VirgoGal Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 I'm so happy to have found this board! I'm a 23 year old female. Sex wouldn't even cross my mind if it weren't for the constant hype on television and the pressure from others to do it. I've been feeling really insecure lately because I'm in a relationship with a "sexual" guy. I don't like having my body touched. It makes me feel ucomfortable.. I have no interest in masturbation. I just feel no arousal or need for it whatsoever. It's been putting a big strain on my relationship because he wants it and I don't. I'm always saying, "not today. i don't feel like it." I love him as way more than a friend. I just wish his sex-drive were non-existant, like my own. Once in a while I feel sorry for him and let him do his thing to me, it's like a chore that leaves me feeling ashamed and used. I joke with my friends when the topic of sex comes up. They find it funny how I don't feel sexual attraction. I tell them that I don't like guys or girls in that way. I must be a freak. I'd like to be more open sexually. I've thought of going to a therapist, but doubt that they can really change the way I think. I've even offered to let my boyfriend see other women (for sexual purposes). The thought of him leaving me hurts.. but I don't know what to do. Am I selfish? *sigh* Why does sex have to complicate everything? It's nice to see that you guys understand. Link to post Share on other sites
marleyslimit Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 welcome! :D i'm sorry to hear that your relationship is causing so much trouble for you. i wish i could offer some advice, but for some reason i don't have any advice right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Sex wouldn't even cross my mind if it weren't for the constant hype on television and the pressure from others to do it. You sound like the majority of people here. The first time I heard about what sex was I thought the person was joking, I mean, who would want to do THAT? I would have never come up with it left to MY own devices, that's for certain. I don't like having my body touched. It makes me feel ucomfortable. Again, feel your pain, sister.Once in a while I feel sorry for him and let him do his thing to me, it's like a chore that leaves me feeling ashamed and used. Uh...this makes me sad for you, you shouldn't feel you have to do anything that makes you feel ashamed and used and if he really loved you he wouldn't ask you to. Does he know how it makes you feel?I joke with my friends when the topic of sex comes up. They find it funny how I don't feel sexual attraction. I tell them that I don't like guys or girls in that way. I must be a freak. It's good that you can tell your friends, even in a joking way and no, you're not a freak. Unless you're calling everyone on the board a freak and I don't think we have any more or less problems than sexuals. I'd like to be more open sexually. I've thought of going to a therapist, but doubt that they can really change the way I think. I've even offered to let my boyfriend see other women (for sexual purposes). The thought of him leaving me hurts.. but I don't know what to do. Am I selfish? You're right, therapy probably won't be able to change it any more than psychotherapy could make a gay person straight or vice versa. And no, you're not selfish, you're just human.Why does sex have to complicate everything? I think you've just come up with the perfect tagline for our website. Welcome! Cate Ps, not to be picky, but 'Anti-sex' is not the same thing as asexual. Anti-sex sounds like it's more of a choice or a decision or a moral quandry rather than your natural inclination. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 WELCOME!!! So glad that you've found our little niche in this great vast universe known as the World Wide Web! You listen to CatePerfect. She one smart cookie. Yeah, just for the sake of argument, anti-sexuality is a little bit different from asexuality (not to say that you can't be anti-sexual!) in the way that such individuals are *opposed* to sex as in, having made the decision to be against sex, rather than being naturally disinclined. I imagine there are anti-sexual sexuals out there. The occasional celibate sexual may be one such individual. At any rate, you'll find quite a few anti-sexualists on the board. It hurts me to hear that the sex act makes you feel badly about yourself. That's not something you ought to subject yourself too. No other person is worth making yourself feel less-than-wonderful. Happiness starts with yourself, I think. Anyhow, welcome to The Family. :D Link to post Share on other sites
dabishop Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Hi, VG -- glad you're here!! I wish there were a pat, magic-bullet answer to your predicament, but it really comes down to your own needs and priorities; nobody is going to get a thing besides frustration and recrimination if this relationship goes on as it is. Very tough realization to make, amazingly tough - when we're taught from day one that such a thing does not and cannot exist. If it's any comfort (and it can seem particularly cold right now), you won't be arguing from a negative ("I'm like this because I don't experience that") -- there are plenty of us here who are positive in what we are, and are plenty prepared to make it known. All power to the clearheaded and unpolluted!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Meh, these sexual-asexual relationships are stupid. Why they goes on, I do not know. But I guess 'tis your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 ILikePie... I wish you wouldn't be so quick to condemn something like that, I'm sure people in such situations don't wake up one day and say "I want to be in a sexual-asexual relationship and complicate my life!" but it just happens. It's hard to deny feelings, I'm sure, once they're upon you. Welcome, VirgoGal! Make yourself at home here, and I'm glad you found us. No, you're not a freak. I know it feels that way -- we've all felt that way at one time or another - but really, you're not. You're just another variation on human experience that is little known and little talked about, so unfortunately people don't understand about it. I hope you find a way to get into a relationship that is more satisfying to you and don't let people use your body. you're safe with us though Kate Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Welcome, VirgoGal! I hope the complications in your relationship get straightened out. I can't really add to what has already been said by other members :P Hehe Cate is reducing my post average. Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Well....Everybody else has said everything already. Anti sexuality isn't the same thing as asexuality.....Anit sexual is apposed to sex. asexuals don't want to have sex cause they don't get sexual arousal from it. And there are different kinds of asexuals too...check out the asexuality information link above the message area...under the AVEN thingy at the top. But you sound asexual to me. And asexual/sexual relationships are ok. It really depends on the other person...and if they are ok with it. But yeah....I would say your asexual....what do you think? But, WELCOME TO AVEN! I'm sure you'll meet alot of peole like you here! Link to post Share on other sites
