genaveave Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 Well lets see. I am not quite sure but I have come to think that I may be asexual. I have had plenty of sex and have never once enjoyed the experiences. I was always trying new things to see if maybe I was gay, bisexual, straight or just really kinky. Well I still don't like any of it. The thing is, is that I don't mind not enjoying sex, that's fine, I don't feel like a freak anymore. But I am engaged and am currently sexually active with my partner. Solely just to let him "have a good time" He knows I don't enjoy sex and thinks I might get over it someday. This also upsets him very much cause he thinks that I don't find him sexually attractive. Which he is right, I don't, not to anyone, but I do love him and am willing to try and make him happy. I have tried to explain this to him, sometimes he seems to get it and somethimes he doesn't. My question being is; Even though I still have sex (which I don't enjoy) am I not asexual? Is it wrong of me to continue this relationship being asexual? Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 welcome gena. there are a few other people who are in similar situations as yours. i'm going to let the others answer your questions cause they'll be able to do a better job. ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 Welcome! Yeah, that sounds kind of asexual. A few other people here are willing to make that sacrifice for the ones they love :) Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 My question being is; Even though I still have sex (which I don't enjoy) am I not asexual? Is it wrong of me to continue this relationship being asexual? Don't feel like asexuality is a diagnosis. If it's a useful way to describe yourself use the term, if not don't. Your experience is certainly similar to many people's here, but you may or may not feel the need to spend the time thinking about it that we do. And if you're happy in the relationship then there's absolutely nothing wrong with continuing it. I would probably try to make sure that your disinterest in sex doesn't take on any unwanted metaphorical meaning (far too many people associate sex with intimacy such that a disinterest in one equates to a disinterest in the other). Welcome to the forum, and I hope to see you around!! One more note: if you don't enjoy sex don't feel like it's your duty: it's a sacrafice you can make but like all sacrifices your relationship shouldn't hinge on it. Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 Welcome genaveave! You should do whatever feels most right to you. As avenguy said , asexual is just a useful label but its not a one size fit all thing. if you dont enjoy sex, then perhaps you're asexual; but either way you should do whatever makes you most happy. Hey! you're from Boston - nice, another New Englander. come to our AVEN meet-up , in Middletown, CT on November 22! if ya want :) :) make yourself at home Kate Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 WELCOME TO AVEN! HAZAA!....yeah...well...everything i would have said has basically been said by AVEN guy....so...I won't take up any more space. Asexual is a useful label but it shouldn't control who you are. SO WELCOME! Link to post Share on other sites
P Orridge Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 And another welcome, As long as your honest and he's clear that your feelings are probably not going to change then why not just see what happens. This might sound glib, but you're having to perform a balancing act between keeping him happy physically (as well as emotionally) and your level of 'discomfort' about it. If the latter increases and he's not willing to compromise then you may have your answer about the sustainability of the relationship. Take care, P Orridge Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 Viktor, fetch my lethal injections. We must save her from the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 I agree with AVENguy (he's a smart guy). It's not a diagnosis. If you feel like you're asexual then you are, if it feels like the truth to you, then it is. You're certainly not alone, as other people have pointed out, there are others in your situation here. And Welcome! Cate Link to post Share on other sites
genaveave Posted October 10, 2003 Author Share Posted October 10, 2003 I know asexual isn't really a diagnosis. I was just trying to get a feel on how people think about my situation. I have discussed the possibility of me being asexual with some other people and in other forums. Its weird to me but some people seem the be elitists about the whole thing and I was told a few times that I wasn't because I still have sex. I just wanted to find out whether or not I was going to get flamed out of here for being in a sexual relationship. Thank you all for your welcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 We're USUALLY a pretty flame-free group (unless a troll shows up and then we band together as a group and dispatch it). But no, having sex and desiring sex are two separate things, which everyone here is perceptive enough to realise, I believe. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 no, you definitely won't get flamed here for being in a sexual relationship. you're not the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
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