SummerSeeker Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Nitpicking, since I know it's not what you mean: Asexuality is neither a choice nor an option. I agree that asexuality is not a choice. I meant that if you realize that you are asexual, the choices that come after that can be affected. In my case, I had no concept of asexuality, although I knew I was different. I thought something was wrong with me, so I tried to hide it in order to fit in. As a result, I entered into a sexual relationship which ended badly. Had I known I was asexual, perhaps I would not have entered into that relationship, or I would have entered it, but I would have been upfront about my asexuality. Either way, I think the outcome would have been better and I would not have lived a lie. Sorry, my turn to nitpick. :D Link to post Share on other sites
AmoebicMe Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I think that I'm leaning towards yes...though if we have the forum, I like Greybird's idea of having it so that we can discuss aging in relation to all age groups. That'd be cool. And if it doesn't work out, we can always get rid of it. Soooo...still leaning...but like Cate, I think I've convinced myself... Link to post Share on other sites
happycat Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 I definitely would like having a thread for older asexuals. I'm 50 and although I can learn from any of the threads, in terms of "meeting" someone or finding someone who understands what it's like to be 50 and just finding an identity, I think a place to meet up would be a positive thing. I don't feel comfortable talking about sex at all and I'm still nervous about discussing my asexual status with someone my children's ages.... (16 and 27). I'm not sure if I'm explaining it the way I want to but sex or lack of is still a touchy area for me. Just my humble opinion... Link to post Share on other sites
Aeriel Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 I don't feel comfortable talking about sex at all and I'm still nervous about discussing my asexual status with someone my children's ages.... (16 and 27). I'm not sure if I'm explaining it the way I want to but sex or lack of is still a touchy area for me. Still here, still voted yes on the forum....but I thought happycat put this very well; except I would add: "or my grandchildren's ages". I think these feelings of reticence regarding sexual matters are pretty common amongst the older posters here. That was the custom of the world we grew up in, that was the world we had to pass in to survive. Not only am I uncomfortable posting in threads discussing the specifics of sexuality; I also find such topic not really relevant to my life as it is now. Likewise, I doubt if someone in their teens or twenties would be terribly interested in the philosophical, physical and hormonal changes that accompany aging. Of course we can all learn from each other; but there are subjects that will hold more or less interest for various age groups. Even if no forum for "life changes" or "older A's" results, this has been an interesting thread for me. Link to post Share on other sites
vikingo Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 It could be considered to have one sticky (basically meaning always at the top of the forum where it is easily found) thread where people can post calls for pm communication with someone on topics which are found just too personal to discuss by shout rather than whisper. That could be in the existing Meetup Mart forum or in a senior forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Yes from me too, but only because of the comments about older newbies feeling more comfortable. I've always found people on here to be welcoming and friendly and to be honest, I'm full of admiration for the younger members who've recognised their asexuality so early and aren't afraid to say so. There is some 'suspicion' on either side of the divide - youth has always challenged age and age considers youth should have more respect (and each generation considers it has a monopoly on the truth 'When we're old enough to have the power, we wont make the mistakes the oldsters did). In some ways I envy the energy of youth, but I wouldn't want to be young now, there are far too many pressures on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jean Grey Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 In some ways I envy the energy of youth, but I wouldn't want to be young now, there are far too many pressures on you. Thanks for reminding me of that! :( Link to post Share on other sites
QuixoticGal Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 I'm one of the new "older members" and I voted yes. When I discovered this site I was quite impressed. There is a lot of valuable input and ideas from all members. However, without a forum that I can connect with I don't believe I will become a regular. It's a nice place to visit and knowing the site exists is really nice, but it really doesn't offer a world that I relate to. I truly enjoy my conversations with the children of my friends, but they are the children of my friends, not my friends. They live in a different world than I do and in many ways speak a different language. I adore spending time with them, but our worlds and lifestyles are very different. In many ways this site is similar. For me, I've been alone with this knoweldge for over 25 years. I'm very computer literate, but have little to no desire to live in the cyberworld many younger members know and thrive on. Posting messages, chat rooms, etc are probably second nature to them. It's not a world I'm very familiar with or comfortable in. I don't spend my computer time "playing/communicating" on sites like this. I'm here for one reason - the subject. I think having a forum the older members can see right up front offers them a place to relate to others in their age range would go a long way toward keeping them around for more than a look-see. Probably most of us "older members" have lived this way all our lives without any kind of support group at all. If this site doesn't connect with us beyond the initial discovery, it is quite easy to fall back into our private world - after all most of us have lived without support of any kind for a long time. I think this might help keep us older folk around long enough to feel more comfortable, and this comfort may well lead to venturing out into the unknown and becoming more open to participating in the other forums. Even if it doesn't lead us there, it gives us a place to connect and communicate with others near our age, and build that support group we've all been without for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