VirgoGal Posted October 11, 2003 Author Share Posted October 11, 2003 Thank you all for the nice welcomes! I didn't mean to offend anyone with the subject of my last post. I said I was "anti-sex" without thinking too much. I'm not against sex between people who enjoy it. But like many people here, I just don't feel the need for it. It's caused me some upset in the past because I was pressured into doing it (not forced) believing I was abnormal for not feeling any pleasure. I got into my current relationship with the sexual guy when we were both 16. At that point, I suppose because of hormones, I did feel some sexual attraction towards him. Things were pretty normal. I'd always been shy about having others looking at my body. This started around puberty. I just figured I'd relax with age. Only I didn't. My sex-drive lessened with time and at 23, it's non-existant. I'm still an affectionate person. I like to hug, kiss, etc. just nothing beyond casual... if you know what I mean? : Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 I didn't mean to offend anyone with the subject of my last post. Oh goodness, no. Please don't think any of us were offended. :) But some of us just like to argue semantics. And repeat one another. :D I think we, well, I (I won't speak for everyone) sometimes get a little excited talking about topics and using specificity, and so get just as excited to share what I've learned with newbies. Didn't mean to inundate you with definition! So sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 Hehe Cate is reducing my post average. How'd I do that? (As if you are in any danger of falling too far behind :D ) Cate Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 welcome VG! Link to post Share on other sites
Neko Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Welcome to the board :D Link to post Share on other sites
DusksRequiem Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 The word "anti sex" sounds so awesome. Upon hearing it, images of armed and armored asexuals marching down the streets with automatic weapons and gasmasks pops into my mind. The funny thing is, we don't shoot anything, we just look really scary and everyone takes us seriously and never hits on us again. hah. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 Dusks, you are awesome. :D Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 YES! *Begins donning non-battle suit of armor and rattles around the room* *Lifts face plate of helmet* Hey, this thing is heavy! *Falls over backwards clanking like a chain-link fence* *Voice echoes from inside helmet* Well, at least no one can make a pass at me. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 *jogs over to Cate* Hey Cate, I--uh...why are you on the floor? :) Lemme help! *latches onto a metal-clad arm, strains* Errr! Aaaiiieee! *huffs, pants* :oops: *gasps* ...Hold on. *runs off to the Caterpiller crane* Crane: RUMBLERUMBLERUMBLERUMBLE Me: :D Cate: :shock: *lifts Cate and sets her upright* Ta da! Guy I stole the crane from: Why you little [EXPLETIVE DELETED] gimme back my [EXPLETIVE DELETED] crane! *runs like hell* Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 hehe...are you guys professional rp'ers? Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 What's an rp? Julie and I just like being goofy, and might I add, are pretty good at it, I think. Makes ME laugh, anyway. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 and might I add, are pretty good at it, I think. Oh, we are. You bettah believe it. *high fives Cate* And I'm not sure what an rp is anyway. First thing that came to mind was "role player," as in RPGs, but I'm not sure if that makes sense? Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 yep, that's what i meant julie. ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 lol, Julie! You crack me up! You have absolutly made my day! I just got done with my diff eq take home exam that took 4 hours....and i now finally have free time...til tomorrow. But....FUNNY! Anyway. As far as the RP goes, I guess I am. I'm not all that big into it, but i'm currently involved in a fairly minor game. I'm not much of a GM myself in the RP sence. However, I am a good Game Maiestro when it comes to Live games...Not role playing at all. Just a bunch of clever games made for groups....that send the groups EVERYWHERE in search of clues...and they have to figure them out...and communicate and teamwork, overcoming fears...etc. It's basically one big adventure. So, If you are familier with carmen sandiego...I guess I do that. I leave little clues for you in the form of a ryme or some clever thing. "Now you've gotten high and don't know what to do Now, if you only knew how close you are the the clue... (X=0, Y=0, Z=-25 feet)" And let's say your currently on the roof of some building. You would have to interpret this clue....(it's one of the milder ones) and you would say "HEY! what's these X Y and Z things?...oh! they are coordients...so...z is height right! OH! It's directly below where we are!" and you would have to go in search of the room directly below where you are....and you would need to have someone remain on the roof stomping their feet. So...you get it. But yeah....Julie and Cate would be good RPers....or story tellers....but then again Julie IS an english major...you kinda have to be! Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 I can RP! Just wait until another troll shows up :mrgreen: Link to post Share on other sites
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