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Moved out of the bedroom now what?


Kitty76

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Does this mean he has completely given up? 

I was visible until I got pregnant with the child he wanted.

I feel used and lied to and miserable. He only sees the baby and doesn't think of me when makin decisions and has completely cut me off financially. I tried and tried to talk about our issues but he preferred to ignore me and control everything and pretend everything is ok and still tries to kiss me in the morning and night and I still cook, clean, raise baby, etc. He bring home diapers and formula but nothing else. 

I moved out because he doesn't see me there is nothing there, he ignores me, doesn't pick up after himself, only sometimes does the absolute bare minimum. Doesn't listen when I talk but I  still supposed to listen. I do his laundry and clean up after when he watches the baby. I'm so alone. He said go ahead and jump off the balcony. Won't go talk to someone.

i have nowhere to go and can't work cuz I have baby now. He never tried to emotionally connect with me , just wants an audience I guess. 

How do I get him to see reality? That this is f&$@ed? 

I thought he was my friend, but I need a friend because he is not my friend. 

I am asexual, he is sexual which might be why he has stopped giving?

 

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I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry to hear all of that. Best wishes!

Seems like a very sad note to welcome you here on, but here's some welcome :cake:

Maybe someone else will have something more helpful to tell you.

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On 22/4/2017 at 7:44 PM, Kitty76 said:

Does this mean he has completely given up? 

I was visible until I got pregnant with the child he wanted.

I feel used and lied to and miserable. He only sees the baby and doesn't think of me when makin decisions and has completely cut me off financially. I tried and tried to talk about our issues but he preferred to ignore me and control everything and pretend everything is ok and still tries to kiss me in the morning and night and I still cook, clean, raise baby, etc. He bring home diapers and formula but nothing else. 

I moved out because he doesn't see me there is nothing there, he ignores me, doesn't pick up after himself, only sometimes does the absolute bare minimum. Doesn't listen when I talk but I  still supposed to listen. I do his laundry and clean up after when he watches the baby. I'm so alone. He said go ahead and jump off the balcony. Won't go talk to someone.

i have nowhere to go and can't work cuz I have baby now. He never tried to emotionally connect with me , just wants an audience I guess. 

How do I get him to see reality? That this is f&$@ed? 

I thought he was my friend, but I need a friend because he is not my friend. 

I am asexual, he is sexual which might be why he has stopped giving?

 

 

He is probably destroyed emotionally even if he pretends to look like he is strong. He is also probably checking out from the relationship, many sexuals just can't have a normal life without sex. I think you both should have a talk about opening your relationship.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I so sorry it's like that for you. I hope you get emotional satisfaction from him and he gets comfortable with it. My husband moved out of the bedroom (and then I did because we need to do dustmite eradication in a big way. I scored 6 on the skin prick test. Nobody is in the master bedroom.

 

Things are better for us now. We're friendlier and do more things together. It's odd but I feel closer than when we were in the sane bed. I was constantly feeling guilty and stressed that he was right there wanting sex and I wasn't into it. Now it's great because we have a deeper friendship because he's come to terms I'm indifferent (I'm willing to do it still, but he doesnt like the idea that I just do it and it's not much more than ok, not bad for me)  

 

There was some grieving and resentment and a rough patch, but we've come to terms and we have a very good thing going on, imo.

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TheLittleRabbit
On 4/22/2017 at 1:44 PM, Kitty76 said:

Does this mean he has completely given up? 

I was visible until I got pregnant with the child he wanted.

I feel used and lied to and miserable. He only sees the baby and doesn't think of me when makin decisions and has completely cut me off financially. I tried and tried to talk about our issues but he preferred to ignore me and control everything and pretend everything is ok and still tries to kiss me in the morning and night and I still cook, clean, raise baby, etc. He bring home diapers and formula but nothing else. 

I moved out because he doesn't see me there is nothing there, he ignores me, doesn't pick up after himself, only sometimes does the absolute bare minimum. Doesn't listen when I talk but I  still supposed to listen. I do his laundry and clean up after when he watches the baby. I'm so alone. He said go ahead and jump off the balcony. Won't go talk to someone.

i have nowhere to go and can't work cuz I have baby now. He never tried to emotionally connect with me , just wants an audience I guess. 

How do I get him to see reality? That this is f&$@ed? 

I thought he was my friend, but I need a friend because he is not my friend. 

I am asexual, he is sexual which might be why he has stopped giving?

 

Do you have family you could move in with short term?  Even if you're not thinking about them seriously yet, you should also look into women's shelters in the area.  You're describing textbook abusive behaviors, which means for both your mental/physical/spiritual health, and the health of your baby, you should start planning an exit strategy, as typically, when abusive partners refuse to see a professional, they do not improve their behavior on their own, if anything they get worse.  This has nothing to do with you being asexual or any perceived problems with you.  It's a lot harder with a baby, it's even harder if the debts are in your name, but you should also try to see about visiting a divorce attorney.  Depending on your prenup, if you had one, it is possible for you to receive alimony and child care support that would help you afford for you and your child, although you might still need to find a way to make additional income depending on the quality of life you have/expect and his income.  I understand that my advice is what you might consider drastic, but if he isn't willing to be better starting now, then it isn't going to get any easier later on.

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