SpirallingSnowy Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 I voted yes. Im 23, and im the oldest in my family, as well as the oldest in my RL friends. However, in the grand scheme of life im a younger generationer... Ive had adult conversations with my mothers friends, and m mother, but i do agree that there are just some issues that younger people cant relate to. The majority of this forum is easy for my to understand, i get the nuances, the language used, and the context. That shows to me that the majority of the forum language is best understanded by people my own age. My own mother was born in 1958, my father in 1954. they were teenagers in the 70's, and that time frame, i think,would of been hell for an asexual, all that sexual openess and free love etc etc ( i know im generalising lol) and no support for anyone who wasnt for sex drugs and rock and roll. I dont know a single person particuarly well on this forum, and i wouldnt know how it felt to be a teenager in the 60's, 70's or 80's. As time has progressed people have become more and more open about 'deviants from sociatal norms' ( again labels, but you get my drift). I only know my own childhood, growing up in the 80's and being a teen in the 90's. So i think its a good idea so they have a avenue to discuss things relevant to them, and so younger people can learn and understand. Link to post Share on other sites
happycat Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 It really was a challenge growing up in the 60's and 70's with all the free love and I did have sex but didn't enjoy it and in fact, I had to be high to get through it. It was the only way I knew at the time to find intimacy with another person. I feel so free now to finally be myself at age 50! I didn't know a person could be asexual and be "normal." I just assumed that I hated men because all they think about is sex. Now I'm finding out that not all men are that way and it's very interesting to me. I find myself coming back to this forum because it feels so right. Link to post Share on other sites
vikingo Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 A long way I share the viewpoints expressed by QuixoticGal. Actually I believe there is - or should be - an element of site policy in this. Preferably to be discussed among those with influence on the site policy. Link to post Share on other sites
Children of the sloth Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 I understand that it would be useful for people who want to talk with older asexual folks, but what's the big deal with age, anyway? Just because you've lived longer doesn't mean that you will always have something in common with other people who are forty-nine, for instance. I think it seems kind of weird to have forums for age groups. One of the things I love about the AVEN forums is the wide variety of people and interests who all post in the same area. Somehow I do think that other groups would want special places to post if one sprung up. (Also, the age of majority seems to be around twenty something. I'm much younger than everybody else, but it doesn't stop me from relating to people at all. I didn't feel like I was 'an odd man out' in joining AVEN because of this fact. ) I'll add that I'm voting not sure. I'm not big on the idea, but I'll go the path o indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
QuixoticGal Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 I'm not sure I expressed myself well above. It's not that I don't feel I can connect with the younger members of the group. I know that I have knoweldge and ideas to share with them and they have equally valid knowledge and ideas to share with me. It not that I don't want to share or connect with the younger members. It's not a age thing maybe as much as a learning thing. My discomfort is mostly with the concept of computer conversations and communication. I am very computer literate. I was one of the first people back in the early 1980's to use a computer on a regular basis; I am a graphic designer and a 10mb XT (pre-windows) changed my world. But it was and is mostly a work tool. I use the internet for research and email, and think this may be a very common situation for many of the older users. The younger members grew up using the computer (and the internet) to communicate, it is a part of their world from early life and it is a social tool. That to me is the major difference to actively participating and feeling comfortable on this site. When I first found this site and read through the information sections it was wonderful - a site I could relate to. But the moment I gathered enough courage to log into the "community" I was in unfamiliar territory and in a huge learning mode. How does this work? Is it better to post a reply or private message? Should I venture into a chat room? Would I really feel comfortable there? I have never used the computer as a social tool. This is like learning a new language while living in a new culture. Having a separate forum that allows me to connect with others my age (and social level) and build a confidence level for this "social tool" may be just the thing to keep me involved. Link to post Share on other sites
