality is less diverse than it actually is, especially since much of the earlier reporting on the issue didn't recognize the wider spectrum. Gray-asexuality and demisexuality have acquired more attention in recent years.

It's great to hear that you're developing a better understanding of yourself and that your life and your relationship are in a good state. A resource that might be of interest to both you and your husband is Julie Sondra Decker's book The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kelico

Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you for joining and introducing yourself! It's so great you found your way here. : ) It's never too late (or too early) to do some self-discovery...you'll meet a lot of people that found out about asexuality around your age (me included). It's so wonderful that your husband is understanding and supportive! Take your time exploring, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Now, for some more helpful information about the site, in addition to my welcome (and cake):

Spoiler


As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 

Image result for multilayer cake

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Elfynn

Hi,

I'm new too & I really enjoyed reading your story because I'm in a heterosexual relationship & we do have intercourse but the whole topic of sex has always been an odd one for me. I've never had a sex drive, at least not in a conventional sense, I'm entirely anorgasmic but I felt like I couldn't really belong here or identify with the asexual community since I have a 'normal' relationship.

 

I'm slowly starting to realise there are myriad forms of orientation and self-identity & that it is possible to be 'different' and fall somewhere on the scale even if you are married or do have a physical relationship with someone for the sake of their enjoyment without having 'normal' sexual feelings. Humanity is such a wonderful array 👍🏼

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...