ALLY GIRL Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Since I am older (55) I think there is a need . I KNOW I am not the only one in this age bracket. :) Link to post Share on other sites
HannaWyLady Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 I tend to lurk here and never post - but would probably post in a forum for people around my age (55) - I've never had kids so have trouble relating to some issues on here. And yes it was rather hard to live through the free wheeling 60's and 70's and being asexual. :cry: Link to post Share on other sites
Hexpiral Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Seing HannaWyLady make her first post after 3 years of being a member... I'm voting yes. Really, nothing beats that empirical argument. Or maybe something does, but it's really cool anyway. See, this is why I didn't vote 'Unsure', even though I was. You can always make up your mind later Link to post Share on other sites
ApplePie Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 My gut instinct was definately 'no' as I dislike the idea of additional areas for specific groups of people except for other languages. I also like to think people of all ages/backgrounds/orientations etc etc are very much integrated here. However I'm changing my mind to 'yes'. I realise that the discussion here can sometimes have a young persons bias (I'm 28 but find it a little too young for me sometimes) and by offering an area which by definition is intended for discussion of issues relating to older folks I think we could improve that bias - anything which encourages older lurkers to become posters has gotta be good. I value the views/experiences of members of any age but note that those of greater age do have greater experience to draw upon and are unfortunately insufficiently represented here. I say we add the forum (assuming the poll result is 'yes' << democracy rules), try it and don't hesitate to remove it should it not prove to be popular or warrant its preservation after a period of time. I do think it is important to name/describe any new forum carefully - it should be clear that this is not a forum just for older folks but is for discussion of most interest to people of a greater adult age especially in relation to their life experiences. I hope to question and learn from those older members as I value their experiences and what they've got to say. Dave Link to post Share on other sites
F47inCAisoMale Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I am 47 and a "newbie" here. I was really happy to see this thread. Even though I just found this website, I was losing interest because I was becoming increasingly more convinced that this board was for the much younger group. Not only did I come here for information, I came here hoping to make friends with people in my own age group. Unfortunately, so many people don't post their age, so it's not easy to seek out new friends in my age bracket. I vote yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Peachtree Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I have posted this before. I am not discriminating any age or anybody else's sexuality....I am open to all views. But.....I am 54 years old and I am still discovering who I am. (By the way I STILL don't even know what I want to be when I grow up!) It has been a long road to get to where I am and I would like to meet and chat with others my age....have they had the same or similar struggles that I have gone through? i.e. two broken marriages and a string of unsucessful heterosexual relationships? I am glad that the younger people here know and have discovered their sexuality at a young age, I wish I had been so fortunate....it would have saved me a lot of wasted years and heartache. I would like to hear from people my age, so I voted a strong YES to letting us "older folks" have our way. We want it so give it to us. You can call it Senior Forum... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Fuzzrules Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I already posted and already voted (yes), but have to say that this discussion is so cool! I absolutely love and agree with what QuixoticGal has posted, and actually got teary-eyed at Peachtree's post. A lot of us who had to struggle through with no support I think have a lot to talk to each other about, if only to vent and "relate". I, too, am quite new at using the internet as a social tool (very well put) and I'm considered pretty computer literate by my coworkers, and I can see how those of us who didn't grow up with them can be a bit intimidated getting into a cyber-community. I have dear friends of all ages (20+ yrs older to 20+ years younger) and they are friends because of what we can share and learn from each other, so I see this is as more a matter of experience rather than "age" per se. I think it's great that so many are finding their sexual orientation at an earlier age and (hopefully) will thus avoid all the years of heartaches and broken marriages that so many of us have survived--I'm thrilled for them (OK, and a bit jealous :P ). It's great how society is ready to accept alternate sexual orientations for these just getting into The World. Those of us who can look back, though...it'd just be nice to commiserate, as well as celebrate this tremendous opportunity to live the rest of our lives with a refreshing clarity. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I'm 35 and would like a forum for older people (like me). Nothing against old teens / young twens; I've been one too, but all this worying about "Am I normal at all?" sucks sometimes. - I'll answer such questions as good as I can once in while, but other discussions might seem more interesting to me. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I agree with SummerSeeker & Aerial... The young people in this community are awesome to be so brave and create this online community, especially those ones who have been brave enough to be interviewed on TV or otherwise... The world is more tolerant now... but the socioeconomic demographic I come from is a whole nuther story, kids! A lot of people my age are pretty thick headed and inflexible. I put up with a lot of crap from people my own age with this "why aren't you married by now?" stuff. (If I hear that question one more time, I swear I shall puke.) People in the adult age group have pretty much no one to talk to about their experiences... living in the middle class white suburbs, everyone else with 2.5 children and a minivan... having them look at you as if you have got 3 heads since you are still in the tragic state of being unmarried... we grown ups asexuals are so outnumbered!!! You kids can feel like this is a cool new minority to belong to, and I'm hip to that (whoops, did I date my self?) but I've been living witht this all my life... Yeah, and we can learn a lot from each other. So it would be a great idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Goonie Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I am still undecided. I truly understand the need for an asexual forum for older people because they have been through so much more. The thing that worries me is the ageism. And I can see bits of it popping out in this debate now. Personally, I never see someone for their age. I see them for their maturity level. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I voted 'no', not because I'm 'opposed' to it but I don't know what sense it'd make to make yet another forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Aeriel Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 The thing that worries me is the ageism. And I can see bits of it popping out in this debate now. I don't believe that this discussion has either created or exacerbated ageism here. It is a simple fact that a still-developing, questioning teen cannot truly empathize with the experiences and lifestyle of someone in their 40's or 50's, who has perhaps been through divorce, illness, childbearing and raising; or simply decades of living alone with a secret. There is a valid reason that those of us who share a common cultural referent seek each other out, and it has nothing to do with prejudice or discrimination. Likewise, I would not attempt to advise someone in high school or college on how to relate to their peers; theirs is a new world, a world I never experienced. I have been very happy to see some of the older members, who have been semi-lurking to date, post on this thread. I think their response to the suggestion is the best argument for giving the new forum a try. Link to post Share on other sites
ApplePie Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 I have been very happy to see some of the older members, who have been semi-lurking to date, post on this thread. I think their response to the suggestion is the best argument for giving the new forum a try. Absolutely. I think that says it all. Link to post Share on other sites
PrairieWinds~ Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 I have been very happy to see some of the older members, who have been semi-lurking to date, post on this thread. I think their response to the suggestion is the best argument for giving the new forum a try. Absolutely. I think that says it all. I've been giving this some thought since I signed up yesterday and I think I wouldn't mind having an older member forum. It's not that I wouldn't share with anyone younger, I think I just like to have that particular focus, at least for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
ghosts Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 I've been thinking about all of this... I'm still unsure, I guess, but I'm leaning towards "yes". It seems like a lot of older members do want this type of forum. I guess I've never seen the point because I feel like you can always post a thread on any kind of subject in the right forum- but of course, I'm used to message boards, whereas older members might not be. I do have a problem with ageism, and I understand the problems people have with creating seperate forums for minority groups. But, everyone ages, right? So, it might be useful to have all that information in a seperate forum... I think I like Greybird's idea of having more of an Aging forum, rather than a forum just for older members. However, I'm still unsure about that, because I wonder what kinds of threads younger members would start in that kind of forum that they're not already starting in something like Relationships or Musings & Rantings, or Q&A. I wonder if lots of younger members would start threads regarding high school/college problems in an Aging forum, and older members would again feel strange in that forum. Just a thought... Well, I'll give it some more thought before voting. Link to post Share on other sites
Dargon Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 I voted other. I'm sure my views have been expressed by others, but I shall go ahead and say them anyway. I understand some people may want a forum where they can talk to others their own age so they may be more comfortable. On the other hand, making age specific forums kind of segregates the board more than a little. The ages of the members I enjoy talking with range all over the place, so I wouldn't like to see the forum get all segregated like that. As for the "Aging" forum, this idea, while not exactly what some of the members are looking for, serves a similar purpose, but does not break up the board. I have no problems with it's creation, but as has been said, it's likely threads similar to those in other forums will be created there. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Wow. More people in the 'older' age bracket have posted in this thread than I knew were on the site... I sincerely hope we get a Life Events forum. (Or whatever you want to call it.) Link to post Share on other sites